Monte Carlo: An Idealized Version Of France

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

3 all American girls go on holiday to France and naturally one of their group gets mistaken for a celebrity doppelganger and they go on an adventure.

Honestly this is bland nonsense. It is perfectly watchable but is so light and breezy that you can check out for big chunks of the ‘plot’ and still mostly understand what is going on. I am not saying that every film has to have an intricate narrative with lots of moving parts but there is so little going on here that it is barely even a film.

Moreover, this kind of double narrative has been done so many times before that this film feels instantly stale. To make matters worse this film doesn’t even have the charm of a Parent Trap or a Princess Switch instead it feels just barely serviceable.

None of the performances are particularly great either, Gomez is probably the best of a bad bunch but no one is winning an Oscar here.

Overall, boring fluff that is hard to feel one way or the other about.

Pros.

It is mindless

It is watchable if you have nothing else

It is short

Cons.

The performances are fairly weak all round

There is nothing to it

It is bland and insipid

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27 Dresses: Learning The Art Of Catching The Bouquet

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A habitual bridesmaid, played by Katherine Heigl finally gets her own love story.

In many ways this is an incredibly generic rom-com, all of the toxic and cliched elements are all present and everything happens the way you would expect it to. The surprises are kept to a minimum.

However, despite all of that there is a charm to this film, it is all of the bad things that I labelled it above, but there is also a warmth to it, the idea of junk food springs to mind in that sometimes we consume what we know is bad for us just because we want to satiate a craving, this is very much that we know it is toxic and problematic yet it is also a good rom-com.

Moreover, despite her reputation for being difficult this film made me miss the slightly awkward charm of Heigl especially as she has been absent from our screens for quite a long time now. I thought she had great chemistry with her leading man James Marsden and I believed the two of them as a couple. Really it is hard for Marsden to be bad in anything and that helped this film a lot.

Overall, though it is predictable, clichéd and toxic there is also something warm and familiar to enjoy.

Pros.

It feels like quality junk food

There is a warmth to it that is infectious

Heigl and Marsden both put in good turns

Cons.

It is cliched, toxic and predictable

It is badly paced.

Maneater: Making Sharknado Look Like An Oscar Worthy Affair

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A shark movie featuring the worst shark effects you will ever see in your life, even the clearly fake looking shark in Jaws from the 70s is better than this.

I will open this review by saying that I am a big Shane West fan, I grew up watching Nikita and later Salem and as such I will always turn up for something starring, or in this case co-starring West. However, though he may be the reason this film gets a 1 and not less, he certainly isn’t enough to make this film even barely watchable.

The shark attack/survival subgenre of horror is already incredibly overpopulated as such it is very hard for a shark film to be good or to standout, for positive reasons, from the rest. This film did stand out but for all the wrong reasons. Obviously as I have previously mentioned the incredibly poor effects on the shark that are almost laughably bad is the main reason, however also bad is the fact that this film looks like a made for TV Sharknado esque affair, but it doesn’t bring the tongue in cheek tone or charm of that film and instead decides to play it straight for the most part- to no one’s benefit.

I also really don’t care for the narrative structure of this film and how it decides to split focus between the main group of partiers under attack by the shark and then a grieving father, played by Trace Adkins, as he decides to hunt down the shark. I suppose the two threads to coreless in the end, but until this point it is a jarring back and forth between them.

Our lead of Jessie, played by Nicky Whelan, is aggressively average. She brings very little to the table beyond being a damsel in distress that doesn’t even really get any good licks in on the shark, instead needing to wait for the uber macho Harlan, Adkins, to come and save her. Something I will give this film credit for is the fact that it uses a cast of older actors rather than have it just be the genre’s standard collection of teens.

Overall, how not to do a Shark movie.

Pros.

Casting older actors

Shane West is trying his best

Cons.

The shark frequently looks terrible

It is boring and cliched

It is on for far too long

The lead performance is fairly reductive

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Top Gun Maverick: Men And Their Feelings

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Maverick, played by Tom Cruise, returns to teach the next generation.

That premise sounds generic and lame but actually proves to be quite entertaining. I think by using just the right amount of nostalgia whilst also tying in elements from the first film in an interesting way that felt like it benefited the story and drove things forward rather than just being used for cheap member berry moments.

I think Tom Cruise was good here, though I would not say he was the star of the show as he was upstaged by both Miles Teller, playing the son of Maverick’s old friend Goose, as well as an also returning Val Kilmer. Cruise plays Maverick in much the same way he does all his other action movie characters, see Ethan Hunt or Jack Reacher, so if you like that then you will be entertained, but if you were hoping for something new then you will be disappointed.

Personally, I found this film to be enjoyable and very watchable but I don’t understand why it is so big right now or so critically beloved. Maybe it’s because I didn’t watch the first film as a kid or maybe it’s because I often find Tom Cruise starring in a film to be an off-putting factor, however to me this really was a case of the film being good not great.

Overall, a fun movie but by no means a must see.

Pros.

It is a lot of fun

It uses nostalgia sparingly and well

It is well paced

Teller is terrific

Cons.

Cruise is just playing the same old same old

Jennifer Connelly’s character is a big bunch of sexist cliches

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I Love My Dad: Taking Facebook Creeping Up A Notch

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A dad, played by Patton Oswald catfishes his emotionally vulnerable son, played by Jason Morosini, after he blocks him online.

I have two key issues with this film. Firstly, the end of the film shows the son being warm towards the dad and even goes so far as to almost celebrate the dad at the end when in actual fact the dad is cruel, unethical and deeply controlling. This normalisation is not undone by the fact the film points out these issues in the father’s personality as in the end these criticisms don’t matter. Secondly, the film tries to bill itself as the ultimate cringe comedy, but instead just comes off as deeply depressing and leaves you feeling sad.

There are a handful of sparse laughs to be had here, but for the most part this film leaves you cold. Honestly the context of the son’s mental state makes the film uncomfortable viewing, in a different film the father’s catfish could come off as funny or even as a prank but as here he knows his son has suicidal tendencies it just comes across as messed up and wrong.

Overall, not particularly enjoyable.

Pros.

A few laughs to be had

It is mercifully short

Cons.

The father doesn’t deserve to be redeemed at the end

It is not as deep as it thinks it is

It makes for uncomfortable viewing

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Day Shift: Ruining A Perfectly Nice Pair Of Pants

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Jamie Foxx is a vampire hunter and Dave Franco is a man who consistently ruins his slacks.

For the most part I enjoyed this film. I think tongue in cheek action is where Netflix really shines, not when they are trying to be serious. The comedy of this film mostly landed for me and I found myself laughing quite a few times. Likewise I was impressed by most of the action sequences, but I would expect nothing less with Chad Stathelski’s hand in producing this film.

The world building here was nice to see, even if it did feel like a plagiarised version of the John Wick set up with the Union being a very obvious stand in for the High Table and or the world of the Continental. It was nice to see the film explore different types of vampires with different powers and abilities as it gave the various enemies some nice variety.

I think in terms of performance Jamie Foxx is very take him or leave him, he’s fine but anyone could have done his role and many would have done a better job of it. Franco easily upstages his on-screen partner and has a number of memorable lines. However, I think the scene stealer of the film is Natasha Liu Bordizzo’s Heather as she brings a real presence to the film and also has great chemistry with both Foxx and Franco.

Overall, a moderately entertaining picture.

Pros.

Franco

Bordizzo

The action

Cons.

It feels a little too similar to John Wick

Foxx is a miscast lead

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Hey Bro A Sneak Peak From The Feature Film The Hard Life And Times Of Clownie: Clowns Have Problems Too

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Clownie, played by Josh Rutgers, must face down a dark night of the soul after being kicked out of the clowning association.

I enjoyed the raw passion of this film and the clear enthusiasm that was on display in every frame. It wasn’t a perfect film, but it has a lot of heart and really that is what I liked about this film, it knew what it was and it was just a group of people having fun and at the very heart of the matter that is what all films should be.

My main complaint of this film would be that it isn’t on long enough for us to become properly attached to Clownie, or to buy his emotional journey. However, I suppose that is what sequels are for, there is always more ground to cover in the future. In terms of short films this is definitely on the shorter side.

For the short time it was on I found the film quite compelling, and I was interested to see how it would play out. I think the ending raised the stakes for the film and left us with some questions about where things can go from here.

Overall, a film that has clearly been made with a lot of passion, love and talent.

Pros.

Clownie as a character

The ending

The passion is clear to see

Cons.

It is too short

It is a little messy in places

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Jawbreaker: A Bargain Basement Heathers Knock Off

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A clique of bratty teenage girls accidentally kill one of their member, played by Charlotte Ayanna, and must try and cover it up.

I understand that this film was ‘inspired by’ Heathers but did it have to be so blatant in copying it, could they not have at least tried to come up with some new ideas and concepts? Maybe it is because I have not viewing this from a contemporary lens and am instead looking at it years later, but to me this film just seems played out and done better before.

None of the central trio are particularly easy to warm to or engaging, I found myself spending most of my time getting annoyed every time they opened their mouths. Truly nothing is worse than the teen mean girl trope, it is so lazy.

A mild pro I will give this film is that it was occasionally unintentionally funny, and that managed to at least to a very small extent lighten up the unpleasant and frankly tedious viewing experience.

Overall, I see that this film has developed a cult following, however to those people I say why choose a knock off version of Heathers.

Pros.

It is unintentionally funny

It is watchable

Cons.

The lead trio are incredibly unlikeable

It feels like a weaker Heathers

It is tedious for a lot of the runtime

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Mack And Rita: Maybe Its Time To Retire

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A thirty year old wakes up in her seventy year old body.

How many times have we seen this before? Far, far too many that’s the answer most of us will come to. The idea of a vain and entitled girl becoming old to learn that there is more to life, is neither new nor welcome. When approached with the charm of a Freaky Friday the premise at least has a chance, but this is the furthest thing from charming.

Moreover, if this film is proof of anything it is that it is better to go out on top than to keep acting well past your prime when you have to politely poo all over your reputation and past glories by staring in schlock that makes you come across as more than a little desperate. It happened to DeNiro with Dirty Grandpa and I’d dare say this is that same moment for Diane Keaton.

The humour this film aims for comes across as try hard, and often falls into the category of going out of its way to explain/signpost a joke which as we all know kills it almost every time.

My biggest question in relation to this film is who is it for? Is it for young audiences, who likely wouldn’t know who Diane Keaton is, is it for middle age or older audiences, who may be put off by the goofy humour, or is it for Keaton die hards, who will feel some sadness at seeing her reduced to this. The question remains unanswered.

Overall, a waste of time and money.

Pros.

If you are struggling to sleep this might be just the ticket.

Cons.

Keaton

The humour

The premise has been done much better before

There is no reason for this film to exist

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Mrs Harris Goes To Paris: Trading It All In For A Pretty Dress

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

An English working class woman, played by Lesley Manville, travels to France to obtain a fancy Dior dress.

I think in many ways this is a nice mindless film, wholesome without making you think particularly. Comfort viewing. However, I do think that a lot of the characters and plot lines feel very derivative, I understand that it was based on a book and if this is how the characters in the book act then I would say that the writer liberally borrowed from the standard bag of literary cliches.

Though I enjoyed the wholesomeness for the most part I would say there were moments where the film felt to me like it was flirting with over sentimentality. I find that when films cross over this line I often find them quite false and off putting and this film definitely dipped its toe over the line at times.

Manville for her part is fine, she is perfectly serviceable here. The same sentiment applies to the rest of the cast as well fine, but nothing more. Jason Issac was the only performer who I remembered afterwards as his wheeler dealer character had a few funny moments that kept him in mind.

Overall, an enjoyable film but nothing novel.

Pros.

The wholesomeness

The ending

It is very easy to watch

Cons.

It feels overly familiar

None of the cast really blow you away with their performances

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