The House Next Door, Meet The Blacks Two: From Surviving The Purge To Fighting Vampires

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After surviving the events of terror night, the Blacks are now beset by vampires next door.

Very rarely is a sequel better than the film that proceeded it, even less so in horror. However, this film is a noticeable improvement over the first.

The first film was very reliant on cliches, racial stereotypes, and trendy internet buzz words. This film, however, actually manages to be funny and to be a worthwhile contribution to the horror comedy genre.

A big part of that is the fact that this time around Karl Black, Mike Epps, is actually likeable. This film makes the character far more sympathetic, so much so that you root for him and want to see him defeat the vampire that is living next door.

Katt Williams as Doctor Mamuwalde, the vampire, is easily the best thing about this film. Williams is a scene stealer and makes for a terrific villain. I would like to see him return in some capacity again if they make a third film as he really adds something to proceedings.

However, the main reason this film is better than the first is because it is funnier. Yes, this film made me laugh several times throughout and it made me smile more than that. Though humour may be subjective I think it is very unlikely someone would find the first film funnier than this one.

Overall, a successful sequel that is much more fun to watch than its predecessor.

Pros.

Williams

The characters are far more likeable

The ending and set up for further mystical adventures

Cons.

Other than Karl the rest of the family are side-lined

Still quite cliched and lazy at times

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Fifty Shades Of Black: Marlon Wayans Needs To Retire

0.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A parody of Fifty Shades Of Gray.

This film is one of the worst I’ve seen in a while and shows just how far Marlon Wayans has fallen.

Firstly not only is it not funny all of the jokes are the same and are equally painful. The film reads like it was written by a teenager and relies on gross out humour and weak physical comedy to try and get a cheap laugh out of the audience, but even still it fails.

Secondly, this film has a storyline, or should I say a whole character whose soul purpose is to date rape his friend. Yes, that’s right the female leads best friend spends the whole film trying to force her into sex in some fashion. Sick and wrong, and worst of all the film thinks this is funny. Someone wants to have a look into the private goings on of the people who made this film if they think sexual assault is funny.

Thirdly, and this is something the film can be proud of, the film is so bad it makes the Fifty Shades movies better. I never thought I would end up saying that about a film but sadly it applies here, it is just so awful that even those films look better by comparison.

Overall, not only is this film trash those who made it should be made to apologies.

Pros.

It makes Fifty Shades, and its sequels look like fine cinema

Cons

It makes a joke out of sexual assault

It is boring

It tries too hard to be edgy

It is not funny

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Werewolves Within: A Property Deal Gone Bad

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of people in a small town get trapped during a werewolf attack.

Once this film gets going, which admittedly takes a while, and the werewolf begins to actually play a large role in the story this film really takes off- sadly that is about ten minutes from the end.

It has been a while since we had a truly good werewolf film, maybe WolfCop was the last good one but even that was a while ago now. As such I had a lot riding on this in terms of excitement and it struggled to deliver. The final ten minutes of werewolf goodness almost make all of the boring build up worth it.

Therein lies the problem with this film and why it can get no higher, it spends a long time introducing you to basically pointless characters who become werewolf chow and tries to make you care about these characters and the mystery of who is the werewolf. In both of these aims the film fails. I only cared about Finn, Sam Richardson, and Cecily, Milana Vayntrub, the rest of the characters just faded to the background. This film wastes too much time getting to the moments you actually want to see.

The final fight is fun to watch and is certainly a highpoint for the film.

Finally, this is a comedy horror film, but really it is neither. It is not scary nor is it funny. So I ask you what is it?

Overall, a let down that only has a very brief sequence of werewolf goodness

Pros.

Richardson

Vayntrub

The werewolf fight at the end

Cons.

It is not funny

It is not scary

It spends too long with pointless side characters

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The Polka King: Netflix Needs To Try Harder

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Based on a true story. Jan Lewan, played by Jack Black, is the self-styled King of Polka, however when the bills start to pile up he turns to committing wide scale fraud in order to maintain his reputation and keep his family comfortable.

I can’t help but compare this to Bernie the Richard Linklater directed true crime film wherein Jack Black played another oddly eccentric criminal. However where that film had exciting stakes this film just seems to keep the same pace never really ramping up to anything, and then he gets caught. It is underwhelming.

Moreover, Black’s performance is okay, but he has certainly been better. Usually, I would deem it heresy to say anything bad about the singing ability of Black, but here he is particularly not good. I don’t know if it is the repetitive nature of the songs themselves, but whenever it cut to one of his concerts I actively felt off put and couldn’t wait for it to be over.

By far the best thing about this film is Jason Schwartzman, who excels in offbeat comedy films dark and otherwise. Schwartzman made this film for me, and whenever he was on-screen it was a delight. Honestly the film needed more of him, Black was doing all he could to keep the film together, but it wasn’t enough: they should have given Schwartzman more to do.

Overall, a very middling film that is not a great showing for anyone other than Jason Schwartzman who can’t be brought down by the films mediocrity

Pros.

Schwartzman

Black is trying

It is has promise

Cons.

It lacks stakes the crimes all feel very much on the same level

Black singing polka music is off putting

It is painfully slow

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Hell Baby: Straight From The Pits Of Hell

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I understand comedy is subjective, but I don’t see how anyone can find this film funny. There are long drawn out ‘jokes’ where the funny element is that the characters are just eating and making repetitive noises over and over again- how is that funny?

The only reason this film got a 1 is because of Kegan Michael-Key who frankly is doing everything he can to save this film, but even his herculean effort can’t stop this film from being awful. There were only a handful of moments where I laughed in this film, and they were all as a result of Key.

Moreover, this film much in the same vein as Coming To America 2 and A Haunted House made light of male sexual abuse. This is a recurring theme within comedy films, and it needs to stop, it is not only in bad taste, but it also sets a bad precedent for male victims of sexual abuse to be laughed off or treated as not serious. The scene in questions sees the lead receiving unwanted oral sex from someone he thinks is his wife only to later find out it is not, when it is revealed that he has been abused he is then made to feel lesser by his wife- real bad message there.

Furthermore, there is also a drawn out needless nude scene with Riki Lindhome’s character. This scene goes on and on and on, and it makes you think is the joke supposed to be that the people who made this were/are creeps or am I missing something. The whole thing feels very exploitative.

Overall, this is bottom of the barrel comedy horror, it does neither well and though Kegan Michael-Key tries his best this film deserves damnation.

Pros.

Key

Cons.

Playing off male sexual assault as a joke

The icky nude scene

It is mostly deeply unfunny

It is nothing you haven’t seen before

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Lansky: Even Mass Murdering Gangsters Have A Sensitive Side

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

In many ways this is a deeply average crime/biopic film. There is nothing about the rise to infamy story told here that you have not heard before. However, there is something of an emotional nuance here that really takes the film in an interesting direction. We see the character as not just a cold blooded gangster but also as a man who cared deeply for and ultimately was unable to help his disabled son. There is a duality here, the film allows us to see outside the black and white and see a more accurate grey in regard to the situation.

Sam Worthington has not been in something in a while, or at least that’s how it feels to me, the last time I remember seeing him on screen in a big way was Avatar. However, this is not the comeback film or performance fans of his would want. Worthington is entirely forgettable here, and just about anyone could have played his role. Harvey Keitel fares better as the titular Lansky, it is nice to see him on our screens again and he does manage to leave an impression with his performance: proving once again why he is such a big force in the genre even now.

Furthermore, the film has pacing issues but not the ones you would expect. Indeed, the issue with this film is that it feels rushed, there is a lot going on and then bang it’s the credits. It all just feels rather abrupt and skipped over, there are a lot of unanswered questions left behind and the whole thing feels sloppy pacing wise.

Overall, Keitel and some nuance manages to push this film into being a slightly above average gangster affair that fans of the genre will fine pleasing.

Pros.

The emotional nuance

Keitel

The ending and the emotion

Cons.

Worthington

It feels rushed

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Black Widow: The Young Live To Right The Mistakes Of Their Parent’s Past

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Natasha Romanoff, Scarlet Johansson, returns to fix the mistakes on her past and finally undo the red in her ledger.

The first Marvel release back in cinemas had a lot riding on it, and I think it delivered.

Spoilers ahead.

The first thing I will say about this film is that it is very personal. If you are going in looking for the film that will set up the next Avengers this is not it. There is some connective tissue thrown in, but more or less this is quite self-contained. Which I feel is both a good thing and a bad thing, it is good as it allows for Natasha, her story and her world to stand on their own, but it is also bad as it can feel underwhelming at times especially if you go in with crossover expectations.

Moreover, those that did not like Falcon and the Winter Soldier because it was topical and was heavily influenced by racial issues will almost certainly not like this either- but who cares what they think? The beating heart of this film is an angry comment on women’s place not just within the MCU but also in the wider world to, the widows in this film have their literal free will taken away by the villains, they are entirely controlled by the evil man in charge. The commentary isn’t subtle, but it is strikingly accurate, and it does make you aware to how some men/parts of society treat women.

I felt as a swansong for Natasha within the MCU the film works well and gives her ‘final story’ a lot of power and impact to make sure the character goes out on a high. To that end I enjoyed her ‘family’, I thought Florence Pugh was terrific, I don’t like the notion that this is her breakout film as she has been doing great things for a while, but she really knocks it out of the park here and is a scene stealer. Furthermore, David Harbour’s Red Guardian is also a lot of fun and he gets the best jokes in the film. If I had to pick an odd one out of the family quartet it would be Rachel Weisz’s Melina who really doesn’t get much to do and spends a lot of the film as a glorified side character.

Additionally, the film does feature Taskmaster as the film’s sub-villain and though I won’t spoil the identity reveal here, I will say the film flips the character on it’s head and it does not go the way you are expecting. Personally, as someone who is a fan of the comics Taskmaster character I found the new version this film gives us to be sorely lacking, but you know what they say about villains in the MCU.

In terms of the wider big bad of the film that role goes to Ray Winstone’s Dreykov. As a sleezy tough guy type the role is perfectly cast, Winstone doesn’t get a huge amount to do when he is on screen beyond generally being evil, but he does manage to leave an impact. In that regard I just want to say that this may be at times one of the darkest films in the MCU so far, and the opening sequence of the sisters early days in the Black Widow program is particularly troubling, child friendly? I honestly don’t think so.

There is a post credits scene at the end of the film, and it sees Julia Louise Dreyfus’s character from the aforementioned Falcon and the Winter Soldier return to recruit Pugh’s Yelena to go after ‘the man who murdered her sister’, as I predicted setting up for a clash between her and Hawkeye in his Disney + series later this year.

Overall, a strong return to the cinema for Marvel though one that is not without issues.

Pros.

The social commentary

The poignant emotional goodbye

The new characters established

The post credits scene

Cons.

Slightly underwhelming at times

Taskmaster and the return of Marvel’s issue with villains

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Ant-Man: The Hero Who Turned Thomas The Tank Engine Into A Weapon

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Cat Burglar Scott Lang, Paul Rudd, has his life change in ways he would never expect when he steals a suit that allows him to shrink down to the size of an ant on one of his jobs.

When I first watched this in cinemas years ago, I remember being unimpressed. This feeling is reflected on my ranking lists for best films of the MCU with this film always coming near the end. However, the other night I decided to give it another go to see if it was as lacklustre as I remember it being, and I found myself feeling entirely changed on it. I like this film a lot more now, it is no Ant-Man and the Wasp, which is one of my all-time favourite Marvel films, but it is good all the same.

I found this to be the beating heart of the MCU, the relationship between Scott and his daughter is touching and sweet and I also enjoyed the romance building between Scott and Hope van Dyne, Evangeline Lilly. There are enough warming character moments and interactions in this film to make it worth watching on its own without all the Marvel goodness thrown in as well.

Speaking off, I found this to easily be the most fun to rewatch of the MCU films as its light and breezy tone made it fun to watch and it was okay if you missed something here or there as you don’t really need to pay attention. Moreover, I found myself laughing quite a lot at the jokes as well as at some of the more silly slapstick action such as the Thomas the Tank Engine fight sequence.

Furthermore in terms of acting everyone is on top form, and the only thing I would say critically in this regard is that Yellow Jacket, played by Corey Stoll, is perhaps one of the weakest villains in the MCU and the film gets just a little bit worse whenever he is on screen. Stoll is trying his best he just has nothing to work with.

Overall, a rewatch greatly changed my mind on this film and made me see it for the breezy, funny, charming film it is.

Pros.

Rudd

The back and forth between Rudd and Lilly’s characters

The emotion

The jokes

Cons.
It has some pacing issues and a very bloated first act

Yellow Jacket is an awful villain

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Castaway: The Love Between A Man And His Ball

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I had never seen this film before, this was my first time watching it. I knew that it was a big deal and seen as one of Tom Hanks’ best films, but I couldn’t comment on it myself until now. After watching it I found this film to be fascinating, it ran the gambit of emotions, it moved me, it annoyed me, it made me cheer.

At times I found the character’s decisions to be woefully stupid, and that annoyed me, however reflecting on it now I am left asking maybe that was deliberate and done to show that the character wasn’t a natural born survivor and so of course he would make mistakes maybe even laughably dumb ones.

I found the performance from Hank’s to be the one of his best. I quickly warmed to his character and felt invested in his journey as he tried to get off the island. I found the actual process of him getting off the island to be incredibly tense, seeing him almost get washed away with the waves multiple times. However, I found the double tragedy of Wilson’s death and his wife moving on to be the most effecting part of the film- truly heart-breaking.

Another thing I noticed was a similarity in the music here with Hanks’s other late nineties project Saving Private Ryan. At first I found the similarity in music choice to be jarring and even a little insulting to what it was used to symbolise in the other film, but as the film went on I found it to be fitting and even well picked.

Overall, a very entertaining film that moved me multiple times.

Pros.

Hanks

The music choice

The fight for survival

The comedic moments/ Wilson

Cons.

Pacing issues, it is on for slightly too long

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Ritchie Rich: Kevin McAllister’s Adventures After Home Alone

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

This film almost feels like a spiritual follow up to Home Alone. That is not just because Culkin is basically playing the same character, but also because it continues America’s fascination of stopping those who are after their wealth, and the idea that if you’re rich you will have to defend your fortune at least once.

I felt that this film was sweet and heart-warming, not Home Alone charming but still fairly feel good. Though the film can feel overly sentimental at times, it also still feels fun to watch. For the most part I enjoyed the story, I found it entertaining to watch this little kid use gadgets to defeat an evil corporate man intent on stealing his families fortune: it really is Home Alone.

We do manage to feel some sympathy for this incredibly privileged character and though he could have felt somewhat unrelatable or even cold if it were an adult in the same role, Culkin makes the character easy to like and we do root for him to befriend the local children and be able to be a normal kid just like everyone else.

I found the plot of the film to fall apart the more I thought about it, but I won’t overly analyse this as it is a kids film, and they are not known for their air tight logic or quick wits.

Overall, fun and breezy, but not something that you will think about again once it is over.
Pros.

Culkin

The fun

It is basically Home Alone all over again

Cons.

The plot falls apart

It is insanely predictable

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