Cinema Issues: Putting Star Trek Out To Pasture

What show has a large woman who eats her own comms badge, a black guy who has two dads that left him, and also a ship captain who seems unable to sit in a chair. That’s right it’s Starfleet Academy.

One’s mind may go back to the instantly memeable moment from the Simpsons wherein the kid goes stop it it’s already dead. The numbers have been bad for a lot of Kurtzman Trek over time but this one just couldn’t seem to connect with much of anyone as such it was cancelled before it’s second season even airs. This is due to the fact that the second season is already paid for and shot so it will be released likely all at once and then the show will be canned.

The reason why the show has been cancelled is because no one was watching it and the ratings were bad. It is that simple. However if you wanted to talk about why the ratings were bad then let’s go, they chased away the male audience calling them bad and toxic, and aimed primarily at women and the LGBTQ+ crowd, this is not enough to hold up a majority male brand who knew. Whilst other shows had the bare amount of testosterone needed to get men to watch it, Academy seemed to be against that from the beginning deciding to lean even harder into it’s small Blue Sky niche audience. Spitting on your fans also doesn’t help with this.

Before we hear the trite Star Trek has always been woke reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee comments, there is a difference between a show exploring political ideas of both the left and the right and having a nuanced debate and letting you make up your own mind, as the Original Series and The Next Generation did. As opposed to telling you what to think and saying if you don’t think this your a Nazi as modern trek loves to do.

The narratives online is already that this is because the family that runs Paramount are Trump supporters, if this was the case why wasn’t it cancelled earlier why now, and is based out of the fact that these people cannot understand that they are the minority and that no one watched. It’s sad.

Saturday Live UK: The American Take Over Of The UK

Our reviewer for this doesn’t live in the UK anymore and so had to use a VPN in order to watch it, and boy did they regret it.

One has to ask why to several key factors, firstly why did they feel that the UK needed Saturday Night Live a show that is dying in the States.

Why did they feel the need to open with an American hostess rather than you know a well known British comedian.

Why did they fill out the cast list with a group of nobodies from British comedy rather than even mid range panel show comedians that many people already know. One has to also assume there was something of a diversity quota when filling out the cast for this show as it is in no way reflective of the UK’s actual population.

To shift gears, who is this for? The kids don’t watch live TV and certainly don’t care about Saturday Night Live, and then older people will resent how this is such obvious cultural imperialism. Maybe this is for the sort of bored lonely middle age people who sit and watch Love Island every night or maybe it’s for the American ex-pats who moved to the UK to run away from Trump.

Upon watching the first episode it became clear this was a mess that should have been aborted long ago, it wasn’t funny, it didn’t have anything to say and it felt like the most corpo thing ever put on British TV.

This is the sort of show that makes you turn off midway through.

Overall, just awful.

0.5/5

Pros

Tina Fey

Cons.

It’s not funny

It’s irritating

It’s corporate

It’s too long

It’s incredibly safe

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They Will Kill You: Landlords are Satanists

So in this outlets commentary on the killing fields for our latest cinema issues article we thought that this film would be totally eclipsed by Ready or Not 2. However, upon watching this film easily is the better.

Both films have the annoying sister gimmick, however, this one has far less time with them needing to coddle each other and talk about their feelings.

Asia is much cooler and more badass than Grace who rather than turn into a hardened survivor they just tread as a “mess”. The action in particular is great in this film and is well choreographed for the most part.

The Satanist stuff towards the end gets a little convoluted herein, but for the most part it works well as flavouring. It is again very similar to Ready or Not but it manages to be different in that the Devil figure behind the forces in this film takes a more active role. It must be stated the gimmick of immortality makes the stakes feel a hell of a lot lower.

Overall, a good film if a little flawed at times in terms of premise.

1/5

Pros.

Zazie Beetz is great

The action is good

The ending is amusing

Cons.

The pacing

The sister stuff as well as the immorality are plot issues

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Ready Or Not 2: No One Is Looking For This

Summary, Samara Weaving is back to play hide and seek.

This film was incredibly disappointing and not needed. Firstly the film did away with a lot of the humour of the first film, and for the most part was a more serious affair, mistake number 1. There was some humour but it was far more few and far between.

Secondly, the relationship between Weaving’s character and her sister played by Kathryn Newton was irritating. In the middle of being hunted they would stop and have a spat about who left who in the orphanage, it made no sense they would do that. Also the drama between the sisters and the need for them to work through it has been done to death. You’ve seen it in a number of films and done much better than this.

Thirdly there were whole shots wherein you just knew they were doing it so teen girls on Tiktok would go “yaaaas slay queen aesthetics”, these shots didn’t actually do anything to advance the plot but were done to appeal to the former Tumblr these days the blue sky crowd.

Overall, whilst this film slightly expands on the world of the film and you could argue that as a positive in nearly every other way it’s a regressive sequel that harms the first for having been made.

1/5

Pros.

It expands out the world

Cons.

The ending is bad

The humour is toned back

The sister stuff is boring and repetitive

The stuff for aesthetics

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Cinema Issues: The Killing Fields

In this edition of Cinema Issue we are talking about release strategy and how Hollywood cannot seem to get out of its own way. Back a few decades ago films would come out on the same weekend and compete, this became less and less done and studio executives became more and more skittish.

Now you have things like films with very similar premises such as Ready or Not and They Will Kill You coming out a week apart. This is not a return to direct facing off, in that they are coming out on the same weekend, which at least has free market merit, this is release date stupidly. By spacing out the films by a week the latter will suffer at the box office as people are not going to want to see a film very similar to Ready or Not a week later. Ultimately it should have either come out alongside it at the same time, if they have confidence in it, or moved to a different release date.

This is but one example of this trend you can see studios doing things like this all the time sometimes cannibalising their own films. For example next spring/summer Disney are going to release the live action remake of Lilo and Stitch 2 at the end of May and then the third Incredibles film in the middle of June. This gives their own Lilo and Stitch about 2 weeks before it will have its marketshare eaten into by Incredibles 3 and is just stupid. If rival studios want to challenge each other that’s business but if studios are committing acts of self harm to their own release slates that stupidity.

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Mother’s Pride: A Weaker Fisherman’s Friends

Summary, the people behind Fisherman’s Friends attempt to make a new film about the death of the British pub.

Whilst a lot of what this film has to say is spot on, about the deaths of independent British pubs and how only the chains are remaining. The issue with the film is that it lacks the heart of Fisherman’s Friends and feels more emotionally manipulative than earnest.

The dad being arrested came out of nowhere and went nowhere, all the stuff about suicide felt very needless and even the dad having a heart attack felt like something to try and shock the audience. A better script could have made these things feel earnest or made them appear more than cheap gimmicks to shock the audience but it just wasn’t that script.

There is also a really horribly cringe “modern audience” scene wherein a character asks how another identifies and then says she is pansexual. It feels like it is there by some sort of mandate rather than anything else.

Overall, whilst we like to cheer on British cinema this just wasn’t it.

2/5

Pros.

It’s watchable

It has a few cheer worthy moments

Cons.

It feels emotionally manipulative

It is badly paced

The awkward modern audience stuff

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House Of The Long Shadows: Attempting Welsh Accents

Summary, a manor house in Wales sees some horrific goings on.

It was nice to see this love letter to Hammer, however it did waste the talents of the returning cast of legends. None of them were starring or given all that much to do.

The slasher aspect had appeal, as seeing Peter Cushing, Vincent Price and Christopher Lee together in a slasher film is a new concept for the three. However the ending of the film ruined that by having a screw the audience flavour.

The ending of the film had two twists firstly all the slasher antics were the actions of the lead’s publisher and then after that the whole story including the publisher twist was all in the lead’s book that he was writing. This removed all the stakes and made it lame.

Overall, it edges a positive score more because of the cast than anything else however, the ending really ruins it’s chances of getting any higher.

3/5

Pros.

The cast

The unique premise

It is well paced

Cons.

The ending

The twists

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Scarlet: Even The Afterlife Can Appreciate J Pop

A Princess from long ago has her quest for vengeance interrupted by a medic from the modem era.

This wasn’t a perfect film by any means there was clear tonal issues and a mismatch in some scenes where the film felt a bit confused, however, it was still far better than anything western animation has put out in years.

This is centrally a two fold issue, firstly Scarlet looks a hell of a lot better than things like Hoppers, the animation style looks sharp and vibrant, whereas Hoppers looks like A.I slop 3D animation, that looks the same as many other films.

Then secondly you have the themes this had themes of love, war and acceptance, it had widely universal themes that many people can connect to, whereas something like Hoppers has left wing messaging seeded into its soul.

Watching this film you get a little angry, not at it, at how good aspects of this film are such as the animation such as the story and themes and it makes you think just how generic and bad western animation has become.

Overall, a film that whilst tonally confused at times has a lot of heart and wonderful animation.

3.5/5

Pros.

The heart

The story

The animation

The pacing

Cons.

The tonal confusion

The bloodless violence

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Project Hail Mary: Grogu 2.0

A school teacher helps his government and then is drugged and forcibly sent on a suicide mission.

This was a flawed film, in that it could comfortably have been 2 hours, there was no need for it to be as long as it was and a hell of a lot of it was filler scenes.

Rocky is easily the heart of the film and all of the scenes with him make the film, including the emotional payoffs. One would say that Rocky upstages Ryan Gosling across the course of the film repeatedly, and Rocky does at times have that sort of Baby Yoga energy.

In terms of being a hard science fiction film, the Martian is a lot better as it has a tighter focus and is less meandering, Interstellar is better as well. However, there is some appeal in that aspect here, it simply isn’t better than some of the other films in the space.

Overall, a competent film but nothing that will knock your socks off. Rocky will be a fan favourite.

3/5

Pros.

Rocky

The ending

It has appeal as a hard/realistic science fiction film

Cons.

The pacing is bad

It has been done better before

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How To Make A Killing: The Most Generic Film Of 2026

Summary, a man decides to kill off his relatives to inherit some money.

Incredibly generic would be the best way to describe this, this fable of where chasing wealth gets you is one you have seen about 1000 times before and many times done better than here.

Almost every single character in this film is intensely dislikeable, if you’re supposed to root for Powell’s everyman that would be news to us. In many senses it reflects the worst parts of American culture where everyone is just obsessed with money, whether they have it or not it’s seemingly all anyone can ever think about.

It is the sort of film that shouldn’t have made it pass the idea stage, let alone taking up space that could instead be given to other films.

Overall, Margaret Qually deserves better than this.

1/5

Pros.

It’s short.

Cons

You have seen this before

It is dull

It is stale

The ending makes the whole thing pointless

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