Cursed Friends: Finding A Razor Blade In Your Halloween Treats Would Be More Fun Than Watching This

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of friends find the predictions they made decades earlier coming eerily true.

So the opening few minutes of this film could be a cautionary tale all its own, bad effects work, worse jokes and immediately unlikeable characters. Yet what follows is so much worse, the direct next sequence is the gang as tweens walking around and talking about how much they want to ‘shag’ the boy dressed as Austin Powers. If that doesn’t tell you why this film sucks nothing ever will.

I have written quite a lot about the digital future and the pros of streaming, yet this film presents me with a very real case for how it is ruining the industry. Before pretty much every movie studio had a streaming service that they needed to plug with content things like this would get made far less and that was a good thing. However, with today’s need for content at all costs these sort of low effort, unfunny, trash pieces are becoming more and more frequent.

The thing that I think is the worst about this film is how try hard it is. Every joke tries to out edgy the last until honestly it just becomes boring because behind that edge there is no real bite just desperation. In my mind Jessica Lowe’s Erica was probably the worst in this regard, she was both unfunny and unlikeable and most of her jokes were written to be as outrageous as possible. However, Lowe is just one of a truly bad bunch, no one is good here and the fact that Will Arnett even agreed to be in this is nothing short of manically depressing.

Overall, probably the worst horror film this Halloween season.

Pros.

It is not offensively bad

Cons.

It is not funny

None of the characters are likeable

It is trying too hard to be edgy

Will Arnett needs to have some conversations with his agent

It is really just awful

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The Fog: Beware The Rolling Tide

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A mysterious fog rolls in over a small town killing lots of residents.

I enjoyed this film a lot and think that within Carpenter’s work other than Halloween this film is easily his best. There is something so wonderfully gothic about this film, the atmosphere is heightened and used to great effect for the scares which do come in quite naturally. I think as a result of this there is quite an unsettling quality to the film.

One thing I would say in terms of a negative for the film is that when the ghosts do in fact show up they look quite goofy in most of their scenes bar their final few. I think that was more a limitation of the technology of the time, but it does somewhat hold back the fear factor.

I liked that this film was packed with a cast of Carpenter mainstays and thought that all of the central performers did a great job. Adrienne Barbeau was a really strong lead anchor for the film and of course whenever Jamie Lee Curtis came on screen she stole her scene.

Overall, perhaps a underrated Carpenter great.

Pros.

Barbeau

Curtis

The atmosphere

The scares

Cons.

The ghost pirates look a little silly at times

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Halloween Ends: On A Par With The First Film

5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Halloween finally ends

Spoilers

A lot of people have not liked this film, and most of the critical reviews of the film out so far have been deeply negative, I however enjoyed this film a lot. A little context before we get into it, firstly I really disliked Kills and everything it did to the franchise, secondly I went into this film with incredibly low expectations.

Lets get right to the end and start there. I enjoyed that this film killed off Michael Myers, played by James Jude Courtney, I thought the final showdown with Laurie, played by Jamie Lee Curtis was perfect and liked that they threw his body into a crusher just to make sure. In that same category I liked that the film didn’t kill off Laurie as I always thought the idea of both of them having to die for Halloween to end was dumb, I thought it was sweet they let her character be happy.

I also thought thematically this film worked a lot better with the idea of letting evil in and locking it out and protecting yourself being poignant frames for the film. I liked that the narrative of Laurie’s book intensively fed into the plot and direction of the film. Likewise I thought the idea of generational evil with Corey Cunningham, played by Rohan Campbell, being somewhat of the new Michael Myers was a nice twist. I thought unlike other passing the torch narratives this felt a lot more earned and a lot better structured, we see Corey be tortured by the town and finally break and then join forces with Michael even taking the mask from him at one point. However, I also liked that in the end Michael reclaimed his mask.

Lastly, I also really enjoyed how the film played with the idea of Michael being a supernatural entity. The franchise has kind of set Michael up to be almost unkillable, as he is evil itself, however, here we still see that he has regenerative powers seemingly gaining strength from killing but we are also confronted by his age and the fact that he can’t keep going forever. I think these two contrasting elements work really nicely together to give us a whole new side to Michael Myers.

Overall, a fitting end to a beloved horror series.

Pros.

Generations of evil

Killing off Myers

Laurie finally gets closure

The meta narrative of the book feeding into the themes and plot of the film

Giving Alison, played by Andi Matichak, a much bigger role then what she got in Kills

Cons.

None, I thoroughly enjoyed by time with it.

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Chucky: Halloween II

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Continuing on from the end of last season Andy, played by Alex Vincent, seemingly perishes destroying the last of the Chucky dolls. However, a few months later the original group of teens from the first season start to find themselves under attack again.

I still do like this show, even if I think this opening episode is quite weak. I think Brad Dourif’s Chucky is still al lot of fun and the show can really master tension when it wants to. I enjoyed the Chucky scenes we got in this episode.

However, my issues with this season premiere is that the writing feels quite contrived. Andy is seemingly killed off even though it is super obvious that he will be coming back, and the kids all find themselves sent to a Catholic boarding school at the end of the episode, can you get anymore cliché. Furthermore, this idea of a school for troubled kids reminded me a lot of the military academy setting for Child’s Play 3 so it seems as though the series is just recycling ideas from the films.

In addition to that I thought this episode really went out of its way to sexualise Alyvia Alyn Lind’s Lexy, which is extra creepy when you realise that the actor is only 15. This is not just a one off incident either as there were scenes in the first season that again put her character in very revealing and sexualised scenes. I understand that the show wants to tackle teenage sexuality, but it could have at least had an older cast playing younger rather than having minors play out sex scenes, it feels very inappropriate.

Overall, the season will need to do a lot more to keep me around, also stop sexualising a 15 year old it’s weird.

Pros.

Dourif’s Chucky

It is watchable

It can still deliver the scares and the tension

Cons.

It is creepy towards a minor

It feels deeply cliched

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Werewolf By Night: The Savior Of The MCU

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Meet the supernatural side of the MCU

I thought this was one of the best things I have seen out of the MCU in a long time. It reminded me of why I care so much about this universe in the first place. I will admit up front that I am a big fan of the supernatural characters in the comics Blade, Ghost Rider, Moon Knight and Elsa Bloodstone has always been a particular favourite so I might be a little bias on this one. However, going against that is the idea that I went into this with a lot higher expectations than a lot of other people who might not care about the characters of Werewolf by Night, played by Gael Garcia Bernal, and Elsa Bloodstone, played by Laura Donnelly. Not only were my expectations met but vastly exceeded.

I really enjoyed seeing these horror elements interact with the MCU formula and I thought that this unlike some of the newer entries into the MCU actually felt quite fresh and new. There is an obvious inspiration from classic horror which works well here, and the use of black and white adds to both that aesthetic but also allows for more violence to be shown. I would say that in terms of gore this is probably the furthest we have ever seen the MCU go, it is not Saw, but for the MCU it might as well be there is some grizzly kills.

Bernal and Donnelly both do a terrific job and easily become beloved, again maybe I am bias. Though I can’t wait to see more of them going forward, I do have two little nit-picky complaints firstly this special does not explain Jack Russell/ Werewolf By Nights origins at all and just throws you into things, I would have added a few scenes highlighting his backstory a little more, and secondly that when the switch to colour does happen Elsa doesn’t have her trademark red hair. I know that second one is pathetically pedantic, but hey.

Overall, a magnificent first outing for Marvel’s special presentations.

Pros.

Donnelly

Bernal

Man-Thing was also really great, didn’t get to him in the review so I wanted to give him some praise here

The horror elements

The gore

Cons.

A few little nit-picky issues

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Jeepers Creepers Reborn: The Youtube Sketch Parody No One Asked For

0.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The parody film to the Jeepers Creepers franchise.

I liked Iron Sky and enjoyed what they did with it, but that same style was never going to work with a serious horror film. As such what we get is a joke that takes various elements from the previous films and then spits them back at us through a fake out almost spoof lens. This film wants desperately for you to take it seriously, but ultimately it is so damned goofy and silly that it is almost impossible to do so.

Moreover, you can really tell this film was made on the cheap. Now I am not saying there is anything wrong with small budget films, but this one does it in all the worst sort of ways. It gives us lots of close up shots of the Creeper, and he just looks like a dude in body paint. This film goes out of its way to make the Creeper as tame and non-threatening as possible. Also don’t get me started on the baby cult thing.

Really I found there to be nothing redeemable about this film.

Overall, awful just awful.

Pros.

It is laughably bad at times

Cons

It is basically a parody of the series

The Creeper looks awful

The cult of the Creeper thing destroys the monster

It is not scary

It is aggressively average

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Hocus Pocus: Is It The Season Of The Witch

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A trio of witches are resurrected in the modern day by a group of kids.

For a long time I had heard what a Halloween season classic this film was, but had personally never seen it. Now after having watched it I can see the appeal, but I wouldn’t call it a classic.

In my mind this has a very American, very Disney feel to it everything is very comfortably middle class everyone is very white and there is no real peril throughout. Now am I saying that is inherently a bad thing? Not necessarily as sometimes that is the sort of film you want, I enjoyed the whimsy of the film and thought the horror elements were there enough to keep me engaged.

The kids were all fairly bland as they often are in these sort of films, they have very basic issues like relationships and having just moved to town but that isn’t really enough to get you to care about them. The witches played by Sarah Jessica Parker, Bette Midler, and Kathy Najimy far much better and are far more defined, your feeling towards these characters will determine whether you like this movie or not. Personally, I liked all of them and thought they all had their own moments to shine, I would have liked a little more backstory on their part and further character development but it’s a family film so that is unlikely.

Overall, a lot of fun but nothing particularly astonishing.

Pros.

It is fun

The witches are all entertaining

It has a low-fi charm

It has a number of good jokes

Cons.

The witches could be better developed

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Night Of The Living Dead: They Are Going To Get You

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The original zombie film.

Another classic horror film that left me rather cold. Now I can see the merit of the film and I think the social commentary is fairly daring for the time period, especially the ending, but I also thought that the film suffered from pacing issues galore. Whilst watching there were multiple times I thought the film was surely about to end, but then it just kept going.

This film didn’t really do anything new with zombies from my modern perspective, however, it was hugely influential to their development at the time. I thought the zombies here were more goofy than scary, I understand that it was a low budget film but the make up on the zombies doesn’t even look remotely convincing, they look more like angry people who have had a bad day then the undead.

I thought the performances across the board were fairly solid with Judith O’Dea and Duncan Jones both being worthy of being singled out for praise.

Overall, a very important film at the time but one that struggles in the modern landscape.

Pros.

The performances

The social commentary

It is watchable

Cons.

It is goofy

The zombie make up effects aren’t very good

It has terrible pacing issues

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The Birds: Why Is Hitchcock A Cinematic Icon? I Don’t Get It

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A woman with too much time on her hands, played by Tipi Hedren, starts getting attacked by birds.

I am going to say something that within some film circles is the highest form of blasphemy so get ready. I don’t really like the films of Alfred Hitchcock, I think they are often slow and badly paced, and more often then not seem to think they are smarter than they actually are. His films have a certain smugness to them, the only one I actually like is Psycho.

Anyway, I did not think this was the worst film I have ever seen but I did think it was boring. Scene after scene of Hedren’s characters personal drama as she obsesses over a man she met in a pet shop, played by Rod Taylor. Honestly it is quite a ways into the film where the titular birds start to turn bad until that point you would be forgiven for thinking you are watching some old fashioned drama/romance film. The pace during this early section is so bad that it almost made me turn it off.

I enjoyed the cinematography and the shot choice and would even go so far as to say a few of the shots were quite inspired, but this didn’t make up for the wider short comings of the film. Chief amongst these I would say were the performances that frequently felt quite wooden.

Overall, painfully slow.

Pros.

A few strong shot choices

Visually a beautiful film

Cons.

It is badly paced

The birds don’t turn bad until way into the film

The performances are fairly wooden

It is boring

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Village Of The Damned: Beware The Stare

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After a mysterious incident all the women of a small town fall pregnant, a while later their offspring develop otherworldly abilities.

I want to preface this review by saying that I have never read The Midwich Cuckoos before, as such I was unfamiliar with the story. Had I seen one of the other numerous adaptions beforehand or shared some familiarity with the story I may not have enjoyed it as much.

I thought this film was really well done, it did a lot of work with atmosphere and had a show but don’t tell sort of approach to the film’s monsters. I have always found there to be something slightly disconcerting about little children especially when they gather together as such this film was bound to trigger fears in me. I thought the ‘evil’ kids here had a well-acted alien quality to them and I don’t know if they were inspired by the classic idea of the black eyed children within folklore, but if so they added a whole new dimension to it.

I also thought the pacing was really well done, far too many modern horror films try and cram in as much artsy imagery and subtext as they can bloating the film into a multi-hour behemoths which then lose sight of their scares, whereas this film does it right. I thought the runtime was tight and left just the right amount of plot to the imagination.

Overall, a very effective creepy kids movie.

Pros.

The scares

The atmosphere

The pacing

The performances

Cons.

It is a little antiquated

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