Despicable Me 4: Everybody Wants To Rule The World

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Gru, voiced by Steve Carrell, is back and this time he’s on the run.

In my opinion this is easily the best animated film of the summer and a template for what animated films should be. We had some laughs, we had some emotions and we had a good sing song at the end. There was no heavy themes no need to talk about real world politics, and no literal embodiment of Joy crying twice as there was just no hope left. My biggest take away post seeing this film is that it is for kids and Inside Out 2is for white middle class liberal women who want to relive their girlhood whilst drinking a wine cooler.

Would I say this film was up there with the second and third Despicable Me films no probably not, but I would place it ahead of the first film. My primary reason for this is that I found the plot whilst entertaining to be a little light of stakes. Yes, Cockroach man, voiced by Will Ferrell, is funny but do I buy him as this big bad threat to Gru and his family not really. I also thought that though the idea of Gru taking an apprentice has some good legs, the Poppy, voiced by Joey King, storyline didn’t really explore it, instead wanting to be far more of a genetic Gru is blackmailed storyline. I suppose when they do a sequel if they bring her back it could lead to some interesting moments for the character.

As for the minions, the most important characters in a Despicable Me film I would say they have some stuff to do and do have a number of funny moments but lack as much screen time as you would want or expect. The super minions is an interesting idea but they don’t do much with it.

Overall, good but not the best in the series

4/5

Pros.

The sing song at the end

It is fun

It has some emotional moments

It is well paced

Cons.

Poppy needs to do more

We need more time with the minions

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Fly Me To The Moon: Hallmark In Cinemas

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A retelling of the moon landing.

So this rom-com goes quite the way you would expect it to, a couple, Scarlet Johansson and Channing Tatum, fall in love whilst working at Nasa during the moon landing. It is a sweet film and it does have some good moments of sentimentality, however, I have to say I never really bought the relationship between the two leads, the chemistry wasn’t there as it might have been in something like Anyone But You.

Johansson is surely a forced to be reckoned with here, and has a lot of good moments, yet Tatum is not given anything to elevate him. The material is very hokey and almost Hallmark esque in how earnest his character is, he is a small town, veteran, who cares about his job and about Jesus. Nothing wrong with that but it is quite stereotypical.

There is also a certain level of my old pet peeve, yes you guessed it American exceptionalism. With the film having a steady drum beat of USA USA every few minutes, which is fine is that is what you are into but for me it was a little clawing. Maybe if I was American I’d like that sort of uber patriotism more.

There are some good laughs here particularly the stuff with the cat and Tatum’s overreaction to it. Moreover, Woody Harrelson’s government spook is a great villain and has some terrific moments, particularly him singing Fly Me To The Moon at the end of the film that is his finest hour.

Overall, it does what you would expect it to, nothing more nothing less.

3/5

Pros.

Johannsen

Harrelson

A few laughs

Cons.

The chemistry could have been stronger

The uber patriotism

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The Exorcism: Russell Crowe’s Rematch With The Devil

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Russell Crowe is back fighting the devil but this time he isn’t riding a little vespa, a shame indeed.

I like that Russell Crowe is trying to move into horror and I hope he does it more, the genre suits him. When I first saw a poster for this film I thought it was a sequel to his Vespa riding adventure from either last year or the year before, sadly it isn’t.

The idea of an actor in a possession film becoming possessed is a fairly novel idea, at least on paper, I can’t say I have seen it before and I have seen a lot of possession films. However, it is in execution that this film falls apart, in three key ways.

Firstly it has a very prominent child abuse sub plot and for me personally this was a bit needlessly unpleasant, it made me feel uncomfortable every time and whilst I can understand from a character motivation point of view why they included it to explain Crowe’s characters negative feelings I feel it went on for a bit too long. Moreover, I question haven’t we had enough horror films that reference the abuse of the Catholic Church, what happened was pure evil but do we still need to be fixating on it when so many other films have already covered it?

Secondly, the film makes Crowe a deadbeat dad to give him the twin issues of the possession and his substance abuse, from a character point of view you can see why they did it. However, what it leads to is a very annoying bratty teen/young adult character, Ryan Simpkins, who you just don’t care about. This teen character is the main character of the film she is the one being targeted by the possessed Crowe you are supposed to like her and yet you don’t. Chloe Bailey should have been the lead with it telling two stories of two actors in this film and how the possession effects the film rather than doing the father daughter thing.

Thirdly, this film in terms of horror just repeats the same beats over and over again, none of it is new, nothing is something you haven’t seen before. It takes what could have been a good idea and then just wastes it by filling it with junk.

Overall, this film is below average possession fare, there is much better out there.

1.5/5

Pros.

Crowe is trying his best

It is a good premise

Cons.

The child abuse stuff is too full on

It is the same old same old

The daughter is irritating and hard to warm towards

It has pacing issues

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Lord Of The Rings Return Of The King Extended Edition: The Eagles Have Arrived

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The King returns.

So this is probably my second favourite of the trilogy, it comes very close at times to being my favourite almost edging out Fellowship, but then I don’t like the ending. Now before you bring out the pitchforks let them explain, I am a book purist, for me the perfect ending to this trilogy would be what we got but also the Scouring of the Shire. I understand the reason why the films didn’t include this, likely time as they are already long, however I just think the symbolism of showing the hobbits leading their sleepy people to victory after being afraid themselves for a lot of the adventure is a beautiful bit of character development but I digress.

In many senses this film is easily has some of the best moments in the trilogy, perhaps even more so than Fellowship, however, I still give it to Fellowship overall. Some of my favourite moments are the attack of the dead men, and the I am no man scene, both of which hit just the right emotional balance and are also cool as hell. I am a big Witch King fan and would like to see him get his own prequel show, although with how Hollywood is now probably best not, but it is very interesting to see more of him in this film.

The visual spectacle of the final battle still holds up, and the for Frodo charge is a magical moment, and it does in many ways manage to top the Battle of Helms Deep. I would say for sure that this film has the best action of the trilogy.

I don’t like how much attention Gollum, Andy Serkis, gets here, you all know my problems with him if you have read the other reviews, I think of all the characters to give flashbacks to he was the one least in need. I can understand why they did it to show how Frodo, Ellijah Wood, was giving into the Ring and what he could become however, I would have still preferred they be cut out.

Overall, a near perfect film with just the ending and the Gollum flashbacks being the things to stop it from being a 5

4/5

Pros

Some epic moments

It gets you in the feels

The best action in the franchise

The effects hold up well

Cons.

The Gollum flashbacks

No Scouring of the Shire

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The Acolyte Episode 8: The Novice Osha Kills Jedi Master Sol With Ease, Let That Sink In

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

We finally see the back of the worst show in Star Wars history.

Lets see what does this finale have to offer, well firstly it bastardises Darth Plaguise making him some random cave dwelling ghoul and also manages to force Yoda in at the end in one final lore break. It makes no sense as if Yoda had learned about all of this he would have behaved differently in the prequels.

Leslye Headland’s self-insert wife returns here and continues her struggle to act, she reveals that the wannabe Sith was actually her apprentice. A twist everyone saw coming. I think the issue with her character is just that the acting is so bad it is distracting. This is why you should only put your girlfriend in your films if she can act.

Osha, Amandla Stenberg, snapping and killing the Jedi when she has always been the good one of the twins makes very little sense as does her later decision to wipe Mae’s memory. It is one of those things that you can feel them doing to try and set up conflict for a second season, which thanks to poor viewing figures is never coming.  

Overall, thank God it is over

0.5/5

Pros.

It is not offensive

Cons

It ruins Plaguise

It makes no sense

It is super obvious

Amandla can’t act

It continues to break the lore

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The Acolyte Episode 7: Saving Children From A Cult Somehow Makes You The Bad Guy

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

We finally get to see how the coven of witches died.

My apologies for the lateness of this review it took me a minute to mull over the maddening content that we were presented with in this episode.

I’ll open this by saying that this show thinks it has something deep to say about morality it does not. It thinks that by having a patriarchal group like the Jedi, if we just ignore Carrie Anne Moss’ character, smashing up a matriarchal coven that it says something interesting or new about gender politics, it doesn’t.

A lot of Acolyte stans coming out of this episode have said that the Jedi are evil, this is dumb and reductive. They have such a bias that oh this coven of darksiders cannot be evil because they are women and a minority, and Mae and Osha, Amandla Stenberg, is the main character and so her perspective has to be right. Mae started the fire that killed the coven when they were all passed out, the coven wanted to kill the Jedi the moment they arrived, the only member of the coven that the Jedi killed was using a dark side power and so was deemed a threat. Again the stans go see he’s evil she did nothing wrong, the analogy of the police shooting first as they think someone is going to pull a gun on them has been used repeatedly, whereas in reality he was just defending himself against a perceived threat as anyone would do. Moreover, he shows regret for his actions.

To me this episode was lazy as how much new footage did we really get? I’ll answer for you, not a lot. Most of it was repurposed from the previous episode that covered this moment. To me this just reeks of trying to save money in the budget, you could go oh well they showed a new perspective of the Jedi being bad, but did they? Again I would say the previous episode on this topic already implied that, but the audience is too simple to be able to handle that so they had to physically show it.

There are no mysteries in this show as you know where everything is going. Let me take a moment to predict the next episode for you, Mae and her Jedi chaperone will decide its time to go and save Osha, there it will be revealed that the Sith has her on the verge of turning but they will arrive just in time. The Jedi will die fighting the Sith and then Mae will try to kill the Sith to save her sister, as she does that it will be revealed he is not the master, and the horned witch, one of their mothers, will be the real master and then the three of them will have a heart to heart and realise it wasn’t her fault, the horned mother will let go of her anger and the mother and her daughters will walk off together into the sunset.

Finally, the idea that a Jedi cannot handle a 7 week placement on a planet and so goes mad out of a desire to go home is laughable in terms of character motivations, but at this point I expect nothing less

1/5

Pros.

Some very funny moments this week

Cons.

The character motivations

The logic

Trying to make a group of darksiders into misunderstood heroes

Mae was the one who really killed the coven

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A Quiet Place Day One: You Don’t Care How Many Humans Die Just As Long As The Cat Is Okay

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

We learn how the world went silent.

I don’t think there was a need for this film beyond corporate greed. What worked so well about the first film was the layers of mystery it had, we didn’t need to know how the world went silent and that is something this film cannot reckon with.

Moreover, where in the other two films the thrill of it was the hunt, will the monsters here them, will they catch them? Whereas here people are just being killed in seconds there is no build up anymore it is just happening and it is ultimately boring.

The characters of the film are some of the most poorly realised I have seen in a long while. Whereas the first film had the family that you cared about, this film has a dying woman, Lupita Nyong’o, her cat and a hysterical man, Joesph Quinn.  Whilst Nyong’o is probably the best of the grouping she isn’t given much of anything to work with and her character is mainly just a person obsessed with their own morality which could have been made interesting but isn’t. Her quest to get some pizza in the hellscape is supposed to be charming and relatable but rather it is just irksome. Quinn’s character is much, and I mean much, worse he basically spends most of the film following around Nyong’o like some sort of creep, and then constantly cries and breakdowns because he doesn’t know what to do. The character is little more than hysterical crying. They try and give him a bravery arc but even by the end he is just the same.

The cat is wonderful and you care about it but that’s it on the likeable character front.

Overall, a needless sequel that is clearly the inferior for having lost the talent of the first two.

Pros.

The cat

Nyong’o is trying her best but they give her nothing

Cons.

It is boring

It is anti-climatic

It has serious pacing issues

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Furiosa: Summer 2024’s Most Obvious Flop

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

We return for a prequel almost a decade after the film it is proceeding.

Whilst I can see what WBD wanted to do here in keeping the Mad Max brand alive, this was not the way to go about it.

I think the biggest crime of this film was that it came out so long after it would have been relevant. The issue with long awaited sequels and prequels is that they have to do more to justify not just their existence but to explain why a contemporary audience should care. In my mind it is that failing which is why this film is so maligned.

In terms of the wider Hollywood culture this film is not a girl boss film, in fact it is quite the opposite. The character is not a Mary Sue as she has to go through quite the trial to get to where she is and has to be taught how to be badass rather than it just coming innately to her. I think Anya Taylor-Joy is an action star in the making as I did think she was very believable here and I would dare say that her version of Furiosa eclipsed that of Theron.

The story is good, if overly long, the idea of a war between the main factions of the wasteland is a good idea. I would say that they could have done more with it and shown a larger amount of the battles on screen but that was clearly not the story they wanted to tell.

Overall, I think it is a good film with a few issues namely relevancy and pacing.

3.5/5

Pros.

Taylor-Joy

The idea of a wasteland war is interesting

Some good set pieces

Engaging characters

Cons.

The pacing is brutal

It is not really relevant anymore

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Velma Season 2 Overview: Please God Let It Stay Dead

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Scooby Doo franchise is once again vandalised.

There is nothing that can be said about this show that hasn’t already been said. This show is the most clear cut example of a film or tv show that hates its IP, not only is this a self-insert for Mindy Kaling, the woman who joked about how she had forced a man to kiss her which is sexual harassment, but it just hates the Scooby Doo brand.

Velma, voiced by Kailing, could only be more annoying if she did everything in a high pitch squeaky voice, she is hateful towards men, towards women, toward anyone that is not like her. Honestly in real life she would be the villain, despite her saying on the show she’s so progressive she is actually really horrible and judgemental to everyone around her, the show thinks it can get around this by going oh but we acknowledge she’s a bad person so its fine. Nope having horrible unlikeable characters is all on the writers.

They pull out all the cards to make this edgy, with the sex and the violence but they need to realise the reason other adult animations can get away with that sort of thing is because people care about the characters, no one cares about Velma. I was honestly surprised there wasn’t a scene of Velma having sexual relations with the well-known great dane, but hey Warner Brothers Discovery said she can’t have the dog appear in the show. The fact I expected to see that shows you just how low and gutter trash this show is, it will do anything for a cheap shock laugh.

They also made Scrappy Doo the villain of the season, which because of how the show is made him the hero of the season instead, which is an odd feeling when it comes to Scrappy, but hey ho. Velma dies in the final battle so hopefully she and the series never come back.

Overall, just as bad as the first season but now a little bit extra stale.

0/5

Pros.

None, this was a few hours of my life I’ll never get back

Cons.

Kailing

It is not funny

It hates the IP

It is frequently gross for no rhyme or reason

Velma is an awful person

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The Acolyte Episode 6: Appealing To Less Than 30% Of Your Audience

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Remember folks the male gaze is wrong and to be called out yet a scene made for the female gaze is terrific and wonderful, a double standard everyone.

I apologise for having this review out a few days late, I have been away and so have been using my reserve for reviews, but fear not I have returned and now here is my thoughts on the latest episode.

You can tell this episode was co-written by Leslye Headland as it is one of the weakest of the whole season. Firstly you have the very obvious thirst scene designed to appeal to those less than 30 percent of female fans and small segment of the LGBTQ+ community, which again reflects my comment in the summary.

Secondly, you have the fact that the Jedi suspect Sol, Lee Jung-jae, as being the one behind the massacre which makes no sense, can they not sense things in the force, can some of them not read force echoes? Are you meaning to tell me that in the entire battlefield not a single item had a force echo attached to it which will show who the killer was. Once again we see the Jedi being portrayed as dullards. The whole point of this show seems to be to have the space cops, as the show wants you to think of them being the bad guys, the Jedi are incompetent they are evil and no doubt they just killed all the space witches for the hell of it. The social commentary is so thick that it blocks out all light or sense of sanity a viewer might have.

Thirdly a perhaps most cynically of all you have the helmet moment and the reference to Darth Vader. Now I have seen some people try to excuse this by saying its foreshadowing, foreshadowing what exactly how one of the twins becomes Darth Vader? No, nor is it foreshadowing how that twin will fall to the dark side as they will both be grey Jedis at the end of the show. They can’t be Sith as to have a non-white person as a villain would be incredibly problematic in this day and age, and they won’t be full Jedis as that would make them space police and you can’t have that either as everyone is supposed to hate the police now. So grey jedis or morally ambiguous force users they will be. The reference to Vader is simply more desperate pandering to try and hit you with the member berries in order to care more

Overall, boring, dumb, creepy and cheap.

0.5/5

Pros.

At least it’s almost over

Cons.

The thirst scene and the female gaze, the hypocrisy and the creepiness of it

The Darth Vader moment

The Jedi are bad okay

It is just not Star Wars

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