The Strangers Chapter 1: Stay Out Of Small Town America

Summary

A young couple goes off to the woods and get chopped up by the Strangers.

Whilst I thought it was good to see a new film in the franchise I didn’t like that it was a soft reboot, it makes the previous too films feel less important now and I enjoyed those for what they were.

I think this is going to be what a lot of people are expecting. If you want a generic slasher film than this is the film for you, it’s the same old set up the couple make dumb mistakes whilst you scream how they’re dumb at the screen and then they get slashed. Nothing new. If you want something new and novel then this is not the film for you.

I thought it was interesting that the film tried to create more of a mythology around the Strangers themselves and create this whole creepy town to, that was a nice bit of worldbuilding that could be used to a much greater effect in the coming sequel.

Overall, a serviceable slasher film.

3/5

Pros.

It is what you would want it to be

The Strangers are always interesting

The worldbuilding

Cons.

It is dumb at times

The ending makes no sense

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Star Wars Is A Male Targeted Brand It Is Not Male Dominated

Written by Luke Barnes

In this cinema issues article we are talking about Star Wars, yes again, I know I am sorry. My inspiration to write this article came from quotes from Leslye Headland and Kathleen Kennedy about the Star Wars community and how it is toxic and male dominated.

I saw these comments and honestly I laughed, then I felt a little depressed. I think these comments from Kennedy a woman who arguably never ever got Star Wars and from Headland, a woman who keeps trying to convince you she is a Star Wars fan to appear down with the kids, whilst getting basic lore facts wrong, are infuriating. There is a trend amongst these shows that seem to want to take their properties and force in current era identity politics, I have talked about it with Doctor Who, and that is fan blaming. Basically, they make these shows that the fans don’t want and then rather than take any accountability for it they claim it’s the fans fault for not watching the trash they dole out to them.

One only needs to look at the stats for Star Wars to see it is a male franchise, whilst it is open to women, it is mainly men that watch these films and care about the brand. That is what makes the above comments so stupid and out of touch, not every franchise is equally for everyone, some lean more towards women and some towards men that is basic analytics. Yet, that doesn’t fly with what the creatives want, Kennedy has been trying to say Star Wars is a girl brand for years, Kennedy doesn’t understand her audience, you can see her with her force is female shirt for further reference. She doesn’t understand why the Mandalorian works, but the sequels didn’t.

Kennedy wants to push that this is a girl brand so she has a series like Obi-Wan where he is secondary in his own show to a new insert Inquisitor that no one cared about, it is obvious why this happened. The Acolyte with its heavy female cast is clearly trying to take aim at a female audience, and in doing that you have these attacking comments towards guys saying oh how bad the fandom is and how it is male dominated. This they are doing to pre-empt the backlash to the show, because they know it is bad, and they know fans won’t like it, so then the narrative becomes they are toxic. This show will not do well because unlike something like The Mandalorian that was for everyone,here you have a narrative that no this show is only for one type of fan and if you aren’t it don’t watch it.

It is shows like this which highlight why the Star Wars IP is in trouble

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Thelma The Unicorn: Netflix Just Doesn’t Care At This Point, They’ll Just Put Out Any Old Garbage

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A pony, voiced by Brittany Howard, decides to be a unicorn for reasons.

This is why Netflix will never be taken seriously as a film studio. This is why when the CEO is saying oh Barbie and Oppenheimer would have been just as big if they were released on Netflix no one believes him. Because for every good film Netflix puts out accidentally, there are 100 of these and films like Atlas, by that I mean utterly trash soulless pieces of garbage made as some sort of way to get a clever tax write off or maybe clean some cash, in my opinion.

So is there any heart or charm to this? Do you even need to ask me? Nope it is entirely soulless hollow 3D animation that looks just like everything else and that honestly for the amount of money Netflix likely put into this looks terrible.

The message of it is better to be yourself than be someone or something you are not is pretty on the nose here, I understand it is a kids film but you don’t have to treat the audience like they are dumb. Outside of that is there anything of good substance for your kids to mull over, or for you to mull over, not really there are some horrible references to things people over at Netflix think kids like, but it is all just the usual cringe.

Overall, if Netflix want to be taken seriously they need to cut production in half, they need to stop pumping out garbage all the time and take stock of what and who they have and try and retool anything they can’t cancel and cancel anything that is not locked down to try and turn these projects around. Netflix needs to start caring about quality over quantity.

1/5

Pros.

It is not offensively bad

Cons.

It is soulless

It is hollow

It is vapid

It message is obvious

It is ugly to look at

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Bad Boys 4: Keep My Captain’s Name Out Your Damn Mouth

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Will Smith and his partner are back fighting crime and slapping men who make jokes about their wives.

Honestly this is Smith’s first major role post slap and I was wondering if they were going to address it, I thought he might defeat the villain by slapping him and then he looks into the camera and nods so that in that moment the audience and Smith are on the same page. No such luck I am afraid.

Personally maybe this is just me, but with everything we know about Smith’s personal life now I find it hard to take him seriously as an action star. I understand this is supposed to be comedy action but I just find it hard to see him in the same light post the smack and since all the stuff with his wife’s affair.

I feel like this film is in a weird sort of limbo as it acts very much like the last film, and is basically just more of the same, but at the same time it seems to know things are different than they were when the last one came out culturally in relation to Smith. I think that if you liked the last film you will like this.

In many senses this film doesn’t feel like it needs to exist it is more just there. The story is okay and it is interesting to consider them as fugitives rather than cops, but it all just feels very done before. Ultimately you know it will end with them defeating the bad guy and clearing themselves and as such there are no real stakes here.

Some of the jokes are funny and there is some fun to be had, but there are also some really unfunny ones and the film repeats these over and over.

Overall, fine nothing more nothing less. Wait till streaming.

2.5/5

Pros.

It is funny

It is watchable

It has some good moments

Cons.

Will Smith isn’t really an action star any more

It repeats unfunny jokes

It doesn’t need to exist

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Poker Face: A Shorter Slightly Worse Knives Out

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A woman, Natasha Lyonne, who can always tell when people are lying heads out on the road to solve crimes. It is such a simple premise you wonder why it hasn’t been done before.

Rian Johnson is a controversial figure, a man of highs and lows, sometimes he makes something very good Looper sometimes he makes something very bad The Last Jedi. His Knives Out films were woefully not of the same quality, with the Netflix sequel being dumber and more distracted. Clearly he was working on other things whilst writing it. As such this series could have either been great or terrible, there was no room for in between.

Turns out life won’t be put in a box and despite my previous statement this is a pretty mixed show.

Now there are some things that it does well Lyonne is a strong and likable lead and you care about what happens to her character. I think if you had got someone who was less affable to do this show then it would have just been bad, as even in some of the harder to get through episodes Lyonne’s charm just about makes it bearable.

The episodes themselves fall into more of a villain of the week sort of thing, though the series tries for a wider overarching plot, for the most part it is oh the lead has tripped over a corpse better find out who killed them. Some of these episodes are good, usually the ones with notable guest stars who get to have fun, but some aren’t. The issue with villain of the week storytelling is that not all the episodes are created equal, some get the guest stars and more time to do interesting things and some are filler, and that is not just true here but in a lot of shows.

The issue with this show is that it can have a few bad episodes in a row before you get a good one and because of that it is a slog to get through.

If you are a Knives Out fan then you will almost certainly be into this show.

Overall, fun at times but mostly slow and predictable.

2.5/5

Pros.

Lyonne

Some of the episodes are fun

It has some good ideas

Cons.

Some of the episodes are dull

It is not as smart as it thinks it is

The ending is underwhelming

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Star Wars The Acolyte Opening Two Episodes: How Long Before They Start Blaming The Toxic Fans

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A live action Star Wars series based on the High Republic that no one wanted, I wonder how this will turn out?

Sometimes it keeps me awake at night what goes on at Lucasfilm, they have a massive era of the Star Wars universe that people really care about sitting right there and yet they do nothing with it. Why is that. In my mind the answer can only be that Disney wants to force people to like their Star Wars and even if they released films or series set when I am talking about it wouldn’t be theirs as they didn’t create it. I am of course talking about the Old Republic.

This series is set in the High Republic, an era that came into being under Disney and that they want you to like, bye bye Revan. Honestly, the setting alone is enough for me to loose interest, I just have no real reason to care about this era, and believe me from what I have seen so far they are not going to be doing anything to make anyone care.

So the idea of a secret Sith has some potential, however, in execution it all just falls apart. Amanda Stenberg cannot act, she behaves in much the same way many other girl boss characters have done in the past she has a pissed off look almost constantly plastered to her face and that’s it. She must have taken classes at the Alaqua Cox school of acting. At times I think to myself that Dafne Keen would have made a much better lead, as at least we know she can act.

The fact that the series tries to force us into believing that Carrie-Anne Moss is a still an action hero is frankly laughable. The fight scenes with her in the trailer looked incredibly fake and bad and I doubt you’d say they look much better in the show. That gets me to another point, the whole show from the sets to the makeup to the lightsabers all of it looks like it was done on the cheap. It looks very much like they didn’t have a budget and so just improvised, as I have said before it looks like a fan film not an actual production. I don’t know why this is, if they didn’t have faith in it and it got its budget slashed, if they wanted it to look bad for some reason, perhaps to own the trolls- the old She Hulk defence, or just because it was incompetently made. Could be a mix of all of them.

A final point and one that will no doubt get me some hate but it has to be pointed out, this series is very diverse as per the regulations over at Disney in order to try and get the most people in, but one key group seems to be missing out. There is a distinct lack of guys it feels a little strange that in this galaxy that is full of different races and species and what not that there is maybe only one or two here and there in minor roles. My question is again have Disney forgotten who the main audience for Star Wars is by all metrics and breakdowns, yes you guessed it young men. It seems like there is a desire to go out of their way with this one to have the cast be almost all female, that is fine if there was a reason for it, say a Nightsisters show, but this isn’t that this is supposed to be at the Jedi Temple. There are some guys around don’t get me wrong but it feels very heavily like Disney is pitching this show at women, and we get it Kathleen Kennedy thinks the force is female, but the viewing demographics aren’t. I guess my point here is that the show doesn’t actually feel very inclusive.

Overall, I think that unless it is a John and Dave venture I’ll be giving any future Star Wars project a miss.

1/5

Pros.

It had an interesting premise

Cons.

It isn’t inclusive

It doesn’t seem to know who it is for or what it wants to be

It doesn’t make you care about the characters, the setting, or the period

It looks cheap

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Hijack: Another Reason For Your Fear Of Flying

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Idris Elba has to talk his way out of a plane takeover.

Very much like In The Long Run this series is made by Elba’s sheer charm, if he wasn’t so charismatic then this series might get dull, but no.

I found the idea of the plane takeover to be a good one to base a series around, in creates high stakes very easily as there is no way off. In many senses this show reminded me a little of 24, very high stakes and a constantly ramping up of tension. If you will pardon the cliché as I was watching this I was on the edge of my seat and I did feel very tense so I guess the series did what it set out to.

I would say that apart from Elba the rest of the cast are either phoning it in or are underused, some I believe wanted to give better performances but could only do so much with the material they had been given. Even the villainous role left me cold, this was mainly because they were incredibly one note and not really fleshed out beyond what could only be described as cliches.

I can see how the series has been picked up for a second season though I would still alleged that it is better as a one and done journey, they could keep it going but will they be able to match the level of suspense that has already been done here, it is hard to say but I would guess not.

Overall, a good and fairly tense series but not one that is crying out for a season 2.

3/5

Pros.

Elba

The tension and the stakes

It has a solid premise

Cons.

A wasted wider cast

It has some pacing issues around the midpoint

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Life and Beth: The Show You Make When You No Longer Have Any Jokes Left About Your Vagina

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Amy Schumer continues to try and cry out for relevance.

I was subjected to the first season of this during a binge day when we couldn’t find anything else to watch and wherein I was eventually outvoted, and whilst a part of me wanted to get up and go for a walk whilst it was on it was also raining and I didn’t have my raincoat so I had to stay and watch it.

As many of you might know I do not like Amy Schumer, she is not funny, her material is that she likes to use people for sex and then talks about her body in a self-deprecating way, it is neither new nor intelligent. What’s more she had sex with someone when she was sober and they were clearly very drunk so in no place to properly consent, she has told this story several times, this is a thing she did in real life. She is a sexual predator, in my opinion, and if a man told a story about how they took advantage of a woman who was unable to properly consent they would never work again, not so for Schumer.

That aside I knew I wasn’t going to like this show going in but as I was forced to watch it I thought well maybe there could be something I’ll like about it, but no. Essentially, what this show boils down to is a worse version of Fleabag, Schumer’s’ character has to deal with grief, as we all have, whilst being a mess and going around and treating people like garbage. It think it is very deep and a comment on life and what it means to lose someone but its incredibly thin on anything other than generic platitudes, but that speaks to the quality of the writing.

Schumer does fair better here as she doesn’t have to be funny, with it being a comedy drama, and believe me she isn’t. I suppose she is a little bit less irritating and obnoxious here than she was in something like I Feel Pretty yet I digress.

Overall, it is sad that a sexual predator, in my opinion, still gets work.

0/5

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Indiana Jones And The Dial Of Destiny: Turning A Southpark Joke Into Reality

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Indiana Jones, Harrison Ford, becomes a deadbeat dad and gets bullied around by his god daughter, played by Phobe Waller-Bridge.

I find it hard to describe this film as anything other than an assassination. The creatives behind this film wanted to kill off the character of Indiana Jones and it clearly shows, however, rather than meaning that in the sense of a character death they wanted to make him as low and pathetic as they could so no one would care about him anymore.

It takes a long time into the film to see Indiana Jones behave like himself in anyway, I question why anyone over at Lucasfilm thought that what the audience wanted was to see the character deconstructed.

Honestly Waller-Bridge is very hit or miss sometimes she can hit gold and be a really good fit for a project, other times not. Here she just seemed like she was playing a variation of her Fleabag character, which didn’t fit, and became increasingly more unlikeable over the course of the film.

The ending leaves things in a slightly better place then when we started but it just makes you leave asking why did they need to make this film, who was it for, why now, why did they think this would get people back in the door.

Overall, this is a sad disrespectful way to treat one of the most beloved characters in pop culture.

0/5

Pros.

None

Cons.

It ruins the character

It didn’t need to be made

Waller-Bridge doesn’t fit

It is badly made, and the pacing is awful

It is a waste of your time

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Atlas: Jenny From The Block Fights The AI Screenwriter Netflix Used For This Film

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Netflix continues to make films by algorithm, with no human brain switched on.

So let’s get one thing out of the way early, Jennifer Lopez is not an action hero. I don’t care how many crappy action films Netflix insert her into there is nothing convincing about seeing her take down grown men when she doesn’t look like she even carries her own groceries. Yes here they do contrived things like put her in a mech in order to make her fighting look less laughably bad, but all it does is redirect the laughter towards the terrible CGI.

Moreover, Netflix continues its trend of adding in identity politics to almost every film they make as they think it will somehow make them popular with young people. Most young people don’t care about identity politics it is just an old group of men in California who think they do. It is as usual incredibly cynical and performative here as it always is, there is no real need for it, it is jus inserted in to tick off a list.

Had this film an air of parody to it then it could have been good, but no. This film takes itself incredibly seriously and thinks that it is high cinema when it is the furthest thing from it, residing somewhere even lower than the bargain bin. The idea of someone having to go and fight an AI is incredibly dumb and feels like the sort of thing that would have been written about 30 years ago not as we live alongside them.

Overall, Jennifer Lopez should stick to music, or rom-coms she has enough range for those, but stay away from action as unless she undergoes a massive physical transformation no one will ever believe her as an action star.

0.5/5

Pros.

It might be a useful form of torture at a CIA black site somewhere

Cons.

Jennifer Lopez is miscast

The threat feels like something people would worry about 30 years ago

The CGI is terrible

The plot makes no sense

The identity politics

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