My Mother’s Wedding : A MODERN Wedding

Due to reasons this writer would rather not get into, they have recently completed a Kristen Scott Thomas marathon, this was the most recent. So when asked by the Editor if we would review this it seemed like an easy fit.

Salmon Fishing In The Yemen this is not. Remember when there was a big uproar about Scarlett Johansson playing a mentally ill person who thought they were in the wrong body, we remember. Here a straight woman, Johansson plays a lesbian and no one bats an eye; selective outrage.

The modern dayisms don’t stop there of course in a modern film about marriage there has to be a marriage falling apart, with the idea that it just doesn’t.

Scar Jo’s character also doesn’t want to give up her career to have a child with her girlfriend, as she doesn’t value having kids. Marriage and motherhood attacked in one film, maybe they should attack religion and do the triumvirate. She later changes her mind.

Not to stop there the mother, played by Kristen Scott Thomas who is twice widowed tell her daughters that her previous two husbands weren’t good men, slashing at fatherhood on the way out.

The film is a comedy drama, and as has been said many many times before that just means it’s a comedy film that isn’t funny. There isn’t one laugh to be had here.

Overall, a waste of your life.

1/5

Pros.

It’s short

Cons.

It’s boring

The modern dayisms

The characters are awful

It’s just a lot of whining

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Finding Emily: The Search For A Dream Girl.

A boy searches for a girl he met on a night out.

Sitting in a Dutch cinema a crowd amasses there is talk that this could be a new Love Actually or Notting Hill. The ex-pat crowd who start off the film so hopefully begin filling out over the course of the film.

Where to begin, the central character is a dumb northerner, which is a harmful stereotype in the UK. He is not one of Emily’s classmates he works for the university, is the implication that Northern people couldn’t possibly go to university. That is the impression when you hear the accents or most of the other students.

The film was sold on being an anti woke rom-com, in some circles, there is a sense of parodying the extremes of cancel culture and of wokeness. For example the lead character sends a mass email to try and find this girl and is branded a “predator” by a left wing activist in the film. Whilst this may be spot on commentary of how ridiculous the need to be a victim has become, however, it is unbearable to watch and you do feel tempted to leave.

Even the female lead, not the girl he’s looking for but the one he meets along the way, played by Angourie Rice of Spider-Man fame, is awful. She uses the idealistic northern to get a post grad role she wants and for her final thesis. All without his consent, she even forgets his signature on documents during his case study which is straight up illegal. She destroys this poor guy’s life by encouraging him to send the email in the first place after he had given up looking for the dream girl. Yet the film expects us to like and sympathise with her.

Sometimes in the review game, which one is fairly new to admittedly, there are times when you regret the fact you have to stay until the end. This was one of them.

Overall, avoid, avoid, avoid.

0/5

Pros.

None.

Cons.

Another Northern England stereotype

The female lead uses and manipulates the male lead

The awfulness of most of the students

The pacing

The characters

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Ladies First: Netflix Continues To Double Down On The Culture War

Summary: The patriarchy is bad so let’s show what it would be like if it was a matriarchy to try and explain to men why the patriarchy is bad.

The social commentary here is about a decade out of date, no one is arguing that the patriarchy is good, most people just want equality rather than the threat of a matriarchy which would do everything the patriarchy is doing just in reverse.

Rosamund Pike needs to get a better agent after her stint on The Wheel Of Time and now this she is in danger of turning into an activist rather than an actor. Hearing her talk about feminism in marketing interviews for this film one can’t help but hear the posh accent she speaks with and think about how the only people still pushing wokeness are these out of touch elites.

It goes about how you would expect and ends with more cringe lecturers.

Overall, a waste of everyone’s time.

0/5

Pros.

None

Cons.

It’s preachy

It’s boring

It’s badly paced

It’s social commentary is dated

All the characters are deeply unlikeable

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Normal: Nobody 3 In Disguise

Summary: a police sheriff moves to a small town for a temporary gig only to find it is run by the Yakuza.

So, this was a lot of fun, the action was great and it was surprisingly funny across the film. The action wasn’t as intense as Nobody 1+2 but it was still pretty gory and full on.

There is some woke stuff in the film, but it’s only a small amount and you can ignore it if you want to. There is a woman who claims to be non-binary, and the sheriff’s main allies in the town are a young interracial couple, whilst most of the white folks, and a few non white folks try and kill him. The fact that the final team consists of the sheriff, a black man and a woman claiming to be non binary, is a choice. So if that sort of thing bothers you then maybe this isn’t for you.

By and large the woke stuff isn’t stuffed down your throat or heavy handed and for the most part you can just ignore it and get on with the action.

The ending of the film where it seems like the interim Sheriff might just spend his time travelling round to different gigs, facing off against different underworld crime factions is a great set up for future sequels.

Overall, a fun action film.

4/5

Pros.

The action

The premise

The silliness

The gore

Cons.

The on the nose woke stuff

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The Sheep Detectives: Why Make This?

Summary: a group of sheep try and figure out their shepard’s murder.

One must question who this was for, the talking sheep themselves and their innocence seemed to point towards kids. Yet the subplots about sheep being forced to fight dogs and animal cruelty who seem to suggest adults.

The central premise of this film rests on how interesting the who dunnit is, and honestly the answer is not very. The answer is somewhat unsatisfactory, as it feels convoluted.

The cast both in terms of the sheep and also the human characters is a who’s who of actors sadly none of them are very memorable.

Overall, a bad idea for a film turns into a badly made film.

1.5/5

Pros.

A few funny jokes

It’s short

Cons.

The tone is off

The cast is wasted

The horrible subplot

The mystery is dull

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The Devil Wears Prada 2

Anne Hathaway, Meryl Streep and Emily Blunt are brought back to do a sequel to a film people liked 20 years ago about fashion.

So the writer of this piece went to a screening of the first film before seeing this in order to try and understand the complex plot of this sequel.

However, the first thing that becomes readily apparent is this film does not know what it is in 2026. It wants to sanitise the original and make it more PC but at the same time it loses a lot of what made the first film work. It produces a film that feels uncomfortable in its own skin.

There are aspects of this sanitisation that outrightly hurt the film such as Andy’s new assistant who some view as a racist stereotype of Asian people. This didn’t come across that way during our showing of the film, and Jin was actually was one of the more promising new characters.

There was also a lot of diversity in the models used and there were a number of large models in the film, this was a groan worthy modern dayism.

Overall, a confused and soulless sequel.

2/5

Pros.

Jin and Emily are standouts

It has a few funny moments

Cons

It is needlessly pc

It doesn’t need to exist

It wastes Anne Hathaway

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Amelie: Too French For It’s Own Good

Summary a fantasist decided to meddle in other people’s lives.

There was a horribly uncanny experience to this film, wherein things seemed just a bit too off kilter. This was contrasted by the social realist elements which were equally as distressing.

At times you thought the film might be trying to be quirky, in the same way say the films of Wes Anderson are but there was just too much oddness for that.

Moreover, if you have been reading our review for a while you’ll know our views on sexualising the disabled. Most of the people in this film could be classed as learning disabled based on how they act, yet the film constantly puts them in sexual situations. For example Amelie herself who seems to be child like in many ways, is shown having sex and just mindlessly smiling off to the side vacantly at the start of the film, she then visits a sex shop looking for someone and seems uncomfortable. Follow that up with how a random man in a skeleton costume blows on her neck and fondles her and this is supposed to be fine, again she didn’t ask for it, but she later says she liked it. It’s uncomfortable viewing.

Overall, a film best forgotten about in the past

1/5

Pros

A few funny moments

Cons.

Sexualising the mentally disabled

The uncanny elements

The social realism

It’s uncomfortable viewing

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Malcolm In The Middle Life Is Still Unfair: Hollywood Takes A Dump On The Nuclear Family.

As fans of the original run, we were excited for this.

Stevie, the kid who had a girlfriend and was clearly into women is now gay, the mystery baby from the series finale is now a how dare you they/them person, and for added diversity Malcolm has to be an interracial relationship, as Lord knows Hal and Lois is one white relationship too many.

Do we really need to go on. You know why this was bad. It wasn’t funny, it didn’t care about the original series much at all and wanted to stuff it full of the modern message, it was preachy and it talked down to its audience. This could have been something but it died a death at the hands of modern Hollywood.

The more the episodes went on you could see that this was not brought back for love, or as there was a story to tell it was brought back to preach and for the money. The issue with projects like this is that you can include characters or different races or sexualities in a natural way that doesn’t feel like it is the story, however, herein they felt the need to make it the story and to really focus on it.

Oh also Malcolm is a loser who gets told off for the first 3 episodes and then get his marriage proposal rejected in the final episode, as God forbid you can have a male character that isn’t a failure or a joke now. This show seems intent on taking any goodwill and joy and burning it in front of you.

Overall, there would have been a time seeing a beloved show like this dug up paraded around and then spat on would have elicited more of a reaction, it would have been sadder. Now it’s par for the course.

0.5/5

Pros.

It’s only 4 episodes

Cons.

It’s not funny

It doesn’t care about what the show was

It’s preachy

It doesn’t need to exist

You can feel how much Hollywood hates the audience

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California Schemin: James McAvoy’s Most Depressing Film?

Remember McAvoy has a great film called Filth wherein he kills himself right as he has a chance for happiness and it’s too late to save him. Remember that when I tell you this is more depressing.

It is harrowing to see how much these people are disregarded for being from Scotland and how much they hate their lives in Scotland. As the duo gain fame whilst pretending to be American the film does the standard biopic trend of having them lose their way due to drink and drugs. We then see the band breakup and one of the two boys try and kill themselves. Like I said a positive and happy times this is not.

McAvoy steals the scenes he’s in and is a force of nature giving off a Scottish Vinnie Jones type of vibe. As a director he does a component job and manages the pace of the film well, you can see shades of Boyle and later Loach in his style.

Overall, whilst not an enjoyable film due to the subject matter, it is a well made film.

2.5/5

Pros.

The camera work and overall style of the film

The pace

It shines a life on non glamorised Scotland

Cons.

It is depressing

It recycles musical biopic tropes

James Corden

You Me And Tuscany: The Segregated Rom-Com

In the marketing before this film came out, they said it was important it did well in order to see more “black rom-coms”. Why do films have to be based on race? You never heard anyone talk about white rom-coms. They could have just said the future of rom-coms depends on this film instead but no, they made it segregationist, this is a black film made for a black audience, as they have vocalised.

If you aren’t part of that group you feel that going into the film. Whilst the film plays like a fairly genic rom-com of old, that isn’t very funny, you can’t shake the feeling that you have just seen it all before.

Halle Bailey may be a good singer, we can’t confirm that, but her foray into acting can be described as wooden at best, when comparing her in the Little Mermaid and then here this woodness becomes a staple and not one a one off performance.

Overall, if you felt like Anyone But You was too “white” and you can only watch a film starring people who look like you then this film might be for you. However, if you’re a normal well adjusted person then you’ll just find this a forgettable rom-com.

1/5.

Pros.

Its short

Cons.

You get the strong feeling it isn’t for you

It’s generic

Halle Bailey can’t act

It’s boring

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