Bad Boys: Cars Need Cupholders

Bad Boys is a buddy cop action film directed by Michael Bay. The plot follows two Miami police detectives as they get wrapped up in a narcotics investigation that threatens them on both a personal and professional level.

Before watching this, the only Bad Boys film I had seen was the most recent entry For Life, however watching this film actually made me like that less. That is not to say this is a bad film quite the opposite to be truthful with you, watching this allowed me to see how all the jokes and other elements I liked in For Life where actually just repeated from this film; the unoriginality is staggering.

Say what you want about Bay, as a director he was at this prime in the 90s and this film proves that. This is everything you would want from a buddy cop action film, explosions, laughs, catchphrases…. well maybe not everything; this is no Lethal Weapon after all, but there is enough there to keep you entertained.

Will Smith and Martin Lawrence have a great comedic back and forth, no Gibson and Glover but few can aspire to that level of greatness. I think this film manages to nail the tone perfectly between silly and serious as it can by its nature go from a jokey scene between the partners to them witnessing an important death that still feels resonantly impactful, without being jarring in the transition.

Overall, is this as good as Lethal Weapon no, no it is not, but it is definitely on the high end of the buddy cop scale, there is a lot to love here as long as you aren’t too demanding. Smith and Lawrence are electric together on screen.

Pros

The humour

The switch in switch out tone

Smith and Lawrence

Cons.

Some of it is a little cliched

It is not as funny as it thinks it is.

3/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Girl In The Spiders Web: Can The Spider Hurry Up

The Girl In The Spiders Web is a thriller film directed by Fede Alvarez based on the Millennium book series written by David Lagercrantz. The plot sees Lisbeth Salander (Claire Foy), as she battles against a mysterious criminal organisation that has ties to her past.

I understand this property is well respected, the book this film is based on is held in high esteem: I have not read it myself so I can’t say, but what I will say is if the plot of this film is any indication for the story and plot of the books they had been vastly over credited.

There was nothing here that I had not seen done better before elsewhere. Most of the twists and turns were painfully apparent from the get-go, and quite frankly I was bored watching it: there were big stretches within this film when I was desperately hoping for something interesting to happen, but it never did.

Foy is fine, is fine she has been a lot better elsewhere, but she is not out right terrible. The acting front much like everything else in this film is very meh, the one good performance and it is more a result of a styling and costume rather than actual acting is Claes Bang, as a villainous enforcer who has a great presences and a few interesting action moments.

Overall, deeply underwhelming.

Pros.

Claes Bang

Cons.

The performances are average

The script is boring and lazy

The plot is predictable

The action is fairly weak and run of the mill

1/5

Reviewed by Luke

War: An Action Film Minus The Action

War is an action film directed by Phillip G. Atwell. The plot sees FBI agent Tom Lone (Jason Statham), track down the assassin (Jet Li), who killed his partner some time prior. A personal war ensues between the two men.

So usually one can enjoy Jason Statham action movies for the dumb spectacle they are, usually they are made better for not taking themselves seriously and for playing up the more campy elements. However, clearly this film did not get that memo, this film takes itself far, far too seriously to be any kind of fun, but more than that this film is boring.

Additionally, for an action film there is precious little action on display here, usually it is just a person walks into a room, shoots some people, then leaves, that is all there is too it. Even the final set piece at the end of the film is disappointing and surprisingly tame. This film seems to have a tell not show policy towards its action and it is all the worse for it.

On the performance side of things, Statham plays Statham as always but without any of the charm. Whereas Li has the presences but doesn’t actually do anything interesting for the entire film. Neither character has anything even barely resembling a personality and the whole film feels like a cliché wrapped in a stereotype.

Overall, this is one of the tamest most boring action films I have ever seen.

Pros.

None

Cons.

It is boring

It is tame

The characters aren’t fun to watch

The ending is disappointing

It is cliché and played out

0/5

Reviewed by Luke

Centurion: Neil Marshal Really Seems To Have A Thing About Scotland

Centurion is a historical action film directed by Neil Marshal. The film loses covers the disappearance of the Roman 9^th Legion during its occupation of what would go on to be Britain. We follow Quintus Dias (Michael Fassbender), as he and a surviving group of Roman soldiers try to survive their retreat after the decimation of the 9^th legion.

If there is one thing Neil Marshal is a master of it is visceral visuals, very much like his contemporaries Michael Bay and Zack Snyder, Marshal manages to create a very violent and very real sense of place and danger. This film is pure spectacle right from the off when we see the destruction and slaughter of most of the Legion at the hands of giant balls of fire, and it continues from there.

The film is very much dumb fun, the story is littered with plot holes, and if you are watching it for the narrative or for it to make sense then you are watching the wrong film. If you are watching it for brutal violence and over the top spectacle, such as a man who has a spear sticking through him impaling another man without immediately dying then this is the film for you.

I thought the performances were all good, not great but serviceable and watchable. We see quite a lot of British talent on display in this film, David Morrissey, Liam Cunningham, Riz Ahmed and Noel Clarke all give decent supporting performances and leave an impression, regardless of their amount of screen time.

Overall, this is a fun watch for the gory carnage alone, don’t watch it if you want serious or thoughtful as it is neither of those things.

Pros.

The dumb fun

The violence

The over the top elements

Fassbender

Cons.

The villains are quite weak

The choice of display for the opening and closing credits is weirdly jarring

The ending doesn’t make any sense

3/5

Reviewed by Luke

Doomsday: North Of The Wall Is An Angry Scotsman

Doomsday is a science fiction action film directed by Neil Marshall. The plot imagines a future United Kingdom that has been ravaged by a deadly virus, as a result of this Scotland (the disease’s epicenter) has been sealed off to the rest of the world and left for dead.

Ignoring how close to our own reality some parts of this film are, this was quite a fun time. I enjoyed the Mad Max aesthetic and thought that the world itself was begging to be explored further, I was left wanting to know more about what happened during the films time jump.

I thought it was nice to see a bad ass female action hero in the lead, Eden Sinclair (Rhona Mitra), is very much in the same vein as other early 2000s feminist icons like Selene (Kate Beckinsale), from the Underworld films and Alice (Mila Jovovich), from the Resident Evil films. Eden has a great on- screen presence boosted by great physicality in the performance from Mitra, she is a very believable action hero. However, her character doesn’t have much in the way of a personality which I find to be my only real issue with the real.

The ending is edgy enough to feel satisfactory and leaves the door open for a sequel, should we want to return.

Overall, a fun time if a little troubling due to our current circumstance.

Pros.

Mitra

The premise

The world and the world building

Malcolm McDowell is always a welcome presence

Cons.

Eden might be cool, but she has no personality

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Doom: The Rock As You Have Never Seen Him Before

Doom is a science fiction action film directed by Andrzej Bartkowiak, serving as a live action adaptation of the classic video game series of the same name. The plot sees a group of soldiers sent on a rescue mission to mars, however once they arrive they are forced to do battle with genetically engineered monsters.

So, this film is used as the poster child for bad video game to film adaptations, however, after watching it I can see a rough sort of charm to it and I don’t think this film is as bad as it has been made out to be by any means. I remember watching this film when I was young, my parents put it on one Halloween night, and before rewatching it for this review that was my only exposure to the film.

I easily think the best sequence in the film is the first person shoot out rampage towards the end of the film. Not only does it look somewhat like the games, which is nice as a point of homage, but also it is just cool to see first person action Hardcore Henry proved my point without a shadow of a doubt and it remains the case here.

Moreover, the performances from Karl Urban, The Rock and Rosamund Pike are all quite good, will any of them win awards for their roles? No they won’t. Though they are good enough to get you lost in the world of the film and its characters.

Overall, maybe I have a soft spot for this film because I am a fan of the games, but I do think that it is a lot of dumb fun and action movie cheese which makes it enjoyable. It is the best video game adaptation no it is not, but it is a good time.

Pros.

The first-person sequence

The acting though not great is good for a video game movie

The world

The creatures themselves

Cons.

None of it made sense

The effects are laughably bad

It is not really related to the games in anyway

3/5

Reviewed by Luke

Shadow In The Cloud: The Next Ripley?

Shadow In The Clouds is a war time horror film directed by Roseanne Liang. The plot sees a stowaway female pilot (Chloe Grace-Mortez), board a plane with a mysterious object. During the flight paranormal forces seek to work against her and to steal what is inside the mysterious box.

Though coming out in the final days of 2020 this may be a strong contender for best horror of 2021, unless something truly exceptional comes out to dethrone it. The sheer level of creativity and originality that this film boasts is a sight to behold, I honestly don’t think I have ever seen a film quite like this.

The scares are well earned as well, whether it is coming in the form of distressing gore, such as when she has to mend her broken finger), or supernatural threat. Both of which help to add to the tension of the film as a whole and make it hard to look away from.

Moreover, I have complained about the female empowerment message in a lot of recent films for not feeling earned or for feeling forced in, but here it is spot on. Grace-Mortez’s Maude is a kickass unstoppable action hero very much in the vein of Ripley or Sarah Conner. Also much like those examples, the film does not feel overt in its messages or politics rather it all feels natural and well done. Honestly the final fight scene is a cheer worthy moment.

Overall, one of the best films I have seen in a long time, a must see!

Pros.

It is empowering

Chloe Grace-Mortez is terrific

There is nothing else quite like it out there

The supernatural WW2 mix

The ending

Cons.

None

5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Into The Storm: Man Vs. Tornado

Into The Storm is a disaster film directed by Steven Quail. The film recounts the devasting effects of a tornado on a small town in America, thriller seekers, researcher and horny teens all get caught up in its destructive wake.

In many ways the disaster move genre is very like the shark attack sub-genre in horror, you know what you are getting, they all play out pretty much the same barring a few details, and they are all as predictable as hell: in short they are junk food, you know they aren’t enriching in any way yet you still watch them as they’re easy.

My issue with this film compared to others in the genre like The Day After Tomorrow or 2012, is that a tornado is fairly simplistic. There is spectacle to it sure, but it gets old after about half and hour and has nothing new to pull out of the bag. There is only so many times you can watch a car get sucked into a hurricane.

The acting is what would expect nothing spectacular, just a bunch of b and c listers trying their best to be serviceable and for the most part they do a decent enough job. I would say the cast could have done with being smaller, as at times it felt like there were too many people on screen and as such I couldn’t remember who everyone was let alone form emotional attachments to them.

Overall, if you like disaster movies this is passable enough, if you want something above average or god forbid fresh then yeah maybe give this one a miss.

Pros.

It is watchable

The tornado is neat for the first 20 minutes

Cons.

It is nothing special

You have seen all of this film before several times over

The effects don’t look good

It is boring after a point

2/5

Reviewed by Luke

Batman Vs Superman: A Vague Similarity In Mother’s Name Prevents Brutal Death

Batman V Superman Dawn Of Justice is a DC comics-based superhero film directed by Zack Snyder and serving as a sequel to Snyder’s previous Man Of Steel film. The plot sees Batman (Ben Affleck) and Superman (Henry Cavil), butt heads as both fear the other.

So, despite what some would have you believe I actually like the films of the DCEU. I will say that they and this film specifically suffer from a problem of not understanding the characters, this can be seen with Batman as a mass murderer and Superman as some sort of alien Jesus. However, if you ignore comics accuracy or how we normally see these character portrayed there is still quite a lot of good stuff here.

I thought this film did a great job of introducing Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot), I thought that she was easily the highlight of the film and the scenes with her in were terrific. I thought the best thing about this film is the world that Snyder seems to be building, I enjoyed seeing teases to past adventures and former glories. Though I do think at times it was a little on the nose, like when they find a laptop with all the other members of the Justice League’s symbols on I cringed hard, and it is clear they are trying to rush things.

I thought the Doomsday fight was a fun way to end the film, even if it did just boil down to an explosion of CGI and I thought the decision to kill Superman so early on in the franchise was a gutsy move. The one thing that bothered me was when Batman was visited by a future version of the Flash (Ezra Miller), with a warning about Superman. The scene stood out for all the wrong reasons, chief among them how cheap it looked, it also made little sense even in Snyder’s remastered ultimate edition.

I also liked Jessie Eisenberg as Lex Luthor; it was a fun take on the character.

Overall, if you ignore how the film butchers the identities of its titular characters there is a lot of dumb fun to be had.

Pros.

Bold choices made

Introducing Wonder Woman

A rich world to explore

Cons.

It does not understand Batman or Superman

The future Flash scene bugged me

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

We Can Be Heroes: David Bowie Is Turning In His Grave

We Can Be Heroes is a superhero family film directed by Robert Rodriguez as a spin off to his The Adventures Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl In 3D. The plot picks up sometime after the events of Sharkboy and Lavagirl and focus on the next generation of superheroes, as they have to fight off an alien invasion when there super heroic parents get captured.

This is a mixed bag. To start on a positive note, I enjoyed the films playful sense of humour it often made me laugh and I was smiling throughout. I also thought the world was well developed and flushed out (which is one of Rodriguez’s best qualities as a filmmaker). I think this film did a great job exploring the lore set up by the previous film and it capitalises on it to great effect.

On the other hand, however, all of Rodriguez’s issues from the Spy Kids films are in full effect here. The film is far too busy and there is often something being forgotten or overlooked because you can’t focus on it all; appealing to children’s 5 second attention spans is all well and good, but it does serve to alienate the adults in the audience.

Secondly, the ending feels like a cop out. It is not as bad as it was all a dream, but it is not far off. The intention was clearly to have the ending be this big emotional pay off but that didn’t come across and the ending left me cold and a little bit irritated.

Finally, the film has a real issue with cringeworthy dialogue and moments, whether it is some of the lines the child actors come out with (most of who are not giving good performances), or rather the on the nose slowed down butchering of a classic David Bowie song, there are more than enough moments to make your whole body cringe.

Overall, there is still some greatness here, however the charm of the previous film and Rodriguez’s Spy Kids films is not here, unlike the issues which most definitely carry over.

Pros.

Pedro Pascal

The humour

The world

Cons.

It is frequently cringey

There is too much going on

The ending is very, very bad

2/5

Reviewed by Luke