Justice Society World War II: I Think I Feel Asleep During This

Justice Society World War II

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

These days I am finding that a lot of the animated DC output is trapped in the meh zone, by that I mean it all just feels generic and samey, there is nothing to set one film apart from another. I used to love animated DC films when I was a kid, but recently I have been sorely disappointed, and this proves no exception.

None of the characters in this film felt likeable to me, and that is surprising considering that it is hard to make beloved superheroes unlikeable, yet they manage to find a way. The characters in this film range from boring and dull, to outright annoying.

The story feels uninspired also, are we not over the whole superheroes in history fad yet? Did Legends Of Tomorrow not entirely use up all the good ideas with the concept? Moreover, I felt myself getting so bored with this that my mind was starting to wander, and I was having a hard time paying attention.

Finally there are pacing issues galore here as well.

Overall, very meh, maybe if you were a DC diehard you might find something to enjoy here, but probably not.

Pros.

Matt Boomer is trying

Every scene with President Roosevelt

Cons.

The characters aren’t likeable

The premise is nothing we haven’t seen before

The animation feels samey

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Spider-Man: The Awkward Hero We All Need

Spider-Man

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

A part of me will always view Tobey McGuire’s Spider-Man as the one Spider-Man for me, he was the one I grew up on, the one I saw at the cinema when I was young, and though I did enjoy the darker Andrew Garfield version, and Tom Holland is fine, they can never hope to match the awkward charm of McGuire’s Peter Parker.

Raimi brings his very unique stylings to this film and it really helps to keep it fresh all these years later, watching Spider-Man cage fight whilst Bruce Campbell plays a cooler version of Vince McMahon is something I never knew I needed.

I also think McGuire is fantastic in the role, he feels like a believable nerd, which Garfield and Holland never did or do, and there is something of the awkward outsider in him that we can all relate to. Moreover, McGuire has a good deal of chemistry with Kristen Dunst who plays his on screen love interest Mary Jane Watson. Now say what you like about Sue Storm and Reed Richard, or the love triangle between Cyclops, Jean Gray and Wolverine, but when I think of romance in a Marvel story I think of Peter Parker and Mary Jane, this is why the chemistry is crucial- luckily this film has it covered.

Finally, whoever decided to cast odd ball Willem Dafoe as Green Goblin deserves an award, as he is the perfect version of that character: unrepentantly evil whilst also strange and darkly funny- perfect.

Overall, a fun goodtime that reminds us all of what is so lacking in today’s Spider-Man.

Pros.

McGuire

Raimi

Bruce Campbell

Willem Dafoe

Cons.

Uncle Ben dies yet again

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Pet Semetary: Toddlers With Top Hats

Pet Semetary

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Of all the older versions of Stephen Kings films this is probably the best, I won’t even bother to mention a lot of the newer adaptations of King’s work as they are mostly meh at best: I never wanted to see Pennywise dance or lick a piece of glass, but hey that’s me. By comparison to the remake this version of Pet Semetary might just be a masterpiece.

In terms of scares there is something of a fever dream quality to the film, where things never seem quite right. I enjoyed the gothic world the film creates where those we love can come back as evil versions of themselves, I think the premise is rife for exploration into the human condition and for the most part this film does that. There were a few unsettling moments that were made scary by the atmosphere the film had built, sadly in this regard the film also has an oddly comedic, campy charm to it that often takes away from a lot of the scares- on the plus side it does make the film hilarious.

I think the ending of this film is much better to what we got in the remake as well, as it ends with the hint of bad things to come, but it doesn’t go out of its way to show you, it leaves it to your imagination and there is defiantly something to be said for that approach.

Overall, a lot of goofy fun, not perfect but a damn sight better than what would follow it. PS. The Ramones tie in song rules and still holds up today.

Pros.

The end credits song

The ending

The scares

The unintentional comedy, though this does take away from the scares

Cons.

A little dated now

Quite slow pace

The Virtuoso: The Best Hitman Film We Have Ever Had

The Virtuoso

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I wrote a tweet whilst watching this film in which I said something to the extent of this is the Hitman, as in the game, film that we never got. Though it has nothing to do with that IP beyond having a similar premise, it just feels so much in the spirit of those games, with a very similar aesthetic so it had to be mentioned.

I have been a fan of Anson Mount for some time, and I am glad to see him getting lead roles- he is very talented, and he really sells the character here. Whether it is the fake smiling scenes where the character forces himself to smile to blend in, or the scenes where he is having a breakdown for the collateral damage left in his wake Mount really pulls off the emotion in a convincing way.

Mount is perfectly matched by Abbie Cornish and Anthony Hopkins, who though feature less prominently both have significant characters that make an impression on you. I thought the monologue with Hopkin’s character when he was talking about committing a war crime during his days in Vietnam was particularly disturbing and well done.

I enjoyed both the action as well as the twists and turns of the plot, I think as an action thriller film this film excels. My one complaint would be the ending however, as I felt the betrayal came out of nowhere and I didn’t like how easily this expert assassin character was killed, it felt disappointing and more than a little cheap.

Overall, a very solid action film, well worth a watch.

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The Grey: A Wild And Savage Soul

The Grey

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

This film separates itself from the wider bulk of Liam Neeson’s work, by having a more soulful, philosophical edge- contemplating the human condition, and the reasons why we carry on. Yes, there is brutal action as well, as you would expect from a Neeson flick, but here it is done more thoughtfully. I think for the most part, the emotional themes and the action blend together well, however it does lead to a few pacing issues.

The pacing issues really come into effect in the film’s second act which starts to drag. This section really needed more action than it has and is the only real time where the weighty themes start to get in the way of the actual fight for survival.

I think as a character piece this works well, the struggle of Neeson’s lead is not only familiar but also deeply personal, many who have gone through a similar situation can understand and connect. Moreover, the final scene where Neeson’s character embraces his death and stands proud ready to fight the wolf pack that has been pursuing the band over the course of the film feels right, as well as earnt. The desperate futility of the situation is beautifully macabre

Overall, a surprisingly deep Neeson flick.

Pros.

Neeson

The character work

The ending

Cons.

The pacing

A slight clash between themes and what’s on screen

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Identity Thief: Jason Bateman Deserves Better

Identity Thief

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

This film reminds me of the worst output from Adam Sandler, it is boring, mean spirited and cheap. As I have said at length in other reviews, the joke of Melissa McCarthy being large is not funny, if anything it is offensive to those of that disposition. The jokes are equally as lazy and reek of desperate cliches and stereotypes thought of by people who long since realised they weren’t funny and didn’t know how to be anymore.

The Americans need to realise that being loud and obnoxious is not funny, repeating a joke over and over at a louder decibel does not make it funny- the rest of the world knows this, maybe its time to check your memos. The jokes in this film never really land, there might be the odd chuckle here or there but for the most part they are cheap and base.

Jason Bateman deserves better than this, I am glad to see after this film came out he moved on to better fare- he needs to cut the connection to McCarthy as it is starting to tarnish his good name. Bateman is the only reason this film gets the score it gets; he is the one saving grace.

Overall, yet more cheap comedy fare wherein McCarthy self-deprecates herself for some desperate laughs.

Pros.

Jason Bateman

Cons.

McCarthy

The fat jokes

The obnoxiousness of it

The plot goes nowhere, and you have seen it before

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Bright: Bad Boys With Orcs

Bright

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I remember when this first came out and it was the talk of the town before quickly slipping into infamy. I gave it a miss as it didn’t appeal to me, then the other night I decided I would finally check it out and it mildly exceeded my low expectations- that is not to say this is a good film.

I won’t get into the Max Landis stuff, he is a creep, and his involvement tars proceedings, moreover his writing is probably the worst part of the film. The contrast of real world racism mixed with bizarre fantasy elements, sounds like an idea that won’t work and in execution it doesn’t. The incredibly on the nose metaphor becomes muddied as the fantasy elements clash.

Moreover, Will Smith is not trying here at all- he has long since given up trying and this film is further proof of that.

Overall, a horribly clashing mess

Pros.

Some of the fantasy elements work

The soundtrack is strong

Cons.

Will Smith

Max Landis

The mixing of racism metaphor and fantasy

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Jack And Jill: Did Anyone Find This Funny? Anyone?

Jack And Jill

0/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I have been a fan of Adam Sandler for years; I have defended many of his films that people think are frequently terrible. However, even I have a line and this film pushed me past it. The joke of the film, it repeats over and over again despite the fact it is not funny is, oh look its Adam Sandler in drag, ha ha. Now, if we unpack that before going any further, you can see how mean spirited and harmful this film really is, why should we laugh at a man in drag? Why is that supposed to be funny? The idea seems to be to laugh at and find humour in those different to you, which has been proven throughout history to be a hell of a bad thing, yet Sandler gets a pass because it is a dumb comedy film?

This surely has to be the lowest point of Sandler’s career, though never say never, as he proves himself to represent all the worst things about the film industry, and also to be out of touch with what people want to see in comedy films. Did anyone want this? Did anyone find this funny?

The rest of the cast who haunt this film are clearly only there for an easy pay day, and they get it but at what cost.

Overall, a terrible film that should be avoided.

Pros.

None.

Cons.

Laughing at people in drag

Adam Sandler

It isn’t funny

It is repetitive

Frankly it is irritating

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The Switch: Icky, Grim And Distributed By Disney

The Switch

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Romantic comedies have a strong tendency to be toxic, both in their characters and their messages this has both. Jason Bateman’s Wally, get jealous that his friend who he has a crush on is using another man’s sperm for her artificial impregnation, so he swaps out the baby batter with his own- and forgets to tell her. One could justify this icky behaviour by saying ‘oh he has amnesia because he is drunk’, but then even when he remembers he still doesn’t tell her right away. Wrong.

Is the character punished for his morally dubious actions, yes, but only briefly he still gets together with the girl at the end of the film, so it is okay to behave like the way he did? Trivialising if not justifying.

Both of the leads, Bateman and Jennifer Anniston have a lot of charm and are easy to root for, however, the very nature of the premise makes this almost impossible. The talents of the actors are ultimately wasted as you can’t get around the simply bad act.

Overall, what could have been a very promising romantic comedy is brought low by the plot and its warped morals.

Pros.

Anniston

Bateman

Cons.

The message

The fact that they end up together

Jeff Goldblum’s character is troublesome

Jakob’s Wife: Marital Problems With A Blood Red Tinge

Jakob’s Wife

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

This film really is a testament to what one actor can do for a film. There are many moments, especially early on in the film, before the film allows itself to have fun, whereby the film loses you and starts to drift off into a sea of mediocrity. However, the performance from Barbara Crampton as the titular wife Anne manages to keep this film above water and singlehandedly makes the film what it is.

To get into its stride this film has to divorce itself from the serious, that is the problem of the opening half an hour, the film takes itself far too seriously and tries to pass itself off as a drama- this doesn’t work. Cut to later in the film and Anne is licking blood off the floor, whilst trying to tell her husband it’s not her who is a vampire or evil and all you can do is laugh; this is far more engaging.

In terms of vampire scares this film is a nice mix of modern and classic vampire lore and scares and there are a few scenes between Anne and her master that could have been lifted from Dracula itself. I thought the idea of not having the master be out and out evil, yes they do a lot of evil things but there is also a need on the films part to get us to feel sorry for the character or to see their side, was interesting and it did add an element of moral ambiguity to the film that I think really helped to enhance Crampton’s performance.

Overall, a film made by Barbara Crampton.

Pros.

Crampton

The sympathetic Master character

Merging vampire lore

The comedic moments

Cons.

The first act is painfully slow and takes itself too seriously.

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