Mortal Kombat 2: The Next Level

Summary: after surviving the assassination attempts in the first film Earth Realms fighters head to the Mortal Kombat tournament to determine the fate of Earth Realm.

First things first, we’ve seen some people on the right call this a bait and switch film or a girl boss film. They say this as Kitana is positioned as a prominent new character, however, the idea that she is the central character over Johnny Cage simply isn’t true. Rather than being a bait and switch narrative both Kitana and Johnny have parallel but interconnected heroes journeys. Both are vital to defeat Shao Khan at the end of the film.

The new characters, Jade, Kitana, Sindel, Johnny, Baraka are a mixed bag. Jade feels very one note and Tati Gabrielle cannot act to save her life, Sindel is barely in the film, and the choice to make Baraka a comedic support character is a bad idea. However, Karl Urban is great as Johnny Cage, and Adeline Rudolph is both emotive but also badass as Kitana. They will both be welcome additions to the roster going forward.

The fights are good for the most part though perhaps a little less impressive than the first film. The one thing that we would have preferred the film do which it doesn’t is make the deaths more permanent, yes you can have the zombie forms of the characters but to just bring back Kano so quickly seems a bit of a cop out. In the games they have to bring back the main characters game after game but here you could have let them die and then bring in other characters from across the rosters, there are more than enough.

Overall, a great popcorn film and if you like the games you’ll get a lot out of it.

4.5/5

Pros.

Lots of gore and fatalities

The new characters like Johnny and Kitana

The direction the series is heading in with annihilation seemingly the next port of call

The commitment to honour and reference the games

Seeing the Netherrealm.

Cons.

Jade, Baraka and Sindle are not well implemented.

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Scarlet: Even The Afterlife Can Appreciate J Pop

A Princess from long ago has her quest for vengeance interrupted by a medic from the modem era.

This wasn’t a perfect film by any means there was clear tonal issues and a mismatch in some scenes where the film felt a bit confused, however, it was still far better than anything western animation has put out in years.

This is centrally a two fold issue, firstly Scarlet looks a hell of a lot better than things like Hoppers, the animation style looks sharp and vibrant, whereas Hoppers looks like A.I slop 3D animation, that looks the same as many other films.

Then secondly you have the themes this had themes of love, war and acceptance, it had widely universal themes that many people can connect to, whereas something like Hoppers has left wing messaging seeded into its soul.

Watching this film you get a little angry, not at it, at how good aspects of this film are such as the animation such as the story and themes and it makes you think just how generic and bad western animation has become.

Overall, a film that whilst tonally confused at times has a lot of heart and wonderful animation.

3.5/5

Pros.

The heart

The story

The animation

The pacing

Cons.

The tonal confusion

The bloodless violence

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Shelter: The Good Human Traffickers

Summary: Jason Statham is an old military guy who needs to get a girl out of the line of fire so gives her to people smugglers.

So fundamentally you can’t really get round that point Jason’s big plan to save his pseudo daughter is to give her to people smugglers to get her out of the country, and no he doesn’t check what sort of life she’s going to have, yes could have been sold into all sorts but he didn’t check.

Outside of that the film has a lot of heart and Jason gives one of his best performances in a number of years, he manages the action but also the heart surprisingly well, managing to show he does have a soft side.

The plot of the film is a little generic shadowy government spy stuff, Jason was the best of the best, he gets hunted down as he broke the rules. However you do get to see him kill a strike team with nautical weapons so if that’s something you’re interested in then you’ll like this film.

Overall, if you like Jason Statham you’ll like this film.

3/5

Pros.

It has heart

The action is good

It’s watchable

Cons.

The people smugglers are shown in a positive light

The plot is generic

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Bride Hard: Stop Trying To Make Rebel Wilson A Thing

Summary

Amy Schumer better watch out Rebel Wilson is trying to steal her spot as the number one for slop on Netflix aimed at women.

This time Ozempic Wilson, as we will call her for the rest of the review, is a secret agent who has brought a group of civilians with her unknowingly in order to steal a bio weapon, whilst also being the maid of honour at a bachelorette party. Cut to painful cringe comedy.

The idea that Ozempic can take down a group of guys is just laughable, and not in a good way, the fact she does it all with a face straight out of the Alaqua Cox school of acting makes it funnier. Perhaps this is the death throws of the girlboss genre, they say as a genre dies it begins to parody itself and this certainly feels like that.

The thing is this sort of film was once funny, but that isn’t the case now, now you get a few unbelievable action scenes, a few sassy yaaaaaaaaaas queens from the friends, then cut to credits.

Overall, this is low rent female slop from Netflix, as it thinks this is what women want. However, much like Mel Gibson in a much better film from decades prior they don’t really know what women want.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

It isn’t funny

Rebel Wilson should go away

It is slop

It is repetitive

The action is awful

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Sisu Road To Revenge: The Price Of Lumber Today

Summary

Sisu, Jorma Tommila, is back and this time it’s all about lumber.

I enjoyed this film it was more of the same, the action was as you would expect it to be brutal and violent, but it was widely a step back from the first film.

I think the first film played up the over the top force of nature a bit more, there were those elements here but I would say by and large the film was softened and he was shown to be more human. The ending of the film is a reflection of this where people show up and help him build his house, this sentimentality was not what I was looking for out of the film and it clashed with the larger than life elements.

I thought Stephen Lang was a good foil and played the villain well, it felt very much like he was a good match for the lead, however, I would have liked to have seen some flashbacks with him to establish him more and show what he is capable of. I understand they probably didn’t do this for budgetary reasons.

The turns towards absurdity, such as the lead showing up with an old tank that has his precious lumber strapped to it were a bit jarring and I would say again didn’t fit with the tone.

Overall, it maintains a lot of what made the first film good but some of the tonal choices are jarring and let things down.

3/5

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The Running Man: The Pretend Horrors Of Trump’s America

Summary

A kernel of punk rock wrapped in layers of modern day progressive nonsense.

This was a weird one for me to see, that being because I was unsure when it was coming out for me, you see as I have said elsewhere I have moved to Belgium, and unlike other things that mostly come out around the same time as they do in other territories, this film had a split release date. It was coming out in some parts of Belgium this weekend and some next weekend, luckily for me it came out in my part on the former. Maybe this is a common occurrence that I will get used to, but for me coming from the UK with one standard release date for things it was a little odd.

So that personal anecdote aside lets get into it. So firstly, let’s get a few things clear this is a woke movie, in every sense of the word, it parodies the right’s ideas of poor people just not working hard enough, it has the lead be a hero for leaking information to his union, it has the lead in an interracial relationship, as that is the only way you can make a white leading man acceptable anymore. As well as of course all the villains are white men. If you need a little more proof, everyone who helps the lead along the way would be a target voting base for a left wing party, effeminate men, urban minorities, and college educated women. Do you feel preached at yet?

The film does have some good action scenes and a cool anti-establishment feel at times but then it will ruin it by having a line like, I am from the half of the country that gives a damn about people, once again do you get it yet? The style and the vibe you would argue are the best thing about the film. The idea itself in execution works like a neutered John Wick, in the sense of when he is hunted down by assassins, however, rather than intense gun battles you get Glen Powell nude from behind, which access critic Grace Randolph had as one of the main points of her positive review. The desperation and thirstiness is strong folks.

For me personally the best bit of the film was Michael Cera’s character and his Home Alone esque murder house, that was a lot of fun, but the sequence was relatively short.

Overall, all the people who are calling this so timely, need to actually seriously question whether they are delusional and have a look around them, no one is dying on your reality tv shows. Shut up. Yes that does mean you Patton.

1.5/5

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Predator Badlands: Baby’s First Predator Film

Summary

A new Predator arises.

There was so much about this film that felt promising but it was just ruined by a series of elements that just don’t fit the franchise.

Firstly it was nice to see more of their culture, and have their family/clan dynamics explored more. However, the way they interacted was far too human for my liking, it needed to feel more alien. Moreover, the final shot of the film that had the Predator’s mother show up was lame as hell and an awful way to end on.

Secondly, the combat was fun and well done for the most part. This was probably the most important part to get right, it was interesting to see how the Predator fights as in other films we don’t get to see it so much. However, this was offset by the comedic sidekick. Personally I like Elle Fanning, I think she is an interesting actress and I like seeing the project she picks, she has great range. Although it must be said neither of the character’s she played here worked. On the one hand you had the quirky, overly talkative, positive robot, which made jokes throughout the film and killed any tension, and on the other hand you had another synthetic that also looked like her that was the stern, no feelings, girlboss which they at least turned into a villain. Personally I don’t think comedy has any place in a Predator film.

The cute animal sidekicks also felt like very current day Disney, they use these creatures to try and lure in women who might be otherwise put off by the science fiction or the violence. Once again Predator as a franchise is heavily male leaning so it should not have done this as it contributed, along with the humour, to this not feeling like a Predator film.

Then you have the fact the film constantly makes the Predator weak and ineffective and tries to lessen him. This again feels very current day Disney, again in their culture they train to hunt from the moment of birth so some of the mistakes he makes are not only stupid but break the lore.

Overall, a deeply mixed film.

2.5/5

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Jurassic Park: Overrated In The Extreme

Summary

The older I get the more I realise that Steven Spielberg is not a good director.

Removed from a childlike lens of whimsy I wanted to see how this film held up. If it was the masterpiece people seem to think it is, turns out they are wrong.

Whilst I appreciate what this film was doing, when it was doing it, and the lasting impact it has had. That does not change the fact it is just the same thing over and over again, dinosaur attacks, kills a person and moves on to the next, yes there are a few tense scenes where the dinosaurs are looking for people to kill but don’t find anyone, but that’s it. I think if this film had not been so visually impressive when it came out many people wouldn’t have bat an eye, it is just a generic shark film plot but with dinosaurs.

The plot is glacially slow in actually getting off the ground with the dinosaurs breaking out, and the film feels so bloated at times that it is distracting. One could argue what it would be like if it was not given to Spielberg at the height of his power and was instead given to someone who actually wanted to make a tight film.

Overall, disappointing and highlighting the very worst of Spielberg

1/5

Pros.

It is visually interesting

Cons.

It is badly paced

The acting isn’t very good

It is repetitive

It is bloated

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The Thing: Action And Horror Don’t Mix Well

Summary

The Thing is deeply overrated, I just want to say that now and get it out of the way.

Let’s move past the anger.

Whilst the film may have been impressive at the time, and whilst I can appreciate the lonely and haunting beauty of the polar landscape it takes place in, nothing can remove the fact it is terribly paced. The film takes a long time to get going and when it does it spends a lot of time meandering, hanging out in rooms talking rather than actually having the characters spend all that much time with the creature.

The creature effects are okay, I always prefer practical effects over CGI, so I will give it its credit for that. However, it is not the scariest thing in the world, it is grotesque but not anything more than that.

Personally, I think that The Fog is a much better John Carpenter horror film.

Overall, it is brutally long, and boring.

1.5/5

Pros.

The setting

The score

Cons.

It is far too long

It isn’t scary

The action and the horror are not blended well together

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Nobody Two: Sharon Stone Embarrasses Herself

Summary

Hutch, Bob Odenkirk, just wants to go on holiday.

So this is an inferior sequel, in many ways this is a step back from the first film. Whilst the idea of a wet work specialist going on holiday could be interesting in a comedy action format, I think the whole idea of the ‘oh no he’s not spending enough time with his family plot line’ is so cliché and stupid.

The action is on point and funny, Odenkirk does a good job making it all look convincing and manages to keep the film together, with some assistance from Christopher Llyod, RZA and Connie Nelson. I enjoyed that this film gave Nelson some spot light particularly at the end, it is nice to see her engage in a bit of blood sport too. The RZA samurai duel is likely going to be a highlight of the film for a lot of people.

The film has Sharon Stone as the big bad leader of a drug cartel, who shows how crazy she is by breaking into dance. This may be one of the worst and most baffling choices I have seen a film make in a long time, the film keeps doing things it thinks makes her look cool and badass, but it is actually cringe.

The more Stone appeared in the film the worse it got.

Overall, a step back from the first film.

2.5/5

Pros.

Nelson, RZA and Llyod

Odenkirk

The action

Cons.

Cliched story telling

Stone

The ending and how easily it wraps up

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