Scary Movie 6: Giving The Woke Movement It’s Just Deserts

So there are a few laugh out loud moments here, and a few cheer worthy ones such as seeing people come together on screen to push back and dismantle woke culture. It is nice to see filmmakers finally start to get it.

However, that is not to say it was a perfect film, a number of the jokes don’t land, there is a real cringe sequence about performing oral on a woman, and a strange K-Pop inspired sequence that just seemed bizarre. It must be stated that comedy is subjective.

In many senses this film was made for fans of the series if you have watched the other 5 scary movies then you’ll get something out of this. The entire 3rd act mentions the 3rd and 4th film a lot, and it factors into who the killer is. So that’s rewarding if you are a long term fan.

Overall, don’t believe the hysteria from all the left wing folks saying this is the worst film ever made as it offended them. It is a reward for fans of the franchise and has a few good funny moments.

3/5

Pros.

A few funny moments

The broader franchise connections

The older characters returning, particularly Anna Faris

Cons.

Not all the jokes land and some are quite cringe

The K-Pop sequence

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Cinema Issues: The Future of Star Wars

Lets reflect, the Mandalorian and Grogu has flopped and been upstaged by two indie horror films. The sequel trilogy is reviled and was diminishing returns. Solo flopped and most of the Disney + shows have been cancelled after one season.

It is pretty safe to say Star Wars isn’t in a healthy way. The issue as far as we see it is that new audiences don’t care about Star Wars, attempts to broaden the appeal haven’t worked, so what needs to happen is to reawaken those who have lost interest or left the fandom but once cared. This may be impossible but it’s the only card left.

What needs to happen to restore trust with these old fans is firstly some accountability, the management needs to admit failure, and needs to punish the actors and creatives who openly spat on said fans. Calling them often things like bigots, trolls or pathetic, these actors and creatives need to be fired in a public show that things are changing.

From there a consultation period is needed wherein Star Wars asks it’s hardcore fans, including the members of the Fandom Menace which it has long hated what to do next. Fans should pick the direction be it towards the Old Republic or Legends stuff. Doing this allows fans to feel heard and to feel like they have some ownership of the franchise again. This will inevitably be met with criticism from the left wing press who will scream how they are letting bigots win. What Lucasfilm and Disney should do is use the left’s logic back on them and say no Star Wars is for everyone including the fandom menace people. Having these media types upset will score them more browny points with the people they have alienated.

After that choose the best director for the job, and the right cast. Do away with anything relating to DEI and cast on merit, involve the fans again to a degree in the production stage of things. This is unorthodox however, Star Wars has alienated fans so so much and is in such a bad shape they should almost carry out their next film as a Kickstarter, sans asking for money, in order to restore trust.

You also need to commit to the course of action and to have an outline and a plan for where the story is going. One of the greatest issues with the sequel trilogy is that there was no plan.

If you can restore fan trust and bring back on board those you lost with the sequels and the wider Disney Star Wars era then you might have a chance at saving Star Wars.

However, they’ll most likely just sell it off as it’s a loss producer now.

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Savage House: A Bit Too Bleak For It’s Own Good

This was a standout of SXSW in London, however that is not an indicator on quality, but rather a general unenthusiastic attitude to the line up more broadly.

That is not to say the film is bad, it has interesting ideas the idea of the eclipse and bad spirits is fun. The social climbing storyline has been done before and better, but Richard E. Grant still carries it out with relish. He is a gem.

Claire Foy continues to take career risks and star in smaller films and commit earnestly, you believed that she loved her husband in her own twisted way.

The comedy of the film is where things start to fall down, there are a few funny moments, such as Foy’s character getting a rim job, however by and large the film’s comedy falls flat.

The ending of the film is a touch bleak and could do with being redone to be a bit more upbeat, as it stands it leaves the moviegoer in a dower mode once the credits roll. Not what you want for a comedy film.

Overall, good ideas and good performances can’t save weak comedy.

2.5/5

Pros.

The ideas

Grant

Foy

Cons.

The ending

The comedy

It’s a bit bleak

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Erupcja: Female Emotional Immaturity

Summary: A friends visit proves to be destabilising; Charlie XCX counties to show off she’s a terrible person.

One is a one off twice is a pattern, Charlie XCX plays another version of her character from The Moment here, where again she treats everyone around her terribly and is a bad person. Her character of Bethany is too emotionally immature to tell her boyfriend she doesn’t want to marry him, so goes clubbing and ignores his calls. Her childhood friend gets ghosted when she leaves town and then Charlie’s character acts like she’s ridiculous for being mad at her. She destabilises her friend’s life with her particular brand of chaos. The worst thing you could argue is that though the film humbles her at the end and makes Charlie’s character come to terms with her own behaviour it doesn’t go far enough.

A positive to say of the film is that it shows you films can be made much cheaper than they are. This film whilst shorter than traditional, was a perfectly competently made film and it was made for a few hundred thousand dollars. Whilst the film itself from a narrative point of view was deeply unlikeable, it at least shows what a small budget can do.

Overall, Charlie XCX seems to want to destroy her own brand.

1/5

Pros.

It shows that films don’t need multi million dollar budgets

Cons.

The characters are deeply unlikeable

It glorifies toxic behaviour

It has pacing issues

There was no need for it to exist

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Cinema Issues: Masters of the Universe, Sexual Depravity, And Hollyweird

He-Man has released at the cinema, we have a review out on site, and is proceeding to struggle with audiences, however, that’s not what we are here to discuss today. We are talking about the idea of Hollyweird.

Firstly this is a film aimed supposedly at two groups, adults who watched the cartoon and have nostalgia and also little boys. The film forces in a conversation on toxic masculinity that the kids won’t get and the adults have heard before. Why they do this is obvious Hollywood constantly needs to preach the message.

Secondly, remember what we said about the audience well there is an awful lot of sexual content in this film particularly LGBTQ+ stuff, this seems odd in a film that is aimed at kids.

Lets unpack.

There are comments about fisting, in a film for kids.

Skelator seems obsessed with He-Man’s crotch and thighs, in a film for kids.

There are jokes about giving head, in a film for kids.

And Teela is called a “pussy”, she could have been called a coward or weak, these are synonyms that mean the same thing, but no, sexual language was used in a film for kids.

The film knows what it is doing.

Why does Hollywood think this is acceptable in a film aimed at kids?

Thirdly, this isn’t a purity thing if the film was r rated go for it, but it’s not and it’s aimed at kids as the primary audience. This seems once again like a weird attempt to force sexual topics and conversations into kids films.

Hollywood isn’t safe for children and this shows that in spades.

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Masters of the Universe: A Film That Hates It’s Fan Base

Summary: a regular Earthling finds out he has the power and then goes on a quest to reclaim a birth right.

So if last year we had soy boy Superman now we have soy boy He-Man, this character is weak and lame. Not only is he dragged around for most of the film by other characters, such as Teela, and shown what to do. Even when he supposedly comes into his power he looks scared all the time. One supposes this is supposedly to fight toxic masculinity something mentioned so much on the press tour you’d think it was the plot of the film itself. By making Adam weak, insecure and looking never quite far away from tears one guesses that means toxic masculinity is now dead, it isn’t? Would have thought that.

There are girl boss elements to the film, though it isn’t a girl boss film in the truest regard, it does feel at times like they are setting up a Teela spin off film.

The odd thing about this film is that the women who would often complain the loudest about women being objectified in fantasy have no issues when the same thing is being done here with He- Man. Clearly this is an attempt to drag women into see the film, one that no doubt shows desperation.

Overall, pretty much what everyone was expecting it to be. Avoid.

0.5/5

Pros.

One or two cool moments

Cons.

It dumps on He-Man mythos

It sidelines Adam

It objectifies He-Man/Adam

The ending is awful

It has pacing issues galore and is a slog to finish

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My Mother’s Wedding : A MODERN Wedding

Due to reasons this writer would rather not get into, they have recently completed a Kristen Scott Thomas marathon, this was the most recent. So when asked by the Editor if we would review this it seemed like an easy fit.

Salmon Fishing In The Yemen this is not. Remember when there was a big uproar about Scarlett Johansson playing a mentally ill person who thought they were in the wrong body, we remember. Here a straight woman, Johansson plays a lesbian and no one bats an eye; selective outrage.

The modern dayisms don’t stop there of course in a modern film about marriage there has to be a marriage falling apart, with the idea that it just doesn’t.

Scar Jo’s character also doesn’t want to give up her career to have a child with her girlfriend, as she doesn’t value having kids. Marriage and motherhood attacked in one film, maybe they should attack religion and do the triumvirate. She later changes her mind.

Not to stop there the mother, played by Kristen Scott Thomas who is twice widowed tell her daughters that her previous two husbands weren’t good men, slashing at fatherhood on the way out.

The film is a comedy drama, and as has been said many many times before that just means it’s a comedy film that isn’t funny. There isn’t one laugh to be had here.

Overall, a waste of your life.

1/5

Pros.

It’s short

Cons.

It’s boring

The modern dayisms

The characters are awful

It’s just a lot of whining

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Cinema Issues: The Rise In Youth Horror

The last weekend at the box office was truly something unprecedented, two small sub 10 million dollar horror films not from a franchise lapped a Star Wars film and kept it from being #1.

These two films are Backrooms and Obsession, both of which we have reviews up for on the site if you want to check them out.

The question a lot of the trades are asking is what is behind this massive surge in horror. It’s the youth. The under 35 demo is making up a huge amount of the audience for both of these films. What we are here to discuss is why.

Arguments can be made of the fact that Star Wars is an aging franchise and young people just aren’t into it, but we think it’s more than that. These horror films are reflective of online culture both being made my YouTubers, these films talk in a language of memes and references younger people can get. What’s more they feel more authentic, due to the fact that these people were YouTubers first there is more of a parasocial bond than there is with these big directors and Hollywood. This can increase loyalty and ticket sales for people who are fans of these people, maybe they had a chat message read aloud and feel seen by them. There is a drive for authentic voices and with these smaller scale horror films they are being marketed far more personally, the stars are showing behind the scenes clips and doing AMAs and live streams, as well the directors seem more like casual viewers rather than auter cinephiles.

All of this is without even mentioning that horror has been on the rise, these past years people are really into horror right now, so that helps too. It will be interesting to see if there is a difference between more original horror fair such as the two we’ve been talking about and franchise horror such as Evil Dead Burn or Insidious 6. If there is maybe we’ll write another post assessing the situation.

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The Moment: A Nobody Thinks People Care About Her

Summary: A Charlie XCX mockumentary

Charlie XCX seems to think she’s Madonna, she keeps trying to force herself into films despite the fact she can’t act and can’t sing without auto tune.

The plot follows her prepping for one of her tours, yet unless the joke was to make her seem insufferable and incredibly unlikeable then the comedy is not presenting. She was involved in constructing the story for this mess as well so clearly she didn’t see anything wrong with it.

It is one thing to be self deprecating but to openly portray a horrible version of yourself for a joke seems odd in the least.

The fact that they force one of the Kardashians to be in this shows who this film was made for, it needed 10 million to break even and made 5.

Overall, musicians need to stay out of films.

0.5/5

Pros.

A few unintentional bits of comedy

Cons.

It’s boring

The characters are deeply unlikeable

It is badly paced

When it tries to be funny it really isn’t

It’s depressing

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Backrooms: The Film That Killed Star Wars

Summary: A man finds his way into a liminal space seemingly between dimensions.

For the most part this film was very good and represented something truly original within both the horror space and broader cinema. There really isn’t an analogue.

There are some issues with pacing, and the film takes some odd turns shifting from what would be viewed as more straight horror into science fiction, however these are relatively minor.

The mystery of what the backrooms are isn’t addressed in the film and that is good as you would ruin it if they had tried to tack on some kind of explanation. There was a worry for a while they were going to tie it into the central man and his divorce it, it is a good thing they didn’t go there with it.

Overall, one of the most original horror films of the year.

3.5/5

Pros.

It is interesting

It leaves you with questions

It doesn’t require previous knowledge of the YouTube series

The ending

Cons.

Pacing

Genre feel

The focus on the lead’s divorce is dull

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