Aladdin: Disney If You’re Listening Please Stop!

Aladdin is a musical romantic adventure film directed by Guy Ritchie. The plot follows a young street urchin called Aladdin (Mena Massoud), who finds a magical lamp that when rubbed produces a Genie (Will Smith), that then offers him 3 wishes. We all know the classic story.

This is yet another one of Disney’s live action remakes that they seem hell bent on making, even though the animated films are still perfectly good and more importantly no one asked for these new films. Personally, I think of the Disney live action remake trend this is probably the best, Will Smith is entertaining and it is a good date movie, it is very romantic at times.

That said let me get into why this film shouldn’t exist. First things first the very existence of this film is an implied slight to the animation, I know in Western countries there is that underlying belief that animation and animated films are for kids, which simply isn’t true, but even still this film is vastly inferior to the animated original in almost every way.

The characters lack any kind of warmth, the characters in the animated film are funny and endearing, you care about them and want them to be happy; here they’re just eh, I have literally never thought about them again since I left the cinema. Massoud is fine, so are the rest of the cast, but therein lies the problem they’re just fine, they’re trying to be as good as the animated original’s voice cast were and they come up short.

What’s more there is a general cheapness to the film, it is clearly an aesthetic choice to make the film look gritty, but I didn’t like it, it made the film look too washed out and serves to reinforce the lack of fun in this film. What’s more there is a lot of things in this film that date it, that in 5 years’ time people will be like that was such a 2010’s film, which in a way makes it bound to that time period and that isn’t a good thing. The thing that dates it of course is the new song for the film, which is incredibly on the nose and proves that Hollywood doesn’t understand the meaning of the word subtly and instead has to ram political messages into every single film; political messages if done right can be effective, but all this served to make me do was cringe.

My final reason for why you shouldn’t waste your money seeing this is because very little is new. As was the common complaint of The Lion King, which was shot for shot the same, there is little new material in this film, there are a few extra Will Smith Genie scenes and a new song, but everything else is pretty much beat for beat the same. I wouldn’t mind paying to see these live action remakes if they actually did something new, but they don’t, it is just a tired rehash and one I can’t support.

Pros.

It is romantic.

If you wanted a less fun version of the original film, you will be in luck.

Cons.

The cheap, gritty look to it.

The new song was bad cringe.

It is just paying to watch the same thing again.

2/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Current State Of Star Trek: There Is Hope Out There

Star Trek is an iconic science fiction brand that has existed for decades, generation after generation have boldly gone where no man has gone before. Over the years we have had many different series and films based on this legendary franchise. What I want to talk about is where the franchise is in 2020 and does the future look bright?

I remember growing up, my dad used to love Star Trek and science fictions shows like it, but it was never for me I preferred things like The Lord Of The Rings, a different type of fantasy. However, as I got older, I started enjoying the series as well. I have seen all 3 of the Bad Robot era Star Trek films and personally I liked them all; even Into Darkness which was controversial to say the least. I have been eagerly awaiting a 4^th film, but it doesn’t look like we are going to get one; at least anytime soon. The Noah Hawley film has gone through a lot of behind the scenes problems, including losing both Chris Pine and Chris Hemsworth, so it looks like it is burning in development hell. Then the Tarantino film seems like a throw away idea, if Tarantino sticks to his planned 10 films that would make this Star Trek film his last and I just can’t see that.

So, if we shift our focus to the TV side of things horizons look brighter. Star Trek Discovery was the first of the modern TV series, now Discovery has had its fair share of problems, including story issues and making episodes overly political and personally I found it very hard to watch, but there is hope there. A lot of the more classic elements work well in this series and I hear that the second season of the show works a lot better. However, it is the other Star Trek series that I think is deserving of praise that series is Picard. This show revisits Patrick Stewarts’ Jean Luc from earlier TV efforts, as of the time of writing this series has only had 3 episodes out, but so far, I am hooked, and I would love to see more content like this.

Overall, Star Trek as a brand needs a firm hand, it needs to decide on what it wants it future to look like, once it has done that then it can decide how to proceed. Personally, I think they will end up rebooting the films as the Pine timeline has too many issues with it at this point, while also keeping the TV side of things alive to fill in the blanks in the universe as well as satiate audiences’ hunger for more from this universe, or at least that is what I would recommend.

Luke

Yoga Hosers: The Great White North

Yoga Hosers is a horror comedy film directed by Kevin Smith. The film serves as the second instalment in Smith’s True North trilogy after Tusk. The story this time around sees the Colleens (Harley Quinn Smith and Lily-Rose Depp) return, to fight Nazi clones that take the form of Bratwurst people and once again save their hometown. If that premise sounds out there and weird to you, it should. Yoga Hosers is aware that it is an hour and half exercise in nonsense and silliness and is proud of it, it revels in it.

*Before I watched this film, I had heard people say nothing but, bad things about it and I have to say I disagree I quite liked the film. For me the Colleens are likable and funny protagonists, Harley Quinn Smith once again proves that she has a lot of upcoming actor potential. I think the film has strong horror and comedy elements, it leans more towards comedy most of the time though and is at times both scary and funny.

The humour for me worked about 75% of the time, which is less than what I would give Jay And Silent Bob Reboot, but that film was great. That said the humour in this film had me chuckling quite often and had me laughing out loud once or twice. Don’t get me wrong there are some jokes that drop like lead weights, but for the most part the comedy works.

The hidden Nazi’s element on the plot was genuinely scary at times, however this was deeply undercut by having them be bratwurst people, which for me was just a little bit too ridiculous and I didn’t find them scary. There was some quite good gore across the film that might make you happy if that is your kind of thing, personally I love a good bit of gore in a horror film.

A final point to note is that Johnny Depp is in this film as Guy LaPointe a detective who helps the girls out. Depp for me was easily the best character in this film and the one I liked the most, he was charming and likeable and very easy to warm to. I like when Depp plays over the top eccentric characters.

Overall, I think this film has been judged a bit too harshly, yes, the bratwurst people are ridiculous and yes, the jokes don’t always land, but on the whole this is still an above average horror comedy film and one that does have things to enjoy for the right audience.

Pros.

The Colleens.

Johnny Depp.

Wonderfully Silly.

Cons.

The Bratwurst people.

The humour for me is hit or miss.

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Justice League Dark: The Mystical Side Of DC

Justice League Dark is an animated science fantasy superhero film. The plot revolves around a team of DC Superheroes, the more mystical ones, who have to investigate a pattern of strange behavior that has turned fatal. The Justice League themselves can’t understand the problem, so it is down to Batman (Jason O’Mara), and his strange collection of allies to save the day.

*Justice League Dark is one of my favourite DC comics, I have read many runs of the team over the years, so when I heard about this project, I knew I had to check it out. I was disappointed, this was an incredibly average film, nothing more, nothing less.

I will admit it was nice to see the team of Constantine (Matt Ryan), Zatanna (Camilla Luddington), and Deadman (Nicholas Turturro), get together; furthermore, it was nice to see Matt Ryan return to play Constantine, he is fairly synonymous with the character to me. However, my issue was the overall story just felt flat. The best issues of the comic have strong horror elements, but I didn’t get that here, other than the shades and a few other things it was mainly without horror.

What’s more though I liked Constantine I felt that a lot of the other characters were short-changed so that he could have more screen time. An example of this would be Swamp Thing (Roger Cross), who has been a major part of the team before in the comics, here only gets a few lines. Worst of all after he gets defeated, he just goes away and we don’t see him again, which feels like a big unresolved plot thread.

As I said before, this film is everything I would expect from a Justice League Dark film, a group of the more mystical DC heroes fighting against a supernatural opponent, but that isn’t enough to sustain my interest across the film’s runtime, I wanted more. More depth to the characters, more scope to the narrative, I don’t know exactly what but, something that felt better than bog standard.

Overall, this film fell short my expectations, it didn’t wow me in anyway, in fact it annoyed me a lot of the time. I wish they had put more time and energy into the characters and the story overall, if they had this might have been something special.

Pros.

Matt Ryan.

It is nice to see all of the characters team up.

A solid foundation.

Cons.

Other than Constantine and Zatanna very weak characters.

How they handled Swamp Thing.

2.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Good Place: In Memoriam

The Good Place is a fantasy comedy series created by Michael Schur, of The Office, Parks And Recreation And Brooklyn 99 fame. The series follows Eleanor Shellstrop (Kristen Bell), a woman who awakes in the Good Place/Heaven even though she doesn’t deserve to be there. The first series sees her try to blend in and not be discovered, taking ethics lessons from her assigned soulmate Chidi (William Harper Jackson), who eventually finds out that she does not belong in the Good Place as well. Then there is a masterful reveal at the end of the first season that they are in the Bad Place/ Hell and the events of the first season have been an elaborate form of torture. The following seasons see Eleanor and the others try and earn entry into Good Place, become better people and reform the afterlife system in general.

The reason why this series became such a successful phenomenon is because it is so well written, it has it’s finger on the pulse of pop culture and has characters that you can see grow on screen. The Good Place works because it is such a novel take on the sitcom genre, the show’s approach to morality and ethics make for some great laughs and also some scenes and decisions that really make you think.

What’s more just like Parks And Recreation before it The Good Place has an incredibly loveable main cast of characters. Along with Chidi and Elanor who I have already mentioned, we have Tahani (Jameela Jamil), Jason (Manny Jacinto), Janet (D’Arcy Carden) and Michael (Ted Danson), all of these characters are unique and interesting, they have distinct types of personality and comedy styles. For me either Michael or Eleanor are the funniest and consistently make me laugh across all the series.

Overall, The Good Place was a landmark for comedy and sitcoms in general, it was consistently funny across its run and had some of the best characters on TV. It will be a shame to see it go, but hopefully the ending will live up to the rest of the series and it will go out on a high note. As of the time of writing I have not yet seen the final episode, so these are just my thoughts on the series so far, but unless the ending is terrible this series will always be 4.5/5 for me. Some of the seasons are stronger than others but, overall it is a hell of a show!

*Edit, I loved the ending it was terrific.

Pros.

Strong characters.

Interesting ways of storytelling.

Characters that you can see grow.

Very Funny.

Cons.

A few weaker moments across the seasons.

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina Part 3: Abandon All Hope Of A Good Season

The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Part 3 is a supernatural horror TV Series. The show revolves around a young witch called Sabrina Spellman (Kiernan Shipka), she is half witch and half human and is unlike her peers on both sides on the supernatural vial. The series sees her learn more about her powers and herself and go on various adventures with her friends. Part 3 sees Sabrina go to hell to get her boyfriend back, thereby becoming the new Queen of hell, as well as battling against a horde of pagans that worship the Old Gods and want to see the destruction of Sabrina’s coven.

Before I get into this review I just want to say I genuinely enjoyed the first 2 parts of this series, there were plenty of great horror moments to keep me interested, despite being linked to the Archie comics and therefore to Riverdale this show had avoided most of the terrible pit falls of that show. At least it did for a time.

Part 3 is by far the worst so far, The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina always had a distinct sense of identity, but it loses it this season. It basically becomes a more out there slightly scarier Riverdale which is the worst thing I could ever possibly say. The supernatural horror takes a back seat to relationship drama and teenage angst, I understand this is the main market for the show, but the other parts still had good horror elements mixed in to make these moments bearable. What’s more there is a musical interlude every 5 seconds, which feels very Riverdale, these songs feel like they have no natural place in the show instead feeling like plot padding and a chance to show off their licensed music.

Another thing that makes this part the worst for me is Sabrina herself. She has always been brash and impulsive following her heart rather than her head, but this season is ridiculous. She repeatedly does things that put everyone she cares about in danger just because it is what she wants to do. When she is trying to become The Queen Of Hell, she won’t take souls unless she thinks they deserve it, which is baffling as they sold their souls to the devil in the first place. What’s more her whole holier than thou attitude quickly becomes grating as she seems to think she knows better than everyone else on screen; proving her to be the embodiment of every self-entitled, self-important arsehole ever; what makes this almost comical is that she is near always wrong.

Don’t even get me started on her friends, they literally exist to further the plot and fill-out the near hour runtime of an episode. In a supernatural horror show, I don’t want to watch a 10-minute cheer leading sequence. This series is going down the toilet fast.

Pros.

A few good horror sequences.

Lilith continues to be great.

Cons.

Sabrina is hateable.

It feels pandering and Riverdale esque.

It’s vapid and self-involved.

1.5/5

Reviewed By Luke

Colour Out Of Space: Nicolas Cage And H.P Lovecraft, Terror And Mania

Colour Out Of Space is a horror film directed by Richard Stanley. It is an adaption of the H.P Lovecraft story of the same name and marks the start of a Lovecraft trilogy that Stanley wants to direct. The plot follows a family of farmers whose life starts to take a sinister turn when a meteor crashes in their front garden; said meteor and the things that come out of it interfere with time and space and create monstrosities.

This film is everything you would expect from a Lovecraft horror film, monsters from a hellish other plane, grotesque mutated humans that make your skin crawl and a deep and unrelenting sense of existential dread and terror. Straight from the beginning when we are introduced to Lavinia (Madeleine Arthur), we see the mystical elements that make up this story and the wider Lovecraft universe.

Adding to this sense of madness Nicholas Cage plays Nathan, Lavinia’s father, he is just a humble farmer and family man. As the film progress we see Nathan become more and more insane as his life slowly falls apart and he is forced to kill his Alpacas and his Wife and Son. Cage as we all know is fantastic when it comes to playing manic characters, he has great energy and is able to flip out on a dime. Cage’s performance in this film is just as insane as we would expect; his casting was a touch of genius.

The ending of this film is also great as it ends with this sense of calm, but also heavily implied ideas of post-apocalypse. It has a looming sense of hopelessness that I find perfectly embodies the Lovecraftian spirit.

My only issue with the film is that they could have spent more time showing us the other plane that would have been really cool, the little taster we get is great, but I would like more. Furthermore, the wider Gardner family outside of the two I have already mentioned are all fairly one note and feel paper thin; I would have liked them to have more to do.

Overall, this is a perfect Lovecraftian horror film, it has everything you would want it and boasts a fantastic Nicolas cage performance, it is slightly let down by some of the less developed characters, but it is a hell of a start to a trilogy. Overall, if you like Lovecraft, Nicolas Cage or just horror in general then this is a must see!

Pros.

A near perfect Lovecraft adaption.

A great ending.

Nicolas Cage.

The unrelenting horror.

Cons.

Slightly underdeveloped in parts.

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Witcher: A New Fantasy King Rises

The Witcher is a fantasy drama series based on the novels by Andrzej Sapkowski. The plot of the series revolves around Geralt of Rivia (Henry Cavill), a Witcher, a mutant who hunts monsters. Over the course of the series we see Geralt try to escape destiny and his responsibility towards Princess Cirilla (Freya Allan), a child whose fate is tied to Geralt’s through the law of surprise. The series builds to these two characters meeting.

I have to say before I get into this review, I am a huge Witcher fan, I love the games and the books. So, I had been eagerly awaiting this series for quite some time. This series does play homage to both of these, that have come before, taking elements from both. I would say it probably leans more towards the books in terms of faithfulness.

When I first saw him on screen, I wasn’t quite sure how I felt about Cavill as Geralt, but he did grow on me overtime. I think Cavill did a good job as the character and I can’t wait to see where he takes the character in the next season. I think he especially did a good job with the voice; he sounds just like the voice actor from the game; if you close your eyes and listen you will see what I mean.

The breakout star of the series for me is Anya Chalotra as Yennefer, who did a great job. Yennefer is the love of Geralt’s life, and their relationship is a huge part of the series. I think the writing of her character was quite weak in the first few episodes, but when she becomes a full-fledged Mage in about episode 2 or 3, she becomes far more engaging.

The world of this show is fantastic it is deep and rich, it is easily one of the best fantasy worlds ever brought to the small screen. The story is told in 3 separate sequences that all take place outside of one another. Geralt has one, Ciri has one and Yennefer has one, they all come together in episode 6, but before that it can be a bit confusing to figure out what is happening and when; on second watch it all makes a lot more sense.

Overall, this is one of Netflix’s best new shows and can easily fill the void left behind by things like Game Of Thrones. If you’re a fan of the games or the books or just fantasy in general, you will love this series and it is definitely one to watch!

Ps. The fight sequences are a thing of beauty.

Pros.

A Solid Lead.

A Rich Developed World.

Multi Layered Characters.

A Loving Homage.

Anya Chalotra Is The Breakout Star.

Cons.

The Out Of Sequence Story Telling Can Be Confusing.

4.5/5

Reviewed By Luke

Mary Poppins Returns: Everyone’s Favourite Nanny Comes Back!

‘Mary Poppins Returns’ is a musical comedy fantasy film it serves as a belated sequel to the 1964 film. The plot this time around sees everyone’s favourite nanny return to teach the next generation of Banks children, how to have fun. The characters of original Banks children are in this film though they’re not played by the same actors.

I have never counted myself as a Mary Poppins fan, I know that it is a very popular film, but it never appealed to me personally. Now that I’ve said that, let’s get into the review.

I think this film has been rather unfairly written off, many people had very high expectations when the sequel was announced, and I believe no matter how good this film was, it would never live up.

I think this film has a lot of charm and all of it, and I mean all of it, comes from Emily Blunt. Blunt plays the new iteration of Mary Poppins and seems to be loving every minute, she has charm and class to spare and lives up to, if not eclipsis, Julie Andrews from the original film. Not only that, but Blunt can also hold her own when it comes to singing, she is fantastic in every song she is in; especially the lamplighter themed one in the second act.

I think on the whole the songs in this film are good, they’re catchy and memorable, without becoming annoying. Though this isn’t true of the film’s first musical number ‘(Underneath the) Lovely London Sky’ which is the worst song in the entire film as it feels like it goes on and on and won’t end; this opens the film on a bad note.

The plot of the film is fine, the Bank’s have to find some shares in the bank so, their house doesn’t get taken away from them. It is serviceable if a little uninspired. It completely wastes the talents of Colin Firth, who is the film’s villain as he is incredibly boring and one-note. The one good thing Firth’s villain does is allow for us to see Dick Van Dyke return, which admittedly is a crowd-pleasing moment.

Overall this film lives only because of how good Emily Blunt is in the role, it has nothing else going for it, in many ways it seems like money was the only thing that made Mary Poppins Return.

Ps. Don’t even get me started on Meryl Steep as Topsy, for another time.

Pros.
Most Of The Music.
Emily Blunt.
Dick Van Dyke’s Return.

Cons.
The Opening Song.
The Plot Of The Film.
Wasting Colin Firth.

3/5

Reviewed By Luke.

The House With A Clock In The Walls: Eli Roth’s Child Friendly Feature

‘The House With A Clock In Its Walls’ is a dark fantasy, horror, comedy film, based on a series of children’s book. The plot follows Lewis (Owen Vaccaro), a recent orphan who moves to live with his uncle Jonathan (Jack Black), when he arrives he realises there is more to his uncle then he ever knew; namely that he is a Warlock. The events that follow are Jonathan and his neighbor Florence (Cate Blanchett), fighting the evil Warlock, that use to be Jonathan’s magic partner and mentor.

This film marks a first for the director Eli Roth this film is Roth’s first film that isn’t out and out a horror film; Roth’s trademark gore is nowhere to been seen here. The strangest thing about this film is that it works quite well, Roth doing children’s dark fantasy seems to be the perfect match; this film feels very Del Toro esque which is the highest compliment I can give.

The horror elements are quite strong here, for a kids film, the gothic sensibilities this film wears on its sleeve are used to wonderful effect. It feels very much in the same vein as Black’s other children’s horror series ‘Goosebumps’, but better. The villain of the film Issac Izard (Kyle Maclachlan), brings with him a genuine sense of menace and threat. His dastardly plot is to turn back time and erase the human race; which is weirdly wonderful.

The central trio of heroes are all mostly great, the weak link is Vaccaro, but that is to be expected. I won’t go on about it too much as it is low hanging fruit to go after a child actor for being the weak part of the film, but he brings very little to the film no charm no charisma nothing.

Blanchett is terrific as Florence, a mater witch who has lost her magical ability as a result of losing her family. The transformation she goes through, which results in her becoming a part of the family is very sweet and affecting. Black also plays the caring uncle, very well he gives it just the right amount of warmth and humour, which makes him the star of the show. Black is also the main person on the comedy front and, he does a great job all of his jokes land well, which make for some great chuckle-inducing moments.

Overall this film is a great turn for Eli Roth as he proved he can do more than just ‘torture porn’, it could also be a great start for a potential franchise of child-friendly gothic horror films; hopefully Black and Blanchett return if they do a sequel.

Pros.
Black.
Blanchett.
The Gothic Horror Elements.
A Surprising Turn For Roth.

Cons.
The Plot Is Daft And Riddled With Plot Holes.

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke