Strays: A Film That Hates Dogs

Summary

A group of dogs team up to inflict vengeance upon an abusive owner, Will Forte.

This is why people aren’t going to the movies anymore, what is this? This film felt like it was written by AI and who knows maybe it was. To be blunt this is the sort of bargain basement comedy that really is made for streaming, God only knows why they put it out in the cinema.

If you want to see a bunch of dogs do gross and vulgar stuff for an hour and a half then this is the film for you, if you want a half way decent comedy film then try elsewhere. I didn’t laugh once whilst watching this film, in fact if anything I actually think it’s a pretty sad film, the animals get badly abused at times and its not funny its just unpleasant, and I know this is supposed to set them up for wanting revenge but it makes the film hard to watch at times. Take for example this scene, Jamie Fox’s dog character is being carried away by a hawk/maybe an Eagle and this is played for laughs when in reality in that scene the dog would be in a bunch of pain and you wouldn’t laugh at that. Again the film wants you to laugh at the abuse, but it is not funny. Before people say well its not a real dog it’s a film, the film itself wants you to be immersed in its world and view these as real dogs there for you view them as such and therein lies the issue, if anything it is too realistic.

The voice cast are all quite clearly here for the money, and whilst I like to see Randall Park get work I think that this was beneath him. Frankly if this is the state of comedy in Hollywood than all I can say is it is incredibly dumb and mindless. This is not Will Ferrell, who also voices the main dog, screaming every line kind of unfunny, this is watching dog sex for an oh my God I can’t believe they did that moment kind of unfunny.

Overall, poor and soul destroying.

0.5/5

Pros.

If you hit your head a few times with a pan it suddenly becomes funny

Cons.

The animal abuse

It isn’t funny

It feels cheap and desperate

All the performances are phoned in

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Quiz Lady: Who Hasn’t Pooped Outdoors?

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Anne, Awkwafina, spends every night watching her favourite quiz show never dreaming that one day she will end up on it.

I thoroughly enjoyed this film, I thought that Anne’s story of coming out of her shell to save her family and be happier was both wholesome and inspiring. I personally found Anne’s character throughout the film to be easy to relate and warm too, I was fully invested in her journey which is a sure sign of good writing.

I would say that the older sister character, Sandra O, was a bit more one note and even a little grating at times, which does drag the film down a little. As sisters you can buy the bond but the chemistry isn’t really there, however they do have a few nice moments together.

I liked the format of the quiz show and thought that the presenter, Will Ferrell, did a good job of making it seem real and authentic. I think that this was Ferrell’s best performance in a while as a more dialled back less shouty version of himself, again far easier to like then some of his more recent forays where he shouts every line to make them funny, a strategy that has never worked.

Overall, a sweet gem of a film that may go missed by many but definitely worth the watch.

4/5

Pros.

Awkwafina

It is funny

It is sweet

It has a great message

Cons.

Sandra O was miscast

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Checkin It Twice: Yet Another Small Town Christmas Movie

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A hockey player moves to a small town and meets the girl of his dreams.

It is all the same isn’t it, do we really need to be here talking about this? Well you clicked on this review so I’ll do my best. We won’t talk about the plot you know it, I know it, everyone who has ever watched a Christmas rom-com knows, they never change.

What I will say about this film is that the leads had good chemistry, I thought that they were not only a believable couple but one that you could root for. Again the writing wasn’t good it was the same set up as always, but the chemistry was good enough that you could get beyond that.

You may get more out of this film if you like hockey, as it has elements of a sports movie at times, not huge amounts but some, again I have been to a few games and know a little about it but think that if you are a big hockey fan you might like this film more than most. Again for a person not into hockey these sections will inevitably drag.

Overall, it is better than the last two Christmas films I have reviewed, those being The Mean One and Colorado Christmas, but not by much.

2/5

Pros.

The leads have good chemistry

If you are into Hockey their might be something to get out of this

Cons.

It is generic

The writing is awful

It can drag at times

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The Mean One: Like The Grinch But Worse

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Grinch, David Howard Thronton, goes bad and goes on a killing spree.

Basically if you have seen the Winnie The Poo slasher this is the same thing yet now with a Christmas character instead, I don’t think the Grinch is yet in the public domain so they call him The Mean One here instead.

In many ways this feels like a student film, and believe me that is harsh. None of it is particularly good, it is made on the cheap, near always dark even in places with lights on, the acting won’t be winning any awards any time soon and the film takes itself far too seriously. This film needs to be more like Nightmare On Elm Street and by that I mean it needs to have fun and embrace the ridiculousness rather than just being gritty.

I will give praise to Thronton he does bring the physicality as he did with Art, he is a good choice to play the titular Mean One, but sadly he isn’t given much of any note or interest to do, still we do get a few good gruesome kills for all the gore hounds out there.

Overall, not a new horror Christmas classic and more fodder for the horror twist of a beloved family film school of schlock

1/5

Pros.

A few good kills

Cons.

It is dumb

The characters aren’t likeable

It doesn’t have fun with it

It is too dark to see anything most of the time

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A Colorado Christmas: Vomit Inducing

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A country music star, Brit Ellerman, falls in love with a single mum, Luba Bocain, and has an all American Christmas.

Reviewing Christmas films in February, that is what happens when you fall behind on your backlog, anyway, maybe long enough has past that people are counting down to Christmas again and wishing it was the jolliest season, one can hope at least.

Anyway, there isn’t a huge amount to say except this is exactly what you would expect, it is the most generic form of the textbook. It feels so middle America, yee-haw, that you could imagine this being shown at a Trump rally for how family values should be and for how America is the greatest country on Earth.

If you can put aside the downright fantasy elements of a lot of it, then the sickeningly sweet sentimentality of it all will kill you off. All the characters are troubled and all they need is a little love and family to fix everything wrong with them, you set up the idea that the country music guy isn’t happy in his life and wants a change, will having a family really do that? Wouldn’t changing career paths make more sense.

Overall, it is the sort of pap you watch near Christmas but I think it’s more Pureflix sort of vibe drags it down. Furthermore if you don’t like the yee-haw sort of America I’d give this one a skip too.

1.5/5

Pros.

It is fine

Bocain is clearly a talented actor and deserves a lot better than this

Cons.

The overtly Christian overtones that make it feel like a faith film

The yee-haw America vibe

The sentimentality

It is too long

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

The Marvels: Make Iman Vellani The Face Of The MCU And Do It Now

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Captain Marvel, Brie Larson, is back and this time she is more human than before. I am going to catch some hate for this one.

I am one of the few people who loved this film, genuinely I think its great. Now I am not arguing its perfect there are a couple of major things wrong with it, but for the most part it is a lot of fun, the leads have great chemistry together, it is funny and I actually liked the singing world thing.

I think this film did a lot to make Larson’s character a lot more fun and interesting, I warmed to her more here than I did in the first film. I think however, that a big part of what made Larson more likeable and the film as a whole better was Kamala Khan, Iman Vellani, who was a scene stealer here and easily the best part of the whole film. Vellani’s energy is infectious and she is the most compelling member of the team by a country mile. Sadly, the third member of the team who’s name escapes me, the one from Wandavision, is but boring they do nothing with her until the very end and for the rest of the time she is just kind of there.

The singing world won’t be for everyone and I actually liked it for two reasons, firstly Brie Larson is a good singer, and secondly I thought again it made the character more fun and whacky after being overly serious in the first film to the point of being emotionless. Before a range of angry comments come in think about this Tony and Steve in their films made jokes they weren’t stoic all the way throughout, but they did that with Larson in the first film. I didn’t really think the whole oh she is secretly married thing was a good set up for the musical number however and I thought that was a needless detour.

My final point for the film is that the villain was weak as hell, Zawe Ashton, is a good actor and is capable of so much more than this. I don’t blame her though I think an actor is only ever as good as the director and the writer, but still there character was so generic she fades from memory before even the first post credits scene rolls around, which by the way is an odd way to introduce the X-Men but hey.

Overall, maybe Marvel’s best film of last year not perfect but better than Antman and everything they put out on Disney +

4.5/5

Pros.

Brie Larson

Iman Vellani

It is a lot of fun

It is a better sequel in nearly every way

Cons.

The third team member and villain are both incredibly forgettable

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Five Nights At Freddy’s: Possibly The Worst Video Game Movie Ever Made

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

An out of work man, Josh Hutcherson, takes a job at a Pizzeria that is full of dead children residing in robots.

I will open this by saying that though I am aware of the game franchise this is based on I have never played one of the games.

I thought this may have been the most disappointing and misguided film of 2023. My central thesis question would be who was this made for? I would guess the hardcore fans and that is it as I entered this film as a normie and didn’t understand most of what was going on. That shows a bad job on the writing front as if you are required to have a dedicated knowledge of a game series to be able to follow the plot of a film then maybe it should have come out on a fan site rather than at the cinema, at least then people like me wouldn’t have wandered into something that clearly wasn’t for us.

Additionally, the tone of this film is also completely off. So, I thought this was a horror film, the games are horror games are they not? Well clearly no one told whoever wrote this film that because for all the scenes you get of the robots ripping people apart it is entirely undone by a film breaking sequence in which they all sit down and have a tea party with a little girl and its all happy and played almost for laughs. Again I understand that their was a hostile undertone to this scene but the music and the dialogue shifted the scene and made it seem like I had entered a screening of Night At The Museum.

The acting is okay, I had forgotten the lead existed in a post Hunger Games age I thought maybe he had retired, he was warm enough and I believed his bond with his sister. Elizabeth Lial faired better and was quite easy to like and root for, it was clear that she was going to be involved in it from the jump but I like that they didn’t make her evil in the end and have kept her alive for the sequel. I think by far and away Matthew Lillard steals the show, I wouldn’t have guess the twist reveal with him and I think he played both ordinary and evil with great relish.

Overall, the actors do their bests but this film is only for the fans and if that isn’t you don’t bother.

0.5/5

Pros.

The actors across the board

Cons.

The tone

The inaccessibility of it

The weird dream stuff

The needless family drama

It Lives Inside: Roots Of The Past Follow And Consume

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Samhinda, Megan Suri, is punished for shunning the ways of her parents.

I was excited for this film, frankly I am quite bored of the bevy of overtly Christian horror films and I thought that a film that relies upon a different sets of religious and cultural practices could be quite fresh and really say something new in the scene. Sadly Blumhouse made this and not someone better.

I think the demon is the most interesting part of the film, the idea of it keeping its victims alive and torturing them is novel when viewed through the eyes of the traditional possession story. I also thought the ending wherein Samhinda allows the demon to possess her but rather than this be bad as in say The Exorcist she instead traps it and controls it inside of her was interesting and I wish they had done more with it. If I were to recut this film I would add ten minutes onto the end of it so we could see more about how Samhinda and the trapped demon interact, but the film has no time for that.

Instead the film wastes its time with a YA love story because of course it does, this is a hallmark of Blumhouse fare especially when it features teen characters it has to spend about a quarter of its runtime away from the main action following around some doe eyed kids until one of them dies. Boring, stop it. I think the relationship between Samhinda and her mum, Neeru Bajwa, is way more compelling but it doesn’t get anywhere near the same screen time bar a few scenes at the end. I think Bajwa’s character was done an injustice as there was a lot to explore there: she didn’t want to come to the US, she wasn’t adjusting well, this film could have tried to dig into those feelings a bit more and had something of substance to say but no we need another teenage romance subplot.

Overall, there are good bones here and it could have been fresh, new and welcome but it falls into the same holes as a lot of Blumhouse more teen orientated fare and as such is lesser.

2/5

The mum daughter relationship

The demon and the lore

Cons.

The romance subplot

It wastes a lot of the first act

The mother’s character outside of her listening and advising her daughter is largely overlooked

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Marionette: Are You Real?

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A therapist, Thekla Reuten, begins taking sessions with a boy, Elijah Wolf, that can seemingly see the future, however, as their time together grows stranger it becomes clear that something far more grand is going on.

This is one of those films that has a twist that you will never guess, now whether that is down to just how outrageously out of left field it is, or because it is well done will be a matter for you to debate after watching it, personally I lean more into the former than the latter.

I will say that the scares regarding the boy and just what is going on are quite well done, and it was nice to see a relatively recent film not have to rely upon jump scares but instead use atmosphere, the bleakness of the remote Scottish village and the menacing weather really add to the whole aura of the film. I think my issue with jump scares is just how obviously they often are and how you can see them coming from a mile away if you know the signs to look for.

Overall, a good thriller with a twist that is either genius or ridiculous it is hard to tell.

3/5

Pros.

The tension and scares

The atmosphere and how the environment informed the film

The ending

Cons.

The ending

The child acting isn’t good

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Sax X: Jigsaw Or Jesus?

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Jigsaw, Tobin Bell, heads south of the border.

I’ll admit I liked seeing Jigsaw back in a big way. I think Bell’s character is just so compelling that he makes the films a damn sight better just by being in them. I think the franchise really did shoot itself in the foot by getting rid of him from the timeline so early, though there is promise in the apprentices. Personally, I thought Spiral didn’t work as well without either a proper apprentice or Jigsaw in it.

I thought the story here was a little thin, they really had to pad out the opening of the film just to kill time because they knew they didn’t have enough material. Once the trick is revealed and the deaths start then things pick up and become far more interesting. It is in this frame we come to know Cecilia Peterson, Synnøve Macody Lund, who comes to be somewhat of an antithesis for Jigsaw himself. She too has a murderous rage but she doesn’t believe in helping people to get better and as such she becomes the final victim of Jigsaw’s game, only to escape. It is in this new character that I think the series has new life, Cecilia is easily the most interesting new character coming out of this film and I think to not have her be a big part in at least the next film would be a massive mistake, she could hunt John aka Jigsaw down with a rag tag group of survivors from early games that we haven’t seen or met yet, probably ending up in a champion of champions sort of contest in one of Jigsaw’s warehouses.

I thought Amanda, Shawnee Smith, was fine here but I would have liked to have seen more from her, I think her character keeps getting undercut by the franchise at large, though I must confess that I was hoping some of the other apprentices might have shown up at least at the end.

Overall, it’s another fine instalment made better by Cecilia but also one you could easily miss.

3/5

Pros.

Cecila

The return of Jigsaw

The traps

Cons.

The opening is slow

It does nothing special

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