Mutiny: An Alien World

Summary: Jason Statham is fighting human trafficking in a hard to define location, that doesn’t seem to operate like anywhere else on Earth.

This is a deeply forgettable action film that makes you think why bother, it follows on from other Statham films like A Working Man wherein Statham is working for and deeply loyal to an employer and then something negative happens to them and he has to sort it out.

What should have been a film about corporate espionage and Statham going after this rival syndicate that had this employer killed instead turned into him getting stuck on a boat and killing people on that instead.

Unlike his other recent ventures like the Beekeeper there is not even that much of a novelty gimmick to it, he could have killed people using nautical equipment and made sea puns as one liners. Sadly we get a lot of gun and knife kills so very generic.

For a cheap leading lady they draft back in Anabelle Wallis who hear manages to do and inconsistent American accent. Why she is in this film is an open question as she doesn’t really serve that much of a purpose, she doesn’t end up with Statham at the end and she doesn’t do all that much action wise.

Overall, not worth the price of admission

2/5

Pros.

A few good kills

The action choreography

Cons.

It’s generic

At times it’s boring

Wallis

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Coyote Vs Acme: The Looney Tunes Are Back

Summary: Wiley sues Acme for the millions of bad products they have sold him over time.

Live action animation projects often have a history of producing mixed results however, every now and then there is one that comes along that really works, Looney Tunes Back In Action was this, The Sonic movies too, and very much to its credit so is this film.

It finds a use for all of the most prominent Looney Tunes characters, except for Marvin the Martian, and Speedy Gonzales and creates a world and a story where they don’t feel forced in but like a natural part.

The story itself was very heart warming with the relationship between Will Forte’s lawyer character and Willie becoming the core of the film. The mystery of what Acme is doing is also interesting and quite deep philosophically for a kids film.

The only issue the film has is a structural issue, it makes little sense how the film wraps up, it would have made sense for Acme to be taken down during the congressional hearing. Not as the film does it immediately after Acme winning the case and only because Bugs leaked evidence, it would have made sense for Bugs to show up at the congressional hearing with the evidence as well and have Acme lose.

Overall, the best thing out of the Looney Tunes in years

4.5/5

Pros.

The world

The inter character relationships

Forte and Condor

The references and callbacks

It’s funny

Cons.

The structure of the ending

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The End Of Oak Street: We Got This Instead Of It Follows 2?

Summary: A street gets transported back in time.

This is the sort of film that Steven Speilberg would have made about ten years ago, when he was in his rough patch, which arguably he never got out of.

There is a lot of modernity here, the mother, Anne Hathaway wishes to leave her family and has to overcome that. She also showcases female rage by screaming at her son, not her daughter immediately after the death of his father. The death of the father, Ewan McGregor feels odd it doesn’t make a lot of narrative sense after he knocks out the dinosaur with a sledgehammer seemingly he turns his back and is then killed. However it would have made more sense with how the sense is framed if he was about to be saved in some way. Hathaway’s character later saves him in the future.

The tone is also off, this is clearly presented as a thriller yet there are forced in moments of levity, for example before his death McGregor and Hathway observe some dinosaur sex.

There are some good thrills and the film itself is serviceable if you just want to see a mindless blockbuster with dinosaurs. Even with the modernity it isn’t bad, it is just a genetic film with a number of eye role moments.

Overall, deeply mediocre.

2.5/5

Pros.

A few good thrills

It is serviceable

There are dinosaurs and they look okay

Cons.

The tone

Hathaway’s character

The ending is contrived

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I Love Boosters: Glamorising Theft

Summary: one Hollywood luvies take on capitalism.

Let’s get one thing clear stealing from shops doesn’t make you a modern day Robin Hood, it makes you a criminal. When you take things from shop it costs jobs and possibly even branches. You may not care as corporations are evil, but those workers still have to go home and tell their kids why they won’t eat tonight.

Boots Riley screams capitalism is evil whilst making a film, a hugely capitalist endeavour, the irony appears lost. Riley thinks encouraging audiences to steal from shops and some form of socialist fightback is a great message when it’s really not well thought through.

Of course race has to play into it as God forbid a black director make a film that is not about being black, the black experience, racism, systemic oppression, slavery or something along those lines.

The villain is a white woman who the film labels a fake feminist, she is rich and so not a comrade, also this film is a male director presenting women tearing down other women, as a purity test. There is something deeply messed up about a male director saying who is a proper feminist and who isn’t and then making it about money.

Once again we are shown at the box office that preaching doesn’t pay off, if Riley wants to go and steal from his local store that’s on him, but to waste millions of dollars trying to promote criminality is just a waste of everyone’s time and money.

Overall, morally bankrupt.

1/5

Pros.

Keke Palmer is great

Cons.

The characters are unlikable

The message is awful

It promotes criminality

It is a male director tearing down women

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Leviticus: Taking Aim At The Wrong People

Summary: two young LGBTQ teens face the supernatural and prejudice.

Lets be blunt in the West most LGBTQ+ teens do not face being forced into conversion therapy, maybe in backwoods areas living about 50 years in the past but not in the modern west, and that includes Australia.

By and large most sects of Christianity have also come to accept LGBTQ people, not that you would know from this film. In many ways the horror herein is a means to attack Christianity even though it has long since accepted them. There could be an idea made that they are too afraid to go after the groups that do not accept them as that would be un-pc the Church makes for a better target.

The horror here is nothing new, they try and say it is different as it features LGBTQ characters and themes but honestly queer horror has evolved far beyond this sort of thing. In many ways this film is based around putting identity first and trying to make a statement but that has been done before what this film is trying to say has been said better before.

The real issue here is that this film feels like it is trying to mimic other queer horror films from the recent past.

Overall, one or two good scares but by and large just more of the same you have seen before.

1.5/5

A few good scares

It is well paced

Cons.

It is repetitive

The commentary feels outdated

It is directing ire in the wrong direction

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Practical Magic: Lesbian Sisters

Summary: two young women navigate the world of men and love by way of magic.

So let’s get this out of the way earlier, there are a number of scenes where it looks like the two lead sisters are going to kiss and it is weird. Throughout the history of witches in horror particularly when it is not the old crone there is implied lesbianism, and sometimes that’s okay, but other times it feels like male titillation. There is nothing wrong with titillation but when the two leads are sisters it’s weird. Kidman and Bullock’s sister characters are far too close.

The film itself feels as though someone couldn’t decide on a structural level what this was supposed to be. It is based on a novel so perhaps the issues are from that. You have essentially two competing stories you have the curse placed on the Owens women where if they find love they die and you have the fact that Kidman’s character is going out with an abusive guy who they then kill and he comes back. This doesn’t just feel like a film of two halves it feels like two different films of different genres sown together. It doesn’t work as tonally it is too mismatched.

The ending of the film wherein the town that had attacked and belittled the sisters for being witches turns around and helps them out doesn’t cut the mustard. Neither does the fact that in the final sequence of the film they jump off a roof using magic to not die and not one person goes wait what witches are real.

Overall, whilst there are some moments of cozy comfort it feels like a more icky and poorly thought through relic of yesteryear.

2.5/5

Pros.

It’s watchable

Kidman and Bullock

There is charm

Cons.

It totally doesn’t work

The creepy stuff with the sisters

The ending

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One Night Only: Remember When Men Weren’t A Joke?

Summary: for one night a year sex is legal, two people try to make it work.

Owen is told at the offset of the film that his girlfriend wants to sleep with someone else, then he goes to stay at his mother’s who wants him out so she can get down. After that he is robbed by a woman who takes his clothes, when he finally meets Allie and they are about to have sex this is then denied them. Allie’s journey is far more about her coming out of her shell, daring to sing in public, ultimately to grow as a person. Notice the difference one is about empowerment the other is about humiliation.

You might have heard that a lot of the nudity and sex scenes where cut out of this film, we did a Cinema Issues about it, because audiences don’t want to see nudity unless it’s Sydney Sweeney in Gluck’s last film. For the most part this is not a steamy affair, it is oddly clinical and depressing and maybe that is a comment on modern dating but this film is supposed to be a rom-com, yet there is nothing romantic or funny about it.

Monica Barbaro does her best to keep the film together but this is really DOA on arrival.

Overall, more modern slop to avoid.

1/5

Pros

Barbaro

Cons

It is dull

It doesn’t have anything fresh to say

The male humiliation

The ending is cheap

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The Ice Cream Man: Eli Roth Is Back On Form

Summary: an evil ice cream man is giving kids ice cream that makes them kill their parents.

Thanksgiving was a good film, but it has been a while since we last heard from Eli Roth so expectations were high for this film and for the most part he delivered.

Now there is a hullabaloo about oh no the film uses AI, to that we say grow up most films do and just don’t tell you, see Supergirl. If you think the effects shots in Brand New Day didn’t have any AI involvement then you need to put the beverage down and get serious.

The thing that is perhaps the hardest to understand is what the tone is, as the film is both very dark and also very silly, you could argue it is a comedy horror perhaps. Once you adjust to it it’s okay.

The film feels both fresh but also like it is calling back to A Nightmare On Elm Street in one key way.

The best thing the film does is how it ends, it ends in a way not typical at all for horror films, as the villain basically wins, most films have the killer stopped, the demon exorcised, the ghost sent on etc, this does not.

One thing that was not so good about the film was a line of dialogue where a 12 year old girl says “I’m a 12 year old girl of course I know how to make myself sick”. Bulimia is a very serious condition and it should not be made light off particularly with teens who are often prone to eating disorders and suicidality. It’s a throwaway line it’s not like they dwell on it but it’s a clumsy line that harms an otherwise good film.

4/5

Pros.

The ending

The gore

The tone once you adjust

The Ice Cream Man

Cons.

The Bulimia line

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Paw Patrol The Dino Movie: Brain Rot For Kids

Summary: the animals find other older animals.

This is soulless if this is what constitutes animation these days then the practice should be shelved permanently. There is no depth in the characters or their bonds, or their dialogue, it is just the most obvious vapid platitudes.

This feels like a glorified advert with the animals needing to get new vehicles and have the disabled dog who was already riding a t-rex, have it upgraded to sell more toys. It was incredibly cynical.

The villain is maybe on screen for about 5 minutes and is just silly without any real motivation, they are also stopped incredibly easily showing no real stakes at all in that.

When you look at a film like Minons and Monsters and compare it to this you can see the difference, one is designed to sell toys and to rot kids brains the other goes a bit deeper, has characters and has a story to tell.

Overall, the series and films need to stop.

0.5/5

Pros.

It has a few unintentionally funny moments

Cons.

It’s shallow and vapid

It doesn’t have characters it has a tick box list of traits

The villain is weak

The pacing is awful

It is just an advert

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Teenage Sex And Death At Camp Miasma: The Musings Of A Pervert

Summary: everything wrong with modern horror.

Where to start, one could start with the filmmaker who made this made I Thought I Saw The TV Glow one of the most unwell horror films ever made that made trans people look bad. He is not a filmmaker that should have been given a bigger budget to make another film.

You could mention how Gillan Anderson has exploited the LGBTQ+ market for years, pretending that she is Bi-Sexual when she only ever dates men, but won’t say that as then she’ll lose gigs like this.

You could also mention Hannah Einbinder and her hate filled views about Israel and the Jews and how she embodies the very worst of modern progressive values.

Much like with many modern progressives the director of this film has to make his personal identity central to it. The film heavily features trans messages, the Jason stand in, is claimed to be both a boy and a girl, you can only be one or the other, and dies due to the camp councillors being bigots. The eye roll is real.

At times the film would almost be funny if viewed as a parody but it just inst that. Einbinder’s character is brought in to update his horror franchise and make it less transphobic, again it borders on parody.

Anderson’s character is in a polygamous relationship she doesn’t like, but no doubt it is still better than monogamy as God forbid you conform. Anderson can only climax if she thinks she’s being watched by the killer from her old slasher franchise and then has age inappropriate sex with a much younger Einbinder.

Einbinder character creates a new version of the slasher franchise wherein the killer kills her parents, agent and superiors, one wonders what the incredibly on the nose message the director/writer wants us to see here. She then later dies in the film within a film by being stabbed with a spear as she orgasms during sex. There is something deeply sick and perverse about this film.

Overall, this film shouldn’t be made and the director should not work again.

The film is flopping even on a tiny budget

0/5

Cons.

The age inappropriate relationship

It makes lesbians and the broader LGBTQ+community look bad, as they only seem to have dark fetish sex

It is badly paced

It borders on parody

It is entirely disconnected from reality of any kind

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