I.S.S: For All The Insomniacs Out There.

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Life in space.

This was one of the recent films that just came and went, did you even know it existed before this review? Maybe you did maybe you didn’t.

For me catching this film on streaming I just think to myself that when Hollywood wonders why no one is going to the cinema anymore it is because of films like this. Boring, forgettable films that have similar premises to others that have come out in the not too distant past and which you remember more fondly than this.

Honestly even after watching this mere hours ago I can barely remember any of the main story points about it, that is how much it stays in the mind. It is just deeply forgettable.

In terms of the acting they have a pretty mixed bag of a cast mostly new people who have yet to cut their teeth or older TV guys still trying to become leading men in actually big films. They are fine if forgettable.

Overall, forgettable dross that will clog up the Netflix algorithm.

1.5/5

Pros.

It is a good sleep aid

It has some unintentional laughs

Cons

It is unoriginal

The cast do nothing

It is boring

It is too self-serious

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The Hate U Give: A Dumb Persons Response To A Serious Issue

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Some teens experience police brutality.

This is one of the most whiney films I have ever watched, I understand that these characters go through a really awful experience yet the film doesn’t have anything new to say about this problem in American society, nor does it want to unpack the emotional toll of it, but rather than whine and appear virtuous whilst doing the bare minimum.

There was a person somewhere behind the scenes being like oh my film is needed it’s necessary it is doing something to change the world, but none of those things are true. This is as surface level as it gets, more over the message of the film is just asinine, police brutality is wrong, did anyone not already know that.

This film feels like it was made as the creatives thought audiences were dumb and needed to be told how to think, but once again everyone already knew what this film had to say.

Amandla Stenberg is also wooden as hell.

Overall, a shallow insipid mess that feels the need to lecture yet has nothing new to say.

1/5

Pros.

It had one good song in its soundtrack

Cons.

It is puddle deep

Stenberg is awful

It is badly paced

It feels like its constantly preaching

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Garfield The Movie: A Tale Of Two Kitties This Is Not

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Garfield, voiced by Chris Pratt, is back on the big screen.

So I am a big Garfield fan, I grew up watching the films and have watched every episode of Garfield and Friends many and I mean many times over. As such I was very excited for this film and it was the film I was the most excited to watch this year. Sadly, this wasn’t really a Garfield film.

Yes, you have John and Odie, him liking food and even his teddy, but really that is where it ends. Garfield may get into zany adventures but he is not some sort of heist/action character. Think about the films, in the first he took down someone who wanted to use Odie for evil, but he did it in a very Garfield way, lazy and sarcastic. In the second he saved a manor from being sold off, again he did this by teaching the animals about goofing off and eating. You see in both cases the problem is solved by him being himself, not him being something he isn’t. Here we see Garfield have to become a cat of action and learn to live in the real world and go on heists for some reason. Why is it that every film now must be about a heist.

There are some okay moments here don’t get me wrong I don’t think its awful, I just don’t think its Garfield.

The father and son stuff really for was whatever as we have seen it all before in other films, and you know exactly where each beat is going. They do nothing new with it.

My only positive for the film really is that the beginning stuff with kitten Garfield and how he first met John is adorable and heart-warming. That was a really good way to start the film it is just a shame the rest of it was so very eh.

Overall, fine but this is not a Garfield film.

2/5

Pros.

A few nice moments

A really strong beginning

Cons.

It isn’t Garfield

The father son stuff didn’t work

It was incredibly predictable

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Inside Out 2: The Increasingly Depressing Life Of Riley

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Riley, voiced by Kensington Tallman, is going through changes.

Please believe me that won’t be the only reference I make to Big Mouth during this review.

So  before we get into this I want to head off the complaint of ‘oh this film wasn’t for you’, films are made for everyone they are made for a mass audience, so yes it is. People of all ages can enjoy any film they want and take different things from it. My question is who was this film made for, because in the audience when I saw it there may have been one child but by and large it was an adult crowd.

Anyway moving along, I thought this was a decidedly average sort of film, it had a few good moments, namely whenever Pouchy showed up, and it had a number of odd choices and messages that I think ruined the film in a number of ways. Widely, both mostly cancel each other out, but I would say that this film is probably below average in terms of Pixar’s wider output.

I think the most baffling decision about this film is how it is not fun in anyway. Riley is going through a hard time and is sad in a lot of the film having to find a way to fit in, dealing with her friends leaving her, and the emotions are going on a quest to save the old pre-puberty Riley. However, as Big Mouth teaches us you cannot stop changes, you cannot go back to the happier and more innocent days of your childhood, and the emotions realise this over the course of the film with them having a heavy time of it. Joy, voiced by Amy Poehler, literally cries several times over the course of the film. A fun time at the movies for the whole family.

Speaking off Joy is quite irritating here, so the central conflict of the film happens as the new puberty emotions show up and take over with Joy and co sent away, she then goes on a quest to get the old Riley back. However, not only is this futile but has a terrible message, the film seems to suggest for the most part that one should not accept change and must always be a good person and be positive otherwise they are inherently bad. This makes little sense and lacks any idea of nuance. Though Anxiety, voiced by Maya Hawke, does go a little crazy by the end people need anxiety to get anywhere in life, having anxiety is normal. The film does try and have Joy learn a lesson and learn that she needs to be less of a control freak but it then rewards this by letting her be in charge again. Joy at times has a karen like mentality in how she treats almost all of the other emotions, which is to say badly.

Moreover, another thing I thought was weird was that the film spends a lot of time, and I mean a lot, showing how Riley wants to be a hockey player. Now this is normal however, whenever the film seems to think that Riley is being a bit too masculine, in a traditional gender norms sort of way, it has to go out of its way to make her goofy or silly. To me this is problematic, as what would be so wrong with her being tough and wanting to be a hockey player and doing it earnestly, why does she need to have all the goofy I’m a teen girl shenanigans unless they are worried about how she will present from a gender norms point of view. I could understand if these moments were supposed to be for comedy and that’s why she’s goofy but the whole rest of the film entirely neglects comedy for the most part so that doesn’t make sense. It felt very traditional in how it wanted to show gender norms and in some ways a bit patronising, as rather than let her be competitive and wanting to be the best hockey player there, it had to tie into a narrative of oh is she a good team player, what about her friends, oh it’s just girls having fun. One has to think if it was a male lead would it be the same or would they have allowed him to be competitive and want to be the best and not made it about him and his friends. In this sense the film can be seen to reinforce very traditional gender roles and be regressive towards female athletes.

Finally, and you know we couldn’t talk about current year Disney and not bring up the w word. For the most part this film is fairly devoid of the identity politics you would expect of current year Disney. However, there is one scene so cringe in this regard that I knew I had to include it in the review, during a part of the film where the emotions are going through a part of Riley’s mind showing dream jobs she had as a child one of them is a supreme court justice. This to me stood out because what kid is that politically aware, most kids want to be a dinosaur, a princess, an adventurer or some other sort of thing like that no kid has ever said they want to be a supreme court justice, I don’t believe that. The fact it was included in the film screams to me of the obsession that liberal women seem to have with RBG again not all liberal women but a lot of the Hollywood ones for sure. Look at the ham-fisted inclusion they did in Book Smart, again just because these Hollywood people are political they should not assume that teens or kids are, as most aren’t. It is just such an odd and out of touch sort of inclusion that it made me roll my eyes.

Overall, it is fine but not really an enjoyable trip to the cinema.

2/5

Pros.

Pouchy

It is not as woke as it could have been

Cons.

It does not let Riley be competitive or fully into hockey, it lessens it to not scare people off

The supreme court justice line

It is very sad

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Lime and Vinegar

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Two women, Yiseth Brendlinger and Dalma Llinas, come to clean a house and end up getting stuck there.

A lot of drama can be had from a film where characters are trapped in an enclosed space and are just forced to talk. In many senses far more can happen than in even the biggest superhero film and it is in that sense that this film really crosses between being at times a more light hearted affair and something more akin to a drama.

Both of the leading ladies do a terrific job in making you see them as real people, who are relatable and who you can see yourself in. It could be argued that with lesser actors this film would be less engaging as a lot hangs on their conversations and their chemistry with each other in order to make the film interesting, however, both actors are more than capable here and they really manage to enhance the film.

I found this film able to make me both laugh and feel which is a hard task, as to do one is easier but to do both is far more difficult.

Overall, it is a nice slice of life sort of film wherein your connection to the characters is key.

4.5/5

Pros.

It manages both drama and comedy well

The actors have good chemistry

You care about the characters

It is well paced

It is funny

Cons.

The start was a little slow

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IF: A Sad And Upsetting Film That Is Certainly Not For Kids

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Children’s imaginary friends are real and live in an old folks home.

I originally wasn’t going to see this film because it stars Amy Schumer in a minor role, but then I went to the random movie night at my local cinema wherein they show a random new release to the audience and you don’t know what you are going to get and this is what I got. As I don’t go to any of the major UK chains often, this is what I do at my independent local cinema instead, if it sounds different to what you are used to. Could have left, but I thought hey I am at the cinema and sat down now so I’ll watch it.

This is not what you are expecting it to be, it is not some cutesy family film, or a laugh a minute comedy its actually incredibly sad and distressing. Think Bridge To Terabithia sad. The film is incredibly bleak at times and the film plays these moments rather earnestly, what’s more the ending that makes you question whether any of it was actually real or simply the girls means of coping with the fact she may become an orphan just makes it all hit far more. I liked that right at the end we got confirmation that it was all real and that the whimsey could win the day over a gritty and tragic tale of a little girl’s battle with mental illness to cope with what’s happened to her family.

Ryan Reynolds and Phoebe Waller-Bridge are the standouts amongst the cast with the former having some good funny moments and the latter having a lot of heart and emotion.

Overall, not the film that you have been sold, but instead something much more emotional and upsetting.

2.5/5

Pros.

It has some sweet moments

The story is interesting

It is a new idea

Cons.

It is depressing

The premise doesn’t go far enough and their isn’t enough variety in the IFs

It has been not properly marketed  

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The Young Woman And The Sea: Hemingway Turns Over In His Grave

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Daisy Riddley needs something to do between filming commitments for more Star Wars content no one wants, so she made this film.

If I were the family of the person this is based on I would sue, that is how bad this is.

So the film details the first ever time a woman swam the English Channel, based on real events. In another timeline this could have been an inspirational tale of rising to the occasion, perseverance and never giving up on your dreams, but Disney has their hands on this. Due to Disney’s influence this film is full of the message that Bob Iger said they were walking away from, rather than focus on this heroic woman and her journey, which in and of itself is uplifting, progressive and inspiring, they have to force in a bunch of current year feminist theory that makes no sense in that time period. Some of the things they are talking about are so deeply out of place it makes you think did they just not even bother doing research for this film.

Daisy Riddley is fine, she cannot act and is mostly just looking slightly angry for most of the film, she is another student of the Alaqua Cox school of acting, but that is okay as for the scenes when she is swimming you cannot really see her face. For the sake of ease just think of her as a block of wood in the film that goes from point a to b.

As I said before, this tale deserved to be good, but Disney being Disney they had to run it into the ground and make it not only boring but also needlessly chocked full of identity politics.

Overall, there is a reason Disney say they are not bothered about the box office of this film and that is because they know no one will see it.

1/5

Pros.

It is almost too bad to be believed

Cons.

It is sanctimonious

It is boring

Ridley struggles

It is far too long

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The Strangers Chapter 1: Stay Out Of Small Town America

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young couple goes off to the woods and get chopped up by the Strangers.

Whilst I thought it was good to see a new film in the franchise I didn’t like that it was a soft reboot, it makes the previous too films feel less important now and I enjoyed those for what they were.

I think this is going to be what a lot of people are expecting. If you want a generic slasher film than this is the film for you, it’s the same old set up the couple make dumb mistakes whilst you scream how they’re dumb at the screen and then they get slashed. Nothing new. If you want something new and novel then this is not the film for you.

I thought it was interesting that the film tried to create more of a mythology around the Strangers themselves and create this whole creepy town to, that was a nice bit of worldbuilding that could be used to a much greater effect in the coming sequel.

Overall, a serviceable slasher film.

3/5

Pros.

It is what you would want it to be

The Strangers are always interesting

The worldbuilding

Cons.

It is dumb at times

The ending makes no sense

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Thelma The Unicorn: Netflix Just Doesn’t Care At This Point, They’ll Just Put Out Any Old Garbage

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A pony, voiced by Brittany Howard, decides to be a unicorn for reasons.

This is why Netflix will never be taken seriously as a film studio. This is why when the CEO is saying oh Barbie and Oppenheimer would have been just as big if they were released on Netflix no one believes him. Because for every good film Netflix puts out accidentally, there are 100 of these and films like Atlas, by that I mean utterly trash soulless pieces of garbage made as some sort of way to get a clever tax write off or maybe clean some cash, in my opinion.

So is there any heart or charm to this? Do you even need to ask me? Nope it is entirely soulless hollow 3D animation that looks just like everything else and that honestly for the amount of money Netflix likely put into this looks terrible.

The message of it is better to be yourself than be someone or something you are not is pretty on the nose here, I understand it is a kids film but you don’t have to treat the audience like they are dumb. Outside of that is there anything of good substance for your kids to mull over, or for you to mull over, not really there are some horrible references to things people over at Netflix think kids like, but it is all just the usual cringe.

Overall, if Netflix want to be taken seriously they need to cut production in half, they need to stop pumping out garbage all the time and take stock of what and who they have and try and retool anything they can’t cancel and cancel anything that is not locked down to try and turn these projects around. Netflix needs to start caring about quality over quantity.

1/5

Pros.

It is not offensively bad

Cons.

It is soulless

It is hollow

It is vapid

It message is obvious

It is ugly to look at

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Bad Boys 4: Keep My Captain’s Name Out Your Damn Mouth

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Will Smith and his partner are back fighting crime and slapping men who make jokes about their wives.

Honestly this is Smith’s first major role post slap and I was wondering if they were going to address it, I thought he might defeat the villain by slapping him and then he looks into the camera and nods so that in that moment the audience and Smith are on the same page. No such luck I am afraid.

Personally maybe this is just me, but with everything we know about Smith’s personal life now I find it hard to take him seriously as an action star. I understand this is supposed to be comedy action but I just find it hard to see him in the same light post the smack and since all the stuff with his wife’s affair.

I feel like this film is in a weird sort of limbo as it acts very much like the last film, and is basically just more of the same, but at the same time it seems to know things are different than they were when the last one came out culturally in relation to Smith. I think that if you liked the last film you will like this.

In many senses this film doesn’t feel like it needs to exist it is more just there. The story is okay and it is interesting to consider them as fugitives rather than cops, but it all just feels very done before. Ultimately you know it will end with them defeating the bad guy and clearing themselves and as such there are no real stakes here.

Some of the jokes are funny and there is some fun to be had, but there are also some really unfunny ones and the film repeats these over and over.

Overall, fine nothing more nothing less. Wait till streaming.

2.5/5

Pros.

It is funny

It is watchable

It has some good moments

Cons.

Will Smith isn’t really an action star any more

It repeats unfunny jokes

It doesn’t need to exist

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