Amelie: Too French For It’s Own Good

Summary a fantasist decided to meddle in other people’s lives.

There was a horribly uncanny experience to this film, wherein things seemed just a bit too off kilter. This was contrasted by the social realist elements which were equally as distressing.

At times you thought the film might be trying to be quirky, in the same way say the films of Wes Anderson are but there was just too much oddness for that.

Moreover, if you have been reading our review for a while you’ll know our views on sexualising the disabled. Most of the people in this film could be classed as learning disabled based on how they act, yet the film constantly puts them in sexual situations. For example Amelie herself who seems to be child like in many ways, is shown having sex and just mindlessly smiling off to the side vacantly at the start of the film, she then visits a sex shop looking for someone and seems uncomfortable. Follow that up with how a random man in a skeleton costume blows on her neck and fondles her and this is supposed to be fine, again she didn’t ask for it, but she later says she liked it. It’s uncomfortable viewing.

Overall, a film best forgotten about in the past

1/5

Pros

A few funny moments

Cons.

Sexualising the mentally disabled

The uncanny elements

The social realism

It’s uncomfortable viewing

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Malcolm In The Middle Life Is Still Unfair: Hollywood Takes A Dump On The Nuclear Family.

As fans of the original run, we were excited for this.

Stevie, the kid who had a girlfriend and was clearly into women is now gay, the mystery baby from the series finale is now a how dare you they/them person, and for added diversity Malcolm has to be an interracial relationship, as Lord knows Hal and Lois is one white relationship too many.

Do we really need to go on. You know why this was bad. It wasn’t funny, it didn’t care about the original series much at all and wanted to stuff it full of the modern message, it was preachy and it talked down to its audience. This could have been something but it died a death at the hands of modern Hollywood.

The more the episodes went on you could see that this was not brought back for love, or as there was a story to tell it was brought back to preach and for the money. The issue with projects like this is that you can include characters or different races or sexualities in a natural way that doesn’t feel like it is the story, however, herein they felt the need to make it the story and to really focus on it.

Oh also Malcolm is a loser who gets told off for the first 3 episodes and then get his marriage proposal rejected in the final episode, as God forbid you can have a male character that isn’t a failure or a joke now. This show seems intent on taking any goodwill and joy and burning it in front of you.

Overall, there would have been a time seeing a beloved show like this dug up paraded around and then spat on would have elicited more of a reaction, it would have been sadder. Now it’s par for the course.

0.5/5

Pros.

It’s only 4 episodes

Cons.

It’s not funny

It doesn’t care about what the show was

It’s preachy

It doesn’t need to exist

You can feel how much Hollywood hates the audience

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California Schemin: James McAvoy’s Most Depressing Film?

Remember McAvoy has a great film called Filth wherein he kills himself right as he has a chance for happiness and it’s too late to save him. Remember that when I tell you this is more depressing.

It is harrowing to see how much these people are disregarded for being from Scotland and how much they hate their lives in Scotland. As the duo gain fame whilst pretending to be American the film does the standard biopic trend of having them lose their way due to drink and drugs. We then see the band breakup and one of the two boys try and kill themselves. Like I said a positive and happy times this is not.

McAvoy steals the scenes he’s in and is a force of nature giving off a Scottish Vinnie Jones type of vibe. As a director he does a component job and manages the pace of the film well, you can see shades of Boyle and later Loach in his style.

Overall, whilst not an enjoyable film due to the subject matter, it is a well made film.

2.5/5

Pros.

The camera work and overall style of the film

The pace

It shines a life on non glamorised Scotland

Cons.

It is depressing

It recycles musical biopic tropes

James Corden

You Me And Tuscany: The Segregated Rom-Com

In the marketing before this film came out, they said it was important it did well in order to see more “black rom-coms”. Why do films have to be based on race? You never heard anyone talk about white rom-coms. They could have just said the future of rom-coms depends on this film instead but no, they made it segregationist, this is a black film made for a black audience, as they have vocalised.

If you aren’t part of that group you feel that going into the film. Whilst the film plays like a fairly genic rom-com of old, that isn’t very funny, you can’t shake the feeling that you have just seen it all before.

Halle Bailey may be a good singer, we can’t confirm that, but her foray into acting can be described as wooden at best, when comparing her in the Little Mermaid and then here this woodness becomes a staple and not one a one off performance.

Overall, if you felt like Anyone But You was too “white” and you can only watch a film starring people who look like you then this film might be for you. However, if you’re a normal well adjusted person then you’ll just find this a forgettable rom-com.

1/5.

Pros.

Its short

Cons.

You get the strong feeling it isn’t for you

It’s generic

Halle Bailey can’t act

It’s boring

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Splitizville: Hollywood Needs More Church

A woman leaves a man because he won’t have sex with her whilst driving, he then has sex with his best friends wife, she then gets into another guy, and it all ends with the the original woman getting back with the man whilst carrying someone else’s baby.

Catch all that, yes that’s the plot of “comedy film” splitizville, where being in an open relationship means no one understanding commitment and having sex with anyone and anything around them is seen as acceptable and just normal. You prude. Marriage vows just don’t matter.

It is the most nihilistic film to come out this year in many ways and shows why romance truly is dead and why Hollywood is failing, everyone is so deeply unlikeable that you hate them all and just want the film to end.

This isn’t the sort of film Dakota Johnson should be making.

Overall, garbage.

0.5/5

Dakota Johnson tries

Cons.

It’s awful

It’s badly paced

All the characters are awful Hollywood cliches

It makes you feel depressed

It’s just needless

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The Drama: A Film That Shouldn’t Have Been Made

Summary, a couples wedding plans are thrown into disaary after a horrific secret from the bride’s past comes out.

So we are going to spoil this as it is important to talk about the twist and how it ruins the film massively, if you don’t want it spoiled then stop here and come back.

So when asked what the worst thing that Zendaya’s character had even done was, she replies she once planned a school shooting. Why did anyone think this was a good idea, this isn’t a drama film it’s being portrayed as a quirky rom-com, this was such a tasteless decision.

When the trailers came out we thought it was just going to be more modern Hollywood slop, as noted by the fact that almost all character are in an interracial relationship, however the reality is all together darker.

What’s more it feels like it was done to be shocking rather than for a good reason, and with the fact it seems like school shootings are happening more and more in the real world this seems incredibly in poor taste.

The film almost makes light of it at times.

Zendaya when asked directly about the tastelessness of the twist tried to play it off as comedy, it’s not comedy to make light of dead kids it’s just a bad look.

If Zendaya was a better actress maybe they could have done something to make the performance more rounded rather than just feeling like Zendaya playing herself as she always does.

If this is a foray into dark humour then it is one that goes too far.

Overall, a horrible film that never should have been made.

0/5

Pros.

None

Cons.

The twist

It makes light of real tragedies

It uses the subject matter for shock value

It’s depressing

It’s vapid

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Saturday Live UK: The American Take Over Of The UK

Our reviewer for this doesn’t live in the UK anymore and so had to use a VPN in order to watch it, and boy did they regret it.

One has to ask why to several key factors, firstly why did they feel that the UK needed Saturday Night Live a show that is dying in the States.

Why did they feel the need to open with an American hostess rather than you know a well known British comedian.

Why did they fill out the cast list with a group of nobodies from British comedy rather than even mid range panel show comedians that many people already know. One has to also assume there was something of a diversity quota when filling out the cast for this show as it is in no way reflective of the UK’s actual population.

To shift gears, who is this for? The kids don’t watch live TV and certainly don’t care about Saturday Night Live, and then older people will resent how this is such obvious cultural imperialism. Maybe this is for the sort of bored lonely middle age people who sit and watch Love Island every night or maybe it’s for the American ex-pats who moved to the UK to run away from Trump.

Upon watching the first episode it became clear this was a mess that should have been aborted long ago, it wasn’t funny, it didn’t have anything to say and it felt like the most corpo thing ever put on British TV.

This is the sort of show that makes you turn off midway through.

Overall, just awful.

0.5/5

Pros

Tina Fey

Cons.

It’s not funny

It’s irritating

It’s corporate

It’s too long

It’s incredibly safe

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They Will Kill You: Landlords are Satanists

So in this outlets commentary on the killing fields for our latest cinema issues article we thought that this film would be totally eclipsed by Ready or Not 2. However, upon watching this film easily is the better.

Both films have the annoying sister gimmick, however, this one has far less time with them needing to coddle each other and talk about their feelings.

Asia is much cooler and more badass than Grace who rather than turn into a hardened survivor they just tread as a “mess”. The action in particular is great in this film and is well choreographed for the most part.

The Satanist stuff towards the end gets a little convoluted herein, but for the most part it works well as flavouring. It is again very similar to Ready or Not but it manages to be different in that the Devil figure behind the forces in this film takes a more active role. It must be stated the gimmick of immortality makes the stakes feel a hell of a lot lower.

Overall, a good film if a little flawed at times in terms of premise.

1/5

Pros.

Zazie Beetz is great

The action is good

The ending is amusing

Cons.

The pacing

The sister stuff as well as the immorality are plot issues

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Ready Or Not 2: No One Is Looking For This

Summary, Samara Weaving is back to play hide and seek.

This film was incredibly disappointing and not needed. Firstly the film did away with a lot of the humour of the first film, and for the most part was a more serious affair, mistake number 1. There was some humour but it was far more few and far between.

Secondly, the relationship between Weaving’s character and her sister played by Kathryn Newton was irritating. In the middle of being hunted they would stop and have a spat about who left who in the orphanage, it made no sense they would do that. Also the drama between the sisters and the need for them to work through it has been done to death. You’ve seen it in a number of films and done much better than this.

Thirdly there were whole shots wherein you just knew they were doing it so teen girls on Tiktok would go “yaaaas slay queen aesthetics”, these shots didn’t actually do anything to advance the plot but were done to appeal to the former Tumblr these days the blue sky crowd.

Overall, whilst this film slightly expands on the world of the film and you could argue that as a positive in nearly every other way it’s a regressive sequel that harms the first for having been made.

1/5

Pros.

It expands out the world

Cons.

The ending is bad

The humour is toned back

The sister stuff is boring and repetitive

The stuff for aesthetics

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Mother’s Pride: A Weaker Fisherman’s Friends

Summary, the people behind Fisherman’s Friends attempt to make a new film about the death of the British pub.

Whilst a lot of what this film has to say is spot on, about the deaths of independent British pubs and how only the chains are remaining. The issue with the film is that it lacks the heart of Fisherman’s Friends and feels more emotionally manipulative than earnest.

The dad being arrested came out of nowhere and went nowhere, all the stuff about suicide felt very needless and even the dad having a heart attack felt like something to try and shock the audience. A better script could have made these things feel earnest or made them appear more than cheap gimmicks to shock the audience but it just wasn’t that script.

There is also a really horribly cringe “modern audience” scene wherein a character asks how another identifies and then says she is pansexual. It feels like it is there by some sort of mandate rather than anything else.

Overall, whilst we like to cheer on British cinema this just wasn’t it.

2/5

Pros.

It’s watchable

It has a few cheer worthy moments

Cons.

It feels emotionally manipulative

It is badly paced

The awkward modern audience stuff

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