Cold Storage: Being Named After A Biscuit

Summary, a couple of storage workers accidentally release a deadly alien organism.

In a post Stranger Things world, it is noticeable that Joe Keery is trying to stay in the genre space. This in many ways felt very similar to older genre stuff such as Hole or something of that nature wherein it isn’t quite YA but is softer horror.

Keery was a likeable enough lead and anchored the film but it was a shame the film didn’t give us more of Liam Nesson considering he was the big name on the poster.

The film isn’t scary so much as it is gross, and if that’s what you’re into then you’ll enjoy this film. It is enjoyable but not really as a horror film.

Overall, fun and not much more

3.5/5

Pros.

Keery

The little we get of Nesson

It’s a nice little adventure

Its well paced

Cons.

It doesn’t really work as a horror film

The leads have no chemistry

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Cinema Issues: The Death Of Film Criticism

Once upon a time film criticism was respectable, you had your Eberts and later Kermodes. However, then came the internet wherein the access critic really began to flourish.

These people are often flown out to movie premieres given goodie bags and nice meals in exchange for saying a film is the best thing ever. They shill for films and studios on their social media channels, sometimes even taking sponsorships from them. Needless to say this shows the perverting of film criticism you cannot be objective and be in the pocket of a studio’s marketing department.

Then again you see that’s the gig, these “reviewers” need early access in order to stand out, as their actual analysis is weak. As such they are indebted to the studios. They want to rub elbows with celebrities and feel like a somebody when that was never supposed to be the role of the reviewer. The reviewer was either an art appreciator giving their opinion on the art they saw, or a man of the people telling you whether a film was worth the price or not. The issue was these people wanted to try and turn themselves into celebrities, they wanted to chase fame through film criticism usually after other failed careers, see Grace Randolph, or John Campea for that. This made them lose sight of what they were doing.

Much like independent coverage and citizen journalism is bringing balance back to news coverage we need that here. We need film opinions that don’t chase fame, we need honest conversations that don’t worry about upsetting left wing or right wing, we need to look at the films we see through the prism of was that an enjoyable film or not. If we don’t then more and more critics will just become irrelevant, increasingly they already are.

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Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die: A Bit Too Close For Comfort

Summary: A man comes back from the future to stop a merciless AI.

Whilst this may sound like a retread of Terminator, there is enough savvy and spot on commentary here to make this it’s own fresh hell. The comments about teens and the whole side plot about school shootings was incredibly timely and needed, it was surprising to see the film go there.

The ending which also takes a dark turn works well, as it keeps the idea going, and doesn’t give it an easy happy ending to wrap it up with. The fact remains that as the characters say AI is inevitable, the only thing that really can be done is to put up barriers to try and protect ourselves.

Overall, likely the second best film of the year.

4/5

Pros.

It’s funny

It’s timely

The cast work well together

The science fiction concept is great

Cons.

It has some rather bleak moments

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Hoppers: Pixar Is Trying To Indoctrinate Your Kids

A young woman decides to make her grief everyone else’s problem.

So this film shows that Pixar learnt absolutely nothing from previous failures and that it is going to continue to be preachy and force in left wing messaging into kids films. The oddness here is the messaging would clearly go over a child’s head, some of it is high concept so they are just trying to pander to the parents who have been forced to see the film. The whole film goes on and on about environmentalism, so get ready for that.

The film itself would be quite distressing for kids, you see a number of scenes that play upon the fact that the lead’s Grandmother recently died and you have that emotional manipulation from Pixar. You also have scenes of small animals looking in danger or being distressed to traumatise little kids if that was not enough.

On top of that the lead is incredibly unlikeable. She makes everything about her, she wants to keep the glade open, she feels angry, she is grieving etc. She uses people and the Mammal King in order to achieve her own ends but we are supposed to root for her. It shows you the modern Hollywood morality where they are like ‘she has a righteous cause who cares if she is a good person she automatically is as she cares about what we care about’.

Don’t let the focus on talking animals trick you, that is just a gimmick to push political messaging.

1.5/5

Pros.

The Mammal King

Some of the sillier aspects

Cons.

The political messaging

The deeply unlikable lead

The emotional manipulation

The scenes of animal distress

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Cinema Issues: The Failure of the Scream 7 Boycott

In this Cinema Issues article we are talking about the backlash to Scream 7.

At first we were not going to cover this as it gives bad faith actors too much attention however as the weekend drew on and they escalated and escalated we decided to jump in.

If you don’t know Melissa Barrera was fired from the Scream franchise, or chose to leave if you believe her, as she said some abhorrent things about Israel. The idiotic Pro Palestine crowd got very upset about this and had big feelings, and decided they were going to boycott Scream 7 to teach Paramount a lesson.

Then came the second wave, just before the film released a number of “critics” gave the film terrible reviews most having not watched it, or judging the film not based on its own merits but with the politics around it. People like John Campea got so upset that he said the film needed to “Rot In Hell”, yes this is the same John Campea who has casually said the N word despite being very white before now. As you could see they decided to put any sense of professionalism to one side to try and attack the film and punish the people that did the thing they didn’t like politically.

Then came the final wave, the “fans” who all came out of the woodwork to say how this was the worst Scream ever, they didn’t understand fundamental parts of the film such as why the new killers use AI to try and remind Sidney of her past killer status. Or they harp on about how it mentions New York a few times, a reference to Neve Campbell’s absence from the last film, not to the Carpenter Sisters but hey. These “fans” would have lapped it up if Melissa had still been the main character.

The best thing about all of this is that not only did these people destroy their credibility and reveal themselves for being bad faith actors, but also that they failed. The film had a bigger box office opening weekend than any of the films in the series even when you adjust all the others for inflation. Scream 8 is already in pre-production, and the franchise has never looked healthier. Much like with how they tried to boycott Hogwarts Legacy and then that failed this goes to show you just how little power these activists have and how irrelevant they are.

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Scream 7: Free Scream From Melissa Barrera

Summary: The franchise goes back to it’s roots and brings back Sidney, Neve Campbell.

So we’ll say this up front, a hell of a lot of the reviews aren’t talking about the film at all they are talking about politics. They don’t like that Melissa Barrera was fired for abhorrent political views and think trashing the film now will give her some retribution? Anyway, if they want to destroy their own credibility then fine, but for us it’s on with the show.

So for the most part this was an enjoyable film, it was good to see Sidney again, I would have liked slightly more Gale but it was still a cheer worthy moment when she came back, taking down the killer.

It would have been a better pay off if Stu was in fact the killer, even with the weird amnesia angle, as it stood it is a little underwhelming when they reveal who the killers are. However, it works in a meta sense if you think the fans are the killer, the fans’ demand for Sidney to come back etc. If you think about it like that it still works. There is a good chance they may actually bring back Stu for Scream 8.

The teens weren’t given a whole lot to do, and were all distractingly old for teens, Isabel May specifically. The ending that had her follow in her mother’s survivor footsteps was good, however, the relationship between her and Sidney was a bit wooden, there could have been more done to make that feel real and human.

Overall, fun and enjoyable with only a few minor issues.

4/5

Pros.

The focus on Sidney

The ending transformation of Tatum

Joel McHale stole the scenes he was in

Gale’s entrance

Cons.

The reveal is a little weak, but works in a meta sense.

Isabel May needs to be less wooden

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No Other Choice: Eat Sleep Work Repeat

Summary A man loses his job and then goes to extreme circumstances to make sure that he gets a new one.

This film works as a comedy, and is genuinely funny, but it also works on a commentary on working in the modern age and the idea of personal shame that comes with the idea of not working. Despite living in a society where men are no longer needed to be the sole provider for a family, the idea of being a bread winner for your family and then losing that and the feeling of uselessness that comes with it is a universal theme

The dark comedy elements such as the turn towards murder also work here as they play off the hopeless themes well and created a certain sense of absurdity that fuels the film.

Overall, a film that a lot of people will be able to relate to as it reflects a very common human experience.

4/5

Pros

It’s funny

It’s relatable

The absurdity of it

It has a novel concept

Cons.

The third act goes on for a little too long

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Crime 101: Oceans 14

Summary: A thief ends up at the centre of a complicated web.

I ended up liking this film more than I thought I would going in, there is definitely some charm here and I think it has very much an Oceans sort of energy, sure Hemsworth’s character is a thief but he’s likeable.

I thought the supporting cast all were effective in their roles, yes even the stain of a person that is Mark Ruffalo. Everyone had their role to play, though I would say Berry wasn’t given all that much to do.

The thriller aspects of it worked well, it felt like there was a net closing in around Hemsworth’s character throughout most of the film.

Overall, a fun time at the cinema.

3/5

Pros.

It was charming

It was fun

It was well paced

Cons.

Berry could have been given more to do

A little more character development could have helped

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Whistle: This is starting to get old

Summary: We’ve had ouija boards, we have had severed hand games, and now we have a film about a death whistle.

It is starting to get old now, all of these films are the same, a group of teens find something supernatural and it starts picking them off one by one. Basically slasher by item rather than having an actual slasher.

There is also a very prominent lesbian romance which there wouldn’t be an issue with if it wasn’t so forced. Best shown through stilted dialogue wherein Dafne Keen’s character asks her cousin if a girl is straight as though he knows the sexuality of every girl in school

The issue with this film as a horror film is that it has no hook. It is simply people seeing how they’ll die and then that coming for them as older versions of the characters themselves, it has elements of Final Destination but without any of the charm.

Overall, it is watchable but it is starting to get boring.

2/5

Pros.

It is watchable

A couple of good deaths

Cons.

A strange side plot about a youth pastor

It is dull

It has been done before

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Goat: Life Post The Right Side Up

Summary: On its surface this film looked generic, the idea of a sort of off brand Space Jam, looked readily apparent, and we shared that view via our socials. However, the film actually has some charm and manages to have moments that do make you smile.

That is not to say it isn’t a generic sports animated film, it is you have seen things like this before many times over, however, it is not soulless as it may first appear from the marketing.

A point to be made about the film is that it is strongly reliant on internet meme and social media culture so if you are older or not the most active online then you may be confused by a number of the references.

Overall, a watchable animated film with some charm.

3/5

Pros.

The charm

Its watchable

Its well paced

Cons:

It’s repetitive structurally

You have seen it before

It is too similar to Space Jam

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