XXX The Return Of Xander Cage: Vin Diesel Needs To Stop Living In The Past

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A forced attempt to revive the XXX franchise, and to give Vin Diesel another franchise outside of the Fast And The Furious to slowly run into the ground, Groot doesn’t count.

Honestly this film made me embarrassed for all involved, truly this film shows the rock bottom of Hollywood’s unoriginality as it brings back a long forgotten franchise for what? Because they are terrified of making something new and original most likely.

Vin Diesel is playing the same incredibly hollow and manufactured tough guy character that he always plays, yet here it feels especially desperate as though he is trying to cling to his fading stardom and former franchises to keep his head above water. He brings nothing to the role of course, but if you like how he normally is in every role then you will probably like him again here. The only other person who can give him a contest for weaker performance here is Ruby Rose, who baffles me in why she is still cast? What does she bring to a film other than being remarkably difficult to work with? Please let me know.

The plot is terrible and contrived and feels like it was written by people simply putting together buzz words and saying the word explosion over and over again. However, no one is watching this film for its plot.

Overall, a very weak action film with no reason to exist beyond being one last desperate gasp for a forgotten franchise and a lead running out of leading roles.

Pros.

It is so bad you have to laugh at it

Cons.

Diesel

Rose

The plot

There is no reason for it to exist

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The Whole Ten Yards: Bruce Willis With Long Hair

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Jimmy, played by Bruce Willis, Jill, played by Amanda Peet, Oz, played by Matthew Perry and Cynthia, played by Natasha Henstridge, must all come out of seeming retirement when a new threat with ties to their shared past immerges seeking revenge.

Really there is no reason for this film to exist. It does not match the original, though it tries to mimic it. This film does not seem to understand what made the first film entertaining, or maybe it does and can’t quite capture it again. All of the parts are seemingly there to recapture magic but it doesn’t work, it feels as though everyone is just here for the pay check.

The film is not terrible however and still manages to be watchable at times, I found Bruce Willis to again be quite funny though I thought his character was written as more of a one note caricature here which I thought was a disservice. Willis tries hard to keep this film together, that is a phrase I never thought I would be writing, but everyone else around him is just going through the motions.

Overall, this suffers from a common problem needless sequel syndrome, the first worked we didn’t need this.

Pros.

Willis

It is watchable

A few funny scenes

Cons.

The wider cast are wasted and feel just there to get paid

It doesn’t justify its own existence

It can’t recapture the original

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Christmas Eve: Never Get In A Lift Again

0.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A series of people get stuck in lifts, elevators for The American audience, and have reflective life experiences.

When one begins to dive into Christmas films they are met with one absolute truth, most of the genre is awful. For every Elf and Home Alone there are one million made for TV Christmas films which serve as nothing more than a resequencing of cliches and stale jokes. Though I can’t speak for whether this film was made for TV, as honestly I don’t know, I can say there is a clear reason why this film has a zero on Rotten Tomatoes.

All of the sentimentality in this film feels like it was constructed by a robot that is devoid of human emotion and that does not know how people interact, a lot of the character interactions in this film range from either comically evil and cold to downright predatory and creepy, it is not a likeable bunch yet the film still tries to force in sentiments to the contrary. Even in a Christmas film some people are still going to be trash.

This film trots out Patrick Stewart to try and prop it up, and try though he might, it just feels like he is playing a bargain bin version of his Scrooge character. Even he can’t save this film.

Overall, yet another bad Christmas film.

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

The characters are creepy, cold and mostly awful

It has pacing issues

It can’t get the sentiment even remotely right

The ending

It wastes Stewart

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The Whole Nine Yards: Chandler When He Is Not With His Friends

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A hitman, played by Bruce Willis, moves in next door to a dentist, played by Matthew Perry, hijinks ensue.

I thought this film was a lot better than I thought it was going to be. The thing that makes this film is the back and forth buddy relationship between Willis and Perry’s characters, I think the two play off each other really well and this leads to a number of funny scenes.

The premise is nothing you haven’t seen before, shlub thrown into a dangerous situation but somehow comes out of it on top, however there is enough charm from everyone involved that you don’t mind how familiar it is. Willis particularly is on strong comedic form though I would probably say Amanda Peet is the standout here, her characters sheer optimism is infectious enough to get you to like the film.

I would say the downside of the film is that it wastes most of its side cast, even good characters like Peet’s are given enough time to be properly developed. The film wastes Michael Clarke Duncan, which is a crying shame, it could have done so much more with him as he was an incredibly talented actor.

Overall, it is on the better side of average.

Pros.

The comedy

The back and forth between Perry and Willis

The charm

Cons.

It wastes it’s supporting cast

It is predictable

It feels too familiar

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Demolition: Dealing With Grief By Taking Apart Lights In Toilets

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The film follows Davis Mitchell, played by Jake Gyllenhaal, a man who after the death of his wife Julia, played by Heather Lind, realises he feels nothing at her death and starts objects apart to try and find some meaning in his life, whilst also maintaining a pen pal like relationship with fellow lost soul Karen, played by Naomi Watts.

I enjoyed this film for the simple fact of it being Jake Gyllenhaal being strange, there is a lot to mine in that area. Gyllenhaal is of course suitably wacky here and has a lot of fun in the role, I enjoyed the idea of him slowly realising how unhappy he was in life and viewed the ending with him knocking down his house to be the ultimate catharsis. I thought the emotional impact was mostly on mark though there were a few times it strayed into aimlessness.

I would say the thing that holds this film back from getting higher on my rating is the pacing, the film often feels like it is dragging by and needs to move at a quicker pace than it does as when it drags it loses the attention of the viewer, or it did me.

Overall a good Gyllenhaal performances however the film as a whole has a fair amount of issues.

Gyllenhaal being strange

The ending

It feels cathartic

Cons.

Pacing issues

A confused message

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The Holiday: A Christmas Classic?

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Two women, played by Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz, swap houses and in the process find love.

It goes without saying that this film is incredibly predictable in nearly everyway and is so chocked full of cliches that it is rare to see something other than them in the film, however that is not to say the film is bad. Certainly not. There is more than enough charm here to make up for the film’s misgiving.

I would say Diaz, Winslet and Jude Law, who plays Diaz’s characters love interest, are all well cast and fill out the rom-com architypes fairly well. Each is charming and Diaz and Law have good chemistry together, however Winslet and her pairing with Jack Black fairs worse. I really like Black and have since a young age I think the man can do no wrong a lot of the time, although here proves an exception to that. Firstly, the man has no business being a romantic male lead, he doesn’t fit the sensibility for it and as such his performance is far too big, and secondly though Winslet is really trying there is no chemistry between the two and that seems to be mainly Black’s fault as his performance is fairly wooden and could be played by anyone.

Overall, this rom-com is predictable but charming and could have scored higher if it was not for an incredibly miscast Jack Black.

Pros

Law, Diaz and Winslet

The charm

The ending

Cons.

It is predictable and cliched

Black

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Encounter: The Strangest Father Son Roadtrip Ever

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Malik Khan, played by Riz Ahmed, a decorated marine must go on a daring rescue mission to save his sons from an otherworldly threat, however as the film progresses the alien threat seems to become more and more farfetched and Malik’s own traumas and fractured mental state start to become the real threat.

I thought this was easily one of the best film’s I have seen in a while. Ahmed was really good and sold both the crazed paranoia as well as the love for his sons really well, you both empathised with his character as well as felt slightly threatened by him. I thought Ahmed balanced both of these sides of his character really well and kept him complexed and nuanced.

The emotion in this film is powerful and resonant. Especially towards the end of the film when Malik starts to realise what he has done it breaks your heart, I would have liked the ending to be a bit more polysemic however, I do think there is some wiggle room for what if Malik was actually right all along.

Overall, a compelling film boosted by a magnificent performance from Riz Ahmed.

Pros.

Ahmed

The emotion

The threat

The twist

Cons.

The ending is a little too clear cut for my taste

They wasted Octavia Spencer

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Spider-Man No Way Home: Who Is Coming Through That Portal

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Peter Parker, played by Tom Holland, finally faces some consequences for being Spider-Man.

Spoilers ahead.

This was a good Spider-Man film and probably the best of the Holland run so far, but was it the best Marvel film of the year….. No that to me is still The Eternals. I know…. I know….

I will get the things I don’t like about this film out of the way first, they really aren’t major, the first thing was I didn’t like that Aunt May, here played by Marisa Tomei, was given the great power great responsibility line, because that means the chances of seeing Uncle Ben in the MCU are shot. Secondly I didn’t like that the film went out of its way to make the villains likeable, of course in the end they broke bad, but for the early parts of the film it genuinely felt like the film didn’t have stakes as Peter easily beat them and then they were fairly nice with him, however this changed midway through.

Now on to everything that worked. I liked, though it will make me sound like a sadist that Spider-Man was finally broken in this film, in the Maguire and Garfield runs both of their Peter Parker’s had already faced major traumas by this point in the run so it was nice to see Holland be given that. I think this added to the emotional impact of his performance and really gave him something to work with, the ending of the film is fairly glum yet it feels earned and it fits with the character and I think that is something to be praised.

Moreover, the film did indeed bring back Matt Murdock, played by Charlie Cox, which was brilliant to see and made me very excited in the cinema. However, what I think people will be more excited for is the fact that yes both Garfield and Maguire return in this film, to varying degrees of goodness. Honestly I think Garfield is outstanding here, he steals the scene every time he is in it, his version of Peter Parker shines the brightest in this film and the broken, angry and deeply emotional Spider-Man that he plays here is a nice take on the character.

In terms of the wider MCU this film does a lot of expanding, however I do wish the film had left it more open ended. In the end all of the multiversal collapse is reversed, or at least so we think, and things seem neatly tied up, I thought it would have been far more interesting if the film hadn’t gone this way.

Overall, a strong film and one that is bound to be a crowd-pleaser.

Pros

Cox

Garfield

Maguire

The emotion and suffering of Peter Parker

Cons.

Making the villains a bit too likeable

Aunt May’s with great power line

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Deadly Cuts: Hairdressers Take On Gangland

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of Irish hairdressers kill someone and then enter into a hairdressing competition.

The marketing for this film is a lie. It markets itself almost as a thriller with comedic elements, I thought going in that these unlikely heroes were going to become vigilantes and face off against the Irish underworld in a Shaun Of The Dead esque dark comedy. However, that was not what we got, instead they kill one gang member, and the rest just conveniently leave until the end of the film when they kill one more all whilst competing in the most boring and cliched competition ever. Yeah not good.

I found this film to be a tonal mess and not really knowing what it wanted to be, on top of that it wasted most of its cast and gave them nothing to work with, as a result the central foursome feels at best bland and at worst cliched. The story is uninspired and feels like a retread of many better films, with the stakes and drama not coming together at all and presenting us with an ending that feels entirely unearned.

Overall, watchable but weak.

Pros.

It is watchable

It is short

Cons.

It is not funny

The competition angle feels played out

There is no drama or real stakes

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House Of Gucci: Can The Kids Look Up From Their Phones To Watch This, Honestly Probably Not

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The infighting within the Gucci family

I will preface this review by saying I am exactly the sort of person that Ridley Scott doesn’t like, one of those kids today that will happily watch a film on their phone, however I showed up to both of his film’s this year and I have to say honestly The Last Duel was better.

I think the biggest thing that didn’t work for me here were the performances. Far from being worthy of award both the leads were fairly awful. Lady Gaga’s character was supposed to be likeable and then get progressively worse over the course of the film in terms of morals, at least that’s what I got from the trailers, but that wasn’t the case she started out deeply unlikeable and clearly badly intended from the beginning and only got worse, her character was deeply one note. Worse yet, Adam Driver plays two completely different characters here, yet you would never know. The first half of the film his character seems nice and fairly unassuming and then bang.. he just changes at the midpoint to be cruel and mean and entirely unlike how we have seen him so far, why? Because the story needs him to, it reeks of bad character work.

Jared Leto isn’t as bad as you might have heard, but that is not to say he is good either.

The only reason this film didn’t get lower is because it has a strong soundtrack of memorable hits and good performances from Al Pacino and Jeremey Irons, those three things are enough to keep the film watchable if nothing else.

Overall, a disappointment also there was no need for this to be on for well over two hours it was in no way an epic.

Pros.

Irons and Pacino

The soundtrack

Cons.

Gaga

Driver

The runtime is oppressive

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