Office Romance: Jennifer Lopez Can’t Act Like A Professional For An Hour And A Half

Summary: a career woman realises she wants romance.

The idea of the career women suddenly realising she’s lonely and in need of romance is an old cliche that surely we are all tried of. The idea of HR being bad and needing to be rewritten is also an old idea but one that does have some precise relevance in 2026.

Jennifer Lopez can’t act, she is playing Jenifer Lopez and arguably Goldstein is playing Roy Kent/himself as well. The chemistry is dead as well.

There is a scene with a dude having an erection because it’s okay to objectify men but not women now. Moreover, there is a childbirth scene shown pretty much in full so buckle up and get ready for that.

Netflix needs to stop their association with Lopez, their films are already looked down on as terrible for the most part and slop for the other part, having her around doesn’t reduce that.

Overall, just awful.

0.5/5

Pros.

A few unintentionally funny moments

Cons.

The acting

The lack of chemistry

The child birth scene

The double standard

The clichéd storyline

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Will and Harper: You Need To Cancel Your Netflix

Summary: Some Hollywood celebrities tell their kids they are trans before they can even understand what that means for virtue points. Here a fading comedian does a similar thing, by trotting out a “long time friend”/ mentally unwell man.

So, what to say about this. Frankly this is a dangerous thing to be made, it tries to tell people how to think, it tells people they need to unlearn basic biological realities. It is very 1984 in that way, it tells people they are privileged for not being mentally ill and suffering from a condition wherein you wrongly believe you can change your sex.

It tries to take aim at laws designed to protect things like women’s single sex spaces, and women’s sports from men, who in this case consider themselves women. Most people can agree women should have private spaces and sports that aren’t taken over by men who think they are women. Yet not Will Ferrell.

Now Buddy the Elf himself is here to tell you what a grotesque bigot you are and how you should be ashamed for understanding basic biology.

Why Netflix continues to fund stuff like this even though it is loss leading for them is baffling. It is one of the wokest streaming services out there and no one with a brain would still be subscribed, unless sadly you have to review their trash.

Overall, a dangerous project that everyone involved with should be deeply ashamed of.

0/5

Pros.

None

Cons.

It makes you actively dislike Will Ferrell

It hates the audience unless you think like them

There are clear tokenist elements

It spews misinformation

It has pacing issues

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Michael Jackson The Verdict: The Coming Storm

Summary: a documentary about the accusations around Michael Jackson.

Editor’s note: we didn’t cover Michael the film as it was made by the estate and white washed, there was no value in it and it was made to exploit Jackson’s wacko fans. We are covering this as it is a more objective look at the man’s life.

This may be the most comprehensive view you are going to get into the trail of Jackson. As a child growing up in mainland Europe this was lurid circus a million miles away, everyone heard the worst, then came the defenders. This documentary has already been widely controversial as the defenders do mental gymnastics to avoid uncomfortable questions. However, watching it it wasn’t as damning as you might think, it certainly looks like Jackson had an inappropriate relationship with other people’s kids, that can be true if he slept in bed with them in a non sexual way as well. Though the evidence for abuse is high, the documentary aims to try and present a balanced picture.

There are people in it who defend Jackson be that from his inner circle of fandom, but there is also more of a spirit of understanding rather than a rush to conclusion. This documentary wants to understand what happened from all perspectives rather than just say innocent or guilty, that is admirable.

The most interesting thing the documentary does is shine a light into the unhealthy minds of his defenders who go to the point of violence to not interact with uncomfortable truths.

Overall, a well researched, balanced documentary series that won’t change anyone’s mind.

4/5

Pros.

It is well researched

It is unbiased and tries to be objective

It shows the unhealthy world of fandom

It takes it time and doesn’t rush to a conclusion

Cons.

You’d argue it could be one long film rather than 3 episodes

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Scary Movie 6: Giving The Woke Movement It’s Just Deserts

So there are a few laugh out loud moments here, and a few cheer worthy ones such as seeing people come together on screen to push back and dismantle woke culture. It is nice to see filmmakers finally start to get it.

However, that is not to say it was a perfect film, a number of the jokes don’t land, there is a real cringe sequence about performing oral on a woman, and a strange K-Pop inspired sequence that just seemed bizarre. It must be stated that comedy is subjective.

In many senses this film was made for fans of the series if you have watched the other 5 scary movies then you’ll get something out of this. The entire 3rd act mentions the 3rd and 4th film a lot, and it factors into who the killer is. So that’s rewarding if you are a long term fan.

Overall, don’t believe the hysteria from all the left wing folks saying this is the worst film ever made as it offended them. It is a reward for fans of the franchise and has a few good funny moments.

3/5

Pros.

A few funny moments

The broader franchise connections

The older characters returning, particularly Anna Faris

Cons.

Not all the jokes land and some are quite cringe

The K-Pop sequence

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Savage House: A Bit Too Bleak For It’s Own Good

This was a standout of SXSW in London, however that is not an indicator on quality, but rather a general unenthusiastic attitude to the line up more broadly.

That is not to say the film is bad, it has interesting ideas the idea of the eclipse and bad spirits is fun. The social climbing storyline has been done before and better, but Richard E. Grant still carries it out with relish. He is a gem.

Claire Foy continues to take career risks and star in smaller films and commit earnestly, you believed that she loved her husband in her own twisted way.

The comedy of the film is where things start to fall down, there are a few funny moments, such as Foy’s character getting a rim job, however by and large the film’s comedy falls flat.

The ending of the film is a touch bleak and could do with being redone to be a bit more upbeat, as it stands it leaves the moviegoer in a dower mode once the credits roll. Not what you want for a comedy film.

Overall, good ideas and good performances can’t save weak comedy.

2.5/5

Pros.

The ideas

Grant

Foy

Cons.

The ending

The comedy

It’s a bit bleak

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Erupcja: Female Emotional Immaturity

Summary: A friends visit proves to be destabilising; Charlie XCX counties to show off she’s a terrible person.

One is a one off twice is a pattern, Charlie XCX plays another version of her character from The Moment here, where again she treats everyone around her terribly and is a bad person. Her character of Bethany is too emotionally immature to tell her boyfriend she doesn’t want to marry him, so goes clubbing and ignores his calls. Her childhood friend gets ghosted when she leaves town and then Charlie’s character acts like she’s ridiculous for being mad at her. She destabilises her friend’s life with her particular brand of chaos. The worst thing you could argue is that though the film humbles her at the end and makes Charlie’s character come to terms with her own behaviour it doesn’t go far enough.

A positive to say of the film is that it shows you films can be made much cheaper than they are. This film whilst shorter than traditional, was a perfectly competently made film and it was made for a few hundred thousand dollars. Whilst the film itself from a narrative point of view was deeply unlikeable, it at least shows what a small budget can do.

Overall, Charlie XCX seems to want to destroy her own brand.

1/5

Pros.

It shows that films don’t need multi million dollar budgets

Cons.

The characters are deeply unlikeable

It glorifies toxic behaviour

It has pacing issues

There was no need for it to exist

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Masters of the Universe: A Film That Hates It’s Fan Base

Summary: a regular Earthling finds out he has the power and then goes on a quest to reclaim a birth right.

So if last year we had soy boy Superman now we have soy boy He-Man, this character is weak and lame. Not only is he dragged around for most of the film by other characters, such as Teela, and shown what to do. Even when he supposedly comes into his power he looks scared all the time. One supposes this is supposedly to fight toxic masculinity something mentioned so much on the press tour you’d think it was the plot of the film itself. By making Adam weak, insecure and looking never quite far away from tears one guesses that means toxic masculinity is now dead, it isn’t? Would have thought that.

There are girl boss elements to the film, though it isn’t a girl boss film in the truest regard, it does feel at times like they are setting up a Teela spin off film.

The odd thing about this film is that the women who would often complain the loudest about women being objectified in fantasy have no issues when the same thing is being done here with He- Man. Clearly this is an attempt to drag women into see the film, one that no doubt shows desperation.

Overall, pretty much what everyone was expecting it to be. Avoid.

0.5/5

Pros.

One or two cool moments

Cons.

It dumps on He-Man mythos

It sidelines Adam

It objectifies He-Man/Adam

The ending is awful

It has pacing issues galore and is a slog to finish

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My Mother’s Wedding : A MODERN Wedding

Due to reasons this writer would rather not get into, they have recently completed a Kristen Scott Thomas marathon, this was the most recent. So when asked by the Editor if we would review this it seemed like an easy fit.

Salmon Fishing In The Yemen this is not. Remember when there was a big uproar about Scarlett Johansson playing a mentally ill person who thought they were in the wrong body, we remember. Here a straight woman, Johansson plays a lesbian and no one bats an eye; selective outrage.

The modern dayisms don’t stop there of course in a modern film about marriage there has to be a marriage falling apart, with the idea that it just doesn’t.

Scar Jo’s character also doesn’t want to give up her career to have a child with her girlfriend, as she doesn’t value having kids. Marriage and motherhood attacked in one film, maybe they should attack religion and do the triumvirate. She later changes her mind.

Not to stop there the mother, played by Kristen Scott Thomas who is twice widowed tell her daughters that her previous two husbands weren’t good men, slashing at fatherhood on the way out.

The film is a comedy drama, and as has been said many many times before that just means it’s a comedy film that isn’t funny. There isn’t one laugh to be had here.

Overall, a waste of your life.

1/5

Pros.

It’s short

Cons.

It’s boring

The modern dayisms

The characters are awful

It’s just a lot of whining

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The Moment: A Nobody Thinks People Care About Her

Summary: A Charlie XCX mockumentary

Charlie XCX seems to think she’s Madonna, she keeps trying to force herself into films despite the fact she can’t act and can’t sing without auto tune.

The plot follows her prepping for one of her tours, yet unless the joke was to make her seem insufferable and incredibly unlikeable then the comedy is not presenting. She was involved in constructing the story for this mess as well so clearly she didn’t see anything wrong with it.

It is one thing to be self deprecating but to openly portray a horrible version of yourself for a joke seems odd in the least.

The fact that they force one of the Kardashians to be in this shows who this film was made for, it needed 10 million to break even and made 5.

Overall, musicians need to stay out of films.

0.5/5

Pros.

A few unintentional bits of comedy

Cons.

It’s boring

The characters are deeply unlikeable

It is badly paced

When it tries to be funny it really isn’t

It’s depressing

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Backrooms: The Film That Killed Star Wars

Summary: A man finds his way into a liminal space seemingly between dimensions.

For the most part this film was very good and represented something truly original within both the horror space and broader cinema. There really isn’t an analogue.

There are some issues with pacing, and the film takes some odd turns shifting from what would be viewed as more straight horror into science fiction, however these are relatively minor.

The mystery of what the backrooms are isn’t addressed in the film and that is good as you would ruin it if they had tried to tack on some kind of explanation. There was a worry for a while they were going to tie it into the central man and his divorce it, it is a good thing they didn’t go there with it.

Overall, one of the most original horror films of the year.

3.5/5

Pros.

It is interesting

It leaves you with questions

It doesn’t require previous knowledge of the YouTube series

The ending

Cons.

Pacing

Genre feel

The focus on the lead’s divorce is dull

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