The Last Viking: John Lennon Lives Again

Summary: a man fresh out of prison needs the help of his mentally unwell brother in order to help him find money he buried long ago.

It was during our time at the Mediterrane Film Festival that we saw this and, it was a deeply mixed film. One the one hand it was heart warming in places and had a number of funny jokes, the comedy mostly landed. However, on the other the central character is deeply unlikeable and the film tends to stray too far into the abyss sometimes. One understands it’s a dark comedy film however it must be stated that when this film gets dark it gets really dark.

Mads Mikkelsen shines as Manfred or John Lennon a man with DID, and is the emotional soul of the film you do empathise with him and believe the characters struggle.

Overall, a funny if depressing film.

3.5/5

Pros.

It’s funny

There are heartwarming moments

It is well paced

Mikkelsen

Cons

It is depressing

There are tonal inconsistencies

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Enola Holmes 3: The Filler/Botox Queen Returns

Summary: Because Sherlock Holmes is a silly man rather than a genius detective he goes missing and it’s down to Enola to find him.

Right from the off you have the cheapening of male characters to try and raise up the female ones. Moriarty Sherlock’s legendary foe doesn’t even care about Sherlock the whole point of capturing him was to lure out Enola. They couldn’t have given her, her own nemesis they had to take Sherlock’s, they also had to gender flip him. The question remains if you were going to gender flip the character why not just have a new character.

Then you have the fact that Milly Bobby Brown’s face is noticeably off, there has been much made of her acting in the last season Stranger Things when she could barely move her face. Here it is less severe however, they really need to cast someone else. It is a shame someone so young felt the need to do that to themselves.

There are irritating modern dayisms a-plenty they have the film set during the British “occupation of Malta” and show Maltese freedom fighters as the good guys. In historical reality Malta liked the UK and wanted to become a formal part of it like Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland and voted for it in a referendum. When this became too costly Malta set out for independence, this was not at armed struggle but rather a fairly bureaucratic process. The film goes oh colonialism bad, whilst getting most of the history wrong. Of course they say that Britain stole a bunch of antiques from Afghanistan of all places, and of course Enola and co make sure Afghanistan gets it’s antiques back and the evil British go to prison. It’s so whiny and on the nose that it makes you think the film thinks you have a mental age of 2. The love interest character is so upset by the stealing of these artefacts done by his father, not him, that he renounces his landed title and seat in the House of Lords, a not at all hysterical reaction and one you could imagine from the short of folks to lie down in roads and block the streets.

Of course Sherlock is against Enola’s marriage as it will reduce her “independence”, what year is it, is this the 1990s. Even within feminist circles views on marriage have softened, a woman can get married and still be independent the idea it removes all independent hasn’t been seriously considered in decades, it’s 2026. Sherlock is forced to apologise for his anti marriage views, and Enola of course refuses to take her husband’s last name although it would have been standard practice in that time period.

Netflix is one again forcing it’s anti-traditionist, critical race theory, alternative history down the audience through in order to appease a small group of people online.

Overall, cancel your Netflix subscription.

0.5/5

Pros.

Some unintentional humour

Cons.

Milly can’t act

The message is hamfisted and incredibly on the nose

It reduces Sherlock as a character

It doesn’t need to exist

It’s badly paced

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Lesbian Space Princess: Yawn Haven’t We Been Here Before

Summary: Making one aspect of who you are your entire personality.

So in an era where we should all be supporting independent animation, this film makes that hard to do so.

Firstly, there is nothing fresh about it, this film seems to act like having a lesbian front and centre is some sort of new novel idea, when it has been done for a long time and is no longer new. Believe us when we tell you that this film will really push down your throat the fact the character is a lesbian just in case you forgot.

Secondly, as far as adult animation goes it looks very similar to a lot of other projects, whilst there is nothing inherently wrong with sharing an animation style, it would be nice if there was something to differentiate it.

Thirdly, you have the fact it is adult animation which means cringe and at times edgy jokes, which are met with a sigh.

Overall, if you want to see an incredibly bland film that thinks having a lesbian in it is something new and novel when it isn’t then this is the one for you.

1/5

Pros.

It’s short

Cons.

The humour

The characters

It rama DEI into every pore of the film

It is cringe

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Supergirl: Toxic Femininity

Summary: Superman’s cousin puts down the bottle, more like moves with it, and actually does something.

Maybe having your lead saying how men don’t own women’s bodies, when no one said they did, then insulting those offended on the grounds of their gender and religion, then changing the canon of a character to say she’s Bi and then finally saying the films better as it doesn’t centre men, isn’t a great way to market a film, as the terrible preview numbers show.

Kara is deeply unlikeable, she is very much the human embodiment of the damaged tattoo from the forehead of Jared Leto’s Joker. She drinks, she’s sad, she’s unpleasant to those around her, as God forbid she doesn’t take out her mental issues on other people. The message of this film is that that is okay behaviour as you can be good but not nice, which is a self defeating morally bankrupt principle. The film thinks this is showing her as a damaged character, with the journey being to show how she becomes more connected to people. However, the film tries to make her seem cool in her broken state glorifying her entitled and bratty behaviour.

Superman is in this, as more than just a target for dog urine, as Gunn and co really respect the character, herein he plays the concerned mother hen constantly checking in, usually to be met with derision or a well actually from Kara.

Of course the film likens being a bride to slavery, by having the villain literally kidnapping women and turning them not into sex slaves as is the case with most human trafficking, but rather brides. The message here is clear, marriage is bad and a prison for women. It is also entirely unoriginal as Mad Max Fury Road did a similar thing about ten years ago.

Lobo gets less screen time than you imagine and serves really to be red meat to throw to the male fans who Alcock has alienated so completely. He’s maybe on screen for a total of 5 minutes.

The focus on Krypto once again shows the weakness of the Gunn verse as it does not seem to be able to stand without having a cute dog to try and guilt butts into seats. This shows a weakness in storytelling. The actual journey of healing if you want to view it like that shows off the toxicity of Kara’s damaged personality and even when she does something good it quickly becomes self centered once again.

Overall, there is a reason that Clayface is having it’s premium formats reconsidered, this feels like edgy Tumblr fanfic from about 2 decades ago.

0.5/5

Pros.

It’s not a 3 hour slog

Cons.

Kara is unlikable

The journey feels incomplete by the end

You’ve seen it before

Lobo is barely in it

It feels like it’s for edgy girls circa 2009

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Disclosure Day: The Government Lying Again

Summary: what if aliens were real and the government was covering it up

The plot of the film is about as new and interesting as the idea of drinking a glass of water. It has been done so so many times before, if the idea had been what would the world be like if people found out aliens were real, which is what this film sets up that would have been far more original.

There are some interesting ideas and concepts here particularly this idea of diving which the film doesn’t really explain.

The thing that is the most polarising about this film is the tone. There are rightfully incredibly serious moments in this film and then people doing prat falls and Emily Blunt calling an alien device a thingy. What it feels like is a more serious blockbuster but with some millennial quips and silliness in there which hurts it. The issue with this tonal issue is that you’ll see a very serious scene and then they’ll have something silly happen and it destroys the tension.

Overall, watchable and with some good ideas but also not great.

4/5

Pros.

Interesting ideas

Some good sequences

What it sets up

The performances

Cons.

The tone

The generic plot

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Toy Story 5: Let It Die

Summary: Pixar continues to run a beloved IP into the ground.

Lets stop the story and do an incredibly boomer moment of kids being on screens are bad huh, every grandparent in the room just let out a cheer, whereas everyone under the age of 50 says shut up. Of course the villain is sympathetic as the days of having evil villains are long gone, we all just need to be more empathetic and listen to each other.

Jessie has to get a backstory, because God knows audiences were crying out for that, but hey what would a Disney product be without a girlboss. Herein, they do the incredibly cringe Taylor Swift song to try and get the Swifties to care about a franchise that hasn’t been relevant in 15 years. Of course in order to give Jessie her moment Woody had to be humiliated, gaining a beer belly and a bald ‘sun bleached’ spot.

The most depressing thing of all is how this is just a franchise that should have had the life support out pulled ages ago but Disney is too scared of new ideas. We get these needless retreads and time with side characters that no one ever asked for.

Overall, Disney as a company is creatively bankrupt.

1/5

Pros.

One or two funny jokes

Cons.

It’s needless

The screen commentary is tiresome

We don’t need a Jessie backstory

Girlboss slop

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Vivo: Yet More Woke Slop For Kids

Summary: an old musician plays one last song.

So Lin Manuel-Miranda is the most overrated character in the film industry in the last 20 years. His music is always just the same.

He here plays a kid that tries to stop his Grand Uncle from being happy as he likes his life in poverty and would rather his uncle be miserable in order for him to be happy, just like most spoilt brats.

Of course Vivo doesn’t fit in and is an outsider and shows all the hallmarks of every other progressive woke character you have seen in the last decade.

The film fixates on the Afro-Latino community as they are a massive audience for your film and feels very much as though it doesn’t want none members watching it.

Overall, what were Sony Pictures Animation doing with this.

1/5

Pros.

One good song

Cons

Pacing issues

Ugly animation

It’s boring

It just feels forced

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Office Romance: Jennifer Lopez Can’t Act Like A Professional For An Hour And A Half

Summary: a career woman realises she wants romance.

The idea of the career women suddenly realising she’s lonely and in need of romance is an old cliche that surely we are all tried of. The idea of HR being bad and needing to be rewritten is also an old idea but one that does have some precise relevance in 2026.

Jennifer Lopez can’t act, she is playing Jenifer Lopez and arguably Goldstein is playing Roy Kent/himself as well. The chemistry is dead as well.

There is a scene with a dude having an erection because it’s okay to objectify men but not women now. Moreover, there is a childbirth scene shown pretty much in full so buckle up and get ready for that.

Netflix needs to stop their association with Lopez, their films are already looked down on as terrible for the most part and slop for the other part, having her around doesn’t reduce that.

Overall, just awful.

0.5/5

Pros.

A few unintentionally funny moments

Cons.

The acting

The lack of chemistry

The child birth scene

The double standard

The clichéd storyline

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Will and Harper: You Need To Cancel Your Netflix

Summary: Some Hollywood celebrities tell their kids they are trans before they can even understand what that means for virtue points. Here a fading comedian does a similar thing, by trotting out a “long time friend”/ mentally unwell man.

So, what to say about this. Frankly this is a dangerous thing to be made, it tries to tell people how to think, it tells people they need to unlearn basic biological realities. It is very 1984 in that way, it tells people they are privileged for not being mentally ill and suffering from a condition wherein you wrongly believe you can change your sex.

It tries to take aim at laws designed to protect things like women’s single sex spaces, and women’s sports from men, who in this case consider themselves women. Most people can agree women should have private spaces and sports that aren’t taken over by men who think they are women. Yet not Will Ferrell.

Now Buddy the Elf himself is here to tell you what a grotesque bigot you are and how you should be ashamed for understanding basic biology.

Why Netflix continues to fund stuff like this even though it is loss leading for them is baffling. It is one of the wokest streaming services out there and no one with a brain would still be subscribed, unless sadly you have to review their trash.

Overall, a dangerous project that everyone involved with should be deeply ashamed of.

0/5

Pros.

None

Cons.

It makes you actively dislike Will Ferrell

It hates the audience unless you think like them

There are clear tokenist elements

It spews misinformation

It has pacing issues

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Michael Jackson The Verdict: The Coming Storm

Summary: a documentary about the accusations around Michael Jackson.

Editor’s note: we didn’t cover Michael the film as it was made by the estate and white washed, there was no value in it and it was made to exploit Jackson’s wacko fans. We are covering this as it is a more objective look at the man’s life.

This may be the most comprehensive view you are going to get into the trail of Jackson. As a child growing up in mainland Europe this was lurid circus a million miles away, everyone heard the worst, then came the defenders. This documentary has already been widely controversial as the defenders do mental gymnastics to avoid uncomfortable questions. However, watching it it wasn’t as damning as you might think, it certainly looks like Jackson had an inappropriate relationship with other people’s kids, that can be true if he slept in bed with them in a non sexual way as well. Though the evidence for abuse is high, the documentary aims to try and present a balanced picture.

There are people in it who defend Jackson be that from his inner circle of fandom, but there is also more of a spirit of understanding rather than a rush to conclusion. This documentary wants to understand what happened from all perspectives rather than just say innocent or guilty, that is admirable.

The most interesting thing the documentary does is shine a light into the unhealthy minds of his defenders who go to the point of violence to not interact with uncomfortable truths.

Overall, a well researched, balanced documentary series that won’t change anyone’s mind.

4/5

Pros.

It is well researched

It is unbiased and tries to be objective

It shows the unhealthy world of fandom

It takes it time and doesn’t rush to a conclusion

Cons.

You’d argue it could be one long film rather than 3 episodes

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