Poker Face: A Shorter Slightly Worse Knives Out

Summary

A woman, Natasha Lyonne, who can always tell when people are lying heads out on the road to solve crimes. It is such a simple premise you wonder why it hasn’t been done before.

Rian Johnson is a controversial figure, a man of highs and lows, sometimes he makes something very good Looper sometimes he makes something very bad The Last Jedi. His Knives Out films were woefully not of the same quality, with the Netflix sequel being dumber and more distracted. Clearly he was working on other things whilst writing it. As such this series could have either been great or terrible, there was no room for in between.

Turns out life won’t be put in a box and despite my previous statement this is a pretty mixed show.

Now there are some things that it does well Lyonne is a strong and likable lead and you care about what happens to her character. I think if you had got someone who was less affable to do this show then it would have just been bad, as even in some of the harder to get through episodes Lyonne’s charm just about makes it bearable.

The episodes themselves fall into more of a villain of the week sort of thing, though the series tries for a wider overarching plot, for the most part it is oh the lead has tripped over a corpse better find out who killed them. Some of these episodes are good, usually the ones with notable guest stars who get to have fun, but some aren’t. The issue with villain of the week storytelling is that not all the episodes are created equal, some get the guest stars and more time to do interesting things and some are filler, and that is not just true here but in a lot of shows.

The issue with this show is that it can have a few bad episodes in a row before you get a good one and because of that it is a slog to get through.

If you are a Knives Out fan then you will almost certainly be into this show.

Overall, fun at times but mostly slow and predictable.

2.5/5

Pros.

Lyonne

Some of the episodes are fun

It has some good ideas

Cons.

Some of the episodes are dull

It is not as smart as it thinks it is

The ending is underwhelming

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Star Wars The Acolyte Opening Two Episodes: How Long Before They Start Blaming The Toxic Fans

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A live action Star Wars series based on the High Republic that no one wanted, I wonder how this will turn out?

Sometimes it keeps me awake at night what goes on at Lucasfilm, they have a massive era of the Star Wars universe that people really care about sitting right there and yet they do nothing with it. Why is that. In my mind the answer can only be that Disney wants to force people to like their Star Wars and even if they released films or series set when I am talking about it wouldn’t be theirs as they didn’t create it. I am of course talking about the Old Republic.

This series is set in the High Republic, an era that came into being under Disney and that they want you to like, bye bye Revan. Honestly, the setting alone is enough for me to loose interest, I just have no real reason to care about this era, and believe me from what I have seen so far they are not going to be doing anything to make anyone care.

So the idea of a secret Sith has some potential, however, in execution it all just falls apart. Amanda Stenberg cannot act, she behaves in much the same way many other girl boss characters have done in the past she has a pissed off look almost constantly plastered to her face and that’s it. She must have taken classes at the Alaqua Cox school of acting. At times I think to myself that Dafne Keen would have made a much better lead, as at least we know she can act.

The fact that the series tries to force us into believing that Carrie-Anne Moss is a still an action hero is frankly laughable. The fight scenes with her in the trailer looked incredibly fake and bad and I doubt you’d say they look much better in the show. That gets me to another point, the whole show from the sets to the makeup to the lightsabers all of it looks like it was done on the cheap. It looks very much like they didn’t have a budget and so just improvised, as I have said before it looks like a fan film not an actual production. I don’t know why this is, if they didn’t have faith in it and it got its budget slashed, if they wanted it to look bad for some reason, perhaps to own the trolls- the old She Hulk defence, or just because it was incompetently made. Could be a mix of all of them.

A final point and one that will no doubt get me some hate but it has to be pointed out, this series is very diverse as per the regulations over at Disney in order to try and get the most people in, but one key group seems to be missing out. There is a distinct lack of guys it feels a little strange that in this galaxy that is full of different races and species and what not that there is maybe only one or two here and there in minor roles. My question is again have Disney forgotten who the main audience for Star Wars is by all metrics and breakdowns, yes you guessed it young men. It seems like there is a desire to go out of their way with this one to have the cast be almost all female, that is fine if there was a reason for it, say a Nightsisters show, but this isn’t that this is supposed to be at the Jedi Temple. There are some guys around don’t get me wrong but it feels very heavily like Disney is pitching this show at women, and we get it Kathleen Kennedy thinks the force is female, but the viewing demographics aren’t. I guess my point here is that the show doesn’t actually feel very inclusive.

Overall, I think that unless it is a John and Dave venture I’ll be giving any future Star Wars project a miss.

1/5

Pros.

It had an interesting premise

Cons.

It isn’t inclusive

It doesn’t seem to know who it is for or what it wants to be

It doesn’t make you care about the characters, the setting, or the period

It looks cheap

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Hijack: Another Reason For Your Fear Of Flying

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Idris Elba has to talk his way out of a plane takeover.

Very much like In The Long Run this series is made by Elba’s sheer charm, if he wasn’t so charismatic then this series might get dull, but no.

I found the idea of the plane takeover to be a good one to base a series around, in creates high stakes very easily as there is no way off. In many senses this show reminded me a little of 24, very high stakes and a constantly ramping up of tension. If you will pardon the cliché as I was watching this I was on the edge of my seat and I did feel very tense so I guess the series did what it set out to.

I would say that apart from Elba the rest of the cast are either phoning it in or are underused, some I believe wanted to give better performances but could only do so much with the material they had been given. Even the villainous role left me cold, this was mainly because they were incredibly one note and not really fleshed out beyond what could only be described as cliches.

I can see how the series has been picked up for a second season though I would still alleged that it is better as a one and done journey, they could keep it going but will they be able to match the level of suspense that has already been done here, it is hard to say but I would guess not.

Overall, a good and fairly tense series but not one that is crying out for a season 2.

3/5

Pros.

Elba

The tension and the stakes

It has a solid premise

Cons.

A wasted wider cast

It has some pacing issues around the midpoint

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Life and Beth: The Show You Make When You No Longer Have Any Jokes Left About Your Vagina

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Amy Schumer continues to try and cry out for relevance.

I was subjected to the first season of this during a binge day when we couldn’t find anything else to watch and wherein I was eventually outvoted, and whilst a part of me wanted to get up and go for a walk whilst it was on it was also raining and I didn’t have my raincoat so I had to stay and watch it.

As many of you might know I do not like Amy Schumer, she is not funny, her material is that she likes to use people for sex and then talks about her body in a self-deprecating way, it is neither new nor intelligent. What’s more she had sex with someone when she was sober and they were clearly very drunk so in no place to properly consent, she has told this story several times, this is a thing she did in real life. She is a sexual predator, in my opinion, and if a man told a story about how they took advantage of a woman who was unable to properly consent they would never work again, not so for Schumer.

That aside I knew I wasn’t going to like this show going in but as I was forced to watch it I thought well maybe there could be something I’ll like about it, but no. Essentially, what this show boils down to is a worse version of Fleabag, Schumer’s’ character has to deal with grief, as we all have, whilst being a mess and going around and treating people like garbage. It think it is very deep and a comment on life and what it means to lose someone but its incredibly thin on anything other than generic platitudes, but that speaks to the quality of the writing.

Schumer does fair better here as she doesn’t have to be funny, with it being a comedy drama, and believe me she isn’t. I suppose she is a little bit less irritating and obnoxious here than she was in something like I Feel Pretty yet I digress.

Overall, it is sad that a sexual predator, in my opinion, still gets work.

0/5

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Indiana Jones And The Dial Of Destiny: Turning A Southpark Joke Into Reality

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Indiana Jones, Harrison Ford, becomes a deadbeat dad and gets bullied around by his god daughter, played by Phobe Waller-Bridge.

I find it hard to describe this film as anything other than an assassination. The creatives behind this film wanted to kill off the character of Indiana Jones and it clearly shows, however, rather than meaning that in the sense of a character death they wanted to make him as low and pathetic as they could so no one would care about him anymore.

It takes a long time into the film to see Indiana Jones behave like himself in anyway, I question why anyone over at Lucasfilm thought that what the audience wanted was to see the character deconstructed.

Honestly Waller-Bridge is very hit or miss sometimes she can hit gold and be a really good fit for a project, other times not. Here she just seemed like she was playing a variation of her Fleabag character, which didn’t fit, and became increasingly more unlikeable over the course of the film.

The ending leaves things in a slightly better place then when we started but it just makes you leave asking why did they need to make this film, who was it for, why now, why did they think this would get people back in the door.

Overall, this is a sad disrespectful way to treat one of the most beloved characters in pop culture.

0/5

Pros.

None

Cons.

It ruins the character

It didn’t need to be made

Waller-Bridge doesn’t fit

It is badly made, and the pacing is awful

It is a waste of your time

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Atlas: Jenny From The Block Fights The AI Screenwriter Netflix Used For This Film

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Netflix continues to make films by algorithm, with no human brain switched on.

So let’s get one thing out of the way early, Jennifer Lopez is not an action hero. I don’t care how many crappy action films Netflix insert her into there is nothing convincing about seeing her take down grown men when she doesn’t look like she even carries her own groceries. Yes here they do contrived things like put her in a mech in order to make her fighting look less laughably bad, but all it does is redirect the laughter towards the terrible CGI.

Moreover, Netflix continues its trend of adding in identity politics to almost every film they make as they think it will somehow make them popular with young people. Most young people don’t care about identity politics it is just an old group of men in California who think they do. It is as usual incredibly cynical and performative here as it always is, there is no real need for it, it is jus inserted in to tick off a list.

Had this film an air of parody to it then it could have been good, but no. This film takes itself incredibly seriously and thinks that it is high cinema when it is the furthest thing from it, residing somewhere even lower than the bargain bin. The idea of someone having to go and fight an AI is incredibly dumb and feels like the sort of thing that would have been written about 30 years ago not as we live alongside them.

Overall, Jennifer Lopez should stick to music, or rom-coms she has enough range for those, but stay away from action as unless she undergoes a massive physical transformation no one will ever believe her as an action star.

0.5/5

Pros.

It might be a useful form of torture at a CIA black site somewhere

Cons.

Jennifer Lopez is miscast

The threat feels like something people would worry about 30 years ago

The CGI is terrible

The plot makes no sense

The identity politics

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Kingdom Of The Planet Of The Apes: Have You Ever Heard Of Devolution, This Franchise Has

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Ceaser is dead but now we have a new Ceaser look alike to go through the same exact themes as the last trilogy.

To be fair the new Ceaser doesn’t start off liking humans whereas the old one did, the new one comes to like them by about the first hour of the film so its not a huge difference. I suppose a difference here is that the film is not really about the struggle between men and apes but rather ape on ape war.

However, I think the real issue here is that the stakes are incredibly low. Maximus is supposed to be this Roman esque conqueror yet his beachside community is pretty small, moreover, where he could have been a good antagonist for several films and been built up to be a true nemesis for new Ceaser, he is just offed at the end of the film. It is very underwhelming.

The reason for him being offed is to once again go back to the well of human vs ape conflict because why try and do anything new when you can just repeat the beats of the last trilogy. Honestly, I found the relationship between new Ceaser, and Mae, Freya Allen, to just be stupid. She has sought him out, for a reason implied but never shared, she says how much she needs him but then betrays him, I guess you could say she lied there but then why did the narrative push the bond so much, and then finally she plans to kill him, for once again no reason at all, she could have just left and never seen him again. Mae might as well not have been in the film as she contributed very little, had a baffling motivation and only really existed to be like oh the humans are going to try and fight back.

Overall, this film could have been something great but it lived too much in the past with its fixation on Ceaser and its desire for more ape human conflict, we could have seen Maximus grow and develop and form a civilisation that new Ceaser had to fight against but no some birds killed him.

2.5/5

Pros.

It is interesting to see how the Apes have evolved

It sets up some interesting things for future movies, not the ape vs human stuff

It is fairly well paced

Cons.

The lead character is just Ceaser all over again

The human character makes no sense

They waste Maximus

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Roundup Punishment: Fighting In The Toilets And On A Plane

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A no nonsense police officer, Ma Dong-Seok, tries to take down an overseas casino racket that is soaked in blood.

I enjoyed this film for its mix of both serious action, with fairly high stakes, and also more comedic and light hearted moments. It felt like a homage to classic 80s era American action films like Lethal Weapon in many senses. The film knew what it was doing on all fronts and it knew when to let things get serious and when to draw back for a joke.

The action itself was intense, it felt very full on and visceral, though at the same time it wasn’t super gory, what I appreciated about it was that it was not like an American action film very often a bad guy might take one hit to go down or maybe 3 if he is the big villain but instead this felt drawn out and far more realistic.

This I think is the fourth film in the series and after watching this it made me want to go back and watch the other films in the franchise that I have missed, that was how much fun I had with it. Sadly, I think a lot of people won’t watch this as they won’t want to watch something with subtitles but I am telling you that you are missing out.

Overall, a fun and well done action film.

4.5/5

Pros.

The action

The comedy

The cast

It is a lot of fun

It has some great set pieces

Cons.

It has some pacing issues

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Tarot: Pick A Card

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A tarot reading leads to a series of deaths.

I thought this was an unexpected treat, the premise is very basic and samey but in the way the film is carried out it is actually very well done and creepy. Its your standard group of teen students, who are actually in their thirties, who rent out a mansion for the weekend because that is something students can afford to do, and then they get killed off one by one after a tarot reading.

So, the above description sounds incredibly been there and done that, however, there is just something about this one that makes it fresh. I think that there is a little Final Destination in this film’s blood which makes it a winner in my mind, mix that with some terrific monster design and you are off to the races. The monsters which represent different characters on the cards, look both creepy and also varied enough that you feel like each are distinct characters.

I think the scares mostly work, a lot of suddenly coming up real close to the camera scares, and a few jump scares, however, the most effective scare of the film is the dark magician and his twisted magic show, which with his audience of deadeye ghouls was particularly effective.

Overall, despite a generic premise this film manages a number of good scares, well worth a watch.

3.5/5

Pros.

The scares

The monster design

The Final Destination Vibes

The pacing

Cons.

It has a very generic plot

The ending feels a little rushed

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Them Season 2 Overview: Barley A Whimper

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A new season of scares revolving around a series of killings.

Honestly this was a massive disappointment, the first season of Them is genuinely brilliant and some of the best horror tv I have watched possibly ever. As such I was eagerly awaiting this and then as I was watching it I kept waiting for it to get good, then finally in one of the episodes the villain of the first season returns and I was happy and ready for the scares but then that’s it. Series over. I had waited the entire season for it to get good.

I will give this show credit for how it ties together its first and second seasons I didn’t see it coming and it is nice to have it all be set in the same universe and be a curse, possibly, passing down the family line. I will also give it props for how it handles police brutality in 1990’s era America, the social commentary is on point and I think some of the best and scariest moments of the series come from seeing the all-white and corrupt police force harassing and intimidating the lead.

That said this series wasn’t scary at all. The failed actor turned killer, turned possessed monster took far too long to get to the twist. Moreover, it would have been more logical to spend more time setting up the monster that he communes with, but no. Personally, I just didn’t find the idea of a serial killer all that scary, particularly after last season’s supernatural stuff.

Overall, it has some bright moments but for the most part it struggles to be scary in any way.

2/5

Pros.

The handling of the racist police force

How they tied it into the first season

Cons.

It isn’t scary

It takes until the final episode to get good

It is much weaker written than the first season

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