Office Romance: Jennifer Lopez Can’t Act Like A Professional For An Hour And A Half

Summary: a career woman realises she wants romance.

The idea of the career women suddenly realising she’s lonely and in need of romance is an old cliche that surely we are all tried of. The idea of HR being bad and needing to be rewritten is also an old idea but one that does have some precise relevance in 2026.

Jennifer Lopez can’t act, she is playing Jenifer Lopez and arguably Goldstein is playing Roy Kent/himself as well. The chemistry is dead as well.

There is a scene with a dude having an erection because it’s okay to objectify men but not women now. Moreover, there is a childbirth scene shown pretty much in full so buckle up and get ready for that.

Netflix needs to stop their association with Lopez, their films are already looked down on as terrible for the most part and slop for the other part, having her around doesn’t reduce that.

Overall, just awful.

0.5/5

Pros.

A few unintentionally funny moments

Cons.

The acting

The lack of chemistry

The child birth scene

The double standard

The clichéd storyline

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Will and Harper: You Need To Cancel Your Netflix

Summary: Some Hollywood celebrities tell their kids they are trans before they can even understand what that means for virtue points. Here a fading comedian does a similar thing, by trotting out a “long time friend”/ mentally unwell man.

So, what to say about this. Frankly this is a dangerous thing to be made, it tries to tell people how to think, it tells people they need to unlearn basic biological realities. It is very 1984 in that way, it tells people they are privileged for not being mentally ill and suffering from a condition wherein you wrongly believe you can change your sex.

It tries to take aim at laws designed to protect things like women’s single sex spaces, and women’s sports from men, who in this case consider themselves women. Most people can agree women should have private spaces and sports that aren’t taken over by men who think they are women. Yet not Will Ferrell.

Now Buddy the Elf himself is here to tell you what a grotesque bigot you are and how you should be ashamed for understanding basic biology.

Why Netflix continues to fund stuff like this even though it is loss leading for them is baffling. It is one of the wokest streaming services out there and no one with a brain would still be subscribed, unless sadly you have to review their trash.

Overall, a dangerous project that everyone involved with should be deeply ashamed of.

0/5

Pros.

None

Cons.

It makes you actively dislike Will Ferrell

It hates the audience unless you think like them

There are clear tokenist elements

It spews misinformation

It has pacing issues

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Michael Jackson The Verdict: The Coming Storm

Summary: a documentary about the accusations around Michael Jackson.

Editor’s note: we didn’t cover Michael the film as it was made by the estate and white washed, there was no value in it and it was made to exploit Jackson’s wacko fans. We are covering this as it is a more objective look at the man’s life.

This may be the most comprehensive view you are going to get into the trail of Jackson. As a child growing up in mainland Europe this was lurid circus a million miles away, everyone heard the worst, then came the defenders. This documentary has already been widely controversial as the defenders do mental gymnastics to avoid uncomfortable questions. However, watching it it wasn’t as damning as you might think, it certainly looks like Jackson had an inappropriate relationship with other people’s kids, that can be true if he slept in bed with them in a non sexual way as well. Though the evidence for abuse is high, the documentary aims to try and present a balanced picture.

There are people in it who defend Jackson be that from his inner circle of fandom, but there is also more of a spirit of understanding rather than a rush to conclusion. This documentary wants to understand what happened from all perspectives rather than just say innocent or guilty, that is admirable.

The most interesting thing the documentary does is shine a light into the unhealthy minds of his defenders who go to the point of violence to not interact with uncomfortable truths.

Overall, a well researched, balanced documentary series that won’t change anyone’s mind.

4/5

Pros.

It is well researched

It is unbiased and tries to be objective

It shows the unhealthy world of fandom

It takes it time and doesn’t rush to a conclusion

Cons.

You’d argue it could be one long film rather than 3 episodes

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Cinema Issues: Hopefully The Last Death Of Doctor Who

Making it cheaper, won’t fix the fact no one is watching.

This week against the cries of us being stupid and wrong, we were proven right in our assessment of Doctor Who. It wasn’t in fact a stunning and brave success story with better ratings than ever before, and Disney leaving with their money mattered. Who knew, we did, but the Doctor Who fans wouldn’t accept it.

Turns out telling your main demographic, straight white men that they aren’t welcome anymore and that you’re making a show for the LGBTQ+ community isn’t a great way to get your show another season. The fact is the LGBTQ+ community is less than 20% of the world’s population as such you shouldn’t cater big franchises to them as they aren’t enough for the returns. Individual low budget small films or programs sure but not major franchises.

RTD, the cast and the BBC got high on their own supply and thought that they were making revolutionary content that would save us all from the imagined “far right” when in fact all it did was destroy the brand. People got sick of the constant white man bad narratives, and guessing how many drag characters would be in it week to week.

Right now it’s not officially cancelled as they haven’t said that but then again do they need to. It has no showrunner, it has no actors, it lacks the funds it needs to keep going, they couldn’t even make a Christmas special and AMC their new American partners are more interested in the straight white male era of Doctor Who not what it became.

For those of you who will screech it’s always been woke, there is a difference between presenting different view points left and right in programming and having you make up your own mind. As there is with teaching you moral lessons as relevant to the plot. Whereas modern Who feels the need to pause the episode turn to the camera and then give you a 5 minute speech about why white people are evil, or possibly if it’s feeling adventurous why straight men are bad.

This will always be remembered as the era when RTD said you couldn’t have a disabled person play a villain as it would be ableist and so changes the entire cannon of the show.

Hopefully it dies for the final time and RTDs career meets the same end as the Duffers and the Game of Thrones Duo.

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Scary Movie 6: Giving The Woke Movement It’s Just Deserts

So there are a few laugh out loud moments here, and a few cheer worthy ones such as seeing people come together on screen to push back and dismantle woke culture. It is nice to see filmmakers finally start to get it.

However, that is not to say it was a perfect film, a number of the jokes don’t land, there is a real cringe sequence about performing oral on a woman, and a strange K-Pop inspired sequence that just seemed bizarre. It must be stated that comedy is subjective.

In many senses this film was made for fans of the series if you have watched the other 5 scary movies then you’ll get something out of this. The entire 3rd act mentions the 3rd and 4th film a lot, and it factors into who the killer is. So that’s rewarding if you are a long term fan.

Overall, don’t believe the hysteria from all the left wing folks saying this is the worst film ever made as it offended them. It is a reward for fans of the franchise and has a few good funny moments.

3/5

Pros.

A few funny moments

The broader franchise connections

The older characters returning, particularly Anna Faris

Cons.

Not all the jokes land and some are quite cringe

The K-Pop sequence

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Cinema Issues: The Future of Star Wars

Lets reflect, the Mandalorian and Grogu has flopped and been upstaged by two indie horror films. The sequel trilogy is reviled and was diminishing returns. Solo flopped and most of the Disney + shows have been cancelled after one season.

It is pretty safe to say Star Wars isn’t in a healthy way. The issue as far as we see it is that new audiences don’t care about Star Wars, attempts to broaden the appeal haven’t worked, so what needs to happen is to reawaken those who have lost interest or left the fandom but once cared. This may be impossible but it’s the only card left.

What needs to happen to restore trust with these old fans is firstly some accountability, the management needs to admit failure, and needs to punish the actors and creatives who openly spat on said fans. Calling them often things like bigots, trolls or pathetic, these actors and creatives need to be fired in a public show that things are changing.

From there a consultation period is needed wherein Star Wars asks it’s hardcore fans, including the members of the Fandom Menace which it has long hated what to do next. Fans should pick the direction be it towards the Old Republic or Legends stuff. Doing this allows fans to feel heard and to feel like they have some ownership of the franchise again. This will inevitably be met with criticism from the left wing press who will scream how they are letting bigots win. What Lucasfilm and Disney should do is use the left’s logic back on them and say no Star Wars is for everyone including the fandom menace people. Having these media types upset will score them more browny points with the people they have alienated.

After that choose the best director for the job, and the right cast. Do away with anything relating to DEI and cast on merit, involve the fans again to a degree in the production stage of things. This is unorthodox however, Star Wars has alienated fans so so much and is in such a bad shape they should almost carry out their next film as a Kickstarter, sans asking for money, in order to restore trust.

You also need to commit to the course of action and to have an outline and a plan for where the story is going. One of the greatest issues with the sequel trilogy is that there was no plan.

If you can restore fan trust and bring back on board those you lost with the sequels and the wider Disney Star Wars era then you might have a chance at saving Star Wars.

However, they’ll most likely just sell it off as it’s a loss producer now.

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Savage House: A Bit Too Bleak For It’s Own Good

This was a standout of SXSW in London, however that is not an indicator on quality, but rather a general unenthusiastic attitude to the line up more broadly.

That is not to say the film is bad, it has interesting ideas the idea of the eclipse and bad spirits is fun. The social climbing storyline has been done before and better, but Richard E. Grant still carries it out with relish. He is a gem.

Claire Foy continues to take career risks and star in smaller films and commit earnestly, you believed that she loved her husband in her own twisted way.

The comedy of the film is where things start to fall down, there are a few funny moments, such as Foy’s character getting a rim job, however by and large the film’s comedy falls flat.

The ending of the film is a touch bleak and could do with being redone to be a bit more upbeat, as it stands it leaves the moviegoer in a dower mode once the credits roll. Not what you want for a comedy film.

Overall, good ideas and good performances can’t save weak comedy.

2.5/5

Pros.

The ideas

Grant

Foy

Cons.

The ending

The comedy

It’s a bit bleak

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Erupcja: Female Emotional Immaturity

Summary: A friends visit proves to be destabilising; Charlie XCX counties to show off she’s a terrible person.

One is a one off twice is a pattern, Charlie XCX plays another version of her character from The Moment here, where again she treats everyone around her terribly and is a bad person. Her character of Bethany is too emotionally immature to tell her boyfriend she doesn’t want to marry him, so goes clubbing and ignores his calls. Her childhood friend gets ghosted when she leaves town and then Charlie’s character acts like she’s ridiculous for being mad at her. She destabilises her friend’s life with her particular brand of chaos. The worst thing you could argue is that though the film humbles her at the end and makes Charlie’s character come to terms with her own behaviour it doesn’t go far enough.

A positive to say of the film is that it shows you films can be made much cheaper than they are. This film whilst shorter than traditional, was a perfectly competently made film and it was made for a few hundred thousand dollars. Whilst the film itself from a narrative point of view was deeply unlikeable, it at least shows what a small budget can do.

Overall, Charlie XCX seems to want to destroy her own brand.

1/5

Pros.

It shows that films don’t need multi million dollar budgets

Cons.

The characters are deeply unlikeable

It glorifies toxic behaviour

It has pacing issues

There was no need for it to exist

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Cinema Issues: Masters of the Universe, Sexual Depravity, And Hollyweird

He-Man has released at the cinema, we have a review out on site, and is proceeding to struggle with audiences, however, that’s not what we are here to discuss today. We are talking about the idea of Hollyweird.

Firstly this is a film aimed supposedly at two groups, adults who watched the cartoon and have nostalgia and also little boys. The film forces in a conversation on toxic masculinity that the kids won’t get and the adults have heard before. Why they do this is obvious Hollywood constantly needs to preach the message.

Secondly, remember what we said about the audience well there is an awful lot of sexual content in this film particularly LGBTQ+ stuff, this seems odd in a film that is aimed at kids.

Lets unpack.

There are comments about fisting, in a film for kids.

Skelator seems obsessed with He-Man’s crotch and thighs, in a film for kids.

There are jokes about giving head, in a film for kids.

And Teela is called a “pussy”, she could have been called a coward or weak, these are synonyms that mean the same thing, but no, sexual language was used in a film for kids.

The film knows what it is doing.

Why does Hollywood think this is acceptable in a film aimed at kids?

Thirdly, this isn’t a purity thing if the film was r rated go for it, but it’s not and it’s aimed at kids as the primary audience. This seems once again like a weird attempt to force sexual topics and conversations into kids films.

Hollywood isn’t safe for children and this shows that in spades.

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Masters of the Universe: A Film That Hates It’s Fan Base

Summary: a regular Earthling finds out he has the power and then goes on a quest to reclaim a birth right.

So if last year we had soy boy Superman now we have soy boy He-Man, this character is weak and lame. Not only is he dragged around for most of the film by other characters, such as Teela, and shown what to do. Even when he supposedly comes into his power he looks scared all the time. One supposes this is supposedly to fight toxic masculinity something mentioned so much on the press tour you’d think it was the plot of the film itself. By making Adam weak, insecure and looking never quite far away from tears one guesses that means toxic masculinity is now dead, it isn’t? Would have thought that.

There are girl boss elements to the film, though it isn’t a girl boss film in the truest regard, it does feel at times like they are setting up a Teela spin off film.

The odd thing about this film is that the women who would often complain the loudest about women being objectified in fantasy have no issues when the same thing is being done here with He- Man. Clearly this is an attempt to drag women into see the film, one that no doubt shows desperation.

Overall, pretty much what everyone was expecting it to be. Avoid.

0.5/5

Pros.

One or two cool moments

Cons.

It dumps on He-Man mythos

It sidelines Adam

It objectifies He-Man/Adam

The ending is awful

It has pacing issues galore and is a slog to finish

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