Vanishing On 7th Street: Anakin Fights The Darkness

Vanishing on 7^th Street is a post-apocalyptic thriller film directed by Brad Anderson. The plot revolves around a world were the darkness is closing in all around us, each day there is less and less sunlight to a point where we are basically living in darkness. To make matters worse when a person is trapped in the darkness, they become consumed and disappear from existence. This has been going on for an undetermined about of time and most of humanity is gone.

The premise for this film is terrifying and it stayed with me long after I saw it. Every day we spend a large amount of our time in the dark and if that became fatal the fallout would be unimaginable. I think for the most part this scary premise was lived up to, my one complaint would be I never understood the powers of the darkness. The darkness seems to be able to turn off lights and drain electrical devices of their power, but other times they can’t. Sometimes the shadow people seem to be threatening monsters who want nothing more than to lure people out into the darkness to kill them, other times it is loved ones watching over the characters. The differences between the two types of shadow people is never explained.

I am sure these figures are left deliberately ambiguous, which works to an extent, but I would like to have them explained a little bit more.

The cast for the most part to a good job, Hayden Christensen is a strong leading man; he really gets an unfairly bad reputation from Star Wars. The rest of the cast are serviceable, they do a good job conveying emotion, but they aren’t on the same level as Christensen.

The worst thing about this film is the blatant product placement. I have seen many films with product placement, but this one is especially blatant. I wouldn’t be surprised if this whole film was an advert for AMC Cinemas, as they are constantly featured, so much so that it takes you out of the overall experience.

I think overall this is an intriguing thriller, the premise is scary and the execution is strong as well, Christensen proves that he is a great leading man, if the product placement was less egregious and the shadow people were more clearly defined this could have been a very good film, but still as is it is on the better side of average.

Pros.

Christensen is great.

The premise is strong.

It is scary and says with you.

Cons.

The product placement.

The shadow people are scary but aren’t clearly defined and as such are confusing.

3.5/5

Wilderness: The Spiritual Sequel To Dog Soldiers

Wilderness is a British-Irish horror film directed by Michael J. Bassett. The plot follows a group of young offenders who are sent to an island, after they murder one of their wardmates. The island punishment is supposed to be an extreme form of rehabilitation for the prisoners, but it takes a blood turn when something on the island starts hunting them down one by one, slaughtering them in horrific ways.

I have never had a problem with gore, I have never been squeamish, I can watch Saw and Hostel all day long, but there is something about the gore in this film that made me wince. Being a British horror film the gritty reality of it all is played up to max effect, you don’t get a peeved off spirit throwing people down the stairs in a very bloodless way, oh no, here you get to see someone be mauled to death by dogs and someone else be burnt alive. It was at times hard to watch.

The cast is a who’s who of famous British actors we have Sean Pertwee of Gotham and Dog Soldiers fame and Toby Kebbell in this. Kebbell is the leading man and is by far the nicest of the characters, most of whom are awful, awful people who are all too real; some of whom inspire hate in you from the minute they come on screen. Pertwee is the prison guard who accompanies the boys to the island, he is as charming as ever, sadly he is killed off early in the film.

Something I like about this film is when it is revealed what is killing the prisoners, it is done in a sympathetic way, you understand why it is doing what it is doing and it helps to keep the film grounded in reality. It really highlights the moral ambiguity of society and shows how are right might be someone else’s wrong and what better way to teach that then by watching a dog rip out someone’s eyeball.

Overall, this is an incredibly grim watch, one that won’t be for most people, but if you like gritty British horror than you will undoubtably find something to like here; just maybe watch something happier after it?

Pros.

Sean Pertwee.

The reveal.

The kills.

Cons.

Very grim.

A little bit hard to watch at times.

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Polaroid: A Testament To Modern Horror

Polaroid is a supernatural horror film directed by Lars Klevberg. The plot follows troubled outsider Bird (Katheryn Prescott), who is given an old Polaroid camera by a young man who is trying to woo her. Little do either of them know that the camera is haunted by the spirit of an evil photographer, who used the camera to take nude pictures of his daughter and then kill her friends when they tried to stop him and now, he is back.

Why does no one in this small town seem to remember these grisly murders? Why are there 3 really unnecessary confusing plot twists in this film? Why is the camera killing people who are not even related to his daughter secret? Who knows, who knows that is all I can say about the plot of this film; which really does prove that these days anything, and I do mean anything, will be turned into a horror film.

This film is not aggressively good or bad but rather it is just incredibly generic, you have seen the same premise, just without the camera, before. There is nothing new or original about this film, even down to the individual character. Bird is the troubled girl who is grieving a parent and thinks that their death was her fault, I wonder where I have heard that before, oh yeah Annabelle Comes Home and about 100 other film horror films. She has a stereotypical group of friends who are all vapid and self-obsessed, which seems to be a staple of modern horror films and everything is just incredibly samey.

The actual monster itself is just lazy creature design, normally it is a good thing to not show the monster and build suspense, but here you just end up hoping they won’t because it looks so bad, laughably so. The wheezing that seems to indicate when the monster/demon/spirit is around is not in any way scary.

Everything about this film is generic, it is lazy and does nothing new. The monster isn’t scary and the threat it represents to the characters is never really explained, the plot holes in the film only make this worse. There is no reason why the monster would go after the central group of kids, they have nothing to do with his daughter, it makes no sense at all. If this was an exercise in product placement for Polaroid, then they should ask for their money back.

Pros.

Some of the creature elements are cool.

The mystery is good up until the final half hour.

Cons.

It has been done better before.

You don’t care about any of the characters.

It is offensively dumb.

2/5

Reviewed by Luke

A Star Is Born: A Romance To Stand The Tests Of Time

A Star Is Born is a romantic drama film directed by Bradley Cooper, it is the third remake of the 1937 classic. The plot follows a hard-drinking self-destructive musician Jackson (Bradley Cooper), as he falls in love with a young singer called Ali (Lady Gaga). The film chronicles Ally’s rise as well as Jackson’s fall, with the love story acting as a means to show this.

Before I get into this review, I need to talk about the music. Music is a central focus of this film, and as such it is very important, with there being multiple songs scattered throughout. ‘Shallow’, is the big original song for the film and it is great, it is passionate and emotional, and you feel something every time you hear it, both Gaga and Cooper really nail the music. In many ways, both are incredibly believable as great musicians and that is the highest compliment I can give.

I have never seen any of the A Star Is Born film’s before this one so I was unfamiliar with the story, as such I can’t say to you how faithful of a remake this is, or if it is better or worse than the other versions.

Personally, I thought the film’s story was incredibly effective, I bought into the romance and genuinely warmed to the characters; which made Jackson’s self-destruction hurt all the more. This film has great emotional stakes, which is a result of the very, very believable chemistry between Gaga and Cooper, it is almost impossible to think they don’t actually love each other.

My one complaint about this film is that it is too long, and this is a problem that I believe ultimately ruins the film. If this film had really just focused on Ally and Jackson’s relationship and ignored everything else, all the needless B plots, all the musical drama, then it would be at least half an hour sorter and all the better for it. There are some many sub-plots and so many needless one note characters that the film feels so overstuffed that it loses focus of what makes it good, I don’t care about what Jackson’s brother is up to, or that he has an overly long drawn out backstory, I just want to see the two leads interact.

Overall, the music is what saves this film from being a very by the numbers rom-com. The two leads have great on-screen chemistry, but the lack of focus means that you get bogged down with other characters and barely get to see it.

Pros.

The leads chemistry.

The music.

The emotional stakes.

Cons.

All the side-characters and B-plots.

Far, far too long.

3/5

The Cat Returns: Studio Ghibli Gone Bad?

The Cat Returns is a Japanese animated film directed by Hiroyuki Morita. The plot revolves around Haru (Chizuru Ikewaki), who ends up saving the life of the Cat Kingdoms Prince Lune (Takayuki Yamada), without knowing who he is. After this she is perused by the King of the Cat Kingdom, who is intent on her marrying his son. She then has to venture to the Cat Kingdom, to try and escape the whole situation.

This is the third film in my Studio Ghibli odyssey, and I have to say it is the worst thus far. Of the three films I have seen so far, this is the shortest, which you would think is a mercy, but it is not. There is nothing wrong with the start of the film or with Haru herself, she is fine, it is everything that happens from the Bureau onwards that is the problem. I understand that the Japanese culture might be slightly different from what I am used to, but all the elusions to bestiality made me feel uncomfortable. There is no other way to say it than Haru is attracted to her Cat protector and despite the film turning her into a cat midway through, don’t ask me why, it still feels wrong.

Narratively, the film is a mess, when compared to something like Princess Monokoe or My Neighbour Totoro, is a complete dumpster fire story wise. Things just happen with no rhyme or reason and the plot is so thin that when these things happen you are left saying wait what. I genuinely believe if this film did not have the Studio Ghibli name attached to it, then it wouldn’t even be considered watchable let alone good.

None of the film feels satisfying either, you don’t care about any of the characters, as they aren’t developed, they are just kind of there, the ending as well adds very little to call it an anti-climax would be an understatement.

Overall, this film just wasn’t for me, I am a cat person, but even still I found precious few things to like about it. I was left feeling uncomfortable and vaguely confused by it and one thing is for sure, that is an hour and 15 minutes of my time I am never going to get back.

Pros.

It’s only on for 75 minutes.

Haru is okay.

Cons.

It makes no sense.

The bestiality undertones.

It was a slog to get through.

1.5/5

Jim & Andy, The Great Beyond: Lose Yourself

Jim and Andy: The Great Beyond is a documentary film directed by Chris Smith. It documents the production of the 1999 film Man On The Moon and shows the struggles of actor Jim Carrey as he remains in character as Andy Kaufman for the entirety of making the film. It shows the troubled production and highlights in a less literal sense, Jim Carrey’s mental health situation while making the film.

Now I have never seen the film Man On The Moon, but I have heard about the behind the scenes trouble of it, where Carrey as Kaufman was an arsehole to cast and crew and almost lost himself completely in the role, as he would suggest the deceased Kaufman was not only with him, but was trying to possess him.

This documentary shines a light on the dangers of Hollywood and to an extent stardom, it shows how actors are encouraged to be lose themselves in a role, sometimes to the detriment of their mental health, even going so far as to suggest that sometimes actors are cast because of their poor mental health. It presents Hollywood as almost another world, if someone was walking down the street and was behaving the way Carrey did on the set of Man On The Moon people would think he was mentally unwell, but in Hollywood that behaviour is seen as ‘oh that’s just Jim being Jim’ and is actively encouraged.

As someone who is a huge Jim Carrey fan I thought this documentary was fantastic as it showed me a more detailed look at his life, I learnt a lot of things I previously didn’t know, as well as this the documentary made me question the way I saw Carrey, instead of seeing him as his larger than life comic character I now see him as a very vulnerable broken human being who has been through a lot in his life.

I think if you’re a fan of the man himself, or of the film-making process than you will find a lot to like about this documentary. It might even encourage you to watch the film Man On The Moon like it did for me. Very informative and an engrossing watch.

Pros.

As a Jim Carrey fan I loved it.

It showed a peak behind Hollywood’s curtain.

It was engrossing and informative.

Cons.

It went on for a bit too long.

Some of it was a bit uncomfortable to watch.

3.5/5

Reviewed By Luke

My Neighbor Totoro: The Spirit Next Door

My Neighbour Totoro is a Japanese animated fantasy film directed by Hayao Miyazaki. The plot focuses on a family that moves to a new house, which is also home to a number of spirits. The two young girls of the family Satsuki (Noriko Hidaka), and Mei (Chika Sakamoto), make friends with the spirits and their colourful leader Totoro. The film deals with the interactions between the family and the spirits.

This film is childhood innocence incarnate, the girls and their relationship with Totoro is so wholesome and pure it reminds me of all the fun I had with my imaginary friends when I was child. Totoro himself is both huge and terrifying, but also cute and cuddly. He is one of the most interesting animated characters I have seen in a long time and that is mainly because we don’t know a lot about him.

Despite all this sweetness and light, there is a hidden darkness behind it all. The mother of the girls is in hospital for unspecified reason and there is a constant threat that she is going to die; which is heart-breaking for the girl’s sake. There is also a scene in the film where it looks like the little girl might be lost or hurt and it genuinely puts you on edge. I think this added aspect gives older people something to enjoy, which makes it a good film for parents and kids to watch together.

There is one scene in the film that bothered me, I don’t know why it was there and it made me uncomfortable. This is of course the bathroom scene, where the dad and two girls are naked in a draw out scene, you don’t see anything, but it is incredibly unnecessary. The scene adds nothing to the film as a whole and it makes you question why it was left in the final cut.

Finally, I loved the colour and animation style of this film and I thought that much like the other Studio Ghibli film I have seen recently Princess Mononoke, every scene could be a painting. The art style is different enough to give to a distinct personality, but there is also a familiarity to it.

Overall, I liked this film it reminded me of my childhood, my only issue with it was that one-bathroom scene that I thought was totally unnecessary. Totoro is incredibly cute.

Pros.

The art style.

The child-like wonder, but also the more adult moments.

Totoro himself.

Cons.

That scene.

The cat bus thing was scary and haunting.

3/5

Reviewed by Luke

Crazy Rich Asians: How To Miscast Your Lead

Crazy Rich Asians is a romantic comedy film directed by Jon. M. Chu. It is based on the book of the same name. The plot follows economics lecturer Rachel (Constance Wu), as she travels to meet her boyfriend Nick’s (Henry Goldings), parents. Once she arrives in Singapore, she is shocked to find out that her boyfriend belongs to one of the richest families in the country.

I haven’t read the books, so my reaction is based only on the film. I thought that this was a fairly standard rom-com, I understand how it is important from a cinema diversity standpoint as this film features an almost entirely Asian cast which is something quite rare in Hollywood. However, as a rom-com this film left me going ‘eh’.

The love story between Rachel and Nick is as you would expect it to be, she feels out of place in this rich world, Nick’s mum Eleanor (Michelle Yeoh), doesn’t approve of their relationship, it all seems hopeless, they break-up, they realise none of that matters and then get back together in the end, this is pretty much your standard fish out of water rom-com plot line.

The far more interesting plot line is that of the failing marriage between Astrid (Gemma Chan), and Michael (Pierre Png). Michael is resentful that he doesn’t have any agency of his own as his business ventures keep failing, he also doesn’t like the fact this wife is rich from her own money, he is deeply insecure and it says a lot about relationship power dynamics and masculinity; it also works as a nice parallel for Rachel and Nick at the start of the film. This sub-plot between two supporting character is more interesting than the main story!

As for the main two characters, Henry Golding is as effortlessly charming as always, he has charisma for days and that is needed here, as his on-screen partner Constance Wu has none. It is very hard to root for Rachel as Wu does very little to make her warm or endearing, Wu seems to think that she herself is great and that is why you should care about any character she plays, she seems to refuse to shot scenes that make her appear even slightly vulnerable. This is true of her other projects as well and it just makes her come across as a very cold person, which is not want you want from the lead character in a rom-com. She is also outperformed by Awkwafina, who plays her sidekick/best friend in the film.

Overall, I wish this film had cast someone else as it’s leading lady, or at the very least had given Gemma Chan more screen time as she is by far the best actress on screen. Golding is charming, but that only carries the film so far.

Pros.

Gemma Chan.

Henry Golding.

A step forward for Hollywood.

Cons.

Deeply average.

Constance Wu is woefully miscast.

2.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Hellboy: Hell On Earth

Hellboy (2019) is a superhero film directed by Neil Marshall, based on the Dark Horse comic character of the same name. This film entirely ignores the Del Toro films that came before it and instead acts as a reboot of the series, moving away from family friendly territory and into Deadpool esque R-rated waters. The plot sees Hellboy, (David Harbour), try and stop a centuries old witch Vivienne Nimue (Mila Jovovich) from unleashing Hell on Earth.

I know this film was a bomb and a lot of people didn’t like it and the Del Toro films are better in a lot of ways, but I actually enjoyed this film; controversial I know. Before I get into why I liked it, I just want to say yeah I know this film has a lot of problems, the CGI ghost people that come out of Alice’s (Sasha Lane), throat are terrible and look like a child made them on After Effects and yes the plot line that Hellboy knew Alice as a child, but now she is kind of like his love interest for some reason, is creepy. That aside this is why I liked the film.

I like how this film sets up a larger world, you feel like there is more at play here than meets the eye, I like how it brings fantasy to a 21^st century version of London. I am also a massive Hellboy comics fan as well as the B.P.R.D so to see characters and elements of that world that the Del Toro films didn’t cover on screen was a blast for me.

I liked the fact that we got new characters rather than seeing the same team from the previous films, made up of Liz, Hellboy and Abe Saipan. Daniel Day Kim’s Ben Daimio is so cool, and the scene when he turns into a Werejugar is easily my favourite scene of the whole film, Alice is also a cool character, even if her powers look terrible.

Moreover, though it might sound heretical to say I like David Harbour as Hellboy. I think the film overdoes it with the jokes and the quips, trying far too hard to be like Deadpool, just like a certain superhero film that came out in 2020, despite this I like his take on the character and I would have liked to see more of him. Harbour plays the character with a lot of charm and warmth, he isn’t as brooding as Pearlman was with the character, but I think it is a good thing that this film tried to take the character in a new direction.

Finally, the practical effects on Baba Yaga were great, this was another highlight of the film for me. I am not going to get into the Pig monster thing: because I think the whole character was needless and the film could have done without that sub-plot.

Overall, this film is nothing like the Del Toro films, but I think that’s the point. If you can appreciate it for the dumb, schlocky fun that it is then there is a lot to like about this film. If not, you can take comfort in the fact their most certainly won’t be a sequel.

Pros.

Fresh take.

David Harbour.

New team with a tease of the old.

The practical effect on Baba Yaga.

Cons.

Terrible visual effects/icky subplots.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Onward: A Tale Of Two Brothers

Onward is a computer animated urban fantasy film directed by Dan Scanlon. The plot sees two elf brothers Ian (Tom Holland), and Barley (Chris Pratt), go on a mythical quest to find a rare gem that can bring their dead father back to Earth for one day. The themes of this film are family and being proud of who you are as a person/ being more confident.

On the surface this seems like just another fantasy animated film, the themes and motivations feel samey, but the emotional impact of the film as a whole is what elevates it over mediocrity. I don’t have any siblings, but even I was feeling something when at the end of the film Ian went without his chance to meet his father so Barley could say a proper goodbye to him instead; I can only imagine how impactful this scene would be if you actually had siblings to draw parallels with.

I think Ian and Barley as characters are perfectly fine, they’re serviceable enough, they won’t join Pixar’s pantheon of beloved animated characters, that’s for sure. Pratt seems to be doing his best Jack Black circa 2005 impression, which is okay, and he is probably the character I like the most. I like the energy and good nature the character has; he is the only character I was invested in.

Ian on the other hand I found annoying, I don’t know if it was the writing or Tom Holland’s performance, but I never warmed to his character, even by the end of the film I still felt very little for him. To me, the character seemed overly whiny, he complained and bitched and moaned at every turn, I get that his character is supposed to be sad, but he sucked the fun out of every scene he was in. What’s more Ian treats his brother like dirt for a good 3 quarters of the film, he doesn’t care about his brother getting to see their dad, no he never considers that, just what he wants and his time with their dad, moreover he openly calls his brother a screw up, even though all his brother has done up until that point is try and help him. So yeah in a film about brotherhood and brotherly love, to have your main character treat his well-intentioned brother, as a moron he would rather not have to deal with is a weird character decision.

Overall, this is not a great film, nor is it a terrible one, it is just fine. There are some neat Shrek esque ideas of display here, but they are never really tapped into, the emotional impact is good, but Ian and the side characters aren’t, it is a textbook example of a mid-tier Pixar film.

Pros.

The emotional impact/ wholesomeness

Chris Pratt’s Jack Black impression.

Neat fantasy elements.

Cons.

Ian is whiny and annoying.

I was never really blown away by any of it.

3/5

Reviewed by Luke