7X7: Tales From The Darkness

Summary

Stories of survival told during some of the darkest times imaginable.

As many of you will know, my thoughts on anthology films are often mixed, when the narrative is split between a lot of different stories and characters there tends to be an issue with over stretching and becoming convoluted, this is coupled with the fact that one bad story can sink an anthology easily. I want to say that these issues don’t happen here but that would be untrue, at least to a small degree.

The latter doesn’t occur, all of the stories are good and make you feel deeply but when looked at more closely even some of the best stories start to become increasingly hollow with too many characters that you know very little about. This creates quite a catch 22 as though the emotional writing is good it is offset by a dull and sparse feeling world.

The actors do there best to try and breathe some life into these rather shallow characters, and for the most part do manage to improve them with their performances but I think it still isn’t enough.

Overall, not a bad film by any means and with a strong core of emotional writing, however by trying to be everywhere and tell every story the film quickly begins neglecting its characters which feel at best like an afterthought.

3.5/5

Pros.

The premise

The emotions

The actors are trying their best

The pacing is okay

Cons.

The characters and world feel undeveloped

It tries to do too much

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Cocaine Bear: Animal Abuse?

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A bear does cocaine.

I had very low expectations going into this and to be frank with you it met them.

Now this isn’t the worst film I have ever seen by any means it was just incredibly dull and forgettable. If you compare it to another recent creature feature like Crawl or Beast then this film looks far worse by comparison.

The main reason for this is that the film doesn’t know what it wants to be between a goofy comedy and a grizzly creature feature. The tone is all over the place in one frame you will have the characters saying something dumb and goofy and then in the next the bear will be tearing off one of their arms, these two tones don’t go together well. There is no sense of tension or danger because the comedy ruins any chance of it and likewise the overly serious bear scenes take away from any kind of goofy charm the film could have.

Additionally, the characters are written to be so forgettable and shallow that really all they become is bear chow and the film wants you to see them that way not as people. I would say that Keri Russell and O’Shea Jackson Jr are trying to prop this film up with their sheer magnetisms alone but they are both clearly struggling to hold this film together. The Florida Project’s Brooklyn Prince has a strong showing as well but sadly the film just forgets about her for most of its runtime.

Overall, incredibly by the numbers but hey at least it isn’t as bad as Elizabeth Bank’s last directorial effort.

2.5/5

Pros.

It is better than Charlie’s Angels a small mercy

It is watchable

Russell and Jackson Jr are doing their best

Cons.

The tone is all wrong

A lot of the cast are wasted

The pacing is harsh even at a relatively short runtime

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The Ridiculous Six: Not Even Trying To Hide The Racism

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Adam Sandler plays a Native American.

Yikes. There was a time when I considered myself a Sandler die hard, I watched all of his films and thought he could do no wrong, then came Jack and Jill and his move to Netflix.

This film feels like it is trying to be edgy, not because the film thinks it is funny, or to own the libs or any other whiney platitude, but rather as a last gasp, as these old timers know that if they aren’t making gross out jokes and objectifying women then people might realise they are wasted up and not funny anymore. Many people can already see that.

I won’t rant at you about the meanspirited nature of this film, or the racial lines it crosses, and believe me this film could easily be labelled racist, but I will say that it is sad to see Sandler and co relegated to this. To me it screams of a group of guys who have given up on themselves and their careers and have realised that their heyday is long since over. It is sad.

I can’t see why anyone would find this film funny, it is just pathetic. It makes even the worst most lazy jokes on current year Family Guy look like comedy masterstrokes, it is just bad. However, maybe that is the point, maybe Sandler and co are just trying to ride the gravy train until they hit forgotten relic status. Sandler at least can save himself with some of the more dramatic work he is doing recently, but some of these guys like Anti-Vaxx ranter Rob Schneider are done.

Overall, Netflix never did get the memo on quality over quantity.

1/5

Pros.

It makes for a good way to entertain your pets when you have to go out for a bit.

Cons.

It is deeply not funny

It is sad to see Sandler reduced so low

It is quite creepy at times, and also racist

It is pathetic in more ways than one

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Operation Fortune Ruse De Guerre: The Incredibly Eccentric World Of International Espionage

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Guy Ritchie teams up with Jason Statham yet again, this time to tell a spy story.

I had been looking forward to this film for so long, but with the delays I was beginning to question if I was ever going to see this film and now that I have I can say it was mostly worth the wait.

The main thing I enjoyed about this film was its sense of humour. This film can and does at times have an incredibly eccentric sense of humour, some of the lines of dialogue feel like improv on top of improv but in a good way. The spy story being told is strange enough that the fact that Statham’s character needs a private plane and certain vintages of wine to calm down seem to fit within this world well.

Moreover, the supporting cast are excellent. Hugh Grant, Josh Hartnett, Cary Elwes, Bugzy Malone and Aubrey Plaza each have their moment to shine and come together to really make this film something special. I would say the character I liked the most was Plaza’s Fidel mainly because she had a lot of the funniest lines and was the most entertaining to watch.

My two issues with the film, which admittedly are each fairly small, are that having Ukrainians be the baddy in the current climate is a bad look, they should have changed that in reshoots, and also that the pacing of the film is atrocious, it feels like it is on for double its runtime and though most of the time is fun to watch I still wouldn’t want to watch 4 hours of it.

Overall, fun but with terrible pacing.

4/5

Pros.

Plaza

Statham

The eccentricity

It is fun

Cons.

Framing Ukrainians as the villain in the current year is a bad look

The pace

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Godfather Part III: The Odd One Out

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Michael Corleone, played by Al Pacino, dies.

Many people have a real sour taste in their mouths when it comes to this film and to an extent that is understandable as this is definitely the worst film of the trilogy, however, I also think it isn’t terrible and in some ways I actually liked the film.

Let’s get my most controversial opinion on the film right out of the way now, I thought Sofia Coppola was good in this and I liked her romance with Andy Garcia’s character. I thought they had good chemistry together and I was hit emotionally somewhat as her character died.

However, I think the issue with Coppola’s character and Garcia’s is that they are underdeveloped. They could have done with having been introduced in the second film maybe as an epilogue, as it stands we don’t feel like we know them very much at all. This is especially troubling as Michael hands over the family to Garcia’s character, this should be a big moment but instead feels rushed and underwhelming.

I also thought though the international Vatican murder plot had a few interesting moments, the film gets bogged down far too much in this idea of Michael seeking forgiveness and redemption. In many senses the heavy religiosity of this film only serves to slow it down, which in turn creates pacing issues. This is the only one of the trilogy that I found to be dragging on, which is saying something as I think it is shorter than the others.

Overall, not terrible by any means but certainly not in the same league as the other films that came before it.

3.5/5

Pros.

Garcia

A few interesting twists and turns

It is nice to see Michael’s story wrapped up

Coppola

Cons.

Pacing issues

Underdeveloped characters

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The Old Way: Cage Goes Guns Blazing

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Nicolas Cage breaks into the western.

Honestly, I would say that Cage has already been in a western before, with Ghost Rider, there are a lot of western elements to that film when you next watch it you will see what I mean, but I suppose in a classic sense then yes this is the actors first foray into the genre.

I think if this film had come out a few decades ago it would have been better received, when in contemporary times you are having excellent westerns like Hostiles and The Harder They Fall something like this comes out and just seems a bit lacking. Yes, Nicolas Cage as ever jazzes up a turd and his performance is certainly a highlight of the film, perhaps the only one, however the rest of it is so average and boring that it is hard not to want to turn it off.

The real failing of this film is just how afraid it is to try and do something new rather than telling the same sort of story we have seen time and again. It was so predictable and boring that I was struggling to keep my eyes open whilst watching it.

Overall, I get what Cage was trying to do but this was a swing and a miss.

1/5

Pros.

Cage is as charming as ever

Cons.

It is predictable

It is generic

It goes out of its way to stop itself from being original in anyway

It has horrible pacing

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Missing: Pretty Good Product Placement For TaskRabbit

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A teen, played by Storm Reid, must try and find her mum, played by Nia Long, after she goes missing in Columbia.

I will admit this film was a lot better than I was expecting it to be. Based on the trailers I thought this film was going to be incredibly generic, and whilst that is partially true, I found myself caring about the character’s journey and invested in the twists and turns of the plot which was a nice surprise. There are some good edge of your seat moments here, mainly centred around a pretty genius bit of misdirection.

However, the film isn’t perfect and ultimately you will have seen many of these sorts of films before, it can’t escape its generic structure. Moreover, once you know the twist it is highly unlikely that this film will stand up to rewatches as it won’t be anywhere near as good. Widely I think the thing that harms this film is the fact that its format, screenlife as it has become known, films which all take place on someone’s computer or mobile devices, feels like a fad from the middle of the last decade which no longer holds the same novel nature it once did, it now feels tired.

Reid’s performance as well is nothing to write home about and actually comes across as fairly two dimensional at times. She is only a short into her career actor so I won’t be too hard but her emoting and dramatic delivery could really use some more.

Overall, better than it has any right to be, but still hamstrung by its format and overly familiar narrative.

3.5/5

Pros.

The twists and turns

Maintaining good tension

The pacing

It is certainly very watchable

Cons.

Reid

It is overly familiar

Screenlife really is a played out gimmick

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Batman and Robin: The Bat Suit Always Did Need Nipples

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The film that put nipples on the bat suit

Many people would tell you that this is the worst Batman film, and whilst it certainly isn’t good I don’t know if I would call it the worst, maybe I have softened on it with time, but I do think there is some campy charm to this film that after the decade + of overly serious Batman we have had I wouldn’t mind seeing again.

The performances admittedly are a mixed bag, with some being good, Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy, some passable, George Clooney as Batman and Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl, and some being terrible Chris O’ Donnell as Robin. Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr Freeze has a special place in my heart as he is almost symbolic of the cocaine fuelled madness, which I imagine was the entire films production. His ice puns are a particular highlight.

I do think that this is one of the those films that reaches the point of being so bad it is good, and think if you view it as a love letter to the Adam West Batman series of yore then there is a lot this film gets right. However, if the only Batman for you is the incredibly dark brooding one then yes you probably won’t like this film.

Overall, not a good Batman film but certainly one that exists within the so bad it is good range.

2/5

Pros.

The ice puns

The campy silliness

Cons.

Some of the performances are woeful

It is one for way too long

It is mind-numbingly stupid

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Left Behind: Cage Turns To Jesus

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Nicolas Cage makes a faith film.

So like many of the Pure Flix films, this isn’t one, that you might have seen this film spends an awful lot of time trying to instil in you the message that we as a species have become too sinful and by turning away from God he is going to smite us. So much, so repetitive, it is as though the Christian crowd doesn’t seem to realise you can’t scare people into believing.

In many senses you can guess where this film is going and it doesn’t deviate from that in anyway. It feels incredibly preachy and doesn’t have much fun with its end times scenario. Just once I would like to see an End Times film that is a comedy, someone needs to make that.

Usually I would say that Nicolas Cage can save any film he is in and whilst that is true, here he doesn’t do much. Which is a real shame. I would guess that this may be one of the films made during the time whilst Cage was badly in debt and in dire need of cash to keep the tax man off his back because surely he didn’t believe in this film or think that it would make for a good role, it is sickeningly over the top Christian propaganda.

Overall, one has to question is the Christian film market big enough to prop up all these terrible films?

1.5/5

Pros.

It is unintentionally hilarious

It makes for a fun drinking game

Cons.

Cage can’t save it

Pacing issues

It is incredibly preachy

It is predictable

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Black Sea: Life Below The Russian Navy

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A crew of recently fired sailors try and engage in some deep sea salvage to disastrous consequences.

I really ended up enjoying this film, though there are many action thriller films with similar premises I thought this film came together well. All parts of the film working together manage to lift it above mediocrity and straight into good.

I thought the threat and peril of the film felt very real. Once things start going south under the sea it becomes edge of your seat viewing. The claustrophobia of the submarine helps to amplify this and make every thing that goes wrong feel like it is adding to this sense of dread which makes the film hard to look away from.

Another major feather in the films cap is its cast which is absolutely stacked with good performances. Jude Law centres the piece masterfully, coming off originally as a very hard and stoic man but then growing more and more likeable as the film progresses and you begin to understand his motivations. Equally Ben Mendelsohn who plays a psychopathic diving expert also manages to give Law a run for his money in terms of performance. You really feel the detachment and the hostility that Mendelsohn’s character is giving off, and the film is wise to use him as a red herring villain, as it then masterfully misdirects whilst at the same time taking shots at classism within society.

Overall, a strong thriller film.

4/5

Pros.

Law

Mendelssohn

The tension

The ending

Cons.

The first act is painfully slow

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