Nude Tuesday: Jemaine Clement Fully Exposed

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A couple, played by Jackie van Beek and Damon Herriman, head to a couples retreat after their relationship implodes.

This film will not be what you are expecting, and I mean that in a bad way. I was hoping for a quirky comedy made all the better by the humorous comedic stylings of Jemaine Clement , that is not what I got. Rather it was a depressing cynical look at married life made harder to watch by a strange dialogue choice.

The whole film is spoken in a made up language with accompanying subtitles, and to me this felt incredibly needless. I got the impression that this choice was supposed to be impactful or disruptive in some sort of way, and I assume the writers/directors were giving themselves a pat on the pack for such a genius idea, however, upon execution I found it presented a very large barrier to enjoying the film and made watching it a slog.

Moreover, the outlook of the film is so whole heartedly depressing that it again made it hard to finish. There were many times when I was watching it I found myself actively disliking the characters more and more, I was not warming to any of them even by the end of the film. Clement at least brought something to proceedings and seeing him as a man child quasi cult leader was fun but not enough to keep me invested.

Overall, not an enjoyable film to watch and one you will no doubt turn off early.

Pros.

Clement

A few jokes land

Cons.

It is depressing

The use of the made up language

The ending

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Luck: Mindless Slop That Isn’t Worth Your Kids Time

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Unlucky Sam, voiced by Eva Nobelzada, discovers the world of luck.

I have written before about the fact that often animated films aimed at families and children don’t feel the need to try to be good or to match the standards that people would expect from films with the idea that children will eat up any old slop, and this really does embody that idea.

In many ways this film feels dead behind the eyes and truly soulless, there is nothing of meaningful substance here, instead it just went through the motions and churned out tired fantasy tropes that we have seen again and again. They also force in some songs for who knows what reason, probably because a focus group recommended it, and in these song and dance numbers we get another good luck at again studio executives trying to pander to the youth of today in the most cringe way.

I think the vocal performances across the board were nearly consistently terrible, with Nobezada sound bored and asleep at the wheel with the line delivery of low battery robot and Simon Pegg doing his best Mike Myers as Shrek impression. I am a huge fan of Pegg as an actor but I question why he was cast here, he really doesn’t bring much to the film and someone possessing a real Scottish accent who is also a talented voice actor say someone like James McAvoy could have done a much better job of it.

Overall, don’t subject your kids to this, they won’t look at you the same way afterwards.

Pros.

It is pretty bad but it is not unwatchable or offensive

Cons.

Nobelzada

Pegg

The story is stupid and contrived

The songs

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Kiss Kiss Bang Bang: Robert Downey Jr’s Secret Best Film

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A tongue in cheek take on the hard boiled detective stories of old.

Many people point to The Nice Guys as one of Shane Black’s best films, but more people than that seem to forget that before Black made that film he made this one, and in many ways this film is almost better.

I think the most obvious merit of this film is the fact that the satire and subversion of the genre is done so spectacularly well that layers can be seen within the commentary. This is not a film of references to other famous moments from other genre fare, or even scene mimicry, no this is a deconstruction of the genre to an almost subatomic level. Through this film Black is taking apart the hard boiled detective story and lampooning it whilst also creating something that feels both similar yet markedly different.

The other boon for this film is Robert Downey Jr on top form in a pre-Tony Stark age. Though Downey Jr is the star of the piece he is strongly supported by Val Kilmer with whom he has great chemistry. The two men together really bring a tour de force in terms of performance to this film, and it certainly ranks amongst Downey Jr’s best films.

My one slight criticism of this film is that in places the pace becomes a little clawing and it could do with being made tighter. This is a problem for a lot of films.

Overall, perhaps Shane Black’s best film.

Pros.

Downey Jr

The satire

It is both funny as well as engaging and tense

The chemistry between the leads

Cons

The pace

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Prey: A War Party Rides Out

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young Comanche woman, played by Amber Midthunder, who dreams of becoming a warrior get to seize that opportunity after running into a Predator.

This film was rad, my only complaint is that it has a slow start, but other than that this film was just what the Predator franchise had been needing, a fresh start and new blood. A lot of incels are upset online because this time around it’s a girl who is fighting Predator and she wins mostly on her own merit, with a little help. However, this whole argument is stupid as she outsmarts the beast and is able to beat it that way which is what Dutch did all the way back in the original, these people who have a constant chip on their shoulder thinking that any strong female lead is inherently bad need to leave their parent’s basement.

Midthunder plays the part perfectly here and you really believe her quest to take down this apex predator. I like how she trains and sets up a killing field for the Predator at the end of the film, it leads to a lot of neat visuals and a really tense showdown where both seem pretty evenly matched.

I also thought the gore here was really on point, a Predator film should be gory after all and in this department this film delivers in droves. I thought the sequence where the Predator goes to down on a bunch of French fur trappers was really well done in this regard and show cased a lot of nice gore without it ever getting to a gross out point.

Overall, a really strong entry into the Predator franchise.

Pros.

Midthunder

The ending

The character journey

The gore

The Comanche dub really adds a sense of authenticity

Cons.

It has a slow start

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Only Murders In The Building: Flipping The Pieces

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Mabel, played by Selena Gomez, and Theo, played by James Caverly, bond and open up about their pasts.

Many people are hailing this as Gomez’s finest moment on the show, her big emotional back story. Whilst I think Gomez did give a good performance, I thought her delivery left a little to be desired and thought that her facial acting was woefully lacking. Though she is reciting what is supposed to be a painful story from her past her face stays mostly the same throughout, this is not how to act for any one looking to start out.

However, I did find Mabel and Theo to be a good pairing and hopefully we will see more of the two of them together later in the season. Gomez and Caverly have good on-screen chemistry together and are a believable duo. In addition, I thought this episode was actually better for featuring Steve Martin and Martin Short less, the two of them are becoming very one note this season and by focusing this episode mainly around Mabel it helps it to stay fresh.

I think the idea of the blackout leaves the episode off on an interesting place, I would much prefer if we knew that this show was heading into its final episode this season but as there are still two more episodes after the next one we know they are just going to keep dragging this out.

Overall, better for giving Mabel a bigger focus

Pros.

Mabel and Theo make a good pair

Mabel’s backstory

The ending tease

Cons.

They are still stretching out a paper thin mystery

Gomez’s performance leaves something to be desired

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DC League Of Super-Pets: The Horniest Turtle You Will Ever Meet

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Krypto, voiced by Dwayne Johnson and a rag tag group of other pets must come together to save the Justice League after they are bested by Lex Luthor’s Guinea Pig, voiced by Kate McKinnon.

I think this film is very watchable and has a lot of good elements within it, do I think this film is going to set the world on fire? No, obviously not, but I think there are worse ways to spend a few hours.

With the exception of one character that I will get to later, most of the characters are fairly one note of forgettable, and their respective voice actors don’t do all that much to liven up proceedings. Natasha Lyonne does her best as a horny turtle and lands a few laughs but even she can’t save this film on a performance front. Hell even Keanu Reeves himself, the man who can single-handedly save any movie, as Batman isn’t enough. Those are words I never thought I would have to write.

The one exception to this however is Kevin Hart as Ace. The leader of the stray pack and a dog who was chucked out of his home after saving a little girl from falling down the stairs has a massive amount of depth and heart put into his character and Hart really delivers on a warm and tender yet also funny vocal performance. I think truly that this is Kevin Hart’s film and that he outshines all of his co-stars and forms a soon to be beloved animated character.

I also enjoyed all the reference in this film to other films such as the throwaway Warriors bit. Though most audiences of this film won’t have watched that, I found it to be funny. Moreover, on the whole I found myself laughing quite a few times during this film and do think the humour works quite well.

Overall, a watchable and somewhat entertaining animated film with one really strong character, sadly the rest of the characters aren’t quite on the mark.

Pros.

Hart

It is funny

The references

The ending

Cons.

The voice cast is mostly wasted

It has pacing issues

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Big Trouble In Little China: Kurt Russell Takes On Asian Stereotypes

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Kurt Russell fights Chinese demons and some of the worst special effects of his career.

I know this film is a beloved classic to some, and I wanted to like it to, but I just didn’t really gel with it.

The satire becomes so try hardy and desperate as the film progresses that it almost feels like it is reaching out and tapping the audiences saying, ‘remember this trope from action movies, we are twisting it aren’t we clever’, constantly looking for validation. I didn’t find it particularly funny either.

The special effects are dicey at best, why Carpenter thought using so many of them especially when they look so bad was a good idea is beyond me. Moreover, a lot of the depictions of magical Chinese or Asian people in this film feels like it was out of date at the time, which is what I suppose the film is mocking, but still it feels troubling to watch.

In addition, I didn’t find Kurt Russell particularly likeable here, I understand what the filmmakers were going for with his character but more often than not he just comes across as kind of an arse and it makes him hard to root for. James Hong on the other hand is great here, he is clearly having a lot of fun and when the film lets him go fully wild he embraces it to the Nth degree.

Overall, a flawed Carpenter film that doesn’t live up to his other greats.

Pros.

Hong

It is unintentionally funny quite a lot

It is watchable

Cons.

Russell

The racial undertones

The special effects

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Caught In The Act: Paint Drying Is More Interesting

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Three city dwelling women head to the countryside to housesit for a friend, whilst there they all decide to take part in a variety show.

This feels like, in every respect, a relic. From the outset I struggled to believe that this film came out in the nineties, it feels older than that. I don’t inherently mean that as a mark against the film, instead I mean that to a modern audience with a modern sensibility this film will seem deeply strange. Perhaps I am showing my age.

Moreover, the banal nature of the story almost purposefully goes out of its way to be uninteresting, as it meanders at such a slow pace that you lose all sense of time and space whilst watching it and slip into a dark abyss.

The performances are fine, nothing really to write home about. The issue on this side of things is that all of the characters struggle to be likeable and as such you can’t really care about their experiences during the film or to latch onto them, as such the boredom is amplified.

Overall, boring in the extreme.

Pros.

It makes watching paint dry seem interesting

Cons.

It is incredibly boring

It feels like an antique, not in a good way

The characters aren’t particularly likeable

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Sideworld,Terrors Of The Sea: What Waits For Us At The Bottom Of The Ocean

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

This film explores the dark and sinister side to our oceans.

I have long thought that there is something quite gothic and mysterious about the sea and I know I am not alone in that belief. I often say to people how crazy it is that we have barely scratched the surface with ocean exploration and cannot fully comprehend what may be waiting for us at the very bottom of the sea, in the areas where there is no light.

In that vein this film really captures in essence the foreboding nature of the sea, coming off often as more curious and mysterious than outrightly scary. I think it is in that regard that this Sideworld film differs from the last, it is less scary. I don’t know if this is by design, but certainly I found this to be different in tone and intent than the last film.

In terms of the sea stories, it was a good smattering of different things from ghost ships to sea monsters. None of it will be things you have never heard before, but thanks to the narrators fantastic delivery it still manages to feel captivating and intriguing until the final frame. I think the sea monster section was probably my favourite.

Overall, if spooks and creepy stories to listen to as the nights slowly darken again are your kind of thing then you will be doing yourself a disservice not to check this out.

Pros.

It truly captures the mystery of the sea

It is intriguing

It has a good mixture of tales

The sound work is incredibly strong and really does both set the sense and create a fantastic atmosphere.

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Ava: A Movie We Have All Seen About 5 Times Before

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Jessica Chastain plays yet another cold emotionless spy, but this time she is a girl boss. Oh we have seen this before from Chastain and just like her ill-fated venture with Simon Kinberg this too is a mess.

The clear feminist girl power vibes here couldn’t be any more striking it they reached through the screen and physically hit you in the face, there is nothing wrong with that but I do wish that this film and Chastain’s other feminist themed action films at least had something interesting and new to say.

Moreover, though no one can doubt that Chastain has action hero prowess, her performance here and in her other action roles feels just a little bit too try hardy and as though she is trying to prove something. We all know her credentials so she needs to have more of that laidback self-assured confidence that a lot of other action hero actors bring to their roles.

The plot is fairly uninspired, you have seen it before and the twists and turns are incredibly obvious from the outset. Chastain does a little to elevate the incredibly trite material but even then it can’t be saved, which is a shame as a lot of talented actors had their times wasted making this.

Overall, flawed and not really salvageable.

Pros.

Chastain is trying

A few well done action sequences

Cons.

Chastain is trying too hard

It has nothing new to say from a feminist/ gender studies perspective

It is bored and played out from the beginning

The pacing is awful

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