Fantasy Island: Lucy Hale Redeemed?

Fantasy Island is a fantasy horror film directed by Jeff Wadlow. The plot sees a group of people go to an island which can supposedly make their greatest desires come to life, whether that is to settle down and have the life they always wanted, or to punish a high school bully. Surprisingly once people start getting what they want, things start going badly wrong; the island is far more sinister than it first appeared.

Before I put this film on I had incredibly low expectations, I had heard nothing but bad things about this film and was expecting the worst, however I was pleasantly surprised by this film. It wasn’t the best horror film I have ever seen, or the scariest, but it is a very interesting concept and it is surprisingly well executed.

The main red flag for me was the fact that Lucy Hale has a main role in this film, Hale for those of you that don’t know has been in such great films as Truth Or Dare and Fear Island, and for some unknown reason Blumhouse keep putting her in films even though she is terrible. She is one of the worst, least convincing actors working today, her acting ability is a joke. However, she is passably okay in this film. The twist ending when it is revealed that she is the evil force behind it all is well done, she is believable as someone who has been hung up over one thing her whole life and has become insane.

Even though she is passable in this film, her sub-par acting is highlighted by good performance given by Maggie Q and Michael Pena. Both are great, especially Pena, he plays the calculating evil mastermind well and he also plays the hero well. He manages to have the most charisma in the film easily. When the film ends, he is the only character you want to see more of.

Overall, this film is better than it has any right to be, and the film itself is intriguing and raises some great questions.

Pros.

A good premise.

Interesting questions.

Lucy Hale is actually okay.

Maggie Q and Michael Pena are good.

Cons.

It is not scary in any way.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping

Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping is a musical comedy mockumentary film directed by Akiva Schaffer and Jorma Taccone. The film follows the rise and fall of pop star Conner4Real (Andy Samberg), who use to be part of a successful boyband, before deciding to go solo after a disagreement with one of his former band mates. This film makes a joke out of the rise of musical biopics and documentary films as well as the artists themselves. Conner4Real could easily be Justin Bieber or Harry Styles.

This film is hilarious and made me laugh a number of times. I love The Lonely Island and this film is basically one long music video by them, I think Andy Samberg is one of the best current comedians and this film proves it through and through.

It is also surprisingly sweet, the moment when Connor and his friends reunite and smoke a bunch of weed can’t help but make you cheer. You end up caring about the characters so much you just want them all to be friends in the end; also when Connor’s pet dies it is heart-breaking. This film is surprisingly emotional and heartfelt at times.

The musical numbers in this film are also great, the songs are funny but also surprisingly good, if you like the music of the Lonely Island then you will love the songs in this film; they’re just as catchy and just as well made as their other songs.

There are also quite a lot of surprise cameos in this film that are actually great. As this film is done in the style of a mockumentary a lot of these cameos come in the form of famous celebrates talking to the camera about this made up band. Seal is probably the best of these cameos and his scene when he fights with the wolves if comedy gold.

Overall, this is one of the best comedy films I have seen in a while and though it doesn’t always make you laugh, it keeps a smile on your face throughout.

Pros.

It is hilarious.

It is surprisingly heartfelt.

The music is great.

Andy Samberg and the others are great.

The cameos are terrific as well.

Cons.

None

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Sixteen Candles: Sickening, Wrong And Showing The Worst Of Hollywood!

Sixteen Candles is a comedy romance film by John Hughes. The plot follows ignored looked down upon teenager Samantha (Molly Ringwald), who tries to get the boy of her dreams to see her for who she really is and fall in love with her. This is one of the Brat Pack films of the 1980’s.

Before I get into this review, I just want to say don’t watch this film! It promotes harmful stereotypes every chance it gets, it encourages date rape and makes a joke out of it, even going so far as to say that it is okay because she thought she enjoyed it the next morning, it is wrong. As some people have said to me it is dumb to compare an 80s film to modern standards and that apparently there is nothing wrong with a film joking about taboo subject matter, to those people I say how is rape of a drunk barely conscious girl something to joke about? It is not PC to say that the jokes are in bad taste to say the least, it is just the truth, they’re deeply offensive and if John Hughes was still alive, I think he would have apologised for this film.

The messages of this film are rancid, the main girl gets with her dream guy at the end of the film and we are supposed to be happy about this, why should we be? The boy of her dreams blatantly didn’t care about his previous girlfriend, not only is he abusive towards her, but he also allows a group of guys to rape her when she is drunk, which again is played for laughs. So with that in mind, Samantha getting with him at the end of the film, is a sad ending, because it means she will have a terrible time and a horrible life.

This is most certainly the worst of Hughes’ films, some of his other films have issues with them such a racism and stereotyping, but none are as bad or as harmful as this film. It is sickening and the fact that it ever got made makes me lose faith in humanity. I hated it!

Pros.

Not a one.

Cons.

It has horrible messages.

It makes light of abuse and rape.

It plays a rape scene for laughs.

It normalises rape culture.

It is racist through and through as well.

0/5

Reviewed by Luke

Coffee & Kareem: Give This Film The Chair

Coffee and Kareem is an action comedy directed by Michael Dowse. The plot sees disgraced, demoted police officer James Coffee (Ed Helms), become targeted by a recently escaped gangster as well as a corrupt police force. He goes on the run with his girlfriend’s teenage son Kareem (Terrence Little Gardenhigh): together they must stay alive and bring the guilty to justice.

This is a mess of a film, the tone of the film is family friendly, there is a large empathises placed on the relationship between Coffee and Kareem, however the humour of the film is r rated. The two don’t go together well if anything they clash horribly; it feels weirdly at war with itself.

The humour, or lack thereof, is proof of everything wrong with this film. The humour is not funny in anyway, it is painfully unfunny at best and cringey and awkward at worst. The worst offender here is Taraji P. Henson, she plays Kareem’s mother and Coffee’s girlfriend, her character is a stereotype and every time she is on screen, you’re begging her to just go away, as each line she delivers is worst than the last. The same can be said for Betty Gilpin who plays one of Coffee’s fellow police officers, she is so much more capable than this and deserves better than this.

This film tries at every turn to prove how relevant it is by constantly spouting current world events or politics. The film seems to think that this is funny, but it really isn’t, whenever the film excretes one of these lines it takes you out of the film and makes you cringe; this film will feel incredibly dated in just a few months.

More than anything else this film makes me lose any respect I ever had for Ed Helms. It is clear at this point that he is not even trying anymore, he is just taking lazy role after lazy role just for the money. He has long since stopped being funny and really should stop appearing in comedy films, as his presences indicates a bad film.

Overall, this film is the worst of the worst, it proves everything wrong with the Netflix greenlight process, and personally I think this is a career low for Ed Helms.

Pros.

It isn’t offensive.

Cons.

It is boring.

It tries too hard to be relevant.

It is not funny.

Ed Helms is terrible.

Why was this made?

1/5

Reviewed by Luke

Starry Eyes: What Is The Price Of Fame?

Starry Eyes is a horror drama film directed by Kevin Kolsch and Dennis Widmyer. The plot follows Sarah (Alex Essoe), a young actress who is presented with her big break, but in order to get it she must cross a line. The line transcends morals and decency, and instead leads straight to evil. Is sell her soul worth a life of fame and fortune?

This film is brutal, it pulls no punches at all, it shows the deeply out of whack power dynamic of Hollywood and the casting process; showing the depths of human depravity. It touches close to home in our modern climate as Sarah is asked to strip naked for the role and later, she is asked to perform sexual favours for it. However, it does not stop there, though that is already horrific, the movie executive force Sarah to give up her humanity and be demonically reborn.

Taking the supernatural elements out for a second, this film is an incredibly frightening social commentary on the film industry, the message of the film is a pertinent and relevant one and one that bares further reflection.

Essoe is great in the lead role, we really buy her mental and physical breakdown over the course of the movie. The hairpulling scenes are especially tragic and really help to highlight the characters desperation, showing just how much of a victim she is in all of this. The character was easy to warm to and was easily empathetic throughout.

My one critique of the film is that in parts it is slow. It is only on for slightly over an hour and a half; however it feels much longer, proof of pacing problems. The first and third, third of the film is fine, it is just the second act that is slow.

Overall, a frightening film for a number of reasons and one that I believe should be watched as it has a very timely message for all of us.

Pros.

The scares.

The subtext/ social commentary.

Alex Essoe.

The ending.

Cons.

The second act drags and is hard to watch.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Angus,Thongs and Perfect Snogging: The Teenage Experience?

Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging is a British teen rom-com directed by Gurinder Chadha, based on the novel series by Louise Rennison. The plot follows the life of Georgia Nicolson (Georgia Groome), as she tries to get a boyfriend and plan her 15^th birthday party, plenty of hijinks and misunderstandings happen along the way.

This is by no means a terrible film, it is watchable enough, though I did have a large amount of problems with the film and some of its themes and messages. Firstly 14 seems a bit young for a lot of the things these kids seem to be into, to illustrate my point, there is similar subject matter in seminal British comedy series The Inbetweeners and the characters in that are much older. I suppose the counter argument to my point would be that it isn’t as sexual as The Inbetweeners and that is true they mention intimate aspects, but not sex itself, though it is still slightly uncomfortable seeing them come out of the mouth of a 14-year-old.

Moreover, the film makes getting a partner seem like a life or death issue which I understand for some teens at that age it is, but these teens seem focused on it to an unhealthy degree. Also the way they go about getting boyfriends and the whole world these young kids seem to be in revolves around very questionable morality, like it goes beyond selfish at times to boys and girls manipulating each other to further their own aims, which is realistic in some senses I suppose, but it feels jarring when you consider what kind of film this is.

To that end, the film’s ending is as picturesque as you would expect, Georgia gets the guy, the mean girl who was cheated on and dumped at a moment’s notice is defeated and Georgia’s parents are staying together; it is all tied up in a neat little bow. To me, this happy ending doesn’t mesh with the rest of the film, towards the end of the film, Georgia is called out on a lot of the nastier things she has done and then is forced to live with the consequences of it, this is I think is good, this works. As such I think a sombre and more meditative ending would have been a better fit, conveying the films message that she has matured and risen above her childish behaviour rather than rewarding it, as it does.

Overall, this tries to be a YA film with a message, but it ends up being crushed under the weight of it’s flawed morals and feels almost a bit creepy at times.

Pros.

Some of the more grown up approaches to love.

The stuff with her parents.

Cons.

If they had been aged up by a year or two it would be less icky.

It is cliched.

The film seems to be two very different tones/messages that fundamentally don’t work together and clash badly.

2/5.

Reviewed by Luke

The Droving: A True Sequel To The Wickerman

The Droving is a thriller horror film directed by George Popov. The plot sees Martin (Daniel Oldroyd), return from a tour of duty to find that his sister has gone missing in a remote community. He then sets out to find out what has happened to her and find those responsible. Descending further and further into a world of violence and death.

This is a superb horror film, it reminded me in a lot of ways of the Wickerman it has a very Wheatly esque folk horror vibe to it. There is something about these sorts of films that remind you just because Britain has developed over the years, there are still wild parts scattered here and there. There is a deep sense of isolation and tradition in these places and that is scary in and off itself.

There are plenty of twists and turns throughout this film, all of which are really good and add to the overall scope of the mystery. The ending especially did this, when we see that the folk traditions that have underpinned this whole story are in fact all true, and the ending sees Martin fall under the influence of the evil.

The performances are also fantastic, Oldroyd has such a great presence throughout the film. His Martin goes from zero to one hundred in under a second and it makes all of the scenes incredible tense. I love the unpredictable temperament his character has, and it seems so realistic for someone who would be in that situation. Someone who is doing everything they can to save someone they love, but also further sliding into the dark.

The atmosphere in this film is also great, it is menacing and oppressive, it feels like the character we are following is alone in a hostile world, where supernatural things happen and are real, this leads to a lot of good scares and terrifying moments.

Overall, this is a terrific film, it feels almost like a spiritual sequel to the Wickerman, the performances are great, and the ending sets up a lot of very interesting questions for future sequels, which I really hope they make.

Pros.

Great atmosphere.

A terrific lead.

The ending.

Fantastic scares.

The twists and turns.

Cons.

It becomes repetitive after a while.

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Slice: Doomed, Delivery Drivers

Slice is a comedy horror film directed by Austin Vesely. The film takes place in a world where supernatural beings are commonplace and no longer out of the ordinary, in this particular town, ghosts have been forced to move off their land and go and live in Ghost Town, their land was then turned into a shopping centre, then a pizza parlour. As our film picks up someone or something is killing the pizza delivery people and the whole town is thrown into a state of fear. Only a ghost and a Werewolf can save the day.

This might as well be a comedy film, there is nothing scary about it. Yes, there are ghosts and witches and what not, but they are handled so calmly that they aren’t scary at all, but that is the point. As a comedy film, this is quite strong, there are a number of good jokes and amusing surprise cameos, it might not have made me laugh all the way throughout, but I was smiling a lot as I watched it.

The thing that is the most commendable about this film is the scope of it, its creativity, and its world. The first 20 minutes of the film are very exposition heavy, a lot of stuff is set up, and through this a very dense very well-crafted fantasy world is created. I would love to see more from this world where a portal to hell can appear under a pizzeria; the world reminded me in a lot of ways of the world of What We Do In The Shadows.

Zazie Beetz is a strong lead, she brings a large amount of style and personality to the role of Astrid and is also convincing as a vigilante in the closing act of the film, but we already know she can play the action hero role well, because of her role in Deadpool 2, she is easily the best actor in the film.

Overall, though it has some issues, this is still a very interesting, imaginative film that will make you laugh.

Pros.

The world.

The cameos.

Zazie Beetz.

Cons.

Most of the characters are forgettable.

It doesn’t leave a huge impact on you.

The second act is a slog.

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

We Summon The Darkness: Christianity, Satanism and Heavy Metal Music

We Summon The Darkness is a metal themed horror film directed by Marc Meyers. The plot sees 3 girls head to a rock show, whilst there they meet a group of boys, the girls then proceed to drug them and kill them. They do this to bin blame on Satanists, and create a moral panic sending people into the arms of their hardcore church.

I don’t know if I have seen too many of these sort of horror films or what, but the idea of a few of these guys dying and then the remaining hero picking off the evil religious fanatics one by one, eventually converting one of them and then getting away at the end, just feel cliché to me at this point. This film is nothing new, there are a million other horror films out there will slightly different, but overall the same premise and I for one am bored of them.

This film has one or two neat ideas, the premise is solid and could be done well, however it isn’t. It’s dull. Alexandra Daddario is having fun as Alexis the leader of the female fanatic trio, she is manic and over the top at every turn, which does get slightly grating after a while, but she is clearly trying to get away from her more family friendly image. She is the best performer in the film by a country mile and I applaud her for giving it her all. Sadly the direction and writing just weren’t there.

Moreover, Johnny Knoxville plays Alexis dad Pastor John Henry Butler, so if you wanted a blast for the past watch this film. Good on Knoxville for still trying, he too gives it everything he has and actually manages to shift his normally nice guy persona and be menacing at times. I think the acting of Knoxville and to an extent Daddario show up the rest of the cast and put them to shame a little bit.

Overall, a film with this premise, with Alexandra Daddario and Johnny Knoxville in, shouldn’t have been as boring as this film was.

Pros.

Cool premise.

Daddario.

Knoxville.

Cons.

The execution of the premise is disappointing.

The rest of the acting sucks.

It feels ten a penny.

It is dull/ painfully slow at time.

2/5

Rabid: Beauty Has A Price

Rabid is a horror film directed by The Soska Sisters, based on the 1977 David Cronenberg film of the same name. The plot sees fashion designer wannabe Rose (Laura Vandervoort), get into a grisly car accident. With the very likely future of being disfigured for life, Rose decides to undergo experimental cutting-edge surgery that can supposedly repair her face; it also turns her into a monster with a taste for human flesh, but hey every medical treatment has side effects.

It was a little surreal to watch a film about a viral outbreak, even if it was a different kind of virus; rabies. I have been a huge fan of the Soska Sisters since they started out, they are incredibly talented and remaking Cronenberg is no easy task, however I do believe they manage to not only match the man himself but exceed him in a few ways.

Firstly, and most importantly for a Cronenberg film/ in this case a remake, the body horror. This film is a little light on that, not in a bad way though, because the few times this film does have some quality body horror it is used to great effect. Such as the scene at the end of the film when Rose is trapped in the room with the mad scientists technically, but not really, dead wife, in this scene we get to see the scale of monstrosity we would expect from such a film and it is haunting.

I thought that Vandervoort was exceptional in the lead role, this is due to the fact that you really buy her emotion and her sadness after the crash. The desperation that leads her to undergo risky experimental surgery is real and plain to see. Even when the more malicious side of her comes out later in the film, she is constantly shown fighting against her darker half and is a hero until the end.

My one complaint of the film would be that I would have liked to see the Sisters themselves more, they’re great actors and after recently watching Dead Hooker In The Trunk I would have loved to see them have bigger parts, maybe next time.

Overall, this film easily manages to live up to Cronenberg, which is the highest form of praise a film can get, great horror and very watchable; check it out!

Pros.

Sparing use of body horror.

Laura Vandervoort.

Well written.

It lives up to the original.

Con.

I would have liked to see The Sisters themselves play a larger role.

The ending was a bit too open ended for me.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke