The Burnt Orange Heresy: If You See A Fly On A Picture Of You Throw It Away

The Burnt Orange Heresy is a crime thriller film directed by Giuseppe Capotondi. The plot follows art critic James (Claes Bang), who is tasked by an elusive art deal (Mick Jagger), with acquiring a rare painting by a once great artist (Donald Sutherland).

I was enjoying this film for a time. I think the first act where you aren’t quite sure what is going on and what James and Berenice’s (Elizabeth Debicki) motivation are is well done. The film doesn’t let you in on the mystery right away and allows you to speculate, teasing you with the prospect of something more sinister.

Then as the film continues on it becomes more and more farfetched. As we descend into a tiresome, driven by greed to murder plotline I was left saddened by what the film had left behind, namely all its subtly and personality.

The ending for me felt like a damp squid, yes it left a few things unresolved to keep you thinking, but for the most part it is far to clear cut where more abstract was needed. If this film had been more like what the Neon Demon was for the fashion world, then it would have been perfect; a cerebral experience, but no it ends as a bog-standard crime thriller.

Overall, this film left me with the question that maybe the art world just doesn’t translate well to film, as this and The Velvet Buzzsaw just feel lacking and have to resort to more and more absurd notions to try and keep interest which ruins the film as a whole.

Pros.

The cast are great

The first act has a lot of promise

I enjoyed some of the imagery and themes

Cons.

The ending lets it down

There is something lacking that I can’t quite but my finger on

2/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Haunting In Connecticut: A Whole New Fluid To Be Disgusted By

The Haunting In Connecticut is a horror film directed by Peter Cornwell. The plot sees a family move into a home that use to be a funeral home where the mortician performed evil rituals on the dead to boost his son’s supernatural gift, naturally after they move in things start getting out of control quickly and the spirts start attacking the family.

I remember watching this film when I was younger, and I remember being scared for days afterwards. So, when I decided to revisit recently I went in with high expectations, and I can safely say they were not met.

The scares are all fairly tame, the two ‘scary’ parts of the film are the flashback scene where the bodies are mutilated and the ectoplasm scene, the latter is more fascinating as a concept than it is scary. For the most part the scares are just the usual obvious jump scares that blight most horror films these days, they are incredibly obvious and have no impact at all.

Secondly, and stick with me on this one, I don’t like how up the churches arse this film is. Yes, I understand that religion and God will play a key role in these sort of films as they are fighting demons, but in something like The Conjuring 2 you don’t see them stopping to pray every 5 seconds and having a character (the mother), who’s whole purpose is to spout about how great the church is and how we all need to have faith; it felt like I was watching Gods Not Dead or something alone those lines. My issue to clarify is not that it is in the film, it is the total lack of nuance or subtly with it.

Overall, though the body mutilation scenes did creep me out a bit, I can’t recommend this film as the scares just aren’t very good. They are the by the numbers jump scares that you would expect from some of the lazy Blumhouse fare, with that in mind this fails as a horror film.

Pros.

A few creepy scenes

The idea of ectoplasm and the way the film explains it

Cons.

The writing lacks subtly

The scares don’t work

The characters aren’t sympathetic and are caricatures

1.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Boss Level: Don’t You Hate Waking Up With A Gun In Your Face

Boss Level is a science fiction, action film directed by Joe Carnahan. The plot sees ex solider Roy (Frank Grillo), become stuck in a time loop. As is customary he has to live out his death over and over again until he can find out what is going on and stop it.

Before I get into the review fully I just want to say, that ending- my my how much of a tease can you be.

This film will be familiar to most, the time loop concept has become very much a new fad in films over the last 5 years, with films like Happy Death Day and Palm Springs being good examples; by now you know what to expect from these sort of films. However, the thing I would say that sets this film apart from the others is Frank Grillo.

Grillo’s character goes on a real arc over the course of the film, as he makes various discoveries about his current situation and you can see the change in emotion and person happening before you very eyes. Grillo is incredibly versatile and he really sells his role. He made me both laugh and cry over the course of the film.

I enjoyed the film’s references and clear inspiration from classic videogames, I think this game feel helps it to standout and give itself some personality.

Overall, a nice surprise that has quite a few good moments and Grillo himself is superb.

Pros.

Frank Grillo

The character arc

The emotion

The ending

Cons.

It does feel a bit too familiar

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Dead Zone: Christopher Walken Saves Our Future’s, God Bless That Man

The Dead Zone is a science fiction film directed by David Cronenberg, based on the Stephen King book of the same name. The plot sees Johnny Smith (Christopher Walken), awaken from a coma to see that five years have passed, not only that but he can now see into the future. Johnny then has to decide how he is going to use his power going forward.

I might be a bit bias, because I am quickly becoming a Walken fan, but I think this film is terrific. I think it is nice to see a King based film that is not an out and out horror, though there is nothing wrong with that. I find that as a thriller this film poses some interesting moral questions that are fun to think about after the film ends.

Walken is a strong lead and plays the role with the right level of otherness, to never really feel like he fits in in any situation, but also the right level of charm that we believe him as a hero who is trying to help people.

My one complaint of the film would be the second act. I think the first and third acts are both strong, they’re interesting and engaging and they move along at a nice brisk pace, however, the second act really feels like filler. Not only that, but it is also by far the slowest part of the film and is almost a drag to watch at times and you are desperate for something, anything to happen.

Overall, a strong King adaption that begs some interesting questions and has a great lead performance in Walken.

Pros.

Walken

Cronenberg

The moral questions

The ending

Cons.

The tedious second act.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Nanny McPhee: The Magic Of A Rushed Proposal And An Arranged Marriage

Nanny McPhee is a comedy, fantasy, family film directed by Christianna Brand. The plot sees the titular nanny (Emma Thompson), arrive to save a family on the brink of destruction. The father (Colin Firth), is about to lose everything his house, his pride, his kids that is of course if Nanny McPhee’s magic can’t just save the day.

I have to say upon rewatching these film recently something because very clear to me, with regard to this series, and that is when it comes to Nanny McPhee films less is more. The second film, The Big Bang, which I have recently reviewed benefits from being much more streamlined plot wise everything serves a purpose. In this film however, it seems to be a free for all of plot threads, with a romance plot there, an inheritance plot there and Nanny McPhee and her magic being crammed somewhere in there as well: it makes for a confused viewing experience.

Moreover, Colin Firth is not very good here. He is playing the dad who fails to control his kids and who is too proud to go after what or more adeptly who he wants to be with type of character; one that is no way original to this film. Maggie Gyllenhaal played a similar character, albeit without the unacted upon romance in the sequel, and I have to say she played it much better. You bought that she was struggling and desperate for help, Firth on the other hand doesn’t seem all that bothered, with the exception of when he chases after the carriage.

Overall, this might be one of the few cases where the sequel is better than the original.

Pros.

Thompson

It is watchable

Cons.

It is confused

The plots don’t come together well

Firth isn’t very good

It is less fun than the sequel

2/5

Reviewed by Luke

Chick Fight: Alec Baldwin Is The Drunk Fighting Instructor We All Need In Our Lives

Chick Fight is an action comedy directed by Paul Leyden. The plot follows Anna (Malin Akerman), a woman who’s life is going to the dogs, she is on the verge of being evicted, she can’t find a job and her love life is non-existent. However, one day she walks into an underground women’s fight club and a new chapter in her life begins.

This film is fine, nothing more nothing less. It is nothing that you haven’t seen before and of those films most are better. However, I also would not call this film bad, it is solidly watchable and some of the supporting performances are quite good.

With that in mind, I give props to Bella Throne for being quite a good antagonist here, you hate her, but at the same time you feel for her a little bit; her and Akerman have some entertaining scenes together. Alec Baldwin as Anna’s coach/trainer is also quite good, he plays the boozy old man who lives at the beach well, and I am really digging this phase of Baldwin’s career; he is also great in Pixie.

Akerman herself is a passable lead, though her role could be played by literally anyone.

Overall, it is an easy watch though it is a touch generic. Watch if you can’t find anything better.

Pros.

Throne and Baldwin

A few funny moments

It is very watchable

Cons.

Akerman doesn’t do much

It is very generic

2.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Phenomena: Meet The Newest And Youngest Member Of The Avengers

Phenomena is an Italian horror film directed by Dario Argento. The plot sees a young American girl Jennifer (Jennifer Connelly), go to a Swiss boarding school to receive an education and be out of her parent’s hair. However, once she arrives she notices that she has a strange relationship with insects, and that said relationship might be the key to solving a string of murders that is happening on campus.

Why can’t Argento make a film that does not have a serial killer or group of serial killers (Suspiria) as the main antagonist? Yes, I know obviously he must have at some point in his career, but of the film’s I’ve watched it is certainly a repeated motif and one that is starting to get tiresome.

I enjoyed the more abstract ideas here; I wish we have dived deeper into Jennifer’s powers and how and why they came out. There is a wonderfully off kilter strangeness to the whole film that is very difficult to describe but it really sticks with you after the film.

I thought the slasher elements were probably the weakest part of the film, though I did enjoy the final fight scene. It reminded me very much of Mrs Voorhees in Friday The 13^th I thought it was well done, tense and effective; the face melting scene stayed in my head for a while after the film, the power of practical effects.

Overall, a strange film in a lot of ways, however that strangeness makes it what it is. Good, but I do wish Argento would stop making films about serial killers.

Pros.

The strangeness

The insect, mystical stuff

The ending

Jennifer Connelly

Cons.

The killer stuff for the most part of boring

It had pacing issues and was far too long

3/5

Reviewed by Luke

A Fantastic Fear Of Everything: You Never Know Who Might Be Trying To Kill You, Look Over Your Shoulder

A Fantastic Fear Of Everything is a British horror comedy film directed by Crispian Mills. We follow Jack (Simon Pegg), a children’s writer whose life slips out of control when he begins work on his latest book, Decades Of Death a history of Victorian era serial killers, as Jack researches deeper and deeper he becomes ever more frightened and ever more sure someone is trying to kill him.

This is an underrated gem. This has been on my radar for some time but for one reason or another I never ended up seeing it, and now having seen it I know how much of a mistake that was.

This film perfectly merges the horror and the comedy genre together, there are a lot of horror comedies that end up favouring one over the other whereas this does both very well There is an off kilter atmosphere that underpins the whole film, nothing ever feels quite right and there seems to be something sinister just beneath the surface; I left the film quite unsettled. However, there are also sections of the film that are quite funny and amusing, however even these sections I would not call light.

My favourite thing about this film is how in love with the gothic and the macabre it is, from audio cues to certain framing and lighting choices this film feels like it could have been made by Hammer 70 years ago, though I doubt most of the cast would have been alive then.

Overall, if you are a fan of horror then you owe it to yourself to watch this film

Pros.

The off-beat and uncomfortable atmosphere

The comedy

Pegg plays it just right

The plot and the nods to classic horror

Cons

It won’t be to all tastes

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

A Nightmare On Elm Street 4, Dream Master: Freddy Is A Kung Fu Master

Nightmare On Elm Street 4: Dream Master is a slasher horror film directed by Renny Harlin. The plot this time sees Freddy find a way to bring himself back to life, after seemingly being killed in the last film. He once again goes after the remainder of the Elm Street children, to strong degrees of success, and then sets his sights on new prey.

My first thoughts about this film is that it is odd that Kristen is no longer played by the same actor from the last film (Patricia Arquette), and is now re-cast younger for some reason despite this film supposedly being set after the third film. I understand they probably couldn’t afford her, but if that is the case why bring back the character at all?

The kills were so so this time around, which is not what you want to hear from a slasher film. There were a couple of funny and or well-done ones such as the water bed and the dojo fight scene. The rest, however, were fairly generic and fade almost immediately from memory. The final fight was even more forgettable than that, and it all hinged on some strange nursey rhyme that was not set up, and despite him quoting it (implying he knew it), somehow served as Freddy’s death which makes very little sense.

Overall, other than a few inspired deaths this was a forgettable follow up that fails to live up to Dream Warriors in almost every way.

Pros.

Campy slasher fun

It is very watchable

A few good deaths

Cons.

Most of the deaths are generic

The final battle doesn’t make sense

Why bring back Kristen at all?

2.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Girl: Never Get Between A Girl And Her Hatchet, Good Advise For Life

Girl is a thriller film directed by Chad Faust. The plot sees a girl (Bella Throne), return home to find and kill her abusive father, however, once she returns home she finds him already dead and is filled with mixed emotions. Shortly there after she decides to investigate who killed him.

So, I have been on some what of a Bella Throne binge this week, I also have a review of Chick Fight coming up. I went from knowing next to nothing about her, to being intrigued by her talent for conveying real, raw emotion so well as this film shows. It is safe to say I am a convert now.

Throne owns this film, and anchors it well. Her character is conflicted, and we can see that in Throne’s performance we can see that unknowing, that need for answers. Throne is also boosted by a strong supporting from Mickey Rourke, who plays the town sheriff serving as the antagonist for the film. Rourke is genuinely quiet menacing here and plays the villain with some form of twisted glee; this makes for a number of strong scenes between him and Throne.

There are some twists and turns in the plot in the later stage, that are strangely just blurted out in the early part of the film, but hey maybe the film thinks that you and I didn’t notice that. Regardless, when the twist does come it is delivered and executed with proper emotional weight and you do feel something, the final fifteen minutes is when this film is at its prime.

Overall, one I think a lot of people will overlook, but you need to check this one out it is a very good, very well acted, intriguing thriller.

Pros.

Throne

Rourke

The twist

The tension and the maliciousness of Rourke’s performance

Cons.

Blurting out the reveal half an hour into the film

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke