The Mummy: Not As Much Blackface As You’d Expect

Hammer Horror films are some of our favourites, of course this is a classic Hammer film in all that would entail. Peter Cushing does a good job in the lead, you buy him as an adventurer but also can see just how much fighting the mummy puts him at a disadvantage.

The focus on Egyptology is interesting, Egypt works so well in terms of horror it is surprising we don’t see more Mummy or Egyptian themed horror films.

The central issue with the film is that they give screen time to these side characters, such as the cart drivers, and these scenes play for must a bit too long which effect the pace of the film.

Overall, a fun film with an interesting mythology, but one that wastes time with side characters.

3.5/5

Pros

The mythology

The performances

The Hammer Charm

Egyptology

Cons.

The pacing/padding for time

The horror could be stronger

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Undertone: A24 doing A24

Summary: a podcaster starts experiencing the demonic.

When A24 first started out they were a breath of fresh air and prepared to take chances, this shows that even the freshest air can quickly turn stale. Not only does this film borrow heavily from other demonic possession films it also has a lot of A24isms.

If you wanted to make a drinking game out of it, you’d say random shots of different things with symbolism, a young diverse protagonist, and the idea of depth without actually giving any. Quickly Neon is taking over the horror game. If you have ever watched a horror film before you’ll know exactly where this is going from the start.

A confusing moment was that it was demon who was causing all of the protagonist trouble over the course of the film, yet the film kept trying to imply it was the mother of the lead who was the malevolent force. She would be used for a number of the behind you sort of scares, but at the end of the day she wasn’t evil at all.

Overall, fairly generic art house fare.

2.5/5

Pros.

The use of backwards lyrics to children’s songs was an interesting idea

A few good scares

The pacing

Cons.

You’ve seen it before

A number of the scares don’t land and feel incredibly oblivious

The performances aren’t good

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Cinema Issues: Is Woke Dead?

In this edition of cinema issues we are discussing the broader progressive movement in films and tv and checking it’s pulse.

So before we get into it a quick highlight reel, the Acolyte was canned after one season, Starfleet Academy was cancelled, Doctor Who had series worst views, lost its deal with Disney and now is in limbo beyond a Christmas special, the Rings of Power has been a huge failure and has lost millions of viewers season on season, the Wheel of Time was cancelled, the Witcher was aborted.

It is pretty safe to say being an overly progressive show or film isn’t safe anymore, there is a question to be made that it never was, but now it is definitely for the chopping block. Audiences across the board have rejected things like Snow White and Tron 3, and are sick and tired of media preaching progressive views at people.

The thing is they did this to themselves they suffered from what we called California Syndrome wherein they believe they are modern day saints or apostles preaching the progressive bible and must stick it into everything. This is what happens when an echo chamber forms and any other form of thought is labelled toxic and removed. Even once safe brands like Marvel have started flopping, last year marvel made 3 films each flopped. One side stepped the natural successor to Cap and had Falcon take his place so they could go look we have a black Captain America, the next was a team up focusing on mental health, the final was a Sue Storm origin film that showed that strong women are the real heroes. All of them lost money.

The question this piece asks is it over? No is the answer. The fact remains that the people in the industry still ascribe to the Californian Creed and will still try to push for it, the only difference will be that the money people will tell them no, and they’ll be forced to either do their own stuff or scale it back. So whilst the tide is reversing the battles are not done. The fact is you can still see vestiges of it in new releases, remember these projects often take years to make and so are not reflective of the current alignment. Look at two big releases this summer, Masters of the Universe wherein they are making a Barbie Doll for a masculine franchise and the lead is saying he is borrowing from traditional masculinity and femininity. This shows you it’s still there. Additionally look at Supergirl wherein the lead has already 3 months before release gone on the war path to scream that anyone who doesn’t like the film is a sexist and that men think they own women’s bodies. As you can see the sickness is still there, the idea of entitlement that they are deserving of having people watch, the idea of attacking fans, the idea of wrong think and punishing people for it, is still very much alive in Hollywood.

It appears there is a growing split between studio heads, the people with the money and the talent. In many ways this is going to get worse and will lead to the wider use of AI to remove the creatives.  The studio heads can see the writing on the wall and want a pull back from progressive nonsense, Bob Iger said this ages ago, but the talent still wants to virtue signal. The only way to reach them is to make sure their offers of work dry up by not watching their projects.

It’s a shame now we live in an era wherein you have to look up an actors politics before you watch a film with them in, to go oh do they hate white people, straight people or the Jews, as these are the only groups Hollywood is allowed to go after now. Sadly actors and creatives moved away from the idea of not wanting them as a person to interfere with the project and felt the need to seek praise online by agreeing with every progressive cause they could , they openly hate you.

The issue truly is that they didn’t realise it was us that cut their checks.

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You Me And Tuscany: The Segregated Rom-Com

In the marketing before this film came out, they said it was important it did well in order to see more “black rom-coms”. Why do films have to be based on race? You never heard anyone talk about white rom-coms. They could have just said the future of rom-coms depends on this film instead but no, they made it segregationist, this is a black film made for a black audience, as they have vocalised.

If you aren’t part of that group you feel that going into the film. Whilst the film plays like a fairly genic rom-com of old, that isn’t very funny, you can’t shake the feeling that you have just seen it all before.

Halle Bailey may be a good singer, we can’t confirm that, but her foray into acting can be described as wooden at best, when comparing her in the Little Mermaid and then here this woodness becomes a staple and not one a one off performance.

Overall, if you felt like Anyone But You was too “white” and you can only watch a film starring people who look like you then this film might be for you. However, if you’re a normal well adjusted person then you’ll just find this a forgettable rom-com.

1/5.

Pros.

Its short

Cons.

You get the strong feeling it isn’t for you

It’s generic

Halle Bailey can’t act

It’s boring

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Daredevil Born Again Mid Season Breakdown: Stop Hitting It It’s Already Dead

So we defended Born Again season one when people said it was trying to be anti Trump and comment on current events, we said people were reading into it. However, at this point in the season it seems we were wrong.

Whether it is Kingpin’s red tie that he likes to wear, or the I.C.E-esque raids that are being sent in to look for Superheros in various parts of New York it is very clear they are trying to do social commentary. Daredevil is a fictional show set in a fictional world, no one wants Trump’s bad narratives in the show.

Moreover, whilst it is nice to see Jessica Jones back, we are big Krysten Ritter fans here,we wish she was given more to do. At the moment she is just there to provide sarcastic colour commentary.

Another point that is becoming increasingly clear is that this isn’t really a Daredevil show it is every other characters show and Daredevil is just sort of kind of there as well. They really are making Matt take a back seat throughout the whole of the season so far.

We won’t score this as we’ll wait for the whole season to be out for that, but at this mid season sort of point the second season doesn’t not look like it’s heading anywhere good.

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Cinema Issues: What Happened To Kids Movies

In this Cinema Issues article we are talking about the recent spate of soulless kids movies. This isn’t about any one film or even one studio but a broader issue.

There are still some kids films that manage to bring heart into their films, and that manage to feel deep rather than shallow and without personality but by and large this is an exception to the rule.

Kids films used to have substance to them and be more than just references and loud noises,  they would stick to universal themes and not try and force in left wing activism, they would have stuff for adults as well as kids, rather than seemingly pitching stories that only adults would get.

It feels as though a lot of these films aren’t even aimed at kids anymore, for example Hoppers had a plot about environmental activism and a mechanism around body hopping kids wouldn’t understand that. These films market with the idea of oh look small animals to appeal to kids but when the film starts there is far more too it that just goes over the kids head.

As we’ve said time and again, almost all of these things can be traced back to two things. One due to the rise of short form content a lot of these films think they don’t have to work on good narratives and can instead just throw quick moments or scenes together to keep child engagement. Alternatively, you have the fact that the goal with a lot of films, not just kids films, for a long time has been to push politics not to actually entertain. There is the idea that if you push progressive content into kids films it’s will get them to normalise these ideas and embrace them as they age. This isn’t true and is pretty creepy to begin with.

If you have kids honestly these days the better bet is to get a steaming service and put on animated films of yore, back when they had to try and back before they needed to shove left wing messaging into everything.

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Flop Patrol: Summer Movie Edition

Building on the success of our list about the Super Mario Galaxy Movie and it’s ties to other Nintendo properties, we are bringing you a new list but with a different twist.

This is a look ahead piece to the summer box office where we look for potential flops and discuss the obstacles some of summers biggest films have to overcome.

To get the easy two out of the way first, first you have Supergirl. The narrative has already been spun around why Supergirl will inevitably flop, misogyny and men thinking they own female bodies. This can be referenced if you look at how Milly Alcock is talking about the fans and audience ahead of the film’s release. Not only did the trailers look like a reskin of Guardians of the Galaxy but now with an unlikeable messy woo girl as the central character, people have not taken to the tone or the style of the film, naturally this means they hate women (sarcasm). To see a young starlet start attacking the audience for a film 4 months before release suggests they are well aware it will flop as well.

Secondly you have Masters of The Universe. Making a male brand a girl brand in order to chase diverse dollars is nothing new it has been being done now for the past decade. However, with the fact the lead is talking about drawing on traditional masculine and feminine values and the fact they are making a He-Man Barbie to go alongside the film you can see where this is going. The trailer also has a prominent displaying of pronouns, this film seems to have some people tricked thinking it won’t be what it appears to be, maybe it’ll not be woke, but there is no evidence of that and lots to the contrary.

For the third entry a bit of a surprise choice that requires some set up. We are not saying this film will lose money, we are using the term flop term more broadly to mean a film that underperforms expectations and that isn’t as huge as people think it will be. More of a traditional disappointment than a flop, but this isn’t called flop and disappointment patrol. The film is Spider-Man Brand New Day, now before you scream it has a massively viewed trailer, views can be bought and bots exist. A little more context, Marvel is dying the landscape towards superhero films is very different than it was when the last Spider-Man film came out. If the rumors of X-Men, Punisher, Hulk and more are to be believed then there is a good chance that people may think that it is too crowded and not enjoy it. The film will do a certain amount of business as baseline however if the word of mouth on the film is bad it may cut into its legs at the box office leading to that previously mentioned underperformance.

As we move into the next few we get away from politics and move into the idea of audience interest.

Fourthly, there is the live action Moana. Why this needed to be made so soon after the original Moana is a joke, as was the horrible CGI in the trailer. You may say it is silly to say this could flop as kids are not a picky audience, but we raise you this, Moana is not coming out in a space that is uncontested, where it is all parents can take their kids too. It’s caught between two massive kids movies that will attack it from both sides. On the one side you have Minions 3 and the other you have the next Paw Patrol film. Once again we talk about the art of the release date and say that this one is setting Disney up for a losing battle.

Fifthly and this comes out a week apart from our Sixth entry is The Mandalorian and Grogu. This comes down to one thing alone, franchise fatigue and years upon years of mismanagement. Star Wars should be a massive brand and shouldn’t appear on lists like this, yet thanks to Disney + it has become viewed by many as a TV brand, whilst the last batch of films drove fans away en-mass. The fact we are now a little over a month away from a big new Star Wars release and the hype level is entirely muted does not suggest good things for the franchise in any way.

Sixthly is Mortal Kombat the seuqel. The first film was impacted by the pandemic and this one took a long time to come out, but once again hype levels are flat. The studio behind this film seems to have taken the fact that some corners of the gaming world paid attention to it as a sign to press ahead. However we would not be surprised if interest has been overstated and this film suffers a fatality at the box office. Video game films are far from a sure thing despite the success of Mario and Sonic.

Lastly you have a film that could go either way. That is Scary Movie 6 or Scary Movie, this comes entirely down to the comedy, there is already a backlash against the film, will this effect it or draw more people in, will it mock all sides or just target the ones in the red hats, this will matter as well, will the parody be good or more like the Haunted House. Comedy films, parody films have struggled greatly at the box office these last few years so this is far from a sure thing.

Did we miss anything you think may flop out let’s us know by commenting on the post!

Cinema Issues: Harry Potter And The Ridiculous Backlash

In this edition of Cinema Issues we are talking about the backlash from parts of the LGBTQ community to the new Harry Potter tv series trailer.

Did your protests make book shops stop selling Harry Potter? No.

Did your protests kill Hogwarts Legacy? No.

Is J.K Rowling personally killing trans people? No.

Is J.K Rowling creating laws you don’t like? No.

Will your protest stop this show from being popular? No.

So before we get into it, we just wanted to say that we didn’t want to watch this Harry Potter show because of the modern audience slop it’s doing with Snape, but we have now been put in a weird catch 22. We can not watch it and let the militant trans people sending death threats to Rowling win, or we can watch it and deal with the modern dayisms. It’s a rock and a hard place.

In the online conversation around the new Harry Potter trailer amongst people saying there is no need for this or that visually it didn’t look as good, both valid points. There were people sending death threats to J.K Rowling calling her names saying she had blood on her hands, and trying to spoil the book for new audiences. This doesn’t make your cause, the trans movement, look good nor does it make you look like people who people want to protect or side with. When you behave in such a manner it actively helps people who don’t like you as they can point to your behaviour of sending death threats of proof of what they say about you. That’s not winning hearts and minds.

On top of that you have the fact they think they can shame people into doing what they want attacking people who mention Harry Potter as bigots or as being transphobes. Again you cannot shame people into doing what you want them to do it doesn’t work and makes them go the other way. The fact that the trailer has been massively viewed isn’t surprising considering there is a group of people out there demanding others don’t watch it. It very much is like when you’re a kid and your parents may say don’t do something it often makes you want to do it more.

Ultimately there is a crisis of entitlement going on across the world, wherein these small pressure groups think they can dictate how the rest of the world behaves. You need to understand you’re a tiny group and that most people don’t care, and with your behaviour you’re turning people from don’t care into active dislike. You don’t have a right to not be offended or to be catered to, as you would like to say to people you disagree with if you don’t like it don’t watch it and be quiet. You are making things worse for yourself not better.

The Magic Faraway Tree: The Most Unlikable Character Ever Put To Film

So when they announced an adaptation of The Magic Far Away Tree, the hunt began to search for the modern audience slop. You knew it would be there, and whilst there is some race swapping for the most part you’d argue it is mostly free of it. That’s a win.

The film for the most part is fun and family friendly, they waste Rebecca Ferguson as the villain but other than that the film is escapist family fun.

However, there is one person who ruins the film and every scene she is in, and that is the eldest daughter who is just horrible. The way she speaks to people and her entitled attitude are often so bad that you think the film is trying to show her off as the villain, she also causes two of the major negative events in the film out of her own selfishness. She is the proto typical, I am offended type and feels like she would be out marching on a weekend. Even at the end of the film when she has supposedly learnt her lesson she hasn’t really she’s still similar. 

Overall, a fun film that could have been better if they had not written the eldest child to be a terrible human being.

3/5

Pros

It’s fun

It’s well paced

It manages whimsy well

Cons.

The eldest child is awful

They waste Rebecca Ferguson

Splitizville: Hollywood Needs More Church

A woman leaves a man because he won’t have sex with her whilst driving, he then has sex with his best friends wife, she then gets into another guy, and it all ends with the the original woman getting back with the man whilst carrying someone else’s baby.

Catch all that, yes that’s the plot of “comedy film” splitizville, where being in an open relationship means no one understanding commitment and having sex with anyone and anything around them is seen as acceptable and just normal. You prude. Marriage vows just don’t matter.

It is the most nihilistic film to come out this year in many ways and shows why romance truly is dead and why Hollywood is failing, everyone is so deeply unlikeable that you hate them all and just want the film to end.

This isn’t the sort of film Dakota Johnson should be making.

Overall, garbage.

0.5/5

Dakota Johnson tries

Cons.

It’s awful

It’s badly paced

All the characters are awful Hollywood cliches

It makes you feel depressed

It’s just needless

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