Seize Them: An Aimless Trek Through The Welsh Countryside

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A queen, played by Aimee Lou Wood, loses her thrown and must go on a journey to get it back.

So with the cast this film had I was optimistic, I thought that it had every chance to be a new British comedy gem, but it just didn’t go far enough. My main criticism of this film is that it is too tame and really quite underdeveloped.

Whilst I thought Wood and co.’s adventures were enjoyable to watch they weren’t very funny, the humour widely didn’t work as it was too tame and felt like something out of a family film. Any chance the film had to be bawdy or edgy it never uses as it prefers instead to be incredibly safe.  Moreover, the characters never felt three dimensional, they try and give them some personality and some backstory but even then you never understand them in more than just a puddle deep sort of way. The ending of the film is also incredibly predictable.

The main praise I will give this film is that it put Aimee Lou Wood, really in my opinion the star of Sex Education, up front and in many respects Wood is easily one of the best British actors working right now but too often she is overlooked or cast in a supporting role so it was nice to see her starring here. However, they don’t really give her much to do except be bratty for most of the film, that is except for the scene where her toes get blown off wherein she gets to do some acting.

Overall, Wood shines but this film is far too safe to be either funny or good.

2/5

Pros.

Wood

The toe scene

Cons.

It isn’t funny

The ending is so cliché and trite

It is too safe

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The First Omen: The Church Is Chocked Full Of Secret Societies

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Omen gets a prequel

I went into this with low expectations but it was actually really good. This is the kind of film I want to see more of, yes it is from pre-established IP, but it does something new with it and takes it into a new direction.

I think that though this film suffers from being yet another nun film, especially when we only just had Immaculate, there is enough that works here for you to enjoy yourself. In fact when compared to Immaculate this film is hands down much better. I thought in particular is the fact they talk of the Church and the Anti-Church as though there is this epic struggle going on, which needs to be explored further, and I was left wondering if it was an illusion to the real world abuse scandal that wrecked the Church.

Nell Tiger Free continues to prove she is a scream queen in the making after many seasons being excellent in Servant. Free gives a much more layered performance than Sweeney in Immaculate and manages to bring out a lot of different sides to the character, both sweet and evil. Moreover, I really liked where the film ended for her character and how they have set up a parallel story that can centre around her character and take place during the original trilogy of films.

Overall, though it may look like just another nun horror film there is more than enough here to be worth the trip to the cinema. It is an exciting prequel that gets you invested in the Omen films all over again and Nell Tiger Free is really good.

4.5/5

Pros

Free

The ending

What is does for the franchise

The scares

The pace

Cons.

It can at times feel a little familiar being a nun horror film

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Spy X Family Season 2: Overview

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A spy, an assassin and a telepath pretend to be a happy family this time with added cruises.

I think this second season is even better than the first, in many senses the series really hits its stride here and gets into what you want to see from it.

The world building on display is solid and we get to find out a lot more about the lives of the characters we met in the first season and though there isn’t as much high stakes action as in the first season I think the character work here is stronger and that makes up for it. Also Yor’s fights on the boat more than match any of the action scenes we got in the first season.

The family boat trip is easily the best part of the entire second season, not only do the a and b storylines work really well together, it feels like an epic event as it spills out over so many episodes, and the final of the mini arc where they get to enjoy a nice family day out at the island is one of the most wholesome things I have seen on tv in a long time.

Overall, a fantastic follow up season with my only real complaint being that it is a lot shorter but hey at least we are getting a film fairly soon.

4.5/5

Pros

It is wholesome

It ups everything that worked from the first season

It has great action

The boat mini arc is my favourite so far

It is a lot of fun

Cons.

It is too short

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Marvel Is On Life Support But Can It Be Saved

Written by Luke Barnes

This piece will talk about how or indeed if Marvel Studios can pull themselves back from the brink. As many of you will be aware Marvel is in somewhat of a bad state at the moment, yes Deadpool and Wolverine will be a success but outside of that what else will be? Will Brave New World or Thunderbolts break 1 billion it is highly, and I do mean highly, unlikely. Many people view Marvel Studios as being in a perpetual decline since Endgame with a few hits here and there, mainly Spiderman related, and undeniably that’s true.

My question here is how do we get back to the hight of Endgame, in my opinion there are 4 key steps that need to be taken in order to right the ship, some will be popular and some won’t be, but all are needed.

Firstly, Marvel needs to stop making things for niche audiences, they made a show like She-Hulk not for general nerds or fans of Marvel but to try and lure in the Fleabag crowd, with the idea that oh they can keep their male audience and then bring in a new or growing female audience at the same time. This as Sony has learnt is not possible, doing things like this lessens your inherent male nerdy viewer base, and though it may increase demographics slightly doesn’t change the fact that superhero content is mainly enjoyed by guys so should be aimed at them. You cannot force an inherently male franchise into all these different moulds to try and get in different groups who likely will just watch that one thing and tune out the rest. You can see this as well with the low numbers of things like Ms Marvel, again it was made for a specific audience and the general Marvel crowd didn’t turn up, the Marvels again it was made for a specific audience and it didn’t perform well, do I need to spell it out anymore?

Secondly, they need to wipe the slate clean and start over. Now I don’t mean a reboot what I mean is give up all this multiverse stuff that has so far left audiences cold, Kang is gone so come up with a new threat and have it be set in 616, or whatever Marvel calls their universe, and leave the multiverse for another day. As well as this you want to focus on your well established and liked characters, I am talking about your Fantastic Fours, your X-Men, hell even a Midnight Sons with Moon Knight, Blade, Dane Whitman, Werewolf by Night and Ghost Rider, not Agatha and the coven of who cares, or rip-off Iron Man, or even Wonder Man, who is coming in way too late. Here is the bit that will get some people upset, I believe that Marvel should copy WBD and scrap these projects even if they are done and ready to go for the tax write off and go okay we made a mistake with these projects on characters people don’t know or in the case of Riri people actively dislike, and just let it go down the wayside.

Thirdly, stop it with Disney +, there shouldn’t be any series coming out on Disney + every time they release something like the soap opera dross that was Echo all they are doing is diluting the brand and creating homework for people. When you just had to watch the movies to know what was going on things were far more accessible, marathoning a few movies is far more enjoyable, especially as many of them were good, then sitting down and watching hours upon hours of frankly mediocre Disney + fare so that you can understand a reference in the Marvels. The level of homework that is expected of audiences at this point is just ridiculous. If it were me I would use Disney + for two reasons, firstly to spot light and introduce new characters, White Tiger appears in the next Spiderman film give her an hour long special on Disney +, not a series. I would also use Disney + as a bridge, by that I would use hour long specials to fill in gaps in the world or between films to again set up ideas. Basically I would do 4 or maybe 5 of these type of events a year and nothing else, they would each be about an hour long and that’s it.

Oh and I’d keep the animation stuff going on Disney + as that is fairly inconsequential.

Finally, if things were getting really bad, which I have a feeling that by the end of next year they will be, I would bring back Robert Downey Jr, Chris Evans and any other dead character that would get fans to care again, but I believe that this should only be done if they can’t save it any other way as it would create its own problems.

Ultimately Marvel seem hellbent on hacking themselves to death, the Silver Surfer casting news and the fact that we aren’t getting the version of the Surfer most fans would want shows that they are continuing down an identity politics, subversion sort of direction and mark my words they will pay for it, as audiences won’t come back. Perhaps the issue is Fiege himself, much like with Lucasfilm Marvel would benefit from someone new at the helm as Fiege and his masterplan seems to be a thing of the past at this point, unless the plan said to make a bunch of low quality Disney + shows and damage the brand.

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The Death Of Cinemas

Written by Luke Barnes

This piece will talk about how cinemas are putting themselves out of business and how the coming downfall could have been prevented.

So as some of you who follow me on X will know this cinema issues article is inspired by something that happened to me recently. I have a cinema card meaning I can go as often as I like for a monthly fee, and I had booked to see a film at the start of the week which I had to miss due to an emergency of sorts and go later on that same day at the end of the week. Now remember as I had to get another lot of tickets they got more of my money not less, yet the next day I got an email telling me that I was getting a strike for missing a film and if I get three of them there will be some arbitrary consequences. I challenged them on this and they said it was done to make sure the most amount of customers could view the films. Know I am not an expert on what audiences will do but I don’t think in either of the screenings I booked it would have been sold out, and I don’t think there is that mad a rush to go to the cinema anymore that there is ever a chance a screening will sell out. Which gets me down to the brass tax of what this policy is, it is a means for cinemas to attack some of their most loyal customers as in there misguided and deluded way they think that is the problem.

Cinema attendance is rapidly falling, check any number of stats and data elsewhere for proof of it, it dropped off in the pandemic and hasn’t returned, the one two three four punch of rising ticket prices, preaching, streaming and the ever increasing popularity of anime meant more and more people are staying home. Now what are cinemas to do in order to keep the lights on? They think they can sell themselves as premium luxury destinations serving food and cocktails as a means to stay afloat, if people couldn’t afford five pounds for a cinema ticket, more like eight dollars American, how can they afford to wine and dine? They think they can sell the fact that oh they have the best tech, it is the way the filmmaker wanted you to see it, no one other than the purists care about that and a lot of people have good home cinema setups now so again that isn’t getting folks in the door. They can try another tirade against piracy which won’t change or effect anything as with VPN’s its easier than ever to pirate any film you like. They are trying to police those that still come as though they are expecting a mad rush to suddenly come in as one of the cinema owners goes back in time to assassinate the founders of Netflix in utero therefore preventing the streaming future, yet all there policing does is make me not want to go to the cinema anymore. They can put on better films cater more towards anime films or niche interests that might result in new people coming or large groups for an event film, but ultimately they can’t control what gets made.

There is only one logical thing they can do, but they won’t do it. They need to lower costs, I saw something the other day from a exhibitor who said that they should charge the same prices for cinema tickets as they do live sports or concerts, raising cinema prices into thirty to six pounds a go, add about three quarters of the overall amount to that to work out the dollar price, this would kill cinema dead. Concerts and live sports are in the moment events that cannot be replicated again you can rewatch a film at home, moreover these events have a sense of community and fandom in a way the cinema doesn’t, these are activities that are milestones are major events in people’s lives, going and watching the latest Melissa McCarthy film where she poos herself falls over and it smears down her face isn’t that and it never will be.

Yes, if they lowered costs they might initially lose money however, once going to the cinema became more affordable for families or individuals they would be more likely to go more often to get the kids out of the house, they would be more likely to try new films, they would be more likely to be in the building so you could sell them some merch or food. Ultimately whether we can agree on the cause or not cinema is dying, and by that I mean audiences going to the cinema to watch films, the idea that things might one day go back to pre-pandemic levels is increasingly proving unlikely, and the one thing that won’t save cinema is to hike up ticket prices.

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Spy X Family: Season One Overview

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A spy, an assassin and a telepath pretend to be a happy family.

This is one of the best animes I have watched in a while, and easily replaced some of my favourite animes in my all-time ranking. I would put it up there with Way of the Househusband, and Demon Slayer for sure.

I think what works so well about the first season of Spy X Family is how wholesome and sweet it is, but rather than have it be so soft that there are no stakes and nothing to care about and move the story forward, you have the action and the comedy elements as well which provide for a nice contrast. I think the three areas mesh well together as the healing aspects, action and comedy work together to create a well rounded package that does have something for everyone.

My one criticism of the first season would be that some of the B stories drag. Often you get an episode with an A and B story that both work well together and that provides the contrast I was talking about earlier, but sometimes you just get a random tacked on feeling B story that doesn’t add much and just feels like a way to pad out an episode which can then hamper even the most well done A plot.

Overall, a delightful time and an anime that I would say truly for everyone.

4/5

Pros.

The wholesomeness

The action

The comedy

The character work

Cons.

Some weak B-Plots

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Ghostbusters Frozen Empire: Now With Added Ghost Romance

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The family from the legacy sequel that some call Afterlife move into the fire house and take over the Ghostbusters mantle.

My immediate reaction to this film is that there is a kernel of goodness in it. Don’t get me wrong this film isn’t perfect and we’ll get to that shortly I just wanted to say that this film does do some things right, such as its ending that feels like the perfect note to end the series on with new respected Ghostbusters ready to carry on the legacy, quit whilst you’re ahead. Another thing it gets right is how integrated the original cast is and how the film gives each of them a moment to shine and shows them the proper reverence.

However, this film also does a lot wrong. I’ll break this down into three key areas. Firstly you have the fact that Carrie Coon who is a tremendous actor is barely featured in the film at all, she gets one scene early on busting a ghost with a drone and that is it. That’s a massive waste. The film also does the same thing with Finn Wolfhard but he is a less good actor, by a fairly massive factor so that isn’t much of a shame. Secondly, McKenna Grace is much more insufferable here, she is written as Hollywood writes all teenagers she knows better, she thinks she’s always right and then she screws up, and I think therein lies the problem we have seen this type of character before if anything it is a fairly hacky cliché. Worse yet the film bloats itself giving her a quasi-love story with a ghost, but the film doesn’t go far enough with this concept and actually commit. I think this was done to keep the culture war around this film to a minimum as people would freak out over a ghost lesbian relationship ‘the globalists are pushing their LGBTQ+ agenda but now with added occultism’ they would scream at their family who at this point tune them out. Personally, I think they should have either explored the idea of a ghost relationship more or just not included it as it stands it feels half baked.

Thirdly, there is far too much going on in this film in terms of characters. There are a lot of new characters and returning characters and in an effort to try and give everyone their moment the film doesn’t give some of the central family members things to do, see above complaint, and that to me just seems like such a glaring oversight. The concept of less is more clearly didn’t register with anyone over at Sony as they looked over the script.

Overall, a step back from Afterlife, but an okay note to end on.

3/5

Pros.

It does write by the old characters

There are some laughs to be had

It is a good time

Cons.

The cast is overstuffed and wasted

The ghost love arc

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Flying Witch: Anime Overview

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A new witch moves to town and gets lost frequently along the way.

I discovered this series as I was looking for a replacement after Way Of The Househusband and this fulfilled the same sort of wholesome and at times comedic sensibility. I would argue it is far more wholesome than comedic and more often than not it is just a good show to watch if you are feeling down as the relentless positivity will make you feel better.

I liked most of the characters though I would say the lead herself is quite bland. I think blandness on the whole is an issue for this show as though it is very wholesome and that is nice the problem arises from the fact that there are no real stakes or drama or threat of any kind and that doesn’t lead to the most interesting of stories.

However, something this series does well is its worldbuilding which feel unique and special in a way I have not seen from other animes. There is such a sense of wonder here as the supernatural crosses over with the regular that it is a shame the show didn’t get picked up for more seasons as there is far more exploring to be done in this world, ah well that’s what the manga is for.

Overall, wholesome and inoffensive but lacking enough punch to keep you engaged.

3/5

Pros.

It is wholesome and sweet

The wider cast of characters are quite entertaining

The worldbuilding is well done

Cons.

The lead is bland

There are no real stakes and that makes caring about things hard

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mutant Mayhem: A Mash Up Of Someone Being Sick

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Hello fellow children, a group of 40 year old guys reinvent Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for Gen Z and it uses all the buzz words you would expect but does that make up for the glaring issues? No.

I liked Splinter, voiced by the Communist Parties’ own Jackie Chan, and both his role as more of a goofy dad and also his whole arc about learning to trust humans again. I thought both were well done and got you to care about the character. I also thought that the animation style worked well and that during the fight scenes it really popped.

However, that is where my praise ends and my criticism of this film comes in four directions, the turtles themselves, April, the cringe lingo and the horribly and I mean horribly overstuffed cast.

 So the turtles themselves bothered me as by having kids voice them it gave them a nasal quality at times that I found made them grating. Moreover, I didn’t like the whole oh they just want to go to high school thing it felt very contrived and out of character for them. When I watched the TMNT cartoon’s as a kid they wanted to be accepted sure but at the same time they want to be ninjas in the shadows not high school students.

 April, voiced by Ayo Edebiri, is irritating not because of the race swap or what they did with her character design, but because her character really has no purpose other than to comment on the turtles and go ‘man that’s crazy’, which gets real old real soon. Oh and that’s almost forgetting her side story about sick which they reference again and again in a gross out sort of way to try and give her some character development which doesn’t really work.

The cringe lingo is seeing words like ‘sus’ which unless you are of a certain age or under a certain age you won’t know what that means. Again it is 40 something writers trying to seem hip and write how they think kids today talk. Moreover, the dialogue between the brothers is also quite grating, so I get that it is supposed to be what teenage banter between brothers would actually be like but again it just sounds like kids talking over each other a lot of the time and from a sound mixing point of view that was not great. Perhaps I am just comparing this to the version of the animated show I remember from childhood.

Finally there are just too many characters here, whilst yes some if not all of them are classic TMNT characters they were not all needed here by any means, it also means you have limited scope for villains in the future if they are all pally now. It tries to do too much.

Overall, okay with some redeeming moments but by and large this tries to modernise the turtles and makes them almost unrecognizable.

2.5/5

Pros.

Splinter

Some of the jokes

There is fun to be had

Cons.

The cringey slang

Too many characters

The turtle voices

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Kung Fu Panda 4: The Battle Against Irrelevance

Written by Luke Barnes

Po, voiced by Jack Black, is back and like every modern movie he needs to pass the torch onto a new dragon warrior.

So for the most part I thought this was fine, it was watchable enough and not particularly offensive in anyway. I think this was probably the worst written of the series and had the weakest plot and also emotional stakes, though I did like the moment Tai Lung, voiced by Ian McShane, gave Po his respect at the end of the film.

The successor narrative is one that Hollywood seems to be obsessed with recently, all of our  beloved heroes need to pass the mantle to keep the franchise going as the creators don’t realise that there is a reason that Batman has stuck around for decades and hasn’t been retired just recast. My point is that rather than recast and move on they should keep Jack Black front and centre as he is who people are coming to see, people don’t want a new Dragon Warrior.

In terms of other narrative elements I thought Awkwafina’s new character was weak as hell, it was obvious she was a baddie who would turn it around and I didn’t buy the relationship between her and Po the film tries to set up. I understand that animation is often seen as for children but that doesn’t mean they can just serve dumb churned out slop. Moreover, the two dads, yes they do that joke a lot, b plot has some laughs but they mostly exist to kill time as the film quickly gets to its end point and then goes wait a minute we need to kill some more time what can we add.

The new villain is easily the worst of the series, for two key reason’s firstly she has no emotional backstory or personality you can engage with again she has a few jokes but that is it. Secondly, rather than have her own fighting style or anything like that they just have her use past villains moves, it is like creatively they are bankrupt so they decided to go instead of creating a new villain let’s just remix all the old ones within a bland new shell.

Also the lack of the Furious Five is a glaring omission.

Overall, a disappointing and unnecessary new entry.

2/5

Pros.

A few funny jokes

It has a good set piece battle on a cliff edge

Cons.

The villain is weak

The new Dragon Warrior is bland

The missing Furious Five

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