Madame Web: Sony Hates Spider-Man But Not As Much As They Hate Making Money

Summary

Cassie Web, Dakota Johnson, learns that the greatest responsibility brings the greatest power, or some knock off trash like that.

Honestly was this film a joke? Is Tom Rothman so stupid, out of touch and delusional that he thinks this is what is studio should be making? This is why Sony is the butt of the joke to every comics fan.

I am going to obliterate this movie as it is what it deserves, but first to the pros, slim though they are. I actually liked Adam Scott as Ben Parker, and I thought Dakota Johnson was a likeable protagonist, that is it.

So the three other spider-women are barely even husks of characters, they are just bland character types. You could argue Sony included all these spider-women for one of two reasons, either they wanted them for the male gaze this is reflected by the table dancing scene, however, if this is the case they would have made their outfits more revealing. Or they wanted them in a diversity check box sort of way to add to the themes of female empowerment. The film tried to make itself the most empowering it could be but honestly it just comes off as a bunch of white male executives mind mapping the word girl power and then being like yes cats, loneliness and awkward people skills. Also you could call it false advertising that at no point do any of the spider-teens get powers but hey ho.

Then you have the awful product placement that shows that Sony does not care about the Spider-Man brand and will just whore it out for cash wherever they can. A supposed self-respecting studio has its villain killed as a giant Pepsi sign falls on him, it is just gross and it shows that they don’t care about the movie beyond them getting paid.

Then you have the villain, Tahar Rahim, who has all his lines dubbed over for some reason, and is stupidly over powered to such a point that it makes no sense he can’t easily kill them all. The character has no real motivation beyond he’s evil and scared of his dreams and so needs to kill some people, quality writing.

Moreover, the jungle spider-people are dumb, the effect of them coming down the trees like it is some sort of horror film is overused, and I have read many a Spider-Man comic book and I have never heard of these guys before I think they were made up for the film which makes them worse.

Oh and remember no one can say the name of Peter Parker because Sony doesn’t want to taint its good properties with this garbage.

Overall, one of the biggest misfires in comic book movie history.

1/5

Pros.

Andrew Scott and Dakota Johnson

Cons.

It is stupid and makes no sense

It actively ruins the Spider-Man mythology

The spider-teens are false advertising and shallow husks of characters devoid of anything resembling personality

The product placement

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Aquaman 2: Isn’t The Ocean Polluted Enough Without Garbage Like This

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Aquaman, Jason Momoa, has to have one last tiresome fight against the tide in a final farewell to the DCEU.

I liked seeing Jason Momoa being a dad and being softer and not the alpha male he often plays, I think it is important to see guys be a bit softer from time to time. Again did the film emasculate him I’d say not as he is quickly back to fighting and carrying on. In a sense this feels very much like Thor Ragnarök or even Love and Thunder, goofy softness mixed with some action hero moments just so you remember what you are watching.

The Amber Heard stuff was not dealt with as it should have been at WB with Emilia Clarke taking over the role and she is still here if only briefly, and if only as Elon threatened to sue allegedly. Her presence drags the film down but hey at least the film flopped so her acting career goes out on a low note, like pooing the bed.

Honestly it was hard to care about anything in this film or the world at large as you know the reboot is coming so it all has an air of what’s the point.

James Wann’s talents were wasted and he should have gone back to the Conjuring universe and left this turkey to die. It is sad to see the DCEU end on such a low note but they did it to themselves this wound was self-inflicted.

Overall, an average to poor superhero film in a year of bad superhero films.

2/5

Pros.

Jason Momoa has some charm

It is unintentionally funny

Cons.

Amber Heard is in it

It is too long

You just don’t care about it

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The Marvels: Make Iman Vellani The Face Of The MCU And Do It Now

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Captain Marvel, Brie Larson, is back and this time she is more human than before. I am going to catch some hate for this one.

I am one of the few people who loved this film, genuinely I think its great. Now I am not arguing its perfect there are a couple of major things wrong with it, but for the most part it is a lot of fun, the leads have great chemistry together, it is funny and I actually liked the singing world thing.

I think this film did a lot to make Larson’s character a lot more fun and interesting, I warmed to her more here than I did in the first film. I think however, that a big part of what made Larson more likeable and the film as a whole better was Kamala Khan, Iman Vellani, who was a scene stealer here and easily the best part of the whole film. Vellani’s energy is infectious and she is the most compelling member of the team by a country mile. Sadly, the third member of the team who’s name escapes me, the one from Wandavision, is but boring they do nothing with her until the very end and for the rest of the time she is just kind of there.

The singing world won’t be for everyone and I actually liked it for two reasons, firstly Brie Larson is a good singer, and secondly I thought again it made the character more fun and whacky after being overly serious in the first film to the point of being emotionless. Before a range of angry comments come in think about this Tony and Steve in their films made jokes they weren’t stoic all the way throughout, but they did that with Larson in the first film. I didn’t really think the whole oh she is secretly married thing was a good set up for the musical number however and I thought that was a needless detour.

My final point for the film is that the villain was weak as hell, Zawe Ashton, is a good actor and is capable of so much more than this. I don’t blame her though I think an actor is only ever as good as the director and the writer, but still there character was so generic she fades from memory before even the first post credits scene rolls around, which by the way is an odd way to introduce the X-Men but hey.

Overall, maybe Marvel’s best film of last year not perfect but better than Antman and everything they put out on Disney +

Pros.

Brie Larson

Iman Vellani

It is a lot of fun

It is a better sequel in nearly every way

Cons.

The third team member and villain are both incredibly forgettable

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Blue Beetle: Another Flop For The DCEU

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Jamie Reyes, played by Xolo Maridueňa, gets the power of the scarab in the latest troubled chapter in the DCEU.

So I will give this film props Maridueňa makes for a likeable lead and his goofy sort of nerdy energy does help this film to avoid a lot of the issues that some of the other DCEU films have with being overly serious. Again I found Jamie as a character to be very relatable, his journey was one I feel a lot of the audience could be on board with: trying to find your place in the world, get your crush to like you, be seen well in the eyes of your family etc, all of these things made the character work.

The wider focus on family as a theme also added a lot to the film, and it is humorous that in the same year we had Shazam Fury Of The Gods a film that wants to be all about family but that forgets what it means pretty early on and instead takes things in a much more obnoxious direction. Here I felt like the family Reyes felt real they felt like a normal family and I bought there interactions a lot more than in the Shazam sequel.

The superhero stuff was where this film fell down for me, this is an origin story you have all seen before sure not in the context of Blue Beetle but with other superheroes and it just came off to me at least like a knock off Spider-Man. Regular guy gets powers and then finds himself in over his head and having to protect his loved ones, the only difference is a spider bite to a sort of technological symbiote.

The evil villain being some blood thirsty corporate shark/arms dealer was again incredibly cliché, there might have been some supposed commentary in this decision but honestly I just didn’t care about this section of the film at all, and it was pretty clear Susan Sarandon was only there for the money.

Overall, it was okay Jamie and his family worked well and I would like to see more of their world but none of it matters as it will all be cleaned away by the reboot, and yes they said oh Blue Beetle is a part of the new DCU, but after the box office it pulled it is as dead as the dodos.

3.5/5

Pros.

Jamie

His family

The relatability

The humour

Cons.

The superhero stuff is boring

The villain is super weak

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The Flash: Racing Your Way Out Of The Cinema

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Barry Allen, played by Ezra Miller, has to contend with the multiverse and a massive wave of fan hate.

Honestly, I wrote in an earlier post about the MCU carrying out acts of self-harm against itself but something has to be said here for the DCEU trying to reach out and top it. There was so so much going against this film, but WBD and the higher ups over there seemed oblivious to it, with all the real world controversy surrounding Miller they should have been recast long before this film was even close to shooting, but Warner Brothers doesn’t like or bother listening to their fans hence they got this massive flop.

Now outside of that the film itself isn’t good. My main issue with it, setting to one side Miller’s involvement, is the fact that the CGI looks badly unfinished. Now the director thought it was a good idea to come out and defend the film’s shockingly bad CGI and say it was a creative decision on his part, if that was the case he should have been fired along with Miller. The CGI isn’t just bad it is distractingly so, there can be a somewhat decent scene entirely derailed as in the corner of the shot there is a CGI effect that is looking Mummy Returns levels of bad and you just can’t look away.

Furthermore, I don’t like how the DCEU’s version of the flash is portrayed, I think the geeky loser sort of works in a large ensemble but when two of the lead characters are played the same and are the central focus it becomes irritating quickly, quirky only usually works in small doses.

Finally, it is worth mentioning that the cameos feel incredibly forced, I understand that maybe I am in the minority here in not liking the growing trend of multiverses but seeing them bring characters back from previous films or fan casts only really works for me if there is a plot reason for it. To give you an example of what I mean, No Way Home works because the coming together of the Spider-Men is required by the story and feels organic, whereas here I guess you can justify Michael Keaton’s returning Batman and Sasha Calle’s Supergirl but the section near the end where it is just as many different cameos as they can just feels forced. Moreover, the George Clooney appearance at the end is the most infuriating of the bunch, not only is it a come on really sort of moment but also it immediately made me think Christian Bale said no. Why bring back one of the most disliked Batmen, arguably on a par with Kilmer?

Overall, this is what WBD gets for ignoring fans, burying their head in the sand about backlash and real world controversy, and fundamentally misusing the multiverse concept.

1/5

Pros.

Micheal Keaton is having fun

Cons.

It waste Calle’s Supergirl

Miller should have been recast

The CGI

The aggressive and never justified running time

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Across The Spider-Verse: Spider-People Overkill

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Miles Morales returns to the Spider-Verse.

I was very excited for this film going in, but have to say I was a little disappointed with what we got.

First the positives, I thought the character work was great particularly as it applied to parent child dynamics and the idea of finding a home/family, in this regard the film really nailed some deep emotional scenes that were genuinely moving. I also liked the addition of all the new Spider-People especially Spider-Man India, I did think they went a little cameo mad especially when they got to the clubhouse near the end of the film, but for the most part I liked seeing all the different variants I remember from the comics. Of course another pro of the film was the animation, which was incredible and a real feat to behold, the fact that the animators were able to blend so many different styles of animation so seamlessly together in one film highlights the artistry of Sony Animation and is really a big boon for them.

Now despite all of that, this wasn’t a perfect film. I disliked the act structure and thought it felt like one of the Hobbit films, this was mainly due to the fact that it didn’t have an ending or third act but rather one long second act that will then lead into the next film. I understand this film was written to end on a cliff-hanger, but I think that it could have had a degree of resolution within its own narrative as well as doing this rather than just abruptly cutting away. Due to this structure decision the film feels like it has quite bad pacing issues. I also didn’t like what they did to Miguel O’Hara, and admittedly this one hit me harder than most as outside of Peter Parker Miguel O’Hara is my favourite other spider-person, I think making him a villain was a bad call. I understand that in the third film it will be revealed that he was taking orders from/ coerced to work for Morlun and the Inheritors and he will redeem himself, but I just think that by making him so outwardly villainous here it takes away from a lot of his heroic potential in the future.

3.5/5

Pros.

Spider-Man India

Miles

The animation

The emotional beats

Cons.

The pacing issues

The ending

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Shazam Fury Of The Gods: Gal Gadot’s Best Performance Yet

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Billy Batson, played by Asher Angel, and his family do battle with evil Greek Gods.

So this film has got quite a mixed response from audiences but honestly I don’t think it is all that bad. Yes there are some obvious issues with the film such as the dialogue, which is nothing short of appalling at times, and of course the skittles product placement sequence, but there are also things to enjoy.

I liked the wider moral lesson of letting go that this film went for, I thought it was quite deep and inspired. Moreover, though this film didn’t tug on my heartstrings in the same way the first film did there was a number of moments wherein I found myself caring about these characters and feeling things.

The cast across the board was very good, Zachery Levi was a clear standout for praise as he once again manages to capture that childhood naivety whilst also seemingly like a capable superhero force. However, I would say he is outshined very, very surprisingly by Gal Gadot. Now you all know my thoughts on Gadot’s acting ability, she can’t, but here her brief scene at the end of the film is a complete scene stealer and quite probably the best of the film.

One thing I will note is that this film much like Ant-Man last month made me miss street level heroes and superhero films that weren’t so CGI heavy. There were a number of moments in this film that reminded me of the classic early Raimi Spider-Man films, which whilst having CGI in them, were no where near the total CGI overload of today’s superhero films and therein lies the problem, I was being reminded of these better less CGI heavy films whilst watching and that went against the film.

Overall, fun but certainly not a must see.

3/5

Pros.

It’s fun

A few good jokes

Gadot

Cons.

The dialogue

Too much CGI

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Batman and Robin: The Bat Suit Always Did Need Nipples

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The film that put nipples on the bat suit

Many people would tell you that this is the worst Batman film, and whilst it certainly isn’t good I don’t know if I would call it the worst, maybe I have softened on it with time, but I do think there is some campy charm to this film that after the decade + of overly serious Batman we have had I wouldn’t mind seeing again.

The performances admittedly are a mixed bag, with some being good, Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy, some passable, George Clooney as Batman and Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl, and some being terrible Chris O’ Donnell as Robin. Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr Freeze has a special place in my heart as he is almost symbolic of the cocaine fuelled madness, which I imagine was the entire films production. His ice puns are a particular highlight.

I do think that this is one of the those films that reaches the point of being so bad it is good, and think if you view it as a love letter to the Adam West Batman series of yore then there is a lot this film gets right. However, if the only Batman for you is the incredibly dark brooding one then yes you probably won’t like this film.

Overall, not a good Batman film but certainly one that exists within the so bad it is good range.

2/5

Pros.

The ice puns

The campy silliness

Cons.

Some of the performances are woeful

It is one for way too long

It is mind-numbingly stupid

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Black Panther Wakanda Forever: The King Is Dead And The Seat Is Empty

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Wakanda copes with the death of its King.

In many senses this is a depressing film, it doesn’t just address the real world passing of Black Panther star Chadwick Boseman this film lives it and throughout the film Boseman’s death is never too far away, we are given many reminders of it.

However, I did enjoy for the most part that this film has a serious tone, too many of Marvel’s Phase 4 projects have really leant hard on the humour and it has hurt them. This for the most part plays everything very seriously and that is good and helps the film to feel impactful and maintain stakes. Although, an issue to this is the inclusion of Riri Williams, played by Dominque Thorne, who for the most part is annoying and forces in a lot of corny jokes where they just aren’t needed. Moreover, Williams is never specifically said to be the Iron Man replacement of the MCU but it feels like she is being pushed that way, and boy does she feel like a off brand version of the character.

I really liked that this film finally introduced Namor, played by Tenoch Huerta Mejia, into the MCU I think he is easily the best thing about this film and certainly is a scene stealer. A lot of the underwater scenes with him and his people are really cool and interesting and for the most part the effects hold. However, the CGI does prove to be glaringly bad on a few occasions which is quite poor when you think about how much money was pumped into this film.

The cast for the most part are a mixed bag Danai Gurira and Angela Basset give stirring performances and are very deserving of praise, but Winston Duke is mostly passed over and ignored and Letitia Wright is noticeably bad and clearly finds it hard to emote as throughout Shuri’s ride in this film her face barely changes scene to scene be it happy, angry or sad. Another thing that bugged me about Shuri in this film is that all of a sudden she can fight and it makes no sense, she becomes Black Panther and then whoops Namor despite being tactical support in the last film and for the early parts of this one. Where did this sudden training come from? It would have taken one line to have tied this off and not have it be an issue, but no, to me it reeks of the writers thinking that the audiences are too dumb to pick up on it. Another dumb plot whole is why does Wakanda not just tell the world about Namor and his people and how they are responsible for all the attacks rather than taking the blame themselves? It makes no sense and the film does not address it.

Overall, slightly worse than the first film but it does introduce Namor to the MCU so that’s pretty cool.

Pros.

Namor

The mature tone

The ending

Cons.

Riri is annoying and breaks a lot of the tension with dumb jokes

Wright can’t act and Shuri develops all these fighting skills out of nowhere

The poor CGI and plot holes

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Black Adam: Time To Put The DCEU Out Of It’s Misery

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Black Adam, played by Dwayne Johnson, escapes from his prison to then engage in deeply generic superhero shenanigans.

My my if this is the best the DCEU can produce then it really is in need of a reboot pronto.

This is the most generic superhero film that I have seen in a while, this film is so obsessed with giving us mind numbing CGI spectacles that it forgoes anything even barely resembling a story or character instead choosing to use an off-putting barrage of mostly badly done bang bang effects.

Johnson is playing himself, which is fine is you like that but not if you actually wanted Black Adam to have a personality beyond ‘oh look The Rock has super powers now.’ They try and give Black Adam somewhat of an upsetting backstory but the fact that the Rock can’t emote in any real way just kind of kills that off early on.

The Justice Society are annoying, I suppose this is what the film wants as it wants you to cheer on Black Adam as he beats them up. I thought that Doctor Fate, played by Pierce Brosnan, was easily the best of them and the film and then the film goes and kills him off. To do this and try and give him this big heroic send-off doesn’t work as we haven’t seen him in any other films and he has barely been introduced or developed here so his death has very little impact beyond angering fans of the character such as myself. I thought that they might bring him back in a post credits scene, but no they have to bring back Superman, played by Henry Cavil, again because God forbid they have the film be standalone.

Overall, weak and generic.

Pros.

A few cute moments between Atom Smasher and Cyclone

Some interesting comments on America as the world’s unwanted policeman

Cons.

The Rock is miscast and can’t emote or do anything beyond play himself

It is one big CGI mess

They brought in Doctor Fate only to kill him

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