Velvet Buzzsaw: An Exercise In Pretension

‘Velvet Buzzsaw’ is a satirical supernatural horror film written and directed by Dan Gilroy. The plot of the film revolves around a collection of painting that is both captivating and deadly; there is something alive within the paintings that either kills people or makes them kill themselves. The film also serves to lambast and spoof the art world.

Before I get into this review, I want to say that ‘Nightcrawler’ Gilroy’s other work with Jake Gyllenhaal is a masterpiece, being able to really show off its dark sensibilities and mustering a fantastic performance from Gyllenhaal. There is something about ‘Nightcrawler’ that makes it alarming every time you see it, even though by that point you know how it ends.

The same can’t be said for ‘Velvet Buzzsaw’. My main issue with this film is how up its own arse it is, it seems to think it is the best film that you will see all year; which it isn’t. The satirical elements of the film fail so much so, that I wasn’t even aware it was supposed to be that way until I sat down to research this review. The only thing that might clue you into the fact that this is supposed to be satirical is the fact that all the characters are deeply unlikeable; though I thought that was just bad writing.

Rene Russo and Gyllenhaal try their best and give good performances, which serve as a saving grace for this film, but only barely. The rest of the cast are terrible, Toni Collette’s performance has zero energy and feels like she is trying to give a bad performance for whatever reason. Zawe Ashton has one facial expression for the whole film and to call her wooden would be generous and ‘Stranger Things’ own Natalia Dyer feels like she is only in the film on Netflix’s behest to try and get more people to be like, “oh she was in Stranger Things I should probably rewatch that”.

The horror concepts of this film are interesting and there are a few good scares peppered throughout. However, they just aren’t enough, this film is 20 per cent inspired horror and then 80 per cent lost up its own arse as to how good it is; which is a terrible shame as I was excited to watch a film from the writer-director behind Nightcrawler and his strange, but always excellent muse Jake Gyllenhaal.

Overall this is an exercise in pretension that falls flat whilst also being incredibly hollow.

Pros.

Jake Gyllenhaal Is Always Fantastic.

Some Good Horror Moments.

An Interesting Concept.

Cons.

The Terrible Cast.

The Smug Sense Of Self This Film Has.

2.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Creep 2: Netflix, Give Mark Duplass All Your Money Please

‘Creep 2’ is a found footage psychological horror film directed by Patrick Brice. The plot this time sees online personality Sara (Desiree Akhavan), answer serial killer Josef (Mark Duplass), here called Aaron’s online ad, to film him for the day. He has lost his drive as a serial killer and is stuck in a rout: as such he wants Sara to make a documentary about him to try and relight the spark, he once had for killing.

This film does something very few other films can do, it manages to one-up its fantastic predecessor. ‘Creep 2’ plays up the more comedic elements of the film this time around and it makes for a hilarious experience that also has some great chilling moments: managing to not only do justice to these two elements but do them fantastically well.

Duplass is terrific once again, proving that comedians do horror really well, he manages to make this evil serial killer likeable and to an extent sympathetic. It turns out midway through the film that Aaron plans to kill himself at the end of the day and have Sara carry on his work, this is genuinely shocking and you don’t see it coming. The relationship between the two is simply fantastic it has shades of mentor-mentee, but also shades of a serial killer couple. The ending of the film is highly suggestive that there will be more for these two in the future.

From a dark comedy perspective, this film is a masterclass it compares being a serial killer to being a director who is on a downward spiral and to me that is incredibly funny. The humour works really well and meshes with the tone perfectly, both Akhavan and Duplass have moments of comic genius.

Akhavan is amazing, she has a fantastic repour with Duplass and the two do great things, I would like to see her come back in the future and maybe become a serial killer herself. She meets Duplass’s crazy and raises it.

Overall this film is a triumph and manages to one up a magnificent first entry, the relationship between Sara and Aaron is great and something I want to see explored more in a third film. If you like ‘What We Do In The Shadows’ you will like this, I guarantee it. By playing up the more comedic aspects ‘Creep 2’ is elevated to a whole new level.

Pros.

Akhavan Is Amazing.

So Is Duplass.

Serial Killer Couple?

The Ending.

Cons.

I Want More.

4.5/5

Reviewed By Luke

Bird Box: You Have To Be Blind To Enjoy This

‘Bird Box’ is a post-apocalyptic thriller film directed by Susanne Bier. The plot follows Malorie (Sandra Bullock), as she tires, to protect her children from strange supernatural entities that have taken over the world, said creatures drive people to madness if they see them. The film is based on the novel of the same name by Josh Malerman.

I remember when this film came out a lot of people were talking about it and it had more than a few moments in the sun. However, upon seeing it now I really don’t see what is so impressive about it, I know the novel came out years ago, but a lot of the film’s elements had been done before and better in other films like ‘A Quiet Place’ and ‘Children Of Men’. These elements are things like creatures that prey on a certain sense in this case sight as well as a family having to survive in this new world.

There is nothing new about this film at all. It is a collection of end of the world clichés and character stereotypes. Not only that, but the film puts a lot of it’s focus on the humans that have not been driven to suicide by the creatures: because they were already mad, they take up the role of the antagonists in the film and the creatures themselves almost become a secondary villain. I think this is an annoying trend that a lot of these type of films do and is also a huge missed opportunity. There are hundreds of films about humans doing horrific things to each other most of them better than this, so why does this film not choose to focus on the one thing that makes it unique it’s monsters.

What’s more, the human characters are boring, really really boring. They are really hard to care about as they just seem like a collection of characters that you have seen before, this film even wastes John Malkovich. The one character that is interesting and feels like you want to get to know her is Sarah Paulson’s Jessica, but she is killed off within the first 10 minutes of the film.

Overall this is an incredibly generic film and in this the year 2020 that just isn’t passable anymore, as we have so much choice that things like this should fail to send a message that we want better, we want characters that actually feel like characters, we want a story that hasn’t been done so many times before, and we want to see the monsters in a form other than wind!

Pros.

Sarah Paulson For The 10 Minutes We Get Her.

Cons.

It’s Been Done Better Before.

It’s Generic.

The Story Is Boring.

We Don’t See The Monsters We Are Just Told About Them.

1/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Two Popes: A Look Behind The Curtain

‘The Two Popes’ is a biographical drama film detailing the end of Pope Benedict XVI time as Pope and the rise of Pope Francis. The film looks at the relationship and, to an extent friendship between these two men, showing how even though they had strong disagreements, Benedict was far more conservative in his approach than Pope Francis; they found common ground and, a common respect for one another.

I was worried when I watched this film that it might be preachy or, have a message or, agenda that it tried to force down the viewer’s throat, I am pleased to report that this film can be enjoyed by anyone no matter your religion. As it is an acting masterclass and, each piece of dialogue is delivered with such relish that you can’t help but love it. Extensively this film is made by the performances of Anthony Hopkins as Pope Benedict and, Jonathan Price as Pope Francis, it is a joy to see these two veterans acting on screen they are both giving it their all and, it is a marvellous thing to watch.

This film is not afraid to get dark, at times it covers some very serious subject matter such as the child sex abuse within the Church as well as Pope Francis’ past in Argentina. These sections are brief but incredibly powerful they leave an impact on you and, make you think; I applaud this approach as it gives the film a heft to it that helps to define it beyond simply a film about the Papacy.

My one issue with the film is that it feels as though it could have been made shorter and, that it could have benefited from a harsher edit. By this, I mean that some sequences in the film do end up overstaying their welcome, the flashbacks to Pope Francis’ past are a prime example, as a result of this they lose some of their impact as instead of feeling thoughtfully considered they instead feel as though the filmmakers are trying to pad out the films’ runtime. This a shame as most of the film feels very tight and, most scenes have meaning.

Overall this is very interesting and, I learnt things I wasn’t previously aware of, Hopkins and Price both do a fantastic job in their respective roles and, I think it was a brave move for the film to have darker subject matter but, I am really glad they did. This could have been great if the pacing was a bit better and, every scene felt necessary.

Pros.
Interesting.
Informative.
Sharp Dialogue.
Great Performances.
Darker Themes.

Cons.
Pacing Issues.

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Princess Switch: The Hudissance Begins!

The Princess Switch is a Christmas romantic comedy film serving as part of the wider Netflix shared universe existing with the likes of ‘A Christmas Prince’ and, to a lesser extent, ‘The Knight Before Christmas. The plot of the film revolves around Stacy DeNovo, (Vanessa Hudgens), a young baker, who is invited to take part in a baking competition oversees, while there she crosses paths with The Dutchess of Montenaro, also played by Hudgens, and, the Dutchess seeing Stacy as a way to escape her royal responsibilities, talks her into switching lives.

As you can probably guess this film is chocked full with over the top romantic melodrama, the Dutchess is supposed to marry Prince Edward, (Sam Palladio), but she doesn’t really love him. Stacy hasn’t allowed herself to fall in love, after a personal tragedy, which is almost beat for beat the same as her other film, ‘The Knight Before Christmas’ although the reason is slightly different. Stacy is also oblivious to the fact that her fellow baker Kevin, (Kevin Richards) is in love with her; spoiler she doesn’t love him back. Can you guess what the resolution to all this drama is? Yes, Stacy, the baker ends up falling in love with the Prince and, marries him, with the weird if you still feel this way in a year rule from ‘A Christmas Prince’ coming back. The Dutchess, on the other hand, gives up the royal lifestyle and, falls in love with Kevin.

There will be plenty of people out there who will tell you that these films are trash and, to an extent they’re right but, the reason why I like them, this one especially, is because they throw any kind of logic out of the window and, random things happen and, you have to go with it. It is like a beautiful disaster you know you should look away but you can’t.

I truly believe that Vanessa Hudgens is in the midst of a career renaissance this and, ‘The Knight Before Christmas’ could both be so bad but, her performance saves both. She is lovable and, warm and easy to root for she places the every-woman incredibly well. What’s more she is convincing as both Stacy and, the Dutchess so much so that after a while you forget that both are Hudgens; you see them as entirely different characters. She is the heart a soul of these films.

Overall this film is more fun than it has any right to be, a great performance by Vanessa Hudgens and, throwing logic out of the window make this film surprisingly good.

Pros.
The Ridiculousness
Vanessa Hudgens
The Wider Shared Universe

Cons
It is drunk or, hungover trash viewing, but you knew that

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

A Christmas Prince, The Royal Baby: A Scroll, A Curse And, Two Families

‘A Christmas Prince: The Royal Baby’ is a Christmas romantic comedy as well as the third instalment in the franchise and, as you can guess centres around the birth of now, Queen Amber, (Rose Mciver) and King Richard, (Ben Lamb) first child. The plot this time around seems to go in the complete opposite direction to the last entry, serious and lacking in whimsy, being once again over the top and, ridiculous much like the first film; hell not to spoil anything but, ghosts and a curse play a part in the plot this time around.

I think this third instalment is a return to form for the franchise, going back to its trashy over the top roots, and I think the film as a whole benefits from this; there are not multiple subplots that are all boring and, trying to take away from the main narrative in one way or, another, everything is relatively straight forward this time around.

*There is one subplot about Melissa, (Tahirah Sharif), Amber’s best friend who has been a background character, thankfully, for most of the series thus far, questioning her relationship with Simon, (Theo Devaney), Richards’ cousin. Simon has quietly become my favourite character in the series over time, but he works well in small doses both the first and second film seemed to understand that but, this film gives both he and Melissa far too much screen time. I have never cared for Ambers’ friends in these films they’re forgettable and, throwaway so to see Melissa get a subplot of her own made me groan. All of these scenes drag on and, on and feel like the film trying to buy itself time; what makes it worse is the acting and, the plotline itself could and, have been done better in a soap opera.

I think the film greatly benefits from suddenly remembering what it is, a trashy, made for TV movie people might watch when they’re drunk. By throwing any sense of seriousness or, sense out of the window it allows the film to be what it once was again, fun. The idea that if they don’t find the missing scroll by midnight Richard and, Ambers’ baby might be cursed is wonderfully silly and, daft. I appreciate and, applaud this film for not taking itself too seriously, as that was my issue with the second film.

Overall I think this should be the last entry in the ‘A Christmas Prince’ franchise as I don’t see where they can take it from here. This film is a high note for the series being just as good as the first film and, being made that much better by embracing the wackiness and, not taking itself too seriously; definitely good drunk viewing.

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

A Christmas Prince: Who Needs Kate and Will?

‘A Christmas Prince’ is a Christmas set rom-com the plot revolves around journalist Amber, (Rose Mciver), as she is sent to the fictional country of Aldovia to cover the coronation of the new King, Prince Richard. While there she starts posing as the princesses nanny, all in the hopes of finding some juicy gossip, but in a rather predictable turn, she starts to develop strong feelings for the King to be.

The romance is wholesome and, sweet yet exactly what you would expect; they grow more fond of each other, then it is revealed that Amber isn’t who she says she is and, finally there is a big romantic gesture at the end, all very formulaic and, as you would expect. These Christmas Prince films almost feel more like a made for TV sort of films and, that is more than half the charm. The plot is laughably predictable, the set and, costume design all look very cheap and, the drama almost feels straight out of a reality show, but rather than have these things be a bad thing ‘A Christmas Prince’ is very aware of what it is; it knows it is a trashy made for TV film that most people will watch when they are hungover and, it seems proud of it.

The monarchy of Aldovia seems more than a little inspired by the British monarchy over the years it surprises me to say this but, of Netflix’s two properties that feature a monarchy, the other being the Crown I like this one more. The monarchy of Aldovia can have a laugh at their own expense, treating the whole idea in a very tongue in cheek way.

Rose Mciver does the best she can with a very limited script; her Amber is very down to earth and, likeable and, she makes some great points about monarchies in the modern age. The rest of the performances are all serviceable, nothing to write home about, but they aren’t the worst performances either.

‘A Christmas Prince’ also expertly sets up the wider Netflix shared universe, the most unknown of the shared universes, which features the likes of ‘The Princess Switch’ and, to a lesser degree ‘The Knight Before Christmas’ as well as the flood of ‘Christmas Prince’ sequels. These films all tie together in a very nice subtle way, even going so far as to point out and become meta, that they are in fact films in ‘The Princess Switch’.

Overall these films are trashy Christmas set rom-coms and, they know that they’re good junk food to watch over the holidays and so I would say by all means check them out.

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Knight Before Christmas: The Knight We Deserve!

‘The Knight Before Christmas’ is a Christmas comedy film the plot follows Sir Cole, (Josh Whitehouse), a 14th-century knight who arrives in modern times to fulfill his life’s quest, what that is he doesn’t know. In present-day Cole meets Brooke, (Vanessa Hudgens), a woman who has given up on the chance of ever finding her happily ever after, she takes him in after accidentally hitting him with her car and, sparks fly.

I had heard nothing good about Netflix’s holiday rom-coms and, after seeing ‘Let it Snow’, which was awful, I was expecting the worst. However, I was pleasantly surprised by ‘The Knight Before Christmas’, it was sweet and, lovable, and yes it might not reinvent the wheel or, be something that hasn’t been done 100 times before, but it leaves you with a pure smile on your face at the end of the film, and that is more than I can say for a lot of other films.

The plot is the standard ‘fish out of water’ story line, all the beats are there, the ending is Cole having to choose between returning to his own time, or staying in 2019 with Brooke; there are quite a few good laughs thrown in across the runtime that make the characters warm and, it makes you as the audience care about them. By the end of the film, you want Cole and Brooke to get together. There are moments that are laughably ridiculous, like a scene where Cole saves a young girl from falling into a frozen lake; these scenes are good goofy fun though and, help to sell this as a larger than life popcorn movie: because ultimately this film knows what it is, it is very aware of it and, it revels in it.

It is nice to see Vanessa Hudgens back on- screen the last thing I think I saw her in was ‘Spring Breakers’, in that regard this is a return to form. She plays the sweet innocent characters, basically the Disney esque characters really well and, she is fantastic here.
After watching this film, I can see why Netflix spent a lot of money to sign her to a multi-picture deal, she is a very good audience surrogate and, it is almost impossible not to root for her.
Whitehouse has some good moments and, he is believable as a 14th-century knight in 2019 however, he is greatly upstaged by his female co-star but, both do a great job anyway.

I hope very much like the ‘A Christmas Prince’ films, that ‘The Knight Before Christmas’ can become a yearly Netflix Christmas tradition, this film is far better than it has any right to be, and I would say it is a Christmas must-watch. Turn your brain off, settle down on the sofa with a nice cup of something warm and, enjoy this festive treat!

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Irishman: I Hear You Paint Houses

The Irishman is a crime epic directed by Martin Scorsese the plot follows Frank Sheeran, (Robert De Niro), as he descends into the mobster underworld. The film spans Sheeran’s whole life; focusing a lot of the runtime on Sheeran’s relationship with the notorious Jimmy Hoffa, (Al Pacino).

The Irishman is an incredibly ambitious undertaking on Scorsese’s part, as he uses de-ageing technology to show the actors in their younger forms, rather than casting younger actors, which for the most part works well, especially if you’re prepared to suspend your disbelief; there were only two instances when I thought the CGI technology was noticeably bad.

It is nice to see all of these Gangster Film/ Scorsese veterans back on the big screen together, De Niro gives a career-best performance, which is nice to see as he hasn’t been in the best films recently. De Niro has given so much to the gangster genre, effectively becoming a cornerstone of it and, it is nice to see him get centre stage once again. Pacino likewise is phenomenal, his Hoffa can go toe to toe with Sheeran both in terms of presence and memorability. Really the Irishman is the story of the relationship between these two men. Another thing that makes the Irishman so special is that it marks the on-screen return of prolific crime film star Joe Pesci. Pesci plays Russel Bufalino a crime boss who takes a young Sheeran under his blood-soaked wing, it is lovely to see Pesci return, he gives a hearty performance, perhaps not as manic and crazed as some of his older performances, but still incredibly commanding all the same.

My one issue with the casting is that of Anna Paquin as Polly Sheeran, Frank’s daughter. Since very early on in the film Polly and Frank have a very tense relationship; as such she doesn’t talk to her father in the last act of the film, despite him wanting them to, my complaint is not that Paquin doesn’t have many lines, instead being why cast Paquin at all; this would have been a great opportunity to give to an unknown or, an upcoming talent; as Paquin herself doesn’t add much.

My final note is that the runtime, in case you didn’t know, is 3 and a half hours, which can be off-putting to some. The Irishman is paced very deliberately, sometimes scenes feel very long and drawn out, and yes this did make me lose focus and I did almost give up with it a few times, but such is the nature of an epic.

If you like the genre then there is more than enough to get you to invest in the Irishman, however, if you’re more of a casual viewer you may find some elements of it off-putting. Overall it is very nice to see some of these familiar faces back on the screen and giving standout performances.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Always Be My Maybe: Maybe more like Mediocrity

Always Be My Maybe is a romantic comedy film. The plot follows two people Sasha Tran, (Ali Wong), and Marcus Kim, (Randall Park), who were best friends when they were kids, but after a romantic mishap haven’t spoken in years; fate brings them into each other’s lives again but, will the romance return?

The romance the film portrays is very realistic, there is nothing fanciful about it; both the leads act very much like how normal people would in that situation, adding a nice sense of realism.

Both leads are likeable, Randall Park especially, who is basically just playing a younger version of his character from Fresh Off The Boat. Wong has a few good lines but, is often upstaged by Park’s charisma and charm. In terms of comedy, the film isn’t very strong, there were a few lines that made me smile, but nothing that made me laugh out loud.

The realistic drama of the film works far better than it’s comedy, with the reason that Marcus finds it hard to commit being masterfully done; you don’t see it coming, but when it is revealed it makes complete sense.

The plot is nothing new or, novel, it follows a standard will they won’t they rom-com plotline, the twists and turns are mostly standard and completely what you would expect, so it is very average in that respect. However, the charm of the leads makes up for the complete predictability.

There is one great surprise/reveal, which I wasn’t aware of as I hadn’t seen any of the trailers or, promotional materials. This surprise genuinely shocked me and instantly became my favourite moment of the film, this is, of course, the Keanu Reeves reveal. For those of you, that like me didn’t know, Reeves plays a fictionalised version of himself, the love rival of Marcus. Ali and all the other characters, except for Marcus, are completely smitten with him; which only serves to aggravate Marcus further.

Reeves is the highlight of the film, his presence makes the film, but also it takes overpowers everything else so in many ways it is a double-edged sword.

Overall Always Be My Maybe is a sweet if incredibly by the numbers affair. The leads have just enough charm and charisma to keep you watching, but only just. Reeves is spectacular as always but is barely used. The thing that hamstrings this film is its predictability, outside of Reeves’s cameo and Marcus’s later character development, everything else is easily guessable. In a sentence, the thing that stops this film from rising above mediocrity is that it’s scared to take chances.

3/5

Reviewed by Luke