The House That Dripped Blood: One Unfortunate House

Summary: a series of segments about a house with an evil past.

Of the 4 segments this film offers 3 are good and 1 is bad that is quite the achievement. The final segment involving vampires is likely the best and has the most fun, where the Cushing one struggles with tone and the one with Lee feels very done before.

The linkage to the house which is the central device doesn’t always make a lot of sense, such as with Cushing’s tale as a lot of that happens away from the house but still.

There is a low-fi fun to these tales a reminder of how effective horror can be when it’s not full of jump scares for the sake of it.

Overall, fun is forgettable

3/5

Pros.

3/4 isn’t bad

It’s well paced

There is a humour to it

Cons.

A few issues with tone

The opening segment isn’t good

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Hungry: Humans Are The Real Monsters

Summary: We can’t even have evil animals anymore.

If you have read some of our other coverage you will no doubt be aware of the fact that Hollywood can’t seem to allow us to have a villain anymore, they must always be sympathetic. Well here even in a film about a killer hippo it’s just the same, the hippo isn’t a rampaging monster it is only attacking out of fear for its babies and is a victim of being brought to a foreign land. Can you feel the message?

Moreover, the film doesn’t end with the typical showdown you might expect it to, but rather through empathy. The lead saves the hippos young and manages to de-escalate the situation, showing that compassion is the only thing you need to survive a deadly encounter.

Overall, typical modern Hollywood propaganda about how everything is someone else’s fault and no one can ever be bad anymore not even a rampaging animal.

1/5.

Pros.

It’s so bad it’s funny at times

Cons.

The ending

Turning the creature into the real victim

The heavy handed messaging

The performances

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Other Mommy: What Jessica Chastain Is Reduced To

Summary: a mother’s indifference let’s a demon in.

So where to begin with this, the film shows how Chastain’s character is a terrible person and mother, she had an affair in her first marriage she actively didn’t want her kid as it meant giving up her freedom. However, unlike modern films where that might try to be redeemed or shown as okay in modernity, the film here has her be unlikeable and has the demon mimic here due to all of these things. The issue is the ending lets her off the hook, she is shown trying to be a part of a happy family but is still sad, the father and kid should have left and she should have been left with her actions. All that is to say that Chastain’s character is deeply deeply unlikeable.

The film does do a lot of jump scares as the director has talked about, most of them don’t land. Where the film is at its best is with creature design, sometimes during an Other Mommy attack, the creature will change its proportions, and this looks great on screen, it’s really well done.

If you have seen a lot of these sort of films or just enjoy horror then this is nothing special really it’s very par for the course. There are scenes wherein a team of ghost hunters go after Other Mommy in an almost militaristic sense ala, Demonic, but sadly this is short lived.

Overall, not as bad as you’ve heard but not good either.

2/5

Pros.

The effects work

It doesn’t try and make Chastain’s character likeable

Cons.

It’s generic

The ending is too forgiving

Most of the jump scares don’t work

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The Prince of Darkness: John Carpenter Goes Deep

Summary: a mixture of hard science and religious horror.

This film reads like someone who has read a science book trying to force that into a film about the devil. The science talk is not thought through or well developed it’s just the occasional term thrown in to try and pretend to be intelligent. The pseudo intellectual science talk mixed with the various out there religious talk becomes quite jarring after a point.

Moreover, the film has a really creepy romance where a clearly older man preys on a younger woman in a relationship. The film tries to say this is okay because she is into it too, but the age gap just feels pretty icky.

The ending of the film also doesn’t make a lot of sense and really clarifies the point that the film doesn’t have a coherent internal logic it’s just a lot of rambling posturing nonsense.

Overall, Carpenter is starting to lose it by this point.

2/5

Pros.

Some good visuals

A few good scares

Cons.

The terrible dialogue

The bad pacing

The weird choice to have the score play over dialogue early in the film.

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The Little Vampire: You Ain’t Never Seen A Cow Fly

Summary: Americans move to Scotland and find vampires.

This film hits on a very specific late 90s early 2000s sort of whimsy where it is both wholesome but has a soft edge to it. The film for the most part is a fun journey.

The macguffin and plot itself is a bit silly and you can’t concentrate too much on it or it starts to fall apart, this is definitely in the camp of a turn your brain off and watching something happy, kind of film.

Some of the characters, particularly the protagonists parents are quite unlikeable on a rewatch but that might just be how brashly American they are, which to a Dane, comes off as too loud and in your face.

Overall, a nice enough family film.

3.5/5

Pros.

Charm

Whimsy

The aesthetic

It’s fun

Cons.

The plot makes no sense

The pacing

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Hope: Avatar In South Korea

Summary: two films merge into a mess.

So the first part of this film when the townfolk where fighting the massive creature made sense, then more aliens showed up who couldn’t die, could speak and looked different to how the aliens had been shown at the start of the film.

The film has some fun moments and memorable lines but by and large it is on for too long and serious pacing issues.

You could skip the last third of the film and not miss anything, the ending sets up a sequel and is pretty weak.

Overall, a film that doesn’t know what it wants to be.

1.5/5

Pros.

A few good moments

Some good action

Cons.

It’s too long

It’s dull

It feels like two films mashed together

The ending

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Forbidden Fruits: One For The Tiktok Girlies

Summary: yet another flop chasing the blue haired crowd.

So where to begin with this one, shall we start with the fact the characters are insufferable and all have victim complexes viewing themselves as oppressed when they are living in a free country.

How about the films open misandry and hatred of men, at times even glorifying violence against them, we are talking about the hot coffee scene.

Or perhaps the fact that it feels like an intro to gender studies 101 class, with the film throwing out buzzword after acadmeic buzzword, understanding them about as much as a modern online activist.

Or maybe it’s the attacks at late stage capitalism, which again make no sense and show they don’t know what they are talking about. You wouldn’t be able to be shallow and materialistic like these girlies are without late stage capitalism.

Hateful, dull and painfully edgy.

0/5

The try hard edginess

You’ve seen it before

The identity politics

The whining

The hatred of men

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Resident Evil: Larping The Movie

Summary: a dude has a bit of a random time as he goes to Racoon City, hilarity ensues.

This film was not a Resident Evil film and had no business calling itself one, it was a bog standard virus zombie film with the Resident Evil name slapped on the side, there were no characters, no real references, nothing.

The humour starts out grating and gets worse, worse yet they often repeat jokes over and over to make it more irritating. The fact is they try and mimic gameplay elements without actually doing the most important thing this implies showing the character getting better and improving, this is yet another incompetent man film in full.

The director here much like with Weapons his previous film oddly can’t seem to make a horror film without inserting comedy to cut the tension.

Overall, who is this for, fans of the game won’t like it, normies won’t like it?

1.5/5

Pros.

It’s short

There’s a good monster in it

Cons.

The jokes don’t work

It isn’t a resident evil film

It doesn’t set anything up for later

The ending is depressing

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Victorian Psycho: A Little Too Real

Summary: a vicious serial killer moves to a house in England in order to be a governess and start over.

This was truly chilling, Maika Monroe may have given her best performance yet, there is something so chilling and sinister about her performance here that it will leave you disquieted.

The film lets itself down at times by trying to force in humour, and early sections feel like a Tim Burton film and that is not a good thing by any means.

The ending of the film works but you would hope that the film had either a deep meaning that addresses some of the more supernatural aspects of the story, or that she managed to get away in some capacity allowing for future exploration.

Overall, Monroe is at her best here.

3/5

Pros.

Monroe

It’s scary

The ending

Cons.

The awkward humour

The first act

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Crystal Lake Season Overview: Nothing Is Sacred Anymore.

Summary: the Friday the 13th series is bastardised for content.

Rather than Jason being the way he is due to being a kid who drowned when councillors weren’t looking, he’s now also a mutant. The addition of this cockroach backstory is so dumb that it makes you want to stop watching the second you hear it. This reeks of a creative wanting to put his own stamp on the material rather than respecting basic canon.

On top of that due to the fact it’s 2026 and you’re not allowed to have villains anymore, let alone female villains as that would be bigoted, they make Pamela into a tragic figure. Pamela goes on to murder a series of teenagers for doing nothing wrong, however, herein this is a result of her “trauma” and that means she is not a monster and that you should feel bad for her. This age wherein you can’t be held accountable for anything due to your trauma or mental health is a culturally cancer, she is a monster and the shows efforts to make you care about her shows how morally bankrupt it is. This is doubled down on by the fact that rather than say she’s a monster they make it out that she is only the way she is due to evil institutions.

Overall, garbage that doesn’t respect the franchise.

0.5/5

Pros.

It’s so bad it’s funny at times

Cons.

They butcher the canon

They make Pamela sympathetic

It is whiny

We have to examine trauma yet again

It’s badly paced

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