The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard: Ryan Reynolds Needs To Move On From Deadpool, This Is An Intervention

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I think the world’s love affair with Ryan Reynolds might be coming to and end. There was a time, when Reynolds was popping up in every film with his Deadpool esque zany comedy- that got old quick. Nowhere is that more true than in this film.

The Hitman’s Bodyguard is a perfectly fine film, not spectacular in anyway, really quite forgettable: it did not need a sequel. Yet for some reason the same jokes and cliches are forced back out of the woodwork again for this film. We get it Reynold’s character doesn’t like confrontation and is very into safety and Samuel Jackson’s character is the opposite, we get it. Yet the film feels like it needs to repeat this over and over again, to make matters worse it thinks this is funny.

Where this film differs from its predecessor is its focus on the wife, hence the name. Salma Hayek’s Sonya is the very loud wife of Samuel L Jackson’s Hitman, and though in the first film she had a few breakthrough moments here she is quickly rendered nothing more than a one note caricature. Sonya is probably the least annoying of the main three characters though she only has a few moments where she is anywhere near likeable. This is by no means a fault on Hayek’s acting, but rather a script that thinks yelling loudly in Spanish is both badass and hilarious at the same time; sidenote it is neither.

To return back to my earlier points about Reynolds, he really needs to come up with something fresh as he can’t keep riding the snarky Deadpool coat tails forever, this film is proof of that.

Overall, definitely not worth going back to the cinema for this film is made for the bargain bin.

Pros.

Salma Hayek has a few moments of good acting that connect

The cringe humour made me laugh a good few times, though I don’t think it was deliberate on the film’s part.

Cons.

It is loud in the worst sense of the word

It is not funny at all

It is incredibly poorly written

It is repetitive

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The Brothers Bloom: Just Like Wes Anderson Without Any Of The Charm.

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Rian Johnson is such a hit or miss filmmaker, for every Last Jedi you have a Looper, the quality of his films is unpredictable: sadly this was not one of his stronger efforts.

Firstly I did not like the humour of the film it seemed dumb and annoying to me, trying far too hard to be kitschy and oddball. The best way I can describe this is to take the stylings, writing and wit of Wes Anderson and gut the emotional heart of it, take out any real meaning and mash it back together again. This film felt like a poor rip off of both the previously mentioned Anderson as well as the Coen Brothers.

The one thing I did enjoy about the film, and that I saw as the saving grace was Adrien Brody. Brody brought his usual outsider charm to the role and managed to deliver and memorable performance, whilst also having great on-screen chemistry with Rachel Weisz; the two should definitely do more films together. Sadly, the other of the titular brothers played by Mark Ruffalo was far less likeable and was instead annoying for most of the film, this is most likely due to the fact he was often instigating the bad comedy.

Overall, I am glad that Johnson has moved away from this kind of film.

Pros.

Brody

Weisz

Cons

Ruffalo

The comedy

It feels like a rip off of better films

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Crowning: A Spoiled Sandwich

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

This film is quietly unnerving, there is something about it that lingers. The sheer randomness of the events, how nothing is quite like it seems and when you think you finally understand what is going on you are left with more questions- it is maddening.

I think part of the genius of this film is that it is able to communicate a lot, about its themes, ideas and sense of self without the need for large amounts of dialogue. The opening scene of the lead eating a prawn and crisp sandwich, minus the prawns, speaks volumes and does a lot organically for character development.

I enjoyed the ending twist, though I needed to watch it a few times and even pause it to make sense of it. I applaud the film for trying something different and for not being afraid to leave you with more questions than answers.

Overall, an interesting film that strives to do something new, but that can also be confusing at times.

Pros.

The minimal use of dialogue

The ending twist

The unnerving building sense of tension

The central performance

Cons.

Won’t be to everyone’s taste

It is confusing and requires multiple viewings

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Profile: Never Trust Someone Who Takes Selfies With Kittens

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

After watching the trailer for this film a while back I have been quietly excited for it, after now watching it I can say that was entirely founded- this film is superb.

The idea of a journalist pretending to be a radicalised teen online to try and secure and connection and series of interviews with an ISIS recruiter is a terrifying premise, made more so because this film is based on true events. However, the film builds on that premise perfectly and delivers one of the tensest thrillers of the year.

The performances are very well done, and you truly believe the fall from pretend radicalisation to real romantic involvement. You believe it so much it becomes a little frightening. It becomes clear why so many young women are brainwashed into leaving their country for a life that often turns out to be sexual slavery.

The ending is perhaps the best part as it magnificently raises the stakes and ramps everything up to max.

Overall, this film deserves all the attention it is getting as not only does it draw light to a frightening trend happening online which is largely going ignored by big social media companies, it also provides us with a thrilling viewing experience.

Pros.

The tension

The ending

The acting

The message

Cons.

Slightly bloated around the second act

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Wish Dragon: Subtle Propaganda Very Obviously Disguised

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

This film wants so badly to be a DreamWorks’ or a Pixar film, but it is nowhere even remotely close.

So firstly there is an odd amount of subtle pro-China stuff in here, not as bad as something like Abominable which though a good movie featured a map of the Chinese claim over the South China Sea on it, come on guys really, but there were a few lines that made me cringe with how blatant they were being. Please stop putting government propaganda into your films, we all know what you’re doing.

Moreover, the idea itself feels heavily inspired by Aladdin, yes I know the idea of wish granting deities also exists in other cultures as well, but the way the film handles itself and more importantly the relationship between the lead and the Wish Dragon feels clearly more than a little ripped off.

The voice cast didn’t do much for me either. The best of a bad bunch would be John Cho as the Dragon, who I thought did the best with what he had though that wasn’t very much. The worst was probably Constance Wu who is playing a very similar character to the one she did on Fresh Off The Boat, the show she hated, and lacks anything even remotely resembling range.

Overall, this film is blatantly clear in what it is and try as it might, it can’t disguise it.

Pros.

John Cho

A few feel good moments

Cons.

The propaganda

The lack of any kind of originality

The voice cast aren’t given much to work with

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In The Heights: A Rare World Where People Cannot Converse Unless In Song

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I am not a fan of Hamilton……….. I’ll leave that to sink in.

When trailers for this film came out and a lot of people started to get very excited for it, I remained cool. After watching I am decidedly more so.

Firstly this is not a film that needs to be seen in cinemas; I am still waiting for a film that will make me say ‘wow this is better than watching it at home’ whilst in the cinema. The sound mixing much like Nolan’s Tenet serve to undermine the film some what and the loudness of the music itself makes the sung dialogue within it almost hard to hear.

Moreover, I don’t like that everything in this film is sung rather than said. Yes, I know it is a musical, but plenty of musicals have scenes of dialogue in between songs- it doesn’t all need to be sung. Almost every conversation in this film is done to music and in a song-like way, which honestly lessens any sort of dramatic impact.

Perhaps most damning of all the songs themselves are not even that good. The first song, the one that has been in all the trailers is passably okay, but after that they take a steep nosedive in quality to a point where it feels like they have given up trying.

Overall, maybe Hamilton fans or diehard musical lovers will be able to get something out of this, I for one just got my time wasted.

Pros.

It is a loud and colourful and easy to turn your mind off to

It doesn’t really require you to pay attention

Cons.

Too many songs

Most of these songs are of an average or poor quality

It is on for far, far too long

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Festen/ The Celebration: The Family Reunion From Hell

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

This film will not be to everyone’s taste, it’s sense of humour is incredibly dark, and some may even find it in bad taste: I however did not.

This is such a bizarre film tonally as you have these incredibly distressing scenes, of suicide and child abuse, cut with other far lighter and almost comedic scenes: both are existing along side the other and both have equal importance. Whilst one would assume this would not work and the two types of scenes would clash horribly, they actually don’t instead working well and nicely complimenting each other.

I found moments in this film to be funny, though the jokes were morbid and will almost certainly not be to everyone’s taste, as I often say comedy is subjective.

What I appreciate the most about this film is how it handles the abuse storyline; it treats it with sombre reverence and shows the often too common reaction to it; disbelief. I thought that the ending of the film where these matters were forced to a head felt strongly emotional and satisfying. Though I found myself depressed by the ending, I would not change it.

Overall, a bizarre film in a lot of ways but one that needs to be seen and experienced.

Pros.

The emotions

The bizarre meshing of dark and light

The dark comedy elements

The ending

Cons.

Some will find it very hard to watch

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Another Round/ Druk: Mads Mikkelsen Can Dance

5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

As I said recently in a tweet Mads Mikkelsen is a treasure. If you were not on the Mikkelsen train before, now you are.

There is something so fun and emotionally impactful about this film, yes dark things happen, but there is such an underlying sense of optimism to it that you can’t leave feeling anything other than happy. Honestly, this film made me feel better than any film has in a long time whilst watching it, and it has inspired me to watch more of Vinterberg’s work.

I thought the concept was fascinating, the idea of improving your life by keeping your blood alcohol content above a certain limit throughout the day is genius and is also executed incredibly well. Moreover, this is a beautiful film to look at, this can been seen especially with the final dance sequence that is by far the highlight of the film.

Though I wouldn’t call it a comedy, I thought this film had a number of funny moments scattered in throughout, and it made me smile consistently; it is probably more of a dramady.

Overall, one of the best films I have seen in a long time.

Pros.

The hopefulness

The final dance sequence

Mads Mikkelsen

The premise

The cinematography

Cons.

None

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Thor: Natalie Portman’s Second On Screen Stilted Relationship

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I am seemingly one of the few people that actually seem to like the first Thor film. I don’t mind the Shakespeare esque dialogue, or the forced romance between Hemsworth and Portman where both look like they hate each other; instead I actually enjoy it.

Firstly yes it is widely known and widely mocked that the chemistry between Chris Hemsworth and Natalie Portman was not there during this film, however, I actually quite like them together on screen as a pair I think they work well together and could have been a lot more. Maybe Thor 4 can fix it.

I also think though not as zany as in his more recent appearances Thor is still a very likeable lead character and Hemsworth is very charismatic. I like the unworthy arc and the fish out of water style comedy, both work for me. Moreover, I appreciate the family drama between Thor, Odin and Loki I think it works well and makes for one of the best endings in the MCU. Try and tell me watching Loki float away into the void didn’t make you sad.

I also think that Lady Sif and the Warriors Three have huge potential in this film, sadly Marvel seems content on doing nothing with them. What a waste.

Overall, one of the better early MCU films that often gets overlooked in favor of Ragnarök and though I love Taika Waititi as much as the next guy, this film has a lot of stuff going for it as well.

Pros.

Hemsworth

Portman

Sif and The Warriors Three

Cons.

Darcy

A slow start

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Minions: This Is Why Children Are Dumb

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Who would have guessed that the vaguely racist lead of the Despicable Me films is the glue that is holding it all together. Yikes.

The Minions were the obvious breakout stars of the Despicable Me franchise however, what works in small doses peppered in around a wider story does not translate into being able to anchor their own film.

I found this film to be far more simplistic and childish than the previous films, which primarily aimed at kids, had enough depth and adult jokes to make both ages groups feel like they were getting something out of the film. This time here it is painfully dumb in humour and in writing, probably because the creatives thought ‘kids won’t know it’s bad’.

Moreover, the central story is so convoluted and all over the place that by the time you get to Sandra Bullock’s evil villain trying to take over from the Queen Of England, for reasons you are so lost and confused that you can’t properly regain an understanding of, and worse you don’t want to.

If I had to describe this film in a word it would be loud. It is loud and bright and there are a lot of things all happening at once to pander to the ever diminishing attention spans of children.

Overall, a definite low point for the franchise clearly brought out to try and get more milk out of the cow, but this milk is bad.

Pros.

It is watchable

The Minions are likeable

Cons.

It is dumb

It isn’t funny

It is hard to tell what is going on

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