Epic Movie: Willy Wonka In A Whole New Sinister Light

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The guys behind those Movie films reunite to make a spoof of the fantasy adventure genre.

This one is going to be controversial. For many a lot of the Movie films are some of the worst ever made, if you check out worst films of all time lists all across the internet you will see the likes of this film and others within the Movie family of films gracing many of the spots, however I actually liked this film. Yes I know.

Though not all the jokes land, some come across as overly sinister or mean spirited, I did laugh at quite a few of them. Moreover, I thought a lot of the songs were strong and they stayed with me for a long time after watching, they were catchy.

None of the cast are going to win awards but they are all doing their respective shticks fairly well. I thought Crispin Glover was a delight as a sadist and perverted Willy Wonka, his scenes stole the show for me.

Overall, certainly a film that will be an acquired taste comedically, but one that has some good moments which do enough to overshadow the bad.

Pros.

The songs

The jokes

Glover

Cons.

A few jokes are in poor taste or feel mean spirited

It goes on for far too long

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Matrix Resurrections: Taking Everything That Worked And Flushing It Down The Toilet

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Yet another franchise is brought back from the dead only to be dissected, demystified and reinvented in a new trendy way, without seemingly understanding what made the first few and its later sequels, to a lesser extent, work.

The first ten minutes of this film gives you enough reasons to turn it off. The dialogue is terrible, this is a problem for the whole film, and seems to think it is saying something deep when actually a lot of the deeper philosophy of the series seems to have been carved out of it. Pair this with a group of new characters that look, act and feel like cosplayers doing their best to make a fan film and you are given your first red flag.

To make matters worse the whole meta idea of Neo, played by Keanu Reeves, being a games developer who made the Matrix as a game and in this world everyone knows about the events of the trilogy not as events that really happened but as sections of a popular game is just awful. In this early part of the film they make funny meta comments about how WB is forcing them to make a sequel to it, and about various elements from earlier films, this does not come across as funny or deep it comes across instead as smug, pretentious and up its own arse. They also manage to throw in a good number of left wing talking points during this early section of the film seemingly for no reason other than to be trendy and have certain parts of Twitter praise them.

Honestly the way this film recontextualises the other films it makes them borderline unwatchable, and hence forward I will pretend like this film doesn’t exist.

The only reason it has got a one is because Reeves is trying and is allowed to have some fun with the role.

Overall, please save your money.

Pros.

Reeves

Cons.

It ruins the previous films

It is too meta

The writing is awful

The new characters look and feel like cosplayers

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This Is The End: This One Aged Poorly

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of deeply privileged friends get together to hangout at the end of the world.

I remember enjoying this one a lot when I was younger, oh boy has it not aged well. Firstly and rather obviously there is the issue of James Franco who is allegedly a Hollywood creep, and then secondly there is such a feeling of smugness and privilege that it makes the film almost hard to watch at times.

Senses of humour change as you age certainly within the last eight years mine has. I didn’t really find myself laughing much at all here and quite often I found the jokes to just be annoying. Moreover, I found the everyman appeal the film was going for to be ruined by the fact that you realise these characters must all have large sums of money and could just buy their way out of the situation, it makes the whole scenario feel far-fetched.

The only sequence that I enjoyed was the Emma Watson scene, she makes it hilarious and I would like to see her do more comedy film she seems to have really great timing.

Overall, it was funny maybe five plus years ago but now it just feels like a group of entitled man childs complaining about being rich.

Pros.

Emma Watson

One or two laughs

Cons.

Mostly unfunny

It feels smug and entitled

A lot of the bits drag on for far too long

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Shallow Hal: Why Are Fox Making A Sequel To This?

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

We get an incredibly obvious parable about not being a shallow dick. How is this a film?

In my review for The Holiday I said that I really like Jack Black and that he is good in nearly everything he is in with that being the exception, however, I forgot about this film. Black goes far too over the top here and much like with The Holiday this doesn’t feel tonally right. Moreover, despite trying his best Black’s character comes off as nothing but a dick for most of the film, and I understand that is the point as he is supposed to reform by the end of it, but that just leaves you with a somewhat bearable lead for about ten minutes at the end.

Moreover, it should go without saying that this film is painfully unfunny and despite claims that it is supposed to be body positive and that the lesson of the film makes up for all of its crude jokes this simply isn’t true. This film is about an hour and twenty minutes of fat jokes most of which also boarder on the misogynistic. These range from irritating to frankly insulting.

The fact fox is doing a sequel to this film in 2022 is baffling, no doubt it will be gender swapped for reasons but the terrible jokes will still be the same. Laughing at fat people for being fat isn’t funny it is demeaning and wrong; this is a lesson Melissa McCarthy could stand to learn also.

Overall, a nasty mean spirited comedy film not made up for by Black or by the message.

Pros.

Black is trying.

Cons.

Black is miscast and his performance doesn’t fit the film

The constant fat jokes

The pacing issues

Using a fat suit

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Pusher III: Hosting A Party Is More Stressful Than Running A Drug Empire

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Refn concludes his Pusher trilogy with a day in the life of Milo, played by Zlatko Buric, the drug lord from the first film.

Though I still enjoyed this film I thought it was the most needless of the trilogy and could see why Refn didn’t really want to make sequels, this one felt the most stagnate and time killy. Whilst the other films had an ever increasing sense of tension and claustrophobia this film feels decidedly smaller in scale and in stakes. Though for the most part this leads the film to feel less enthralling it also gives us a more intimate look at this character and their mentality which is nice and leads to a number of good character moments.

I think Buric does a good job here and keeps the film trucking along nicely, of the series characters I feel like he was the only one other than the two already used interesting enough to justify there own film and it was intriguing to see his own little slice of the underworld.

I would say this film struggled with its pace as unlike the others it did have moments that drastically slowed down and in doing so lost your attention.

Overall, a good but not great ending to the trilogy.

Pros.

Buric

The intimacy

A deeper look at Milo’s slice of the underworld

Cons.

Pacing issues

Weaker stakes

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Pusher II: Sometimes One Just Needs To Run Away

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The second film in the Pusher series follows Tonny, played by Mads Mikkelsen, as he gets out of prison and tries to return to his former life of crime.

Mikkelsen is magnificent here as always, as we see his Tonny grow over the course of the film, and feel the claustrophobic metaphorical walls of Tonny’s life closing in around him trapping him into a cycle of criminality and abuse. Honestly, the final sequence of the film when Tonny finally turns on his gangster father, played by Leif Sylvester, and runs away with his baby is incredibly powerful and a lot of the sequence is incredibly reminiscent of Refn’s later film Drive.

I enjoyed the return to the Danish underworld and thought there was still a lot here to be mined and explored. I liked the juxtaposition of having Tonny not fit into this world at all, though not through a lack of wanting to. Though in many ways the character is morally repugnant Mikkelsen plays him with such a sense of weary charm and desperation that you can’t help but like him. The supporting cast all have moments to shine here, but this is very much Mikkelsen’s film.

Overall, an incredibly strong film.

Pros.

Mikkelsen

The world

The ending

The emotion and the stakes

Cons.

It feels a little rushed at times

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Mother/Android: The YA Genre Just Can’t Seem To Die

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Chloe Grace Moretz tries to break free of the YA market by making a science fiction film that feels remarkably YA. Moretz plays a young woman who must navigate an AI uprising in order to get to safety so she can give birth.

It is a shame this year has been so mixed for Moretz she started off with the underappreciated Shadow In The Cloud, and then went on to make Tom And Jerry, a sequel to the animated Addams family film and then this, further and further from grace. This film is by no means terrible, there are some interesting concepts here, however, it never does much with them. Instead it seems content on making this film a depressing melodrama with a YA dystopian setting and a front and centre romance.

Even when the film gets gritty the violence is either not shown or it is surprisingly bloodless, which I guess makes sense if you are fighting robots. However, it just makes this film feel like yet another poor YA film.

Moretz is trying her best however, she doesn’t really bring enough resonance to the part and as such the big emotional twist at the end doesn’t work as much as the film needs it to.

Overall, yet more weak science fiction.

Pros.

Some interesting ideas

It is relatively well paced

Cons.

Moretz can’t land the emotional delivery

Surprisingly bloodless

It feels like an edgy YA film

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The Grudge: Stop Remaking Foreign Language Horror Films, Learn To Read Subtitles

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

This film highlights why when you hear a Japanese horror film is getting an American remake you should be worried, especially when it is a remake of a foreign remake.

This is the truest January film that I have ever seen. By that I mean a bad film, most know that the big studios dump a lot of their let’s call them troubled productions out in January as a means of writing them off, this is a perfect example of that. It seems that everyone in this film knows it is bad, yet have turned up to be paid.

Talking about The Grudge series from the perspective of the American remakes I always thought it was lesser to the American remakes of The Ring and this film proves why. Not only does it seem afraid of its Japanese heritage, but it also seems content in doing nothing to push the needle forward or indeed even to produce a good film.

It does everything you would expect from a January horror film, it pumps out the jump scares none of which are as scary as the rising cost of cinema attendance, and includes Lin Shaye for the member berries of the Blumhouse Crowd. Honestly Shaye is perfectly fine here.

Overall, this film is not worth your time.

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

It isn’t remotely scary

It seems scared of the series heritage

It is generic

It is dull

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The Amazing Spider-Man Two: The Sinisterness Of Sony

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Peter Parker, played by Andrew Garfield, tries his best to defeat the handful of villain thrown at him as Sony tries desperately to set up the Sinister Six.

I returned to this film in the days post No Way Home to see if it was as bad as I remember it being, and honestly it wasn’t, it is by no means good, but it certainly has its moments.

I think this film can be split into two halves, one of which I will focus heavily on and the other I will quickly discard. To be discarded is everything with the blue skinned Electro, played by Jamie Foxx, my, my Sony really dropped the ball with him, who thought that this is what the character should look or be like. That was all bad. Effects, acting, everything.

Now the other half that I will focus on as I think this was the redeemable part of the film, the Green Goblin, here played by Dean DeHaan. Now I want to lead with a big preface here, I think by and large DeHaan was miscast, however he did his best with it. He was never going to live up to Dafoe and he was only really there as a means to set up the Sinister Six, they are sinister because they are so forced in. All that aside I did buy the fallout between his character and Garfield’s Parker, I enjoyed their rivalry and thought the whole scene between him, Parker and Gwen, played by Emma Stone, was magic. Really it is that scene and Garfield’s response to it that manages to save this film for me.

I know I sound like an Andrew Garfield stan at this point, and if I were ever to meet the man I would probably be embarrassed at how much I sing his praises but he is just magnificent here and I would say off the three Spider-Men actors he is easily the best one at playing the character. Hopefully Sony gives him another film to continue his Spider-Man arc.

Overall, Garfield and Stone are silver linings, but Sony being themselves and everything with Fox’s Electro really drags this film down.

Pros.

Stone

Garfield

The emotion

Cons.

The Sinister Six side plot

DeHaan is badly miscast

Everything about Electro

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Cherry: Try As He Might Tom Holland Cannot Pull Off Mature Roles

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Tom Holland tries to prove that he is a serious actor and that he can play mature parts as well as Spider-Man, a spoiler for you he can’t.

I feel bad for Holland I really do; he has tried hard to throw off his youthful boyish family appeal, but try as he might he just can’t seem to do it. Despite many saying things to the extent of ‘oh this is going to be an Oscar worthy performance’ or ‘oh you have never seen Holland like this’, it still feels like a student made fan film wherein you have to cast whoever will be in the film for the role even if they don’t fit the part. As Holland really doesn’t fit the part at all.

This film tries to make bold comments about society and life, with Holland’s character going through the army, drug addiction and the criminal underworld. However, it all feels paper thin and like a teen trying to be edgy and dark to show how mature they are, it all feels very try hardy.

Moreover, there is no reason for this film to be on for as long as it is. Honestly this film could be half the time and would probably be better for it, it drags on and on and feels as though it is trying to bait you into turning it off: and you battle with that you really do.

Overall, the Russo’s and Holland should stick to making Marvel films.

Pros.

Holland is really trying and you can feel that sadly it just doesn’t work

Cons.

It is trying way too hard to be edgy

It philosophies are weak

Holland is badly miscast

It has awful pacing issues

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