Exit 8: A Long Platform To Nowhere

A man walks up and down a subway platform looking for things out of place.

So if that sounds like an odd premise for a film to you, it’s because it’s actually a premise for a video game that got turned into a film.

Whilst the idea may work in theory in a game, as a film it is painfully dull and at times tedious. A few important, interesting things happen over the course of the film, but by and large it is just repetitive.

Moreover, the central character and spends a lot of the film gasping and wheezing and whilst this may be true to the game, it proves to be incredibly distracting over the course of the film.

Overall, an unnecessary video game adaptation.

1.5/5

Some interesting ideas

One good scare

Cons.

Its too slow

It is repetitive

The ending

The pacing

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Mother Mary: A Reinvention That Doesn’t Quite Work

A pop star and one of her support team have an interpersonal conflict.

So for the longest time Anne Hathaway was associated blockbusters in Hollywood, she’s done some indie work with films like Collosal but by and large she was in the big films. This seems to be an attempt to pivot towards art house. Art House cinema is a type of cinema in which subtext, imagery, and deep themes are just as if not more important than the plot of the film itself. Cinema is not art, it is a commercial practice, and art house cinema isn’t art it is simply a commercial practice done to appeal to people who want a high brow experience at the cinema. There has been some confusion out there so we need to clear that up.

Anne Hathaway does not shine here, arguably she may even be miscast, her delivery really doesn’t land in the way you would want it to. The conflict between her and her subordinate feels forced and oddly over the top at times.

Whilst Lowery’s more haunting imagery and visuals were appreciated and arelikely the highpoint of the film they couldn’t get away from the poor central conflict.

In many ways this will be viewed as just another pretentious art house film.

Overall, a miss.

1/5

Pros.

The imagery

Cons.

Hathaway

The interpersonal conflict

The ending and the implications

It is badly paced

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The Mummy: Half Dead But Half Decent

Summary: a young girl is kidnapped and mummified.

Blumhouse making a mummy film didn’t fill anyone with confidence but this film is not entirely bad. Where it focuses specifically on Egyptian themed horror it works well. There is some genuine promise here.

Then they make it every possession film ever made, and parody the Evil Dead with large portions of the family getting possessed and acting like Deadites. Look at what Lee Cronin’s last film was.

Any promise it had went out of the window when they started saying the little girl was possessed by an ancient demon. How many times do we have to see the same thing play out.

The film goes almost exactly as you would expect it to then ends.

Overall, it ruins its promise.

3/5

The early parts of the film have real promise

The Egypt stuff is really cool

May Calamamawy is great

Cons.

The demon stuff makes it generic

It is predictable

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City of the Dead: Witches In Americas Foggiest Small Town

This film has a keen sense of style, it’s gothic aesthetic particularly the town of Whitewood are quite memorable particularly when compared to modern films.

The witch lore is fairly standard stuff but everyone is having enough fun and being silly with it so it feels hammy in a good way.

The main criticism of the film would be that the “good” characters, are actually quite horrible. The brother and boyfriend who both go after the lead to try and help her out treat her like she’s not a person and so it is hard to root for them during the film’s third act.

Overall, fun but let down my poor protagonists.

3/5.

Pros.

The aesthetic

The horror

The hamminess

Cons.

The heroes are not heroes

It is too short

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The Mummy: Not As Much Blackface As You’d Expect

Hammer Horror films are some of our favourites, of course this is a classic Hammer film in all that would entail. Peter Cushing does a good job in the lead, you buy him as an adventurer but also can see just how much fighting the mummy puts him at a disadvantage.

The focus on Egyptology is interesting, Egypt works so well in terms of horror it is surprising we don’t see more Mummy or Egyptian themed horror films.

The central issue with the film is that they give screen time to these side characters, such as the cart drivers, and these scenes play for must a bit too long which effect the pace of the film.

Overall, a fun film with an interesting mythology, but one that wastes time with side characters.

3.5/5

Pros

The mythology

The performances

The Hammer Charm

Egyptology

Cons.

The pacing/padding for time

The horror could be stronger

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Undertone: A24 doing A24

Summary: a podcaster starts experiencing the demonic.

When A24 first started out they were a breath of fresh air and prepared to take chances, this shows that even the freshest air can quickly turn stale. Not only does this film borrow heavily from other demonic possession films it also has a lot of A24isms.

If you wanted to make a drinking game out of it, you’d say random shots of different things with symbolism, a young diverse protagonist, and the idea of depth without actually giving any. Quickly Neon is taking over the horror game. If you have ever watched a horror film before you’ll know exactly where this is going from the start.

A confusing moment was that it was demon who was causing all of the protagonist trouble over the course of the film, yet the film kept trying to imply it was the mother of the lead who was the malevolent force. She would be used for a number of the behind you sort of scares, but at the end of the day she wasn’t evil at all.

Overall, fairly generic art house fare.

2.5/5

Pros.

The use of backwards lyrics to children’s songs was an interesting idea

A few good scares

The pacing

Cons.

You’ve seen it before

A number of the scares don’t land and feel incredibly oblivious

The performances aren’t good

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Lily’s Ritual: Seedy and Creepy

One of us was able to see this at a film festival in Spain last year, and after things stopped getting in the way they were able to write up a review.

Below is that review.

A young woman is inducted into what she thinks is a wiccan sisterhood but it turns out to be something more sinister.

This film was enough to make you uncomfortable, not in the ways the film wants you to be uncomfortable but because it felt like a creepy old man directing and recording a group of young women in various states of undress and wetness, in terms of their clothing.

Moreover after the twist happens, the demon is interesting and the blood effects work. However the end wherein it is dancing around is just a little too pretentious, it is as though this film thinks it’s art.

Overall the film couldn’t decide if it wanted to be soft core or an art film.

0.5/5

Pros.

It’s short

Cons.

It’s creepy

It’s pretentious

It’s poorly acted

It’s dull

The twist is fairly obvious

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They Will Kill You: Landlords are Satanists

So in this outlets commentary on the killing fields for our latest cinema issues article we thought that this film would be totally eclipsed by Ready or Not 2. However, upon watching this film easily is the better.

Both films have the annoying sister gimmick, however, this one has far less time with them needing to coddle each other and talk about their feelings.

Asia is much cooler and more badass than Grace who rather than turn into a hardened survivor they just tread as a “mess”. The action in particular is great in this film and is well choreographed for the most part.

The Satanist stuff towards the end gets a little convoluted herein, but for the most part it works well as flavouring. It is again very similar to Ready or Not but it manages to be different in that the Devil figure behind the forces in this film takes a more active role. It must be stated the gimmick of immortality makes the stakes feel a hell of a lot lower.

Overall, a good film if a little flawed at times in terms of premise.

1/5

Pros.

Zazie Beetz is great

The action is good

The ending is amusing

Cons.

The pacing

The sister stuff as well as the immorality are plot issues

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Ready Or Not 2: No One Is Looking For This

Summary, Samara Weaving is back to play hide and seek.

This film was incredibly disappointing and not needed. Firstly the film did away with a lot of the humour of the first film, and for the most part was a more serious affair, mistake number 1. There was some humour but it was far more few and far between.

Secondly, the relationship between Weaving’s character and her sister played by Kathryn Newton was irritating. In the middle of being hunted they would stop and have a spat about who left who in the orphanage, it made no sense they would do that. Also the drama between the sisters and the need for them to work through it has been done to death. You’ve seen it in a number of films and done much better than this.

Thirdly there were whole shots wherein you just knew they were doing it so teen girls on Tiktok would go “yaaaas slay queen aesthetics”, these shots didn’t actually do anything to advance the plot but were done to appeal to the former Tumblr these days the blue sky crowd.

Overall, whilst this film slightly expands on the world of the film and you could argue that as a positive in nearly every other way it’s a regressive sequel that harms the first for having been made.

1/5

Pros.

It expands out the world

Cons.

The ending is bad

The humour is toned back

The sister stuff is boring and repetitive

The stuff for aesthetics

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House Of The Long Shadows: Attempting Welsh Accents

Summary, a manor house in Wales sees some horrific goings on.

It was nice to see this love letter to Hammer, however it did waste the talents of the returning cast of legends. None of them were starring or given all that much to do.

The slasher aspect had appeal, as seeing Peter Cushing, Vincent Price and Christopher Lee together in a slasher film is a new concept for the three. However the ending of the film ruined that by having a screw the audience flavour.

The ending of the film had two twists firstly all the slasher antics were the actions of the lead’s publisher and then after that the whole story including the publisher twist was all in the lead’s book that he was writing. This removed all the stakes and made it lame.

Overall, it edges a positive score more because of the cast than anything else however, the ending really ruins it’s chances of getting any higher.

3/5

Pros.

The cast

The unique premise

It is well paced

Cons.

The ending

The twists

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