Censor: The Fight Against Video Nasties

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

This feels like a very British horror film. There is something about this feature that so perfectly taps into the moral panic and the second guessing of Britain’s war with gory films. In times gone by this film itself would have probably ended up on the banned ‘video nasties’ list, as it truly replicates the gore and psychological torment that made those films controversial, and it revels in it.

The film is made by its lead performance. Niamh Alger deserves awards recognition, though she will never get it as horror films are always excluded from serious awards contention. Alger plays troubled very well and her descent into madness is a thing to behold. Alger’s performance during the final ten minutes were everything reaches a peak and Alger’s character reaches the apex of her snap into fantasy is nothing short of terrifying.

Though I would not say this film is scary in a traditional way, I would say it was unsettling. Very much like Under The Silver Lake that I reviewed recently the fear comes from the mass hysteria and paranoid aspects that pollenate the film and make you question what you see, and the reality presented to you.

My one criticism would be that some of the horror elements here are a little vague, the film itself is not always clear as to what is going on and you have to piece a lot of it together yourself: this does make the film’s story a little harder to enjoy.

Overall, a strong original horror film that taps into a time and place in British horror history better than anything I have seen in a while, sadly it is a bit too cerebral at times to be wholly enjoyable.

Pros.

Alger

The mania

Tapping into a very real part of British history

The ending

Cons.

The ending/ a little too abstract

Pacing issues

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False Positive: Questionable Taste

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Lucy, Broad City’s Ilana Glazer, becomes convinced that the doctor involved with her artificial insemination has malicious intent.

A lot of the criticism of this film is misguided, I personally applaud the film for its upfront portrayal of the horror’s of motherhood: showing how the male fantasy of child birth and what it entails couldn’t be further from the truth.

That is wear my praise ends.

This film reminds me in many ways of Antebellum. That is not a compliment. Both are more focused on making a social and political point then they are with delivering an entertaining movie. This film feels like preaching, to the point of having a to the audience PSA about the patriarchy and it’s control of pregnancy. I have no issue with the arguments being presented, but I do have an issue with how it is being presented. Many films communicate similar social points in a more tasteful and crucially intelligent way where they blend in with the narrative and don’t threaten to overshadow it; this film goes drastically in the other direction.

Moreover, the films pushes the ideas of good taste in the service of making its points, most of the times it does this strays into incredibly bad taste. For an example of my point, there is a scene towards the end of the film where the lead tries to kill both of her babies by throwing them out the window, but doesn’t in the end, and then lets the dead foetus of the baby she wanted to have suckle on her breast. It made me uncomfortable viewing it. Maybe that was the point.

Also for anyone who has seen the film Rosemary’s Baby there are more than a few similarities here, and that is putting it mildly; though that point of criticism has been done to death here.

Overall, more of a political statement than a film, with questionable taste that will almost certainly make some viewers feel uncomfortable.

Pros.

It is bold, upfront and shocking in its approach to telling a female first horror film

Cons.

The social commentary lacks any subtly

The dead baby scenes

It is too familiar

It thinks it is deeper than it is

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Good On Paper: Films Like This Are Why More And More People Are Cancelling Netflix

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

It has been a while since Netflix has made a truly poor comedy film, there was a small part of me that was hoping that maybe they had learned what audiences want and what they don’t in a comedy film, but no- this film proves they are still as clueless as ever.

So there is an old adage that you may have heard of ‘two wrongs don’t make a right’, growing up I heard it all the time, yet never is it better displayed than in this film. So, there is a scene in the film where the female lead looks over at a would be suitor’s body and says how gross and out of shape he is, in other words she body shames him. She then turns to the camera and justifies her actions by saying men do it all the time so its fine. So yes the moral of the film is not to change problematic sexist behaviour, no rather just gender flip it because that makes it okay.

Yes, the victim of this body shaming does end up being a baddie, but the audience is not aware at the time, and even if they were does that make it okay? Surely this sort of behaviour is never okay, especially not when the lead of the film is supposed to be likeable, and the audience is supposed to root for them.

Moreover, the laugh count for jokes was quite weak. Now, I won’t spend too much time on this point as humour is subjective and what is not very funny to me might be hilarious to you, but I only found a handful of funny moments here, and these were more chuckles then strong belly laughs, for the most part I just found the film’s sense of humour predictable and oddly tame.

Overall, this is exactly the sort of the lame film that you would expect from Netflix and that’s a shame as they are starting to build themselves a negative reputation as pedlars of trash, the Mindhunter days are long gone.

Pros.

One or two good jokes

Cons.

Mostly not funny

Very predictable

A little too safe

The body shaming

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Siberia: The Real Horror Here Is That You Can Never Get Your Time Back From Watching This

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I’m a big fan of Willem Dafoe but this was a miss for sure. The main issue with this film is that without reading several different plot summaries online, you will have no idea what is happening for most of the film. I understand that this is a deliberate choice and the film wants you to the do the work in piecing the events happening together, but it is so poorly constructed that that is almost impossible to do.

Moreover, there is a weirdly large amount of nudity in this film that really servers no purpose. I am no prude, but this just feels voyeuristic and needless. You can show that Dafoe’s character is a letch who abandoned his family for various one night stands without showing them all in graphic detail; it is almost as though this film is one part softcore porn film.

Dafoe makes this film bearable, and some of the conversational scenes where he is talking to others or different versions of himself are interesting and well-acted, yet this loses any impact it might have as you can’t translate this into any form of meaning with regards to the wider story or what is going on.

Overall, I go back and forth on whether this film was pretentiously abstract on purpose, or whether it was just poorly conceived.

Pros.

Dafoe

The premise is interesting

Cons.

It is in no way scary

The nudity is needless

It makes no sense and for large chunks of the film you have no idea what is going on

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The Ice Road: The Most Obvious Conspiracy In Human History

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

The premise of ice road truckers having to carry heavy items over sheets of sheer ice is tense and interesting enough on its own, it doesn’t need to be overly complicated.

Therein lies the problem of this film, Ice Road Truckers proves there is an audience that wants to see big rigs carrying goods over ice that could break any minute. However, this film did not get the memo, or maybe doesn’t care as clearly it does not think this premise is entertaining enough to get people to watch so they have to force in a conspiracy as well. Of course this conspiracy storyline is entirely needless and adds very little.

Liam Neeson and Laurence Fishburne try their best to give this film some soul and personality yet one gets killed off early into the film and the other is mostly side-lined. Yes, even though Neeson features heavily on the posters and the marketing for this film it is really not his.

From a writing perspective this whole film feels very played out and overly familiar. They try to write in twists and turns but it just goes exactly the way you would expect it to, the way it is telegraphed to go from the beginning you know who the actual villain will be because it is all just so obvious.

Overall, Liam Neeson needs a better agent or maybe just to retire from action films as it is starting to reach a point now where even his charm can’t save these films from themselves

Pros.

Neeson

Fishbourne

Cons.

It is incredibly predictable

The villain is obvious

It is overly complicated

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Gods Of Egypt: I Don’t Remember The Egyptian God’s Having Scottish Accents Coming Up In History Class

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I remember when this came out and instantly joined everyone’s worst of that year lists, I didn’t see it at the time, but now years later I have finally got around to seeing it and it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting.

So firstly lets get this straight off the bat the film is problematic for a number of reasons. All the Egyptian characters with the exception of a few are white, and to be even more insulting these Egyptian gods are also white for the most part; and in one case Scottish. Moreover, one of the few female characters in the film Elodie Yung’s Hathor is trotted around like a piece of meat barely wearing anything at all. The character even comments on what they are wearing, but that does not make it better or the film any less creepy.

That said, if you view this film more as a comedy than an actual action film then this film is passably watchable. It all makes no sense and the characters themselves are all over the place, but if you turn your brain off it is dumb fun.

I found Nikolaj Coster-Waldu to be as entertaining as ever, and I thought he was easily the high point of the film. The other male lead was widely forgettable, and I can barely remember anything about him to put in this review. Yung has good chemistry with everyone on-screen, but you can’t shake the feeling the film wants her to be ogled in the creepiest way. Butler is just playing his usual on-screen persona now just with more fake tan and eye liner.

Furthermore, a final thing to note, I found the decision to have all the God characters be bigger than their mortal counterparts to be oddly jarring to look at especially when both were on screen together. It did not look right and though I think it is a nifty idea it does not work out well in practice.

Overall, mindless popcorn action weighed down with some troubling production decisions.

Pros.

It is dumb fun

Yung and Coster-Waldu are fun and give good performances

Cons.

Yung’s character is objectified

It is whitewashed to hell

Butler is miscast

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The Birthday Cake: What Is In The Box?

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

This film is the best gangster/crime film I have seen in a while. The pacing of this film is terrific, and it takes you on one hell of a ride. There are scenes in this film where I was on the edge of my seat, I know that is a cliché, but for once it accurately describes the situation.

I enjoyed how this film places so much emphasis on its titular cake, always making sure to feature it in every sequence throughout the film. Moreover, the final reveal involving the cake makes the film, or at least it did for me, it was so perfectly built up to and it truly delivers.

Furthermore, the acting is strong across the board with every actor bringing their A game to this project and being memorable as a result. I would be hard pressed to pick a favourite moment from the film as the whole of it is so good and each actor really has their own moment to shine.

My one criticism of this film would be that it could have better used Ewan McGregor, as he is barely in the film though when he does appear he steals the scene. I would have liked the film to further explore the relationship between his character and Gio as clearly he is somewhat of a mentor to him, but we don’t really see this happen on-screen and can only imply it as an explanation.

Overall, perhaps the best gangster film of the year.

Pros.

The cast is terrific

The cake payoff

The tension

The pacing

Cons.

Under-using McGregor

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Downsizing: Shrink Down To Save The Planet?

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

This film is really all over the place. It seems to have a lot to say about various different things, it is ruled by its themes. That sounds like a criticism, but it is not. Though I found the film underwritten in a few areas and points it was trying to make, I actually found the wider piece to be surprisingly soulful and reflective.

The concept of turning people into miniature versions of themselves to stave off an oncoming apocalypse is refreshingly original. The entire film is a comment on climate change and man’s response to it, and in this area the writing for the film and the metaphor that holds it all together works well in communicating that relationship.

I thought the performances from all involved were good, with Christoph Waltz being a particular highlight. Though the film may be sold as a comedy I think it is more than that. Truth be told there are few funny moments in this film, but there are a large amount of smile inducing or thought provoking ones instead.

The film almost reads like a dark comedy, and I think it nails that tone perfectly.

Overall, if you go in expecting a silly comedy about Matt Damon being tiny you will be disappointed, however if you go in ready for more of a quasi-conversation about climate change and human impact on the world you will be more than satisfied.

Overall, surprisingly intelligent though not at all funny.

Pros.

The themes and wider comments

The ending

The genuine emotion and feeling

It is smart

Cons.

It is not funny

It tries to comment on too many issues and real world talking points.

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Ice Age: Thawing Our Hearts

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I fondly remember the first few Ice Age films from my younger years, and though they are still watchable and entertaining enough, they are nowhere near as good as I remember them being.

Firstly, the voice John Leguizamo does for Sid the sloth feels vaguely offensive and more than a little reminiscent of the voice than accompanies certain Adam Sandler characters. I found the voice to be noticeably jarring throughout.

Secondly, despite not being on for very long this film suffers from pacing issues, particularly in the first half, with their being little of interest beside the Saber-Toothed Tiger attack. Things get better as the trio assemble however.

Once we get all of the main character together and the journey truly begins then the film starts to work. Though I would not say the film soars to the emotional heights of say a Pixar film, it does get close. You feel the bond the characters have with one another and with the little human baby they are protecting, as such when it comes time to see the child reunited with his family and leave the company of our main characters it is deeply effecting.

I think it is in this emotional dimension that this film shines.

Overall, one of the better entries in the series but perhaps not as strong as you remember it being.

Pros.

The emotion

The ending

Our main trio of characters

Cons.

A very slow assembly

Sid’s voice

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The Quake: The Continuing Adventures Of The Most Unlucky Family In The World

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I know I said in my The Wave review that I was done with disaster films, however here I am doing it again; I have to get my shlock fix somehow.

Anyway ignoring the ridiculous nature of the plot with the same man being at the centre of two separate natural disasters and surviving both, I would argue this is actually better than the first film.

Firstly, as the recurring protagonist is more of a defeated man here he is easier to warm to, whereas in the previously he came across as unlikeable. Moreover, you buy the bond he has with his kids more so here, and the wider emotional soul of the film feels stronger this time around.

I also thought the spectacle and the effect used looked far better this time around. Yes there was a wide gap in-between the two films so of course the effects will look better as they are newer, but I also thought they were used more effectively: the scene in the collapsed skyscraper is proof of what I am talking about it was incredibly tense.

Overall, this is definitely better than the first film though the two do share a lot of the same issues.

Pros.

The lead is more relatable this time around

The emotions of the film connect more

It is more visually impressive

Cons.

It is more of the same

It is incredibly dumb and falls apart the more you think about it

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