Goodnight Mommy: Kids Are Freaky Man

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Two young boys, played by Cameron Crovetti and Nicolas Crovetti, begin to suspect that their mother, played by Naomi Watts, isn’t actually there mother. Based on an Austrian film of the same name.

Before watching this I hadn’t seen the Austrian original, I had heard of it but not seen it, as such I went into this not knowing the twist or where it was going. However, a short while into the film I guessed the twist completely correctly and the rest of the film then proceeded exactly as I was expecting it to. My point is that the film is predictable, the twist has been done frequently before and done better at that.

The horror elements work to an extent and there are a few creepy sequences but by and large they are few and far between meaning that you spend more of your time bored than scared. Watts is trying her best but I would say the film really doesn’t give her much to do and that is a crucial missed opportunity.

Overall, generic and done before, but watchable in a pinch.

Pros.

It is watchable

A few good scares

Cons.

It is predictable

The twist has been done better before

It has pacing issues

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The Invitation: If There Is One Thing I Hate About The Aristocracy It’s All The Damn Vampires

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Ancestry.com leads to a young woman, played by Nathalie Emmanuel, becoming the love interest for an evil vampire lord, played by Thomas Doherty.

This was barely a horror film, honestly after a point this film just becomes a superhuman action movie. The horror elements are fairly thin on the ground, the early parts of the film seem to be heading in the standard creepy British haunted house fare but then takes a drastic turn that really doesn’t help the film much at all. However, really the issues come in the final third when all the horror trappings are dropped and Emmanuel starts fighting vampires, this really takes out all the scare potential.

Also the final scene forces in a sense of girl power which leaves the film off on an eyeroll which is not what anyone wants. The more filmmakers and writers try and force in hamfisted political commentary into films the more I will criticise it, unless it is done well.

In terms of the vampire sub-genre this film struggles to do anything original, it inserts in its own version of Dracula who never really comes across as any kind of threat.

Honestly, the only thing I liked about it was the fact that it featured the legendary Sean Pertwee, and he is a saving grace but really isn’t given much to do.

Overall, a flawed horror film that makes a series of bad mistakes.

Pros.

Sean Pertwee

Unintentionally funny at times

Cons.

The forced in social commentary

The weak vampire content

It makes a series of bad creative choices

It has pacing issues

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Bodies Bodies Bodies: Hello Fellow Kids

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of friends gather together to wait out a storm and play some party games, once there things take a turn for the worst and one by one people start getting murdered.

Spoilers Ahead

I thought this film was pretty entertaining, but it was not without its issues. Most obviously, you could tell that this film was written by someone who isn’t Gen Z as though they use some correct vernacular it never really feels authentic and genuine. Moreover, with the expectation of Amandla Stenberg the cast are not members of Gen Z either, these might only be little nit picks I know but as the film has been labelled a Gen Z murder mystery it deserves to be pointed out.

The mystery was well used for the most part, however, it is ruined by the end of the film. Where it turns out that there never was any murderer just a series of accidents and misunderstandings leading to all these deaths then it just feels like a cop out. Honestly I didn’t find the ending funny I found it to be infuriating.

For me the performances were a mixed bag, I thought Maria Bakalova, Lee Pace and Rachel Sennott all gave strong performances whereas Myha’la Herrold’s Jordan felt cliched, Stenberg’s Sophie underdeveloped and Pete Davidson’s David to be totally unlikeable.

Overall, whilst it has some enjoyable moments for the most part this is a decidedly average film.

Pros.

A few funny moments

It is a good mystery until the ending ruins it

Bakalova really shines

Cons.

A lot of the supporting cast are wasted

It feels clearly like someone older trying to write for Gen Z

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Honk For Jesus, Save Your Soul: Tax The Church

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A mockumentary following a preacher, played by Sterling K. Brown, and his wife, played by Regina Hall, as they try to save their ministry after a sex abuse scandal.

I thought this film quite cleverly satirised religion and the stereotypical idea of the faith preacher, deconstructing both into their base elements. I think the film raises a number of good points about the follies of organised religion and how power and trust corrupts.

Both of the leads give strong performances, though I would probably say that Hall is the better of the two, she really brings an authentic air to her character of a devoted wife who tries even in face of knowing that there husband is far from a perfect man, I feel there is a real sense of earnestness to her character.

Where this film falls down for me is with the pacing, I think the film doesn’t have enough going on for it to be feature length, I think a lot of the things that happen in the narrative feel like playing for time and I think the film would have worked much better at the hour mark. Moreover, I think some of the more surreal elements the film tries to incorporate come off more as out of place than anything else, which could work in an absurdist sense but I found to be quite try hardy.

Overall, better than average but let down by a bad pace and some odd creative choices.

Pros.

Hall

Brown

A few good laughs

Cons.

The pace

The surreal elements

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End Of The Road: A Sorry Endeavor For All Involved

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A family on a cross country road trip get on the wrong side of a sketchy group of dudes, and a cat and mouse game begins.

This film sucked hard. The social commentary of this film is so on the nose that it feels like it reaches over and hits you in the face. Nothing new is being said here and it is once again the narrative of white people are bad and are inherently out to get POC, honestly this narrative really annoys me as it is both lazy and such a broad generalisation that it kills any kind of nuanced conversation dead. I don’t doubt that there are evil groups of white people such as the ones this film present, I am sure there are many all over the world, but the way this film goes about tackling this issue never gets out of a place of race-baiting.

The performances are fairly weak across the board, I don’t think anyone in the film thinks this is going to be the film they get an Oscar for. No one hugely stood out though I would say Queen Latifah comes closest, it is nice to see her back as a headline billing, however, she can do far better than this schlock.

Overall, a thriller that goes far too hard on the racial aspect of its narrative and that doesn’t actually deliver many thrills.

Pros.

A few unintentionally funny moments

Cons.

The performances are weak

The race-baiting

The pacing is awful

It is schlock without any charm

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American Horror Stories: Facelift

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

An ageing woman, played by Judith Light, becomes obsessed with the idea of plastic surgery, however after she gets it she learns to be careful what you wish for.

This certainly wasn’t a new concept, I think I have seen it done at least a dozen times before. However, what I will give this credit for is that it is one of the first times American Horror Story or indeed American Horror Stories has really dived into the realm of body horror. I think for the most part they manage to competently scratch at the surface of this rich sub-genre but don’t go as far as you would like them too.

I can’t give this episode higher as really it is just so predictable. Everything that happens has been signposted every step of the way and this episode can’t shock you for the life of it. I found the ending to be sad but altogether obvious. The acting also wasn’t anything to write home about.

Overall, it is nice to see the AHS universe consider body horror, however, this was rather shallow and trite and could be bettered in a number of obvious ways.

Pros.

AHS taking on body horror

It is watchable

Some gnarly visuals

Cons.

It was incredibly predictable

I feel like I’ve seen it done much better before

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See How They Run: The Theater Is A Dangerous Place

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The set of a production of Agatha Christie’s The Mousetrap turns into a crime scene.

For those looking for a serious straight laced murder mystery film look elsewhere. Though I am not saying this film is inherently a comedy, I do think there is a degree of metaness to the film and a commentary on the Whodunit genre more broadly, which worked well for me. Many scenes of this film almost serve as a parody of the genre’s tropes and seeks to subvert and deconstruct. I think these aspects of the film really enhance it and add a sense of quirky charm that will endear this film to a lot of people. I also think the film is very funny and frequently made me laugh as I was watching it.

The performances across the board are great but the main duo of Sam Rockwell and Saoirse Ronan are by far the best, they play off each other well and both become your favourite character at different parts of the film. If I had to edge it out I would say that Ronan gives the best performance of the two as her plucky spirit feels infectious throughout.

Overall, a fun whodunit that proves there is still life in the genre, and to a lesser extent in British cinema.

Pros.

Ronan

Rockwell

The charm

The mystery

Cons.

The pacing is a little off, it could have been shortened

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Pinocchio: Chapek Is Spitting On The Disney Vault

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Yet another unwanted live-action remake of a classic Disney movie.

As soon as this was announced I knew it was going to be bad, but boy howdy did I not realise just how bad it was going to be. Disney has been churning out these soulless remake for a while now and for some reason people are still watching them, maybe it is part of a masochistic new TikTok trend.

I think the worst thing about this film is that its CGI looks straight up horrible, it looks like something from several decades ago and is frequently distracting. I understand that Disney and their various studios are having a hard time with VFX talent, but come on these effects are nowhere near finished and it shows. This is probably why they dumped this on streaming because they know it wouldn’t fly in cinemas.

Moreover, this film reflects the continued downswing of Tom Hank’s career with his performance here being almost as bad as his one in Elvis earlier this year. It is not just Hanks as no one seems to be turning up for this film and it really shows, the cast just don’t care.

I won’t bother saying how this film never does anything to justify its existence as I find that to be self-explanatory.

Overall, if it is a Disney live action remake it is best avoided.

Pros.

It makes you appreciate the original film

Cons.

It has some of the worst effects of the year

The performances are awful

It feels rushed and unready for release

The pacing is noticeably bad in many parts of the film

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Beast: Man Vs Nature

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Idris Elba fights a lion.

So the survival thriller subgenre or more aptly for this the man vs beast category of the survival thriller subgenre is like I often say overstuffed. I feel like somewhere with the annuls of the films featuring in this area there must have been a man vs lion film before, however, if there was I can’t remember it or haven’t seen it as such this was a fairly new gimmick to me.

The plot is rather uninspired and very predictable, the lion terrorises the family and kills a dear family friend, played by the ever excellent Sharlto Copley, and then finally the father kills it in a hectic showdown. So much so cliched. However, despite all of this the film still feels compelling there is still enough about it to get you to care for the characters and want to see them make it out the otherside.

I thought both Idris Elba and Sharlto Copley brought a lot to the film, and both of their characters were both complex and surprisingly nuanced, whereas the kids were both incredibly whiny and irritating. I won’t spend much time ragging on child actors as they are low hanging fruit, but suffice it to say that the two we meet here are not very talented.

Overall, despite being quite generic there is more than enough to keep you entertained here.

Pros.

It is compelling

It felt fresh to me, but if you have seen other man vs lion films then it might be less so to you

Elba

Copley

Cons.

The child actors are really bad and quite distracting

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How Dark They Prey: Tales Of Terror

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A series of horror anthology tales ranging from the occult to aliens.

I thought each of this films horror stories worked well and most if not all did leave me suitably creeped out and unsettled. However, for me the issue came when thinking about how did these stories work together in terms of a wider piece. I thought each worked well on their own but then jarred and clashed against each other as an anthology project. It may have been better to take one of the plots and lengthen it out.

In terms of the performances all of the performers across the board were good, so much so that it would be hard to pick who was a standout. Somewhat unrelatedly, but I thought one of the major feathers in this film’s cap was its ability to create chilling visuals that stayed with you. There were a number of scenes spread over the stories that really left a visual mark on me, that I can see in my minds eye when I think back to it. In some senses the casts performances helped to shape and form these visuals and these moments which is something that I can’t heap enough credit onto them for.

Overall, four good horror stories, but they don’t come together well.

Pros.

It is scary

The visuals

The performances

You can’t stop thinking about it afterwards

Cons.

The stories don’t flow into each other very well

The pacing

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