Gods Of Egypt: I Don’t Remember The Egyptian God’s Having Scottish Accents Coming Up In History Class

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I remember when this came out and instantly joined everyone’s worst of that year lists, I didn’t see it at the time, but now years later I have finally got around to seeing it and it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting.

So firstly lets get this straight off the bat the film is problematic for a number of reasons. All the Egyptian characters with the exception of a few are white, and to be even more insulting these Egyptian gods are also white for the most part; and in one case Scottish. Moreover, one of the few female characters in the film Elodie Yung’s Hathor is trotted around like a piece of meat barely wearing anything at all. The character even comments on what they are wearing, but that does not make it better or the film any less creepy.

That said, if you view this film more as a comedy than an actual action film then this film is passably watchable. It all makes no sense and the characters themselves are all over the place, but if you turn your brain off it is dumb fun.

I found Nikolaj Coster-Waldu to be as entertaining as ever, and I thought he was easily the high point of the film. The other male lead was widely forgettable, and I can barely remember anything about him to put in this review. Yung has good chemistry with everyone on-screen, but you can’t shake the feeling the film wants her to be ogled in the creepiest way. Butler is just playing his usual on-screen persona now just with more fake tan and eye liner.

Furthermore, a final thing to note, I found the decision to have all the God characters be bigger than their mortal counterparts to be oddly jarring to look at especially when both were on screen together. It did not look right and though I think it is a nifty idea it does not work out well in practice.

Overall, mindless popcorn action weighed down with some troubling production decisions.

Pros.

It is dumb fun

Yung and Coster-Waldu are fun and give good performances

Cons.

Yung’s character is objectified

It is whitewashed to hell

Butler is miscast

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The Birthday Cake: What Is In The Box?

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

This film is the best gangster/crime film I have seen in a while. The pacing of this film is terrific, and it takes you on one hell of a ride. There are scenes in this film where I was on the edge of my seat, I know that is a cliché, but for once it accurately describes the situation.

I enjoyed how this film places so much emphasis on its titular cake, always making sure to feature it in every sequence throughout the film. Moreover, the final reveal involving the cake makes the film, or at least it did for me, it was so perfectly built up to and it truly delivers.

Furthermore, the acting is strong across the board with every actor bringing their A game to this project and being memorable as a result. I would be hard pressed to pick a favourite moment from the film as the whole of it is so good and each actor really has their own moment to shine.

My one criticism of this film would be that it could have better used Ewan McGregor, as he is barely in the film though when he does appear he steals the scene. I would have liked the film to further explore the relationship between his character and Gio as clearly he is somewhat of a mentor to him, but we don’t really see this happen on-screen and can only imply it as an explanation.

Overall, perhaps the best gangster film of the year.

Pros.

The cast is terrific

The cake payoff

The tension

The pacing

Cons.

Under-using McGregor

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Downsizing: Shrink Down To Save The Planet?

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

This film is really all over the place. It seems to have a lot to say about various different things, it is ruled by its themes. That sounds like a criticism, but it is not. Though I found the film underwritten in a few areas and points it was trying to make, I actually found the wider piece to be surprisingly soulful and reflective.

The concept of turning people into miniature versions of themselves to stave off an oncoming apocalypse is refreshingly original. The entire film is a comment on climate change and man’s response to it, and in this area the writing for the film and the metaphor that holds it all together works well in communicating that relationship.

I thought the performances from all involved were good, with Christoph Waltz being a particular highlight. Though the film may be sold as a comedy I think it is more than that. Truth be told there are few funny moments in this film, but there are a large amount of smile inducing or thought provoking ones instead.

The film almost reads like a dark comedy, and I think it nails that tone perfectly.

Overall, if you go in expecting a silly comedy about Matt Damon being tiny you will be disappointed, however if you go in ready for more of a quasi-conversation about climate change and human impact on the world you will be more than satisfied.

Overall, surprisingly intelligent though not at all funny.

Pros.

The themes and wider comments

The ending

The genuine emotion and feeling

It is smart

Cons.

It is not funny

It tries to comment on too many issues and real world talking points.

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Ice Age: Thawing Our Hearts

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I fondly remember the first few Ice Age films from my younger years, and though they are still watchable and entertaining enough, they are nowhere near as good as I remember them being.

Firstly, the voice John Leguizamo does for Sid the sloth feels vaguely offensive and more than a little reminiscent of the voice than accompanies certain Adam Sandler characters. I found the voice to be noticeably jarring throughout.

Secondly, despite not being on for very long this film suffers from pacing issues, particularly in the first half, with their being little of interest beside the Saber-Toothed Tiger attack. Things get better as the trio assemble however.

Once we get all of the main character together and the journey truly begins then the film starts to work. Though I would not say the film soars to the emotional heights of say a Pixar film, it does get close. You feel the bond the characters have with one another and with the little human baby they are protecting, as such when it comes time to see the child reunited with his family and leave the company of our main characters it is deeply effecting.

I think it is in this emotional dimension that this film shines.

Overall, one of the better entries in the series but perhaps not as strong as you remember it being.

Pros.

The emotion

The ending

Our main trio of characters

Cons.

A very slow assembly

Sid’s voice

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The Quake: The Continuing Adventures Of The Most Unlucky Family In The World

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I know I said in my The Wave review that I was done with disaster films, however here I am doing it again; I have to get my shlock fix somehow.

Anyway ignoring the ridiculous nature of the plot with the same man being at the centre of two separate natural disasters and surviving both, I would argue this is actually better than the first film.

Firstly, as the recurring protagonist is more of a defeated man here he is easier to warm to, whereas in the previously he came across as unlikeable. Moreover, you buy the bond he has with his kids more so here, and the wider emotional soul of the film feels stronger this time around.

I also thought the spectacle and the effect used looked far better this time around. Yes there was a wide gap in-between the two films so of course the effects will look better as they are newer, but I also thought they were used more effectively: the scene in the collapsed skyscraper is proof of what I am talking about it was incredibly tense.

Overall, this is definitely better than the first film though the two do share a lot of the same issues.

Pros.

The lead is more relatable this time around

The emotions of the film connect more

It is more visually impressive

Cons.

It is more of the same

It is incredibly dumb and falls apart the more you think about it

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Fatherhood: From Complaints About Cancel Culture To Possible Awards Season Glory, Kevin Hart Is A Dramatic Actor

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I never saw this coming. Kevin Hart is more than just a comedian who complains a little too much about cancel culture, clearly he has never heard of the Streisand Effect, he is also a very serious dramatic actor.

This film is being sold to you entirely incorrectly, it is not a light hearted comedy film but rather quite a serious and at times upsetting drama film. There are several things that happen over the course of the film that are deeply upsetting, including Hart’s character having to give his daughter up because it allows her a chance at a better life with her grandparents- this is not a comedy.

When I saw the film going in this serious direction I was at first troubled as I did not know if Hart could carry a film like this, if he could muster the necessary emotional heft, but he more than succeeds. Hart is the lifeblood of this film the father daughter dynamic is so sweetly crafted that it is honestly heart-wrenching. Moreover, during the dramatic scenes Hart plays the character as a real human being and feels the emotion rather than trying to crack a tasteless joke. I appreciated how sparingly this film used its comedy.

Overall, this is a powerful film for a lot of reasons, and it goes to prove that Hart can be a talented dramatic actor when he is not the butt of height jokes.

Pros.

The emotion

Hart

The father- daughter bond

Sparse/ tasteful use of comedy

Cons.

It is not what a lot of people are expecting

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Piercing: A Love Story Where The Leads Try To Kill Each Other

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

This is a darkly comedic horror masterpiece. This film is so awkward and tense I love it, it made me laugh quite a few times.

I think both Christopher Abbott and Mia Wasikowska are simply excellent here. Abbott is really proving himself as someone to watch out for. I enjoyed how the story played with the characters never letting one get the upper hand on the other, or at least not for very long.

The basic premise is Abbott’s character is a family man who starts having urges to kill so rather than murder his family, he rents a room at a hotel with the idea of luring a prostitute, Wasikowska, up there to kill her. The beauty of this premise is that though simple it is executed so cleverly that it becomes easily engrossing.

I thought the ending was strong as it leaves the idea of murder ambiguous, we don’t know whether one of the two killed the other or whether they ended up falling in love. Moreover, I thought the use of violence throughout the film but particularly here at the end feels well done, it is as painful to witness as it would be to experience it is very graphic and visceral allowing it to pack a punch even when used sparingly.

Overall, one of the tensest films I’ve seen recently but also hilariously funny at times.

Pros.

Abbott

Wasikowska
The ending

The impactful violence

The humour

Cons.

A slow start

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Fast 9: Hobbs And Shaw Did It Better

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Buckle up, this is going to be a long one.

Before we get into the main review I just want to say that the actions of John Cena in the press tour for this film immediately make me like both him and this film less. For those that don’t know Cena said that Taiwan was a country, which it is, and then later retracted this and apologised to the Chinese market, more likely the Chinese government in Mandarin in perhaps the most grovelly way possible. Cena and the film itself lose a lot of respect from me for doing this.

My feelings on this film as a whole are deeply mixed. In truth I just don’t see why this franchise is around anymore it has lived long enough to jump the shark several times over by now and is certainly not getting better. This film feels particularly desperate as it brings back as many characters as it can in an effort to try and renew interest in the series, yet this seems an impossible task. Events like the return of Han would have had a bigger impact if it didn’t entirely destroy the lore of the series, but hey that’s overthinking it.

Another thing I want to draw attention to is the presence of the male gaze in these films. I understand these films are aimed at teenage boys, but the amount of butt and up the leg shots in this film is ridiculous. The film feels like it is trying to have its cake and eat it too by appealing to this teen audience in a pervy way, whilst also pushing home the strong independent women angle: the message is jarring and frankly more than a little insincere.

Honestly I don’t see where the series has to go from here, they literally go to space in this film there isn’t any way they can top that, unless the characters become superheroes as this film flirts with. Moreover, Charlize Theron’s Cypher was not a good villain in the last film so to see her brought back here, and then be implied to be coming back for the next film is infuriating as her character is ridiculously weak. Looks like the series will be going out with a whimper rather than a bang.

My only real enjoyment of this film came from laughing at how dumb it was, both intentionally and unintentionally. The real issue is that of the remaining cast few have the chemistry of a Dwayne Johnson or Jason Statham, and instead it is just Vin Diesel’s ego laid bare for around two and a half hours.

Overall, it is more of the same, yet the charm of the series is starting to wear out.

Pros.

The dumb fun

It is hilarious

Cons.

It doesn’t justify its existence

The male gaze

Far too many flash backs

It is on for way too long

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The Sixth Sense: I See Bruce Willis When He Actually Used To Care About Acting

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I feel like I would have enjoyed this film a lot more had I not known the twist going into it; sadly in the age of the internet that is near impossible.

My main takeaway from the film was that it was nice to see Bruce Willis actually trying to give a good performance, rather than just turning up to get paid. I would probably say Willis and his performance is the best part of the film, and you do become emotionally invested in the character as the film progresses.

However, I can’t say the same for the other lead character, Cole played by Haley Joel Osment. Now I won’t rip into the character too much as he is played by a child actor and they are usually not great, but I think the issues with Cole permeate beyond his acting and instead originate from the script. The writing of Cole as a character almost seems like it is going out of its way to make you dislike him.

The twist, which is always the most important part of a Shyamalan film, is good. Despite knowing what it was already which took away some of my enjoyment and makes me question the film’s rewatchability, I found it to be well done and quite clever.

Overall, good but far from a classic.

Pros.

Bruce Willis

A few good scares

The twist enhances the film

Cons.
Cole

It is poorly paced

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The Power: Seventies London Has Never Been This Depressing Before On Screen

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Boy for this one you better have a hundred videos of kittens and puppies playing happily loaded up on your phone to fend off the dark thoughts, yes it is that depressing. My main criticism of this film is that I would not call it scary rather unpleasant and possibly distressing.

There are a number of scenes that feel suitably tense and that take you on a nice little ride, however, they are preceded by and followed by pointless scenes that go on and on forever- pacing issues a plenty.

I felt the acting was equally a mixed bag, some of the actors were giving strong memorable performances, whereas others just felt like they were playing themselves just in Seventies period clothing.

The ending of the film was perhaps the most contentious part of the film for me. The film heavily invests in one storyline, going out of its way to make you think that is the answer to the wider mystery, however, this is abandoned about twenty minutes from the end when something entirely out of left field happens. Again I am mixed on this because on the one hand it is a perfect use of a red herring, however, the actual ending doesn’t feel set up in any way therefore making it incredibly weak as a twist.

Overall, a very mixed bag that has more promise than issues just about.

Pros.

The lead performance

A few tense scenes

Good use of lighting and darkness

Cons.

A very slow start

The ending feels very abrupt

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