Carrie Series Overview: Butchering The Classics

Summary: we get the modern sanitised version of Carrie for the blue haired generation.

Maybe when people were saying Mike Flanagan was a new horror master they were getting too hasty. Looking at everything he’s done it’s been declining in quality, Hush (good ish), Hill House (definitely great), Bly Manor (Mixed), Midnight Mass (Bad), The Midnight Club (Bad), House of Usher (bad). Then you get to this.

Much has been made already in other reviews of how Carrie here is not bitter or angry at her bullying, she is instead played as incredibly good natured, as we can’t handle flawed characters anymore, which makes her shift to the dark side at the end feel weird and not right.

Moreover, as we can’t have bad characters anymore as that might offend someone, the bullies in the show are not made to be sympathetic and shown to have their own problems, making Carrie’s later actions seem even worse.

You also have the fact that most of the actual horror and violence has been removed for the most part and this feels like an additional season of I Feel Pretty set in the past.

Overall, that Exorcist remake/sequel/prequel is looking pretty dicey.

1/5

Pros.

It is interesting to see some of the wider Kingverse stuff in there

Cons.

It’s dull

It feels like a teen series

The characters are butchered

The ending

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Ring: The Original Evil Videotape

Summary: a cursed videotape is doing the rounds killings people.

In many ways this is very very similar to the American version, which shows just how much that film took from this.

This film is slightly better than the US remake in that it takes things slower and does need to be having a jump scare or overtly over the top moment every few minutes in order to try and maintain attention. The mystery itself is the central focus here.

Moreover, the ending is also better, with the moral ambiguity of the protagonist returning home to show her father the video tape to save her son, you get an added layer of character complexity.

Sadako is less overly frightening here and is more of a figure of pity, however that isn’t to say she doesn’t have some moments where she does become terrifying.

Overall, a slower pace makes for a more atmospheric horror film that some audiences may struggle with.

3/5

Pros.

The atmosphere

The mystery

The ending

Cons.

The pacing

Some needless characters

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A Banquet: Not Eating Your Peas Is The Ultimate Teenage Disobedience

Summary: a girl has a strange otherworldly experience and her mother must try to keep it from consuming her.

There is something quite disturbing about this film, and that is it’s mythology, it is very hard to pin down drawing on Japanese folklore, cosmic horror and the works of Lovecraft and possibly even ancient mythology.

The conflict between mother and daughter and later grandmother, is interesting but not wholly new. It is interesting to explore these matters through the idea of chosen one archetype structuring.

The horror is more atmospheric than jump scares so imagine a slow burn rather than constantly bang and then then next thing.

Overall, a good horror film with a strong sense of building tension and dread.

3/5

Pros.

The performances

The atmosphere

The layered mythology

Cons.

The pacing

It is depressing

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Just One Gift: Sleep Tight On Christmas Eve

Summary: a child gets a present early on Christmas eve from an evil source.

This short really works through the reinvention of the idea of the bad analogue to Santa, we’ve had Krampus, but here the film introduces a demon or possibly devil figures and merges the idea of gifting giving at Christmas with deals from the devil. It’s a very novel and interesting concept.

The pace, which is obviously affected by it being a short film, is used very well and nothing is needless every single second builds the tension.

The main downside is the cinematography is a little spotty in places and a little shaky where it shouldn’t be, this can be jarring.

Overall, a good horror short that has a novel spin on the idea of evil Santa.

3.5/5

Pros.

The pace

The twist of evil Santa

The tension

The ending

Cons.

The cinematography

It could do with more dialogue

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Verity: Even More Basic Than Pumpkin Spice

Summary: an incredibly generic thriller goes the way you would expect it too.

So, this is what happens when you let edgy teen girls or women who haven’t matured since that age write a book. Assuming some of the narration is imported from the book, then it is some of the biggest cringe you might ever hear, I am broken but the world is broken kind of thing, no one has got me as I am so deep and edgy etc.

The mystery is clawingly obvious from the beginning. If you didn’t get it we would say go to your doctor and have them check out your brain. Verity is the good character she has done nothing wrong yet she is murdered by mistake after her husband and the woman taking over her book series assume a manuscript from a woman who writes dark novels is true. That’s the big twist and my word is it is expected.

Some people are calling this an erotic thriller but what is erotic about Dakota Johnson masterbating and the water turning to blood? Or seeing Anne Hathaway bite down on a piece of wood hard enough to leave teeth marks, somehow not damaging her teeth, to show she is orgasming? Again it’s what an edgy teenager thinks sex is like.

Finally, all the characters are just awful people, Harnett’s character is fine cheating on his disabled wife, Johnson’s character, the protagonist is a happy homewrecker who wants to take everything Verity has, and Verity is shown as a child killer until the twist at the end of the film.

Who is the likeable character here.

Overall, a wine mom thriller of basic proportions.

2/5

Dakota Johnson tries her best

It’s so bad it’s funny at a few points

Cons.

The dialogue is awful

The twist predictable

It’s deeply cringe

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Shaun The Sheep The Beast Of Mossy Bottom: No Were-Rabbit

Summary: a science experiment turns the farmer into a knock off big foot.

This is a deeply average film, Aardman does a lot for stop motion but this film just feels like a retread when you compare it to something like the trailers for Wildwood.

The fact that there is no dialogue in the whole film doesn’t help, obviously there is minimal spoken dialogue in Shaun The Sheep broadly, however this comes as a detriment as it often impacts the films ability to connect with audiences and to be funny.

The actual Halloween appeal of it doesn’t go very far and the mystery of what or who the monster is, is solved by Shaun almost immediately. When you look at something like Curse of the Were- Rabbit there were lots of references to classic British horror and the film did far more to be as scary as you can be in a kids film, this film was a lot tamer.

Overall, deeply meh.

2/5.

Pros.

A few funny moments

The score

Cons.

The pacing

The lack of creepiness, yes it’s a kid’s film but they could have done more

The ending

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Pressure: Powering Through The Death Of Your Wife and Kid

Summary: the battle to provide a forecast that could save thousands of lives.

This film was good but the pacing was quite slow, if the pacing had been tighter and moved quicker they could have created a sense of tension and pressure with the editing, they didn’t do that and so the film had lulls.

The characters outside of the protagonist were quite one note, if this was how they were in real life then there is little to be done, but if not the film needed to do more to develop them and have them be something more than they are.

The film is interesting and shows a different side to D-Day to what many people will be familiar with but it is a bit too slow and a bit too thin on the characters to be truly good.

Overall, interesting but not great.

2.5/5

Pros.

It shows a new side to D-Day

They manage to have parts of the film be tense

The ending

Cons.

It’s slow

The characters are thin

It takes a minute to get going

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Practical Magic 2: A Whole Lot Of Plastic

Summary: a needless sequel is born

The main issue out of the gate with this film is the characterisation of Sally, the first film had the whole point of her character be her need to embrace what she is. Yet we start the second film right back at square one again.

Kidman and Bullock have good chemistry when they are in harmony together however a lot of the first quarter of the film has them bickering when you can’t hear what anyone is saying and it’s irritating.

Maisie Williams might as well not be in the film as she is left out of most of it with it really being about Joey King, Bullock and Kidman. Once again this seems like an odd structural oversight.

The lifting of the Owen’s family curse as should have happened in the first film is a nice sight to see and the sacrifice needed to make it happen does feel impactful if a little manipulative.

Overall, needles but a good mindless trip to the cinema.

3/5

Pros.

The jokes are better

The tone works

The deaths land

Cons.

The CGI is awful

Bullock is regressed

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Fall 2: A Step Over A Ledge

Summary: one of the girls from the first film’s sister decides she wants to do some climbing.

There was a low budget, Angel Studios feel to this film from it’s lack of effects to its focus on evil drug smugglers, it felt gritty and cheap and not in a good way.

Rather than being back Grace Caroline Curry we have to meet a new host of characters which are nowhere near as likeable, with one the sister of the girl from the first film strongly hating Curry’s character for no real reason at all.

They are trying to set up some sort of Fall shared universe due to the film doing well on Netflix but no one wants this except maybe the crew themselves.

The first one worked the second one is already starting to feel gimmicky.

Overall, a sub part sequel

2/5

Pros.

Some good tense moments

It is well paced

Cons.

It looks cheap

The whole drug smuggling side plot

The tiresome cameo to turn it into an Avengers for mountaineers

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Bad Apples: Finally A Good Dark Comedy

Summary: Dark comedies are notoriously hard to do, either the film is too dark and becomes a drama or it takes things into a silly direction. This film manages to have both darker moments, the kidnapping of a child, but also make it not as depressing as that premise sounds.

The film is sometimes overtly funny and asks you to laugh at some quite messed up things, but Saoirse Ronan does a good job in being both funny but also clearly warped by what she is doing. She doesn’t turn it into just a silly goof and that’s important.

The main issue with the film is that it does not know when to end and has a habit of staying past its welcome.

Overall, a funny dark comedy film.

4/5

Ronan

It’s funny

It gets the tone right

There are some great WTF moments

Cons.

It overstays it’s welcome

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