The Curse Of Bridge Hallow: Marlon Wayans The Family Film Star

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A family moving into the suburbs are surprised to find that Halloween decorations are coming to life all over town.

Marlon Wayans in a family comedy? The phrase seems wrong doesn’t it, when I think of Marlon Wayans I think of his plethora of adult focused parody films or perhaps some of his surprising dramatic turns, but never once do I think of him as being a family film star. That said I actually liked him in this and thought that he was the best part of the film, without him this film would have been a lot worse that’s for sure.

I think the premise of the film feels very familiar and nothing new is added to it here, for the most part everything is incredibly predictable and you know where it is heading. Obviously as this is a family film the scares are fairly light on the ground, but Wayans does bring one or two laughs to make up for it.

The wider cast outside of Wayans might as well not even be there because none of them even register. For the most part they are a collection of phoned in performances and cliches lacking anything even remotely resembling character or personality, this is why Wayans and his character anchor this film so well as they at least bring some charm to proceedings.

Overall, a fairly average film made slightly better by Marlon Wayans.

Pros.

Wayans

A few funny moments

It is watchable

Cons.

It is very familiar and predictable

Most of the cast here aren’t very good

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Invasion Of The Body Snatchers: Is Anyone You Know Behaving Differently?

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

People in small town America are switched with parasitic aliens who make doubles of them.

I have never seen the original Invasion Of The Body Snatchers so I can’t say how this remake compares to it. Additionally due to my lack of experience with the original film I came into this one with fresh eyes not sure what to expect, I would say widely I enjoyed the film though there are a few elements where I think it can be improved.

I liked the paranoid thriller aspects of this film wherein we don’t know who is a pod persona and who isn’t right away, and as the number of pod people grows our heroes become more and more outnumbered both of these add to the stakes of the film as well as the greater sense of threat. However, the scaling of the threat is not done very well, these elements are brought in fairly early on and are at maximum from the get-go so there is no rising sense of things getting worse throughout the film, from the midpoint things are at their worst and it continues at the same level from there.

It is nice to see the familiar faces of Jeff Goldblum and Donald Sutherland, I would say both add a lot to the film though Goldblum probably steals the show. Outside of the two of them the rest of the performances are more of a mixed bag, I think this is more easily gotten away with due to the genre of the film and the fact some of the actors are tasked with playing aliens.

The pacing of the film leaves quite a lot to be desired, I would say the film could quarter its runtime and be better for it, as you approach the last act of the film viewing really starts to feel like a drag. It goes on for far too long.

Overall, a good paranoid thriller that could be better paced and performed.

Pros.

Some good paranoid elements

Goldblum

It is watchable

Cons.

The performances aren’t great across the board

The threat isn’t scaled up over the course of the film

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Rosaline: Reducing Shakespeare To Make Bland Tasteless Garbage

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The untold story of Rosaline, played by Kaitlyn Dever, Romeo’s ex-girlfriend.

Yikes another group of old people trying to right how they think Gen Z talk. This film is deeply unfunny on multiple levels and more often than not crosses over into irritating territory, I didn’t laugh once whilst watching.

Moreover, the titular heroine of Rosaline was deeply unlikeable for most of the film and behaved like a brat who used people for her own ends. Not only did this make her detestable it also meant that she needed to be redeemed by the end of the film in a narrative sense, yet the film just thought that it could cram all of her apologies and soul searching into a 5 minute sequence then move on which makes the whole thing feel incredibly shallow.

In addition to those glaring issues the film also has Rosaline using men for sex and then just chucking them treating them more as bodies than as people, and whilst I acknowledge that there is a long cinematic tradition of male characters doing this, in modern times it is seen as wrong to do so. As such if Rosealine’s character was male and behaved the same way their would be an outcry against this film yet it is okay because she is a woman? Surely for things to be truly equal if anyone regardless of gender just uses a person for their body and doesn’t even treat them like a human being it deserves to be called out as wrong. To ply further scorn, the film also includes an incredibly reductive stereotypical gay best friend character, played by Spencer Stevenson, which feels like it belongs in a film from at least a decade ago.

Overall, a terrible film that no one will fondly remember.

Pros.

A nice central romance

Dever is trying her best

Cons.

The lead is awful throughout

It is unfunny

Some of its characters are reductive stereotypes

It has nothing to say and isn’t a clever play on Romeo and Juliet

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Cursed Friends: Finding A Razor Blade In Your Halloween Treats Would Be More Fun Than Watching This

0.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of friends find the predictions they made decades earlier coming eerily true.

So the opening few minutes of this film could be a cautionary tale all its own, bad effects work, worse jokes and immediately unlikeable characters. Yet what follows is so much worse, the direct next sequence is the gang as tweens walking around and talking about how much they want to ‘shag’ the boy dressed as Austin Powers. If that doesn’t tell you why this film sucks nothing ever will.

I have written quite a lot about the digital future and the pros of streaming, yet this film presents me with a very real case for how it is ruining the industry. Before pretty much every movie studio had a streaming service that they needed to plug with content things like this would get made far less and that was a good thing. However, with today’s need for content at all costs these sort of low effort, unfunny, trash pieces are becoming more and more frequent.

The thing that I think is the worst about this film is how try hard it is. Every joke tries to out edgy the last until honestly it just becomes boring because behind that edge there is no real bite just desperation. In my mind Jessica Lowe’s Erica was probably the worst in this regard, she was both unfunny and unlikeable and most of her jokes were written to be as outrageous as possible. However, Lowe is just one of a truly bad bunch, no one is good here and the fact that Will Arnett even agreed to be in this is nothing short of manically depressing.

Overall, probably the worst horror film this Halloween season.

Pros.

It is not offensively bad

Cons.

It is not funny

None of the characters are likeable

It is trying too hard to be edgy

Will Arnett needs to have some conversations with his agent

It is really just awful

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Bromates: This Film Makes The Hangover Look Oscar Worthy

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After two friends, played by Josh Brener and Lil Rel Howery, get dumped they must try and get on with their lives and get back on the horse, all with the help of each other and their wider group of friends.

So whilst this film had some funny jokes and strong performances from Howery and surprisingly from Snoop Dogg, it just isn’t enough to save it.

I think the worst part of this film is how cringey it is at times. There are multiple scenes where Brener’s character is just out and out humiliated, not in a funny way but in a sad way, and he just takes it and it is hard to watch. I suppose by the end of the film he has grown slightly as a person which I guess you could say is character development, but honestly those earlier scenes are hard not to fast forward through.

Moreover, I think this film is lacking anything new to say about male friendship. It has the same tiresome plot beats that we have seen dragged out over and over again for decades, it is so obvious where this film is going and it doesn’t even have the good grace to be funny to make up for it. There are one or two jokes that land, and they did make me laugh hard, but for the most part the jokes miss by miles.

Overall, watchable but Howery and Snoop Dog are wasted in this. To see a good Snoop Dogg film that features him well check out Day Shift on Netflix.

Pros.

Dogg

Howery

It is watchable

Cons.

It has nothing new to say about male friendship

It is the same old same old

It has some really horrible cringe

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The Blues Brothers: Singing For Their Supper, Which In This Case Is A Catholic Orphanage

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Two blood brothers set out on a mission to save the Catholic orphanage in which they grew up. To do this they must put on a musical fundraising performance.

I have had this film on my watchlist for some time and now after seeing it I can see why so many people like it. Though I didn’t think this film was by any means perfect there was enough about it that I enjoyed to make my watching it worthwhile.

I think the film really nailed both the heart and the comedy of its story as it made me both feel and laugh, though I would say the humour was hit or miss and not all of the jokes landed. On top of that when watching this film one has to be in awe of all the musical talent on display as there are some real heavy hitters in this film.

My main issue with this film is that the narrative arc feels overly familiar, and yes whilst this came out a while ago so may have been fresh at the time I doubt it. In addition the film is frequently predictable and goes exactly as you would expect it to.

Overall, it is fun and worth a watch but also very familiar and predictable.

Pros.

It is very watchable

A few funny jokes

Belushi and Aykroyd

The musical talent

Cons.

It is overly familiar and predictable

It also has pacing issues

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Vengeance: Things Are Different In Texas

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Ben, played by B.J Novak, heads to Texas to investigate the murder of his one night stand.

Honestly, I think this film has been a little overhyped. Some of the praise I had heard about this film being a ground-breaking first feature for Novak and that it really went to some interesting places seem to have been misplaced. I thought the mystery was okay, average at best, but certainly nothing to write home about in the way something like Knives Out was. The commentary on life and where we are all going is incredibly pedestrian and seems to think it has something new to say when in fact it is just the same old same old.

Sadly for Novak what makes his film good are the supporting performances that in no uncertain terms upstage his performance. Boyd Holbrook and Ashton Kutcher both deliver really strong performances that make this film what it is. Holbrook is incredibly warm and likeable and Kutcher makes for a villain that is both evil but also at times talking some sense.

Overall, fine if forgettable.

Pros.

Holbrook

Kutcher

It is very watchable

Cons.

It has nothing to say

The mystery is deeply average and nothing particularly new

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The Fog: Beware The Rolling Tide

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A mysterious fog rolls in over a small town killing lots of residents.

I enjoyed this film a lot and think that within Carpenter’s work other than Halloween this film is easily his best. There is something so wonderfully gothic about this film, the atmosphere is heightened and used to great effect for the scares which do come in quite naturally. I think as a result of this there is quite an unsettling quality to the film.

One thing I would say in terms of a negative for the film is that when the ghosts do in fact show up they look quite goofy in most of their scenes bar their final few. I think that was more a limitation of the technology of the time, but it does somewhat hold back the fear factor.

I liked that this film was packed with a cast of Carpenter mainstays and thought that all of the central performers did a great job. Adrienne Barbeau was a really strong lead anchor for the film and of course whenever Jamie Lee Curtis came on screen she stole her scene.

Overall, perhaps a underrated Carpenter great.

Pros.

Barbeau

Curtis

The atmosphere

The scares

Cons.

The ghost pirates look a little silly at times

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The Lost King: A Love For The Past

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The story of how one woman with a passion, played by Sally Hawkins, found a lost British King.

I think in many ways this film was very needed, it gave a voice to a story that is mostly unknown to a lot of people and where it is known it is known by the University of Leicester’s false narrative that they were behind the whole thing, which as this film proves they weren’t. In that respect this film gives us Phillipa Langley’s true story and that is important.

Moreover, the film really does go out of its way to make the academics of Leicester Uni into quite hateable villains, and whether in reality this was earned or not personally I don’t know enough to comment, however, here it nicely work to show Phillipa’s underdog struggle.

My main issue with the film is that it is widely depressing. I know that this film is based on real events and that the film is just trying to retell them sad, happy and everything in-between, but for the most part we are shown just how bad Phillipa’s life is and whilst that makes her incredibly easy to root for it also doesn’t make for pleasant viewing. Prepare to watch something happy after this one.

Overall, an important film, but also a depressing one.

Pros.

Giving a voice to the voiceless

A strong underdog story

Sally Hawkins and Steve Coogan are both really strong

Cons.

It is depressing

Pacing issues

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The Greatest Beer Run Ever: Friends Are Worth Risking It All For

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The true story of John ‘Chickie’ Donohue’s, here played by Zac Efron, efforts to support his friends fighting in Vietnam.

This film really wasn’t what I was expecting it to be, I thought based on the name and comedy work that Efron has put out that this film would be raunchy, dumb and more than a little gross out, but in actual fact it is actually quite emotionally engaging and complex. Whilst it is hard to call this film a comedy as it isn’t funny, it is a film with a surprisingly big heart.

I thought Efron was on great form here, this film gave him a number of ample opportunities to flex his dramatic muscles and he pulls this off nicely, conveying the horrors going on around him and the anguish he feels for all to see. In that vein I think this film really does show us the undercurrent of the Vietnam war and doesn’t hold back in its brutality.

Russell Crowe and Bill Murray make supporting turns here to varying degrees of success. Crowe is a very welcome presence and plays off of Efron well when on screen together whereas Murray is seemingly pigeonholed into the old timer who thinks things should go back to how they were in his day. Though it is always nice to see Murray pop up on screen, here he is very much not utilised.

Overall, a surprisingly sweet film.

Pros.

Efron

The message

Showing the horrors of the war

Crowe

Cons.

It wastes Bill Murray

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