Erupcja: Female Emotional Immaturity

Summary: A friends visit proves to be destabilising; Charlie XCX counties to show off she’s a terrible person.

One is a one off twice is a pattern, Charlie XCX plays another version of her character from The Moment here, where again she treats everyone around her terribly and is a bad person. Her character of Bethany is too emotionally immature to tell her boyfriend she doesn’t want to marry him, so goes clubbing and ignores his calls. Her childhood friend gets ghosted when she leaves town and then Charlie’s character acts like she’s ridiculous for being mad at her. She destabilises her friend’s life with her particular brand of chaos. The worst thing you could argue is that though the film humbles her at the end and makes Charlie’s character come to terms with her own behaviour it doesn’t go far enough.

A positive to say of the film is that it shows you films can be made much cheaper than they are. This film whilst shorter than traditional, was a perfectly competently made film and it was made for a few hundred thousand dollars. Whilst the film itself from a narrative point of view was deeply unlikeable, it at least shows what a small budget can do.

Overall, Charlie XCX seems to want to destroy her own brand.

1/5

Pros.

It shows that films don’t need multi million dollar budgets

Cons.

The characters are deeply unlikeable

It glorifies toxic behaviour

It has pacing issues

There was no need for it to exist

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Cinema Issues: Masters of the Universe, Sexual Depravity, And Hollyweird

He-Man has released at the cinema, we have a review out on site, and is proceeding to struggle with audiences, however, that’s not what we are here to discuss today. We are talking about the idea of Hollyweird.

Firstly this is a film aimed supposedly at two groups, adults who watched the cartoon and have nostalgia and also little boys. The film forces in a conversation on toxic masculinity that the kids won’t get and the adults have heard before. Why they do this is obvious Hollywood constantly needs to preach the message.

Secondly, remember what we said about the audience well there is an awful lot of sexual content in this film particularly LGBTQ+ stuff, this seems odd in a film that is aimed at kids.

Lets unpack.

There are comments about fisting, in a film for kids.

Skelator seems obsessed with He-Man’s crotch and thighs, in a film for kids.

There are jokes about giving head, in a film for kids.

And Teela is called a “pussy”, she could have been called a coward or weak, these are synonyms that mean the same thing, but no, sexual language was used in a film for kids.

The film knows what it is doing.

Why does Hollywood think this is acceptable in a film aimed at kids?

Thirdly, this isn’t a purity thing if the film was r rated go for it, but it’s not and it’s aimed at kids as the primary audience. This seems once again like a weird attempt to force sexual topics and conversations into kids films.

Hollywood isn’t safe for children and this shows that in spades.

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Masters of the Universe: A Film That Hates It’s Fan Base

Summary: a regular Earthling finds out he has the power and then goes on a quest to reclaim a birth right.

So if last year we had soy boy Superman now we have soy boy He-Man, this character is weak and lame. Not only is he dragged around for most of the film by other characters, such as Teela, and shown what to do. Even when he supposedly comes into his power he looks scared all the time. One supposes this is supposedly to fight toxic masculinity something mentioned so much on the press tour you’d think it was the plot of the film itself. By making Adam weak, insecure and looking never quite far away from tears one guesses that means toxic masculinity is now dead, it isn’t? Would have thought that.

There are girl boss elements to the film, though it isn’t a girl boss film in the truest regard, it does feel at times like they are setting up a Teela spin off film.

The odd thing about this film is that the women who would often complain the loudest about women being objectified in fantasy have no issues when the same thing is being done here with He- Man. Clearly this is an attempt to drag women into see the film, one that no doubt shows desperation.

Overall, pretty much what everyone was expecting it to be. Avoid.

0.5/5

Pros.

One or two cool moments

Cons.

It dumps on He-Man mythos

It sidelines Adam

It objectifies He-Man/Adam

The ending is awful

It has pacing issues galore and is a slog to finish

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My Mother’s Wedding : A MODERN Wedding

Due to reasons this writer would rather not get into, they have recently completed a Kristen Scott Thomas marathon, this was the most recent. So when asked by the Editor if we would review this it seemed like an easy fit.

Salmon Fishing In The Yemen this is not. Remember when there was a big uproar about Scarlett Johansson playing a mentally ill person who thought they were in the wrong body, we remember. Here a straight woman, Johansson plays a lesbian and no one bats an eye; selective outrage.

The modern dayisms don’t stop there of course in a modern film about marriage there has to be a marriage falling apart, with the idea that it just doesn’t.

Scar Jo’s character also doesn’t want to give up her career to have a child with her girlfriend, as she doesn’t value having kids. Marriage and motherhood attacked in one film, maybe they should attack religion and do the triumvirate. She later changes her mind.

Not to stop there the mother, played by Kristen Scott Thomas who is twice widowed tell her daughters that her previous two husbands weren’t good men, slashing at fatherhood on the way out.

The film is a comedy drama, and as has been said many many times before that just means it’s a comedy film that isn’t funny. There isn’t one laugh to be had here.

Overall, a waste of your life.

1/5

Pros.

It’s short

Cons.

It’s boring

The modern dayisms

The characters are awful

It’s just a lot of whining

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Cinema Issues: The Rise In Youth Horror

The last weekend at the box office was truly something unprecedented, two small sub 10 million dollar horror films not from a franchise lapped a Star Wars film and kept it from being #1.

These two films are Backrooms and Obsession, both of which we have reviews up for on the site if you want to check them out.

The question a lot of the trades are asking is what is behind this massive surge in horror. It’s the youth. The under 35 demo is making up a huge amount of the audience for both of these films. What we are here to discuss is why.

Arguments can be made of the fact that Star Wars is an aging franchise and young people just aren’t into it, but we think it’s more than that. These horror films are reflective of online culture both being made my YouTubers, these films talk in a language of memes and references younger people can get. What’s more they feel more authentic, due to the fact that these people were YouTubers first there is more of a parasocial bond than there is with these big directors and Hollywood. This can increase loyalty and ticket sales for people who are fans of these people, maybe they had a chat message read aloud and feel seen by them. There is a drive for authentic voices and with these smaller scale horror films they are being marketed far more personally, the stars are showing behind the scenes clips and doing AMAs and live streams, as well the directors seem more like casual viewers rather than auter cinephiles.

All of this is without even mentioning that horror has been on the rise, these past years people are really into horror right now, so that helps too. It will be interesting to see if there is a difference between more original horror fair such as the two we’ve been talking about and franchise horror such as Evil Dead Burn or Insidious 6. If there is maybe we’ll write another post assessing the situation.

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The Moment: A Nobody Thinks People Care About Her

Summary: A Charlie XCX mockumentary

Charlie XCX seems to think she’s Madonna, she keeps trying to force herself into films despite the fact she can’t act and can’t sing without auto tune.

The plot follows her prepping for one of her tours, yet unless the joke was to make her seem insufferable and incredibly unlikeable then the comedy is not presenting. She was involved in constructing the story for this mess as well so clearly she didn’t see anything wrong with it.

It is one thing to be self deprecating but to openly portray a horrible version of yourself for a joke seems odd in the least.

The fact that they force one of the Kardashians to be in this shows who this film was made for, it needed 10 million to break even and made 5.

Overall, musicians need to stay out of films.

0.5/5

Pros.

A few unintentional bits of comedy

Cons.

It’s boring

The characters are deeply unlikeable

It is badly paced

When it tries to be funny it really isn’t

It’s depressing

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Backrooms: The Film That Killed Star Wars

Summary: A man finds his way into a liminal space seemingly between dimensions.

For the most part this film was very good and represented something truly original within both the horror space and broader cinema. There really isn’t an analogue.

There are some issues with pacing, and the film takes some odd turns shifting from what would be viewed as more straight horror into science fiction, however these are relatively minor.

The mystery of what the backrooms are isn’t addressed in the film and that is good as you would ruin it if they had tried to tack on some kind of explanation. There was a worry for a while they were going to tie it into the central man and his divorce it, it is a good thing they didn’t go there with it.

Overall, one of the most original horror films of the year.

3.5/5

Pros.

It is interesting

It leaves you with questions

It doesn’t require previous knowledge of the YouTube series

The ending

Cons.

Pacing

Genre feel

The focus on the lead’s divorce is dull

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Finding Emily: The Search For A Dream Girl.

A boy searches for a girl he met on a night out.

Sitting in a Dutch cinema a crowd amasses there is talk that this could be a new Love Actually or Notting Hill. The ex-pat crowd who start off the film so hopefully begin filling out over the course of the film.

Where to begin, the central character is a dumb northerner, which is a harmful stereotype in the UK. He is not one of Emily’s classmates he works for the university, is the implication that Northern people couldn’t possibly go to university. That is the impression when you hear the accents or most of the other students.

The film was sold on being an anti woke rom-com, in some circles, there is a sense of parodying the extremes of cancel culture and of wokeness. For example the lead character sends a mass email to try and find this girl and is branded a “predator” by a left wing activist in the film. Whilst this may be spot on commentary of how ridiculous the need to be a victim has become, however, it is unbearable to watch and you do feel tempted to leave.

Even the female lead, not the girl he’s looking for but the one he meets along the way, played by Angourie Rice of Spider-Man fame, is awful. She uses the idealistic northern to get a post grad role she wants and for her final thesis. All without his consent, she even forgets his signature on documents during his case study which is straight up illegal. She destroys this poor guy’s life by encouraging him to send the email in the first place after he had given up looking for the dream girl. Yet the film expects us to like and sympathise with her.

Sometimes in the review game, which one is fairly new to admittedly, there are times when you regret the fact you have to stay until the end. This was one of them.

Overall, avoid, avoid, avoid.

0/5

Pros.

None.

Cons.

Another Northern England stereotype

The female lead uses and manipulates the male lead

The awfulness of most of the students

The pacing

The characters

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Analysing The Mandalorian and Grogu’s Box Office

We are trying out a new type of article today wherein we are looking at the box office of The Mandalorian and Grogu to see the health of the Star Wars franchise.

A few things first we will be looking at first weekend numbers and estimated second weekend positioning, we won’t be looking at the life time run. Additionally this will be about breaking even theatrically so whilst you can scream about toys that isn’t relevant here.

So the Mandalorian and Grogu is the first Star Wars film to open in 7 years, and many outlets even the access media said that it had the worst opening of any Star Wars film since Disney bought them. Yet Disney said it was pleased with how it did? That’s confusing, does Disney have low expectations, did they think it would do worse? One would argue that regardless of if it’s true or not Disney have to say that otherwise it could spook second weekend sales.

The opening weekend of the film brought in around 168 million dollars, which you might go well the budget was around that so it broke even. Wrong, films needs 2.5 times their budget to break even this accounts for marketing and for cinema distribution costs. By our count the film needs around 412 million dollars to break even. However, the trades are reporting that it needs 500-600 million to break even, suggesting that the budget may be bigger than has been reported or the marketing budget could be huge. The headline which many people ran with was this that film opened to worse than Solo which was considered a flop for Star Wars. The sad truth is that’s true the numbers were lower even without adjusting for inflation and you must always adjust for inflation at the box office as the value of money changes with inflation and 160 million dollars (just an example) a decade ago is actually much more now adjusted.

Some of you may say well it’s a marathon and not a sprint the film still has a long theatrical run ahead of it. That’s true the film could reach 412 or even the 500-600 if it’s in cinemas long enough and it doesn’t suffer a huge drop off. Although it must be said that reporting is suggesting that the film could suffer a drop off of as much as 60% this weekend,, it was down Eighty Percent on Friday sales and the projections for the weekend box office say that The Backrooms and maybe even Obsession will take the top two spots at the box office. This could massively harm the run of the film at the box office, also add to that that next weekend is the release is of He-Man, which would aim for a similar demo as such the third weekend could be harmed by direct competition.

The fact that a Star Wars film is being lapped by an A24 indie horror film and possibly also by Obsession does not speak to a healthy franchise. The fact is all the Disney + shows have trained audiences to think of Star Wars as a TV show and also damaged the brand and alienated fans, as such it is going to have a hard time commanding the box office in any capacity.

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Passenger: A Homeless Demon Film

Summary: A couple who have taken to van life soon start to realise that the open road at night can take a chilling turn.

The reviews for this film were terrible, and whilst it certainly wasn’t the best film, it also wasn’t terrible. Yes it was over reliant on jump scares, yes a lot of the story had been done before and done better. However, bringing in aspects of the Hobo Code and some lesser known Catholic mythos did give it a unique flavour.

It was also interesting that this film had a demon in it but it didn’t go down the possession route as one might expect. Furthermore, seeing two random civilians be able to kill it at the end rather than calling in a priest or a demonologist was a nice change of pace as well.

One thing that will cost this film points is the shameless product placement, when the couple sit down to watch a film it is of course a Paramount film, this is also a Paramount film and the amount of time that shot lingers for is artistically bankrupt.

Overall, if you like horror films there is some novelty here. However, if you want something truly fresh this isn’t that.

3/5

Pros.

Some new stuff

Seeing regular folks beat the demons

Some good scares

Cons.

An over reliance on jump scares

Some aspects are predictable

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