Elvis: Tom Hank’s Worst Performance

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

An Elvis biopic featuring a career worst performance from Tom Hanks.

Who thought Tom Hanks character here was a good idea? Whoever that person is should be fired, being subjected to Hanks’ performance here is nothing short of cruel and unusual. From the horrible over the top accent, that moves around constantly, to the awful facial prosthetics that become hilariously distracting at times, Hanks is destined for a Razzie nomination for this one.

Moreover, though I enjoy Baz Luhrmann’s style to a degree it is too much here. With the awful pacing and frequent needless asides this reeks to me of a director who was given carte blanche over proceedings and decided to fully embrace their style to the detriment of the film more widely, sometimes it is good to reign in a director. Truly, I think the most egregious thing about this film is its runtime, which is frankly absurdly long.

On a more positive note, this film does include all of the classic Elvis numbers that many of you will be coming to this film to hear, and in that respect you will be happy for the film’s obscene runtime as it gives you a chance to hear more of them and even to hear some totally needless remixes of them as well.

In addition Austin Butler gives one hell of a performance and manages to salvage this film from being a total dumpster fire fueled on by an unchecked director. Butler really becomes lost in the role and by the midpoint in the film you almost entirely forget that he isn’t Elvis himself. To further push that point home, up against Hanks’ ghastly performance Butler looks like he should be winning next year’s Oscar.

Overall, a good time if you like Elvis, otherwise fairly mixed.

Pros.

Butler

You get to here all your old favourites

Quite a detailed look into the life of Elvis

Cons.

Hanks’ performance and everything about his character

The runtime

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Falling Inn Love: A Good Way To Kill Off Your Remaining Brain Cells

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A symbolic representation of Netflix failing in the most basic concept of quality over quantity.

Honestly, if I were not reviewing this film I would have turned it off at the twenty minute mark. It was more than a slog to get through and at times became actively annoying for me.

This film perfectly encapsulates the idea of the irritating entitled American abroad who thinks that it is okay to talk down to the locals and who is a baffled that they don’t have the latest technology that she is used to. Christina Millan plays the lead character as such a brat that you will find it hard to feel anything towards her other than contempt.

Moreover, the story structure is beyond basic and feels copied and pasted over from countless other Netflix romance films that do the exact same thing: with some slight variation. You know right from the offset where the film is going and it doesn’t surprise you in anyway.

In addition the usual toxic messages and creeping sexist undertones of the romantic comedy genre are here in spades, and again it makes the film even more unwatchable.

Overall, Netflix just makes trash now.

Pros.

You can dare your friends to try and sit through it, that might be some fun as long as you don’t have to watch it back.

Cons.

It is sexist

The lead is awful

It is generic

You can guess all the plot points at the start of the film.

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Thor Love And Thunder: Thor Gets Paternal

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Thor, played by Chris Hemsworth, is forced out of semi-retirement when Gorr The God Butcher, played by Christian Bale, goes on a killing spree. Along the way he runs into his old flame Jane Foster, played by Natalie Portman, who is now the Mighty Thor.

I have to say a lot of the early responses to this film that I saw were quite negative and so I went in with pretty low expectations, thinking to myself surely it can’t be worse than Dark World, however, in the end I found myself really enjoying the film, and think though it has a few minor issues it is on the whole a strong Marvel outing.

Straight off the bat I think this film really does some great character work with Thor, having him get the chance to see Jane again, then losing her, then having to raise a kid on his own- he goes on a journey. Some out there on the more incely sides of the culture war will say that Thor is humiliated and ruined, however, their toxic masculinity is showing. I think it is possible for Thor to be both a badass action hero, which this film shows off on multiple occasions, as well as a sensitive guy who can be open and also poke fun at himself. At no point did I find he was being dominated or out done by the female characters and I think such takes usually arise from those we insecure masculinities themselves.

I thought the supporting cast all had their moments to shine especially Port, Thompson and Waititi, the latter especially had a lot of great lines. However, I will say that I would have liked Sif, played by Jamie Alexander, who makes a big return here, to have been given more to do. I think for me the stand out performance of the whole film was Russell Crowe as Zeus who instantly became my favourite character of the picture.

In terms of the humour, which has proven quite divisive, I think it is peak Waititi and if you enjoy his style of comedy, which I do, you will find it funny and if you don’t you won’t. Personally I found this film had me laughing more often than not. Moreover, again in rebuke to some of the criticism I have seen out there about the humour of this film, I found that it didn’t take away from the dramatic moments at all, and I think the film has a very strong emotional core. If you aren’t tearing up as Jane dies in Thor’s arms then I question whether you are even human.

Finally onto the few minor things I didn’t like about the film. The CGI in the post credits scene with Hercules, played by Brett Goldstein, was quite poor and possibly on a par with the Pip scene from Eternals. Moreover, the film’s pacing was quite noticeably off and the film as a whole felt very rushed with a lot of big things happening in a short space of time without much room for you to take them in. In addition, Christian Bale’s Gorr performance was all over the place, sometimes being quite frightening and sullen and other times being almost camp, this mismatch created quite a jarring viewing experience. Lastly the ‘Lady Thor’ line was horribly cringe and felt far too meta and on the nose, it really didn’t need to be included.

Overall, though it is not perfect there is a lot to like about this film.

Pros.

Thor’s journey

The ending

Zeus

The supporting cast all get their time to shine

Cons.

The pacing

The ‘Lady Thor’ line

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Bride Wars: This Wouldn’t Get Made Today, Be Thankful For That

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Rather than have a civil conversation about their thoughts, feelings and concerns, two women, played by Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway, are forced into a showdown for a frankly out of date and overly thought of practice, marriage. The sexism in Hollywood is fairly rampant in this one.

The whole premise of this film from having both girls spend their whole lives dreaming of getting married to having to tear each other down just to get the better big day is simply toxic. Some may say that I am overly sensitive, but I thought the idea that all women really want to do is get married died years ago and that we have all moved on to a more progressive dawn, was I wrong?

Hudson and Hathaway are fine, but neither of them are giving the performances of their career and both are fairly easily forgotten about. I feel like because the writer of this film knew it was a romantic comedy they thought that they could peddle out any old tripe and people would just gobble it up, as that is the only explanation I can think of for why the two leads are written as deeply out of date cliches.

Moreover, the ending sentiment feels predictable and like a bygone conclusion from the outset. There is nothing that shocks you or presents even the most simplistic of challenges, it is all incredibly generic.

Furthermore, this film features Chris Pratt which for me just adds to its list of issues, but some people like him so I won’t be too critical of that.

Overall, a widely sexist out of time romantic comedy.

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

It is sexist

It is generic

Neither of the leads are particularly good

Chris Pratt is his ever unlikeable self and that become distracting after a while

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Hairspray: John Travolta’s Finest Hour

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of teens sing and dance to protest segregation.

This review might be controversial to some people, as in some circles Hairspray is a beloved classic up there with Grease, however I think this is far from true and that by having far too much on its plate this film becomes a mess.

Overstretching can be seen as the film does not just try and be a fun breezy musical, but also a socially conscious narrative that brings in topics such as racism and sizeism. The film struggles to develop all three of these aspects simultaneously and as such often neglects one or the other of them. Moreover, within the film’s first act there is a an incredibly awkward transitionary period where these racial themes are injected into the film and it diverts from being simply a silly musical, as the film takes this turn the whole narrative slows down and it feels as though the film you are watching has ended and a new one begun.

The songs aren’t anything special either, for the most part it just feels like you could be watching any musical and if you close your eyes it could even be Highschool Musical. They did very little for me.

Overall, seeing John Travolta sing and dance in a fat suit made it worth my time.

Pros.

It was watchable

Travolta

Cons.

The songs aren’t very good

The tone is inconsistent

It’s message is generic and has been said before

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Invite The Devil To Come And Play: The Devil Went Down To A Concert Hall

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A man’s musical obsession throws him onto a demon’s radar.

This film was genuinely quite scary and did a number of times make me jump: no easy feat. I appreciated how this film felt different from a lot of other more mainstream films about demons and tried to bring its own spin to things. In doing this the film has stayed in my mind far longer than any other demon themed horror film in recent memory has.

I thought the lead performance by Carlton Wilson was thoroughly a tour de force. Not only did Wilson sell the shut out nature of a man obsessed but he also went on an emotional journey over the course of the film, completely sold by his facial acting ability. Never once did I think of his performance as an actor playing a role rather I just saw the character.

My one slight criticism would be that I thought the film was paced a little poorly with the beginning feeling quite slow and then the rest of it quite rushed. To be both too slow and too rushed is quite a problem to have.

Overall, almost perfect.

Pros.

It is scary

Great performances

You can’t look away

It stays with you

The ending

Cons.

The pace

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28 Days Later: The Walking Dead Before The Walking Dead

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

One of the most definitive zombie films of all time. Also the film that really gave us the running zombie.

I really do think this film holds up. I would even be so bold as to say that it is up there with Romero’s Night Of The Living Dead in terms of importance within wider zombie cannon. I think so many shots from this film have become synonymous with the image of the zombie film and in that you can see the films titan like status.

I think the film does a really good job of keeping up the threat throughout the film, and no point in the films runtime do you feel perfectly comfortable as you never know when things are going to turn bad. I would classify this film more as a thriller film than as a horror as I feel it is more tense than scary, but that is just my personal taste.

The performances across the board are really strong, from a young Cillian Murphy to a deranged Christopher Eccleston and back to born survivor Naomie Harris. You will be hard pressed to find a bad performance here as even the child actor of the cast manages to be somewhat decent and not let the side down. Boyle really does a good job of picking a talented symbiotic cast that all play off each other really well.

My only issue with the film would be that after a point the zombies somewhat fade into the background and the remaining soldiers become the real villains of the piece. I think that the zombies should always be front and centre in these sort of films and that the soldiers should have a smaller presence in the film.

Overall, for the most part a classic that still holds up.

Pros.

The tension

The cast

The ending

The gore

Cons.

The soldiers get far too much focus

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The Black Phone: Ethan Hawke Takes Off His Belt

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After being abducted a young boy, played by Mason Thames, must fight to escape armed only with the past experiences of his abductor’s other dead victims.

What is it with Scott Derrickson and dead kids? Whether its Sinister, Deliver Us From Evil or this, the director seems to use dead children as his main horror gimmick, however, I am not complaining they work incredibly well in a creepy sense. I would say the horror here is a mixture of supernatural elements along with the obvious fear surrounding a man abducting and killing kids and for the most part it works well and is incredibly effective. Moreover, for once I didn’t see the jump scares coming and the few that this film does employ made me jump each time.

I think the performance from Ethan Hawke is terrific, despite only being in the film for a short amount of time his character’s impact is felt in all areas and Hawke really does a good job of bringing The Grabber to life and rounding him out as a character. I also think Thames does a good job as the lead, which is saying something as usually child actors give distractingly bad performances, however, that was not the case here.

My only complaint would be that the sub-plot surrounding the Sister, played by Madeline McGraw, and her prophetic dreams feels a bit too filler like for my tastes. I suppose it does bare fruit in the end as it results in the police finding the boy, however, all the scenes of her on her knees calling out to Jesus feel almost a little silly.

Overall, a very enjoyable horror film boosted to no end by Hawke.

Pros.

Hawke

Thames

The scares

The ending

Cons.

The sub-plot with the sister feels like filler

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Watcher: The Moral Of The Story Is Don’t Wave To People Who Watch You Randomly

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young woman, played by Maika Monroe, and her partner, played by Karl Glusman, move to Romania after the latter gets a job offer. However, during their time their women start getting killed and the lead finds herself facing more and more danger.

Other than her partner not being evil, despite being a dick, this film has little surprises in store. For the most part everything happens as you would expect it to in a thriller film and the mystery of what is going on is not much of one as it is incredibly obvious. The film does try and throw a few jump scares at you especially towards the end but they don’t land as they are blatantly signposted.

However, despite being obvious I do think this film has merit. It is incredibly tense and gripping and you can’t look away throughout it, It is always nice when a film can keep my attention. Moreover, Monroe continues to highlight what an unsung talent she is here landing another great and strongly compelling lead performance. I think the pros for this film just about outweigh the cons.

Overall, a fine thriller film made better by solid tension and a great lead performance from Monroe.

Pros.

The tension and suspense throughout

Monroe gives a really strong performance and conveys the stress and fear the character would be feeling in that situation in a very realistic way

The ending feels therapeutic

Cons.

It feels very familiar at times

Most the twists and reveals feel blatant and obvious.

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The Smurfs: Why Sony Pictures Animation Will Never Be Respected

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Sony decided to waste some money and bring back the Smurfs.

Where to start with this film. I will admit I went in with low expectations knowing full well that the film would most likely be bad, a Netflix driven act of viewing self-harm, and yet this film was more boring than bad. Truly there isn’t enough here to make it so bad it is good, or even to make it laughably bad. It is just lazy and uninspired.

My biggest question would be if Sony was going to waste the money trying to bring the Smurfs back why not do it well? The animation is some of the worst I have ever seen, worse than a Disney channel original movie, furthermore, I don’t think the poor quality can be blamed on the year this film came out as it was not that long ago: in all honesty I think Sony just went cheap with it.

Next on the agenda, why is Gargamel, played by Hank Azaria, such an incredibly anti-semitic character? Almost everything about the portrayal reeks of old fashioned and frankly dangerous Jewish stereotypes, are we not past that? Honestly how that character in that shape ever made it into the film is baffling.

Finally, Katy Perry isn’t a good voice actor. I didn’t really think that needed saying but hey musicians aren’t always great at everything, even if you cynically throw them into a film during the hight of their popularity to try and boost audience numbers.

Overall, how was this film successful?

Pros.

Neil Patrick Harris is always great

It is watchable if you are prepared to look past the more outdated elements

Cons.

The antisemitism

Perry

The animation is awful

It is incredibly generic

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