Expendables 4: The Quest To Get Sylvester Stallone’s Dignity Back

Summary

The Expendables are back due to no one’s demand.

This was lame, really that is the best way to describe this film.

When the last film came out at a lower age rating and it flopped, the creatives seemed to get the message and be like okay we’ll come back harder and more edgy for the next one and yet…. I would argue this is tamer than the third film. Yes there is more gore here but by and large this film doesn’t hold a candle to the gore of a John Wick. Moreover, the men are far from the action heroes they once were and now want to be soft for the most part or domesticated, again nothing wrong with that it could have been an interesting direction for the characters to go in, but not what you want out of your action franchise.

Most of the original cast saw this for the flop it was and stayed clear, Schwarzenegger for example is gone, as is Wesley Snipes, even Sylvester Stallone, whom I assume is the main driving force behind these films, is barely in it being killed off randomly near the start of the film and then coming back at the end.

For the most part this is Jason Statham’s film and he just about manages to be charming enough to keep it together, but again this isn’t one of his better action films. The dynamic between him and Meghan Fox is strong and the two play off each other well, do I buy them as a couple? No. I would even go so far as to argue that Fox steals the show and manages a takeover of this film as she does the team later on. I think that it may be worth if the studio wants to keep dipping into this pot of diminishing returns to have Fox lead the Expendabelles project that has been talked about and move in an all-female direction as this was woeful and it shows that a lot of the male cast members best days are behind them.

They also bring in Iko Uwais as the film’s villain and give him barely anything to do, don’t give him a brutal fight scene, ala The Raid, and then just kill him off. What a waste.

Overall, another franchise that needs to stay dead.

2/5

Pros.

Fox

Statham

Cons.

The original cast are either not here or are long past their best

The stuff with Stallone

The wasting of Uwais

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The Exorcist Believer: Perhapes The Worst Legacy Sequel Ever Made

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Blumhouse doesn’t have enough original ideas so needs to ruin a horror classic.

I liked Halloween Ends, that was an incredibly controversial statement once upon a time, but I absolutely hated Halloween Kills and you best believe me that this is far more of the latter than the former.

I think that David Gordon Green is a hack horror director, he can’t seem to come up with anything new or interesting to say so instead says: ‘what has been in the news’ and forces that in in some contrived way. This is no different.

There was potential for this film to be like the recent Scream films in bringing back the original actors, those who are still alive, and mix in some new faces to try and shake things up. However, here they bring back the mother from the original film, Ellen Burstyn, for exposition and to be like see remember her, they give her nothing to do she isn’t there for the actual Exorcism and she has one line that ruins both this film and the original, she says she was not allowed in the room when Regan, Linda Blair, was being exorcised. This line almost made me get up and leave, it is the most lazy trash I have ever seen so in a contrived effort to be like we are cool and progressive we hate the patriarchy, despite being a group of male writers, they force this in. In the first film Karris, Jason Alexander, literally dies to save her daughter you would think she would be a bit more grateful for that, but no a dumb men bad comment. Again the lack of diversity in the writing pool makes these comment seem almost like they are trying to cover themselves.

Finally, the actual exorcism scene itself, because the standard stuff with the priests probably isn’t PC anymore, they have multiple different faiths all working together, is the message well enough down your throat yet? Personally, I wouldn’t have minded this approach if they did something with it, I agree that the standard priest or demonologist cleansing the unclean spirits out of the girl is a little done to death, but here again it just feels like they are ticking a box, it feels like diversity for the sake of it rather than for a valid reason which is never good.

Overall, this film made me angry, it made me dislike Blumhouse, David Gordon Green, and just the state of modern Hollywood where reaffirming a certain political viewpoint is more important than actually making a good film. Hopefully, now that Gordon Green has left they can actually get in a talented writer to do something better than this. A good example of a possession series that has an interesting an evolving story throughout a trilogy is the Hell House LLC films so check those out and give this a miss.

1/5

Pros.

A good twist ending

Cons.

It brings characters back for the sake of cheap nostalgia

It is lazy

It cares more about its message then actually being good

It ruins the original

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The Equalizer: La Dolce Vita

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Robert McCall, played by Denzel Washington, becomes a man about town in Italy.

I enjoyed this more so that the previous Equalizer film, and a damn sight more than that horrible gender swapped TV show, and would go so far as to say it was on a par with the first film. Again I think where these films shine is when it is just McCall going on a rampage against massive groups of guys, it works in very much the same way the John Wick movies do and I think that this film was able to capture that well.

I would say the film was a slog at the beginning and spent far too long in the little Italian town with McCall getting to know everyone and all this, I can see they did this to make it feel more personal later as the villains then try and destroy the community and life McCall has built in Italy, but I just think it went on for too long.

I think that Dakota Fanning’s interesting new character added something to the film and that the narrative as a whole did enough to make us care about her, though I would have liked to see her have a more active role in the action vs essentially getting taken off the board early into the third act. However seeing as she survives the film maybe she can come back later on in the franchise and be more proactive.

Overall, a better than average action film, better than the first sequel and the tv series probably on a par with the first film.

3/5

Pros.

Denzel

The action

The film makes you care about the characters

Cons.

It spends too long setting things up

It does Fanning’s character dirty

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A Haunting In Venice: A Macabre Puppet Show

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Poirot, played by Kenneth Branagh, is back this time to face off against the paranormal.

I think this film was a much needed return to form after Death On The Nile or as I call it Gal Gadot’s vanity project. The decision to forgo some of Christie’s other better known works and to pivot into the supernatural was a strong way to make this film feel fresh. As an ardent fan of horror I thought that the scares here were actually quite good and worked.

I liked the friendship between Poirot and Tina Fey’s character, Poirot is at his best when he has someone to work off and is part of a duo, that was what worked so well in the first film. It was sad to see that in the end Fey was a baddy and had to go away but I would quite like to see Poirot have an assistant, ward or mentee in the next film.

The mystery itself was okay, it was better than Death On The Nile where it was painfully obvious early on what was going on, but I would still say it was not as good as the first film. The fact that they are all being poisoned and that explains away the spooks is fairly obvious from the jump, but the reveal about who was the murderer was better concealed until the end of the film.

Overall, a return to form.

3.5/5

Pros.

The horror aspects

The cinematography

The cast

The gothic feel

Cons.

The mystery is so so

Having Fey turn out to be a villain

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The Nun II: A Superhero Showdown

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Sister Irene, played by Taissa Farmiga, is back and now has super powers.

I enjoyed this a lot, but I have to say if you don’t like the Conjuring films and aren’t up to date on the shared universe then you won’t like this as much as I did. Again I have no idea what the other reviews for this film are like, but I think that this may be one of the cases wherein my own review is a little higher than others because I am so into horror and more ready to give stuff a pass.

I think the horror is good hear, I really liked the goat and thought that the scene early on with the little girls and the devil’s eye, or whatever they called it, was a lot of fun. I would say that some of the jump scares with the Nun were a little obvious, especially if you have seen some of these films before. Again the possession angle was a great way to reunite some of the cast from the first film though I think the film spends way too much time on it we need more Valek.

The third act showdown is a funny state of affairs, where rather than it being more horror focused it almost becomes like the end of a superhero film, with Sister Irene getting special powers from a saint and then going toe to toe with Valek for a bit. It feels very odd in terms of this being a horror film but at the same time it is nice to see a more even fight in one of these demonic possession films usually it is the demon has all the power and then the demonologists or priests manage to somehow best it when all seems lost but it is much more even here.

I think that Taissa is just as capable as her sister in the leading lady department and really carries this film on her shoulders, I think if there are any more Nun films which lets face it there will be Farmiga has to come back. I would like to see her interact with Loraine, played by Vera Farmiga, but I don’t think they could swing that as they like to say that the Conjuring proper films are based on real events whereas the Nun ditches all that. I will say that there is no reason on God’s green earth that Storm Reid needs to be in this film, she adds nothing, and her bad acting is distracting, was she put in for the kids?

Overall, another fun day out in the Conjuring Universe, but not quite as good as the first film.

3.5/5

Pros.

The superhero smackdown at the end

A few good scares

It is nice to see them tie it so well into the first film

Farmiga does a good job

Cons.

Some of the scares are predictable

Reid adds nothing

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My Big Fat Greek Wedding Three: Once More Into Greece

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

For a series of contrived reasons we need another trip to Greece.

Again this is one of the most unnecessary sequels I have seen in a long time, who thought this was needed and so long after the fact as well. There is a part of me that believes this film was only made as a way to justify a holiday to Greece by one of the studio executives.

Again a lot of the charm from the first film and partially the second was lost here, yes there were still moments of what made the first one so easy to warm to but by and large it was just gone, hollow and empty.

Also whoever thought that the way to sell this third film no one wanted was by making it super topical and timely was again way off the mark. Whilst I agree with a lot of the things the film is saying about society and the European migrant crisis, I think that it is tonally inconsistent with the rest of the relatively lighter fare and isn’t mixed in in a way to makes it feel anything other than forced. Also I get that films are filmed usually a year or two before release but because of this some of the points they were trying to make about the migrant crisis feel a little outdated, again good sentiment but terrible implementation.

Overall, an incredibly unnecessary sequel.

2/5

Pros.

There is some fun

The vistas look nice

Cons.

There is no need for this film

The timely messages are several years out of date

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Past Lives: Lost Across Seas

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young woman, played by Greta Lee, loses touch with her childhood friend, played by Teo Yoo, after her family immigrate to America but then catches up with him again years later.

I think this film is very much an acquired taste, one for which I never adapted. I went into this film with high expectations after hearing a lot of good festival and early screenings buzz, but I just found myself lost with the film. It never seems to catch its tone between a dark comedy, a tragedy and a sort of reverse rom-com and as such you aren’t quite sure how to respond to things as they happen. In the final section of the film the audience wants Lee to cheat and to start up a relationship with Yoo but she doesn’t and instead stays with her husband in tears, is that supposed to be a happy ending as she didn’t break her relationship or is it supposed to be a personal tragedy for her as the happiness in her life fades away and she is left with mediocrity.

As you can probably tell the film itself is very cerebral, it aims to be a meditation on life, love and what it means to outgrow people, but more often than not it comes off as pretentious and thinking it is much deeper than it actually is. Also, and this may be a me thing, but it is also incredibly cringe at times, once you see it you’ll know what I mean.

Overall, depressing and pretentious.

2/5

Pros.

The emotion mostly lands

It has its moments

Cons.

It is depressing

It is pretentious

It has deep and systematic pacing issues

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Haunted Mansion: Danny Devito Goes Full Conspiracy Theorist

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Another film about a Disney park attraction this time sans Eddie Murphy.

This film got slaughtered in a competitive summer season and would have been much better if Disney had waited and released it on Disney + for Halloween, but hey I’m not Bob Iger.

I thought that this film was better than some have said it is, I think the main cast have great chemistry, even if you have some problematic actors in Haddish and the leading man, and mostly play off each other well. I would say that once again Owen Wilson is used perfectly in a small supporting role, I think he is really finding a new niche for himself in these more considered roles like Mobius in Loki.

Again the horror of the film was fair good for a family setting, it had its moments and wasn’t as comedic as they could have made it. Going In I was worried they would have the ghosts be a threat but also be cracking jokes every few minutes to reduce it but no the film did manage to sustain a level of spooky atmosphere throughout.

I would say that the villain was quite weak and the CGI used for him even more so, as I have said in other reviews and articles I am starting to get sick of third acts that boil down to one big CGI battle again I think it just reflects poor writing and how these writers don’t know how to wrap things up in a satisfying way and so the creatives regurgitate CGI colours all over you to try and make you forget.

Overall, an entertaining film that won’t be winning any awards

3/5

Good atmosphere

The cast work well together

I thought the emotional beats hit where they should

Cons.

The CGI

It has pacing issues

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The Last Voyage Of The Demeter: Dracula’s Untold Journey

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The untold story of Dracula’s voyage to the UK.

I was looking forward to this film for a while, and in my opinion this film got a really unfair roll of the dice. Again it was a shame what happened to the production company but it really undercut this film’s ability to really find an audience. However, it did reach me, and I will be its cheerleader.

Yes in a sense this is a creature feature in the way you would expect, that is not a compliment, in that it is a group of people getting picked off by a monster one by one, but I found that outside of this the film did enough to lift up its fairly generic premise. Chiefly, this film does a good job at establishing atmosphere and making the confines of the ship feel even more claustrophobic then they otherwise would. On top of this when you do see Dracula, particularly at the end, the creature effects look well done and distinctive.

Overall, the best Dracula film in a while

4/5

Pros.

The atmosphere

The creature design

The scares

The pacing

Cons.

The acting is a little patchy at times

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Blue Beetle: Another Flop For The DCEU

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Jamie Reyes, played by Xolo Maridueňa, gets the power of the scarab in the latest troubled chapter in the DCEU.

So I will give this film props Maridueňa makes for a likeable lead and his goofy sort of nerdy energy does help this film to avoid a lot of the issues that some of the other DCEU films have with being overly serious. Again I found Jamie as a character to be very relatable, his journey was one I feel a lot of the audience could be on board with: trying to find your place in the world, get your crush to like you, be seen well in the eyes of your family etc, all of these things made the character work.

The wider focus on family as a theme also added a lot to the film, and it is humorous that in the same year we had Shazam Fury Of The Gods a film that wants to be all about family but that forgets what it means pretty early on and instead takes things in a much more obnoxious direction. Here I felt like the family Reyes felt real they felt like a normal family and I bought there interactions a lot more than in the Shazam sequel.

The superhero stuff was where this film fell down for me, this is an origin story you have all seen before sure not in the context of Blue Beetle but with other superheroes and it just came off to me at least like a knock off Spider-Man. Regular guy gets powers and then finds himself in over his head and having to protect his loved ones, the only difference is a spider bite to a sort of technological symbiote.

The evil villain being some blood thirsty corporate shark/arms dealer was again incredibly cliché, there might have been some supposed commentary in this decision but honestly I just didn’t care about this section of the film at all, and it was pretty clear Susan Sarandon was only there for the money.

Overall, it was okay Jamie and his family worked well and I would like to see more of their world but none of it matters as it will all be cleaned away by the reboot, and yes they said oh Blue Beetle is a part of the new DCU, but after the box office it pulled it is as dead as the dodos.

3.5/5

Pros.

Jamie

His family

The relatability

The humour

Cons.

The superhero stuff is boring

The villain is super weak

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