Here Today: Don’t Eat The Lobster

2 /5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A faded comic with early stages of dementia struggles to come to terms with the changes in his life, until he meets a young woman who becomes a powerful friend and companion.

This film will either work for you or not based on how much you like the comedy shtick of Tiffany Haddish. Haddish is quickly becoming a Jack Black type, meaning that she plays the same character in everything. She arguably can’t act and continues on by reusing and regurgitating the same jokes and mannerisms. To go back to my previous comparison, the same can be said of Jack Black though the difference is that he is likeable.

Honestly, though I like Billy Crystal both his and Haddish’s roles could have been played by almost anyone else and it would have provided the same, if not better, results. Neither of the actors truly made the part their own or did anything to impress me.

Furthermore, the storyline seemed very familiar. There have been quite a lot of films about dementia, and other memory conditions, released over the last few years and they are all starting to get quite similar. Case in point there were scenes in this film that I am now struggling to remember whether I saw in this film or one of the others, they are all just so similar.

Overall, with different leads and a more original story this film could have been something, but as it stands it is disappointing on multiple fronts.

Pros.

One or two funny moments

The pacing is fairly okay

Cons.

Neither of the leads are particularly good

Haddish is annoying

The story is overly familiar

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The Invitation: Drinking Wine And Confessing To Killing Your Ex Wife, The Standard House Party Activities

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A man goes to his ex-wife’s dinner party after years apart. Once there he starts noticing strange behaviour from her and her new guy and becomes increasingly agitated.

I red a piece somewhere that said this film was trying to be like Vinterberg’s Festen, the hubris of that statement is only amplified when watching this deeply mediocre film.

Firstly, this film seems to think it is far deeper than it actually is. I often say that a film feels in-love with itself or perhaps that it has its head up it’s own rear end, both would be applicable to this film. The weighty elements to this film all feel incredibly predictable and played out, everything that happens is written on the wall from the start of the film- the twist is blinding.

Secondly, the film only starts to ‘get good’ around the reveal of the cult twist, which comes in the last fifteen to twenty minutes of the film. The rest of the film is a slog to get through, with the film only really switching between slow and tedious during this time period. Once things start to get crazy at the end it finally becomes somewhat watchable, but by then it is too little too late.

Thirdly and finally, I am a big Logan Marshall-Green fan and think that often he is a terrific character actor. However, here he is given nothing to work with and as such he gives a bland going through the motions sort of performance that will quickly be forgotten about- Upgrade this is not.

Overall, this is everything wrong with try hardy art house horror

Pros.

Logan Marshall-Green is trying

The last twenty minutes are entertaining

Cons.

It is slow

It is pretentious

It is boring

It is no way scary

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Twins: Two Brothers Who Are Perhaps Too Close

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito are twins made in a lab experiment who find each other after years apart.

I understand this film is considered by some to be a classic, but personally I struggle to see it as anything above average.

Yes, Schwarzenegger and DeVito have strong chemistry together on screen and a rather impressive back and forth but that only goes so far. I didn’t find either to be hugely funny, and for the most part the jokes of the film left me cold.

Moreover, there were a number of lines that were troublesome for a plethora of reasons, and yes though some will say ‘oh it was made in a different time’ that is still no excuse. Whilst the icky jokes and comments didn’t put me off the film they were enough to be jarring and to take me out of it.

I would say I preferred DeVito’s character to Schwarzenegger’s as he had numerous funny lines and was written as a more interesting character with layers, as opposed to Schwarzenegger’s who was very one note.

Another issue I had with the film was the wider story. Beyond the twins meeting and then setting out on an adventure together the rest of the story here is a mess. It is one of the most overly convoluted plots I have seen in a while, with twists and a needlessly large amount of side characters stuffed in to try and make the film as confusing as possible.

Overall, though watchable and at times even moderately entertaining there is no way this is a classic.

Pros.

DeVito

A few funny lines

DeVito and Schwarzenegger’s chemistry together

Cons.

It is convoluted

There are too many side characters

Some of the lines are icky

The jokes mostly don’t work

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No Sudden Move: HBO MAX Are Desperate

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Usually Steven Soderbergh crime films are an interesting gift to audiences, however something is not quite right with this one and it ends up being anything but. I can’t help but feel like people knew this film wasn’t good as it was not marketed at all, anywhere.

For the talented cast involved you would expect something good, however the whole affair is just very mediocre. The acting was all fine no one really blew me away. However, the thing that really stood out to me was how predictable and thrill-less the film was. Everything is very clearly signed posted from the get-go and the story only gets more obvious as it goes along.

The real issue here is that this film does not feel special. It feels like a hundred other crime films that are churned out year after year, there is nothing to make this film standout and ultimately it doesn’t. Watching this it could have been any number of other films. The film is watchable don’t get me wrong, but it is deeply generic.

Overall, I found this film very hard to finish as it was so bland that it almost put me to sleep.

Pros.

It is watchable

It is nice to see Brenden Frasier back on our screens

Cons.

You have seen this film before

It is boring and predictable

There is no passion here it just feels like it was churned out to fill out the catalogue of content for HBO Max.

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Fear Street Part Two: What Is More Cliche In Horror Than A Summer Camp

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Fear Street saga continues as we go into the past to follow the story of the only person to ever have survived a run in with the witch, and her undead minions.

Though this is a good film in its own right, it is also certainly a step back from the previous film. Maybe the American summer camp has been done to death as a horror location, in fact there is no maybe about it. So seeing it in all its cliched infamy here hurts the film as it lessens the quality and the originality.

Moreover, I found Sadie Sink to be a fine lead. Though she does get more than her fair share of the lime light and a lot of the side characters including her sister are given very little and are deeply underserved as a result. I enjoyed the few scenes we get with Gillian Jacobs she is very talented and brings a lot to the film, hopefully we get to see more of her in the final entry.

In terms of scares this is quite on a par with the first film with each of them having a few good scares here and there without feeling scary as a whole. Honestly, I found the horrific bullying in this film more traumatic than the undead killers. I will assume that was not how the film wanted it to be.

Overall, though this film is good the cracks and crucially the cliches are starting to show through.

Pros.

Gillian Jacobs

Sadie Sink

A few good scares

Cons.

For the most part not scary

The side characters, even those important to the plot, are pushed to the side

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The House Next Door, Meet The Blacks Two: From Surviving The Purge To Fighting Vampires

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After surviving the events of terror night, the Blacks are now beset by vampires next door.

Very rarely is a sequel better than the film that proceeded it, even less so in horror. However, this film is a noticeable improvement over the first.

The first film was very reliant on cliches, racial stereotypes, and trendy internet buzz words. This film, however, actually manages to be funny and to be a worthwhile contribution to the horror comedy genre.

A big part of that is the fact that this time around Karl Black, Mike Epps, is actually likeable. This film makes the character far more sympathetic, so much so that you root for him and want to see him defeat the vampire that is living next door.

Katt Williams as Doctor Mamuwalde, the vampire, is easily the best thing about this film. Williams is a scene stealer and makes for a terrific villain. I would like to see him return in some capacity again if they make a third film as he really adds something to proceedings.

However, the main reason this film is better than the first is because it is funnier. Yes, this film made me laugh several times throughout and it made me smile more than that. Though humour may be subjective I think it is very unlikely someone would find the first film funnier than this one.

Overall, a successful sequel that is much more fun to watch than its predecessor.

Pros.

Williams

The characters are far more likeable

The ending and set up for further mystical adventures

Cons.

Other than Karl the rest of the family are side-lined

Still quite cliched and lazy at times

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Fifty Shades Of Black: Marlon Wayans Needs To Retire

0.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A parody of Fifty Shades Of Gray.

This film is one of the worst I’ve seen in a while and shows just how far Marlon Wayans has fallen.

Firstly not only is it not funny all of the jokes are the same and are equally painful. The film reads like it was written by a teenager and relies on gross out humour and weak physical comedy to try and get a cheap laugh out of the audience, but even still it fails.

Secondly, this film has a storyline, or should I say a whole character whose soul purpose is to date rape his friend. Yes, that’s right the female leads best friend spends the whole film trying to force her into sex in some fashion. Sick and wrong, and worst of all the film thinks this is funny. Someone wants to have a look into the private goings on of the people who made this film if they think sexual assault is funny.

Thirdly, and this is something the film can be proud of, the film is so bad it makes the Fifty Shades movies better. I never thought I would end up saying that about a film but sadly it applies here, it is just so awful that even those films look better by comparison.

Overall, not only is this film trash those who made it should be made to apologies.

Pros.

It makes Fifty Shades, and its sequels look like fine cinema

Cons

It makes a joke out of sexual assault

It is boring

It tries too hard to be edgy

It is not funny

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Werewolves Within: A Property Deal Gone Bad

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of people in a small town get trapped during a werewolf attack.

Once this film gets going, which admittedly takes a while, and the werewolf begins to actually play a large role in the story this film really takes off- sadly that is about ten minutes from the end.

It has been a while since we had a truly good werewolf film, maybe WolfCop was the last good one but even that was a while ago now. As such I had a lot riding on this in terms of excitement and it struggled to deliver. The final ten minutes of werewolf goodness almost make all of the boring build up worth it.

Therein lies the problem with this film and why it can get no higher, it spends a long time introducing you to basically pointless characters who become werewolf chow and tries to make you care about these characters and the mystery of who is the werewolf. In both of these aims the film fails. I only cared about Finn, Sam Richardson, and Cecily, Milana Vayntrub, the rest of the characters just faded to the background. This film wastes too much time getting to the moments you actually want to see.

The final fight is fun to watch and is certainly a highpoint for the film.

Finally, this is a comedy horror film, but really it is neither. It is not scary nor is it funny. So I ask you what is it?

Overall, a let down that only has a very brief sequence of werewolf goodness

Pros.

Richardson

Vayntrub

The werewolf fight at the end

Cons.

It is not funny

It is not scary

It spends too long with pointless side characters

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The Polka King: Netflix Needs To Try Harder

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Based on a true story. Jan Lewan, played by Jack Black, is the self-styled King of Polka, however when the bills start to pile up he turns to committing wide scale fraud in order to maintain his reputation and keep his family comfortable.

I can’t help but compare this to Bernie the Richard Linklater directed true crime film wherein Jack Black played another oddly eccentric criminal. However where that film had exciting stakes this film just seems to keep the same pace never really ramping up to anything, and then he gets caught. It is underwhelming.

Moreover, Black’s performance is okay, but he has certainly been better. Usually, I would deem it heresy to say anything bad about the singing ability of Black, but here he is particularly not good. I don’t know if it is the repetitive nature of the songs themselves, but whenever it cut to one of his concerts I actively felt off put and couldn’t wait for it to be over.

By far the best thing about this film is Jason Schwartzman, who excels in offbeat comedy films dark and otherwise. Schwartzman made this film for me, and whenever he was on-screen it was a delight. Honestly the film needed more of him, Black was doing all he could to keep the film together, but it wasn’t enough: they should have given Schwartzman more to do.

Overall, a very middling film that is not a great showing for anyone other than Jason Schwartzman who can’t be brought down by the films mediocrity

Pros.

Schwartzman

Black is trying

It is has promise

Cons.

It lacks stakes the crimes all feel very much on the same level

Black singing polka music is off putting

It is painfully slow

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Hell Baby: Straight From The Pits Of Hell

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I understand comedy is subjective, but I don’t see how anyone can find this film funny. There are long drawn out ‘jokes’ where the funny element is that the characters are just eating and making repetitive noises over and over again- how is that funny?

The only reason this film got a 1 is because of Kegan Michael-Key who frankly is doing everything he can to save this film, but even his herculean effort can’t stop this film from being awful. There were only a handful of moments where I laughed in this film, and they were all as a result of Key.

Moreover, this film much in the same vein as Coming To America 2 and A Haunted House made light of male sexual abuse. This is a recurring theme within comedy films, and it needs to stop, it is not only in bad taste, but it also sets a bad precedent for male victims of sexual abuse to be laughed off or treated as not serious. The scene in questions sees the lead receiving unwanted oral sex from someone he thinks is his wife only to later find out it is not, when it is revealed that he has been abused he is then made to feel lesser by his wife- real bad message there.

Furthermore, there is also a drawn out needless nude scene with Riki Lindhome’s character. This scene goes on and on and on, and it makes you think is the joke supposed to be that the people who made this were/are creeps or am I missing something. The whole thing feels very exploitative.

Overall, this is bottom of the barrel comedy horror, it does neither well and though Kegan Michael-Key tries his best this film deserves damnation.

Pros.

Key

Cons.

Playing off male sexual assault as a joke

The icky nude scene

It is mostly deeply unfunny

It is nothing you haven’t seen before

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