Mother Mary: A Reinvention That Doesn’t Quite Work

A pop star and one of her support team have an interpersonal conflict.

So for the longest time Anne Hathaway was associated blockbusters in Hollywood, she’s done some indie work with films like Collosal but by and large she was in the big films. This seems to be an attempt to pivot towards art house. Art House cinema is a type of cinema in which subtext, imagery, and deep themes are just as if not more important than the plot of the film itself. Cinema is not art, it is a commercial practice, and art house cinema isn’t art it is simply a commercial practice done to appeal to people who want a high brow experience at the cinema. There has been some confusion out there so we need to clear that up.

Anne Hathaway does not shine here, arguably she may even be miscast, her delivery really doesn’t land in the way you would want it to. The conflict between her and her subordinate feels forced and oddly over the top at times.

Whilst Lowery’s more haunting imagery and visuals were appreciated and arelikely the highpoint of the film they couldn’t get away from the poor central conflict.

In many ways this will be viewed as just another pretentious art house film.

Overall, a miss.

1/5

Pros.

The imagery

Cons.

Hathaway

The interpersonal conflict

The ending and the implications

It is badly paced

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Kiss Of The Spider Woman: Emila Perez Chapter 2

A film within a film about revolution and trans issues.

As you can imagine this film bombed, one doesn’t feel the need to say why as it was fairly obvious. However, even watching it in highly liberal France there were walk outs.

You might imagine that this was because of the trans issues which are far heavier and more focused on here then in older versions. You may imagine it is because the film has it’s politics on its sleeve. However, you will actually find the issue with this film is who it chooses for it’s female lead.

Ms Lopez, Jennifer if you’re friendly, may be many things but a talented actor she is not, seeing her in the marketing material for this film was a red flag and then her actual performance, mamma mia. Someone needs to stop offering her roles.

Overall, boring preachy slop.

1/5.

Pros.

If you want to spend some time in a cool room to escape the spring heat there are worse ways to do it.

It’s dull

Lopez

It is preachy

It pushes ideology

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The Mummy: Half Dead But Half Decent

Summary: a young girl is kidnapped and mummified.

Blumhouse making a mummy film didn’t fill anyone with confidence but this film is not entirely bad. Where it focuses specifically on Egyptian themed horror it works well. There is some genuine promise here.

Then they make it every possession film ever made, and parody the Evil Dead with large portions of the family getting possessed and acting like Deadites. Look at what Lee Cronin’s last film was.

Any promise it had went out of the window when they started saying the little girl was possessed by an ancient demon. How many times do we have to see the same thing play out.

The film goes almost exactly as you would expect it to then ends.

Overall, it ruins its promise.

3/5

The early parts of the film have real promise

The Egypt stuff is really cool

May Calamamawy is great

Cons.

The demon stuff makes it generic

It is predictable

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Amelie: Too French For It’s Own Good

Summary a fantasist decided to meddle in other people’s lives.

There was a horribly uncanny experience to this film, wherein things seemed just a bit too off kilter. This was contrasted by the social realist elements which were equally as distressing.

At times you thought the film might be trying to be quirky, in the same way say the films of Wes Anderson are but there was just too much oddness for that.

Moreover, if you have been reading our review for a while you’ll know our views on sexualising the disabled. Most of the people in this film could be classed as learning disabled based on how they act, yet the film constantly puts them in sexual situations. For example Amelie herself who seems to be child like in many ways, is shown having sex and just mindlessly smiling off to the side vacantly at the start of the film, she then visits a sex shop looking for someone and seems uncomfortable. Follow that up with how a random man in a skeleton costume blows on her neck and fondles her and this is supposed to be fine, again she didn’t ask for it, but she later says she liked it. It’s uncomfortable viewing.

Overall, a film best forgotten about in the past

1/5

Pros

A few funny moments

Cons.

Sexualising the mentally disabled

The uncanny elements

The social realism

It’s uncomfortable viewing

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California Schemin: James McAvoy’s Most Depressing Film?

Remember McAvoy has a great film called Filth wherein he kills himself right as he has a chance for happiness and it’s too late to save him. Remember that when I tell you this is more depressing.

It is harrowing to see how much these people are disregarded for being from Scotland and how much they hate their lives in Scotland. As the duo gain fame whilst pretending to be American the film does the standard biopic trend of having them lose their way due to drink and drugs. We then see the band breakup and one of the two boys try and kill themselves. Like I said a positive and happy times this is not.

McAvoy steals the scenes he’s in and is a force of nature giving off a Scottish Vinnie Jones type of vibe. As a director he does a component job and manages the pace of the film well, you can see shades of Boyle and later Loach in his style.

Overall, whilst not an enjoyable film due to the subject matter, it is a well made film.

2.5/5

Pros.

The camera work and overall style of the film

The pace

It shines a life on non glamorised Scotland

Cons.

It is depressing

It recycles musical biopic tropes

James Corden

City of the Dead: Witches In Americas Foggiest Small Town

This film has a keen sense of style, it’s gothic aesthetic particularly the town of Whitewood are quite memorable particularly when compared to modern films.

The witch lore is fairly standard stuff but everyone is having enough fun and being silly with it so it feels hammy in a good way.

The main criticism of the film would be that the “good” characters, are actually quite horrible. The brother and boyfriend who both go after the lead to try and help her out treat her like she’s not a person and so it is hard to root for them during the film’s third act.

Overall, fun but let down my poor protagonists.

3/5.

Pros.

The aesthetic

The horror

The hamminess

Cons.

The heroes are not heroes

It is too short

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Undertone: A24 doing A24

Summary: a podcaster starts experiencing the demonic.

When A24 first started out they were a breath of fresh air and prepared to take chances, this shows that even the freshest air can quickly turn stale. Not only does this film borrow heavily from other demonic possession films it also has a lot of A24isms.

If you wanted to make a drinking game out of it, you’d say random shots of different things with symbolism, a young diverse protagonist, and the idea of depth without actually giving any. Quickly Neon is taking over the horror game. If you have ever watched a horror film before you’ll know exactly where this is going from the start.

A confusing moment was that it was demon who was causing all of the protagonist trouble over the course of the film, yet the film kept trying to imply it was the mother of the lead who was the malevolent force. She would be used for a number of the behind you sort of scares, but at the end of the day she wasn’t evil at all.

Overall, fairly generic art house fare.

2.5/5

Pros.

The use of backwards lyrics to children’s songs was an interesting idea

A few good scares

The pacing

Cons.

You’ve seen it before

A number of the scares don’t land and feel incredibly oblivious

The performances aren’t good

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You Me And Tuscany: The Segregated Rom-Com

In the marketing before this film came out, they said it was important it did well in order to see more “black rom-coms”. Why do films have to be based on race? You never heard anyone talk about white rom-coms. They could have just said the future of rom-coms depends on this film instead but no, they made it segregationist, this is a black film made for a black audience, as they have vocalised.

If you aren’t part of that group you feel that going into the film. Whilst the film plays like a fairly genic rom-com of old, that isn’t very funny, you can’t shake the feeling that you have just seen it all before.

Halle Bailey may be a good singer, we can’t confirm that, but her foray into acting can be described as wooden at best, when comparing her in the Little Mermaid and then here this woodness becomes a staple and not one a one off performance.

Overall, if you felt like Anyone But You was too “white” and you can only watch a film starring people who look like you then this film might be for you. However, if you’re a normal well adjusted person then you’ll just find this a forgettable rom-com.

1/5.

Pros.

Its short

Cons.

You get the strong feeling it isn’t for you

It’s generic

Halle Bailey can’t act

It’s boring

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The Magic Faraway Tree: The Most Unlikable Character Ever Put To Film

So when they announced an adaptation of The Magic Far Away Tree, the hunt began to search for the modern audience slop. You knew it would be there, and whilst there is some race swapping for the most part you’d argue it is mostly free of it. That’s a win.

The film for the most part is fun and family friendly, they waste Rebecca Ferguson as the villain but other than that the film is escapist family fun.

However, there is one person who ruins the film and every scene she is in, and that is the eldest daughter who is just horrible. The way she speaks to people and her entitled attitude are often so bad that you think the film is trying to show her off as the villain, she also causes two of the major negative events in the film out of her own selfishness. She is the proto typical, I am offended type and feels like she would be out marching on a weekend. Even at the end of the film when she has supposedly learnt her lesson she hasn’t really she’s still similar.

Overall, a fun film that could have been better if they had not written the eldest child to be a terrible human being.

3/5

Pros

It’s fun

It’s well paced

It manages whimsy well

Cons.

The eldest child is awful

They waste Rebecca Ferguson

Splitizville: Hollywood Needs More Church

A woman leaves a man because he won’t have sex with her whilst driving, he then has sex with his best friends wife, she then gets into another guy, and it all ends with the the original woman getting back with the man whilst carrying someone else’s baby.

Catch all that, yes that’s the plot of “comedy film” splitizville, where being in an open relationship means no one understanding commitment and having sex with anyone and anything around them is seen as acceptable and just normal. You prude. Marriage vows just don’t matter.

It is the most nihilistic film to come out this year in many ways and shows why romance truly is dead and why Hollywood is failing, everyone is so deeply unlikeable that you hate them all and just want the film to end.

This isn’t the sort of film Dakota Johnson should be making.

Overall, garbage.

0.5/5

Dakota Johnson tries

Cons.

It’s awful

It’s badly paced

All the characters are awful Hollywood cliches

It makes you feel depressed

It’s just needless

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