Brahms The Boy 2: Are Haunted Doll Movies Dead?

Brahms The Boy 2 is a horror film directed by William Brent Bell; it is a sequel to the 2016 film The Boy. Revolving around a family that, after a home invasion, moves to the British countryside to try and regain a sense of normality. However, they move in a stone’s throw away from The Hillshire Estate, which has one special prosocline resident that quickly becomes obsessed with the new family.

Please let this ‘franchise’ end here, there was no need for this film and my god there is certainly no need or reason for a third film. This film spends its hour and a half runtime tearing apart and ruining everything interesting from the first film and replacing it with haunted doll clichés. The first film earned my praise when they revealed that no nothing paranormal was going on, instead it was a killer in the walls.

However, this is how the second film continues that reveal, the Braham’s in the wall is just never mentioned again, and the doll is revealed to be evil or possessed or something. So, they go from a smart twist to a wannbe Annabelle film; what a waste. Rather than be a sequel that fits with the first, this feels incredibly at odds from the beginning.

The acting is nothing special either, Katie Holmes fills the Lauren Cohen role from the first film and is hugely outperformed by Cohen. The only difference between Holmes’ character and Cohen’s is that Holmes is a mother that has to worry about her disturbed kid. You would think this extra character dimension would allow for a more emotive performance, but no Holmes’s expression doesn’t change once over the course of the film, other than to occasionally shout, clearly this was just a paycheck role for her.

The kid is annoying right from the beginning and doesn’t get better, however, as I have said before I am not going to call out a child star for being bad at acting, it is low hanging fruit.

The only good thing about this film is the performance by Ralph Ineson who plays the groundskeeper who is secretly under the control of Brahms. Ineson seems to be the only person in this film that cares about giving a good performance and you can tell he is trying; he deserves better than this.

Overall, this film wasn’t as terribly bad as I thought it was going to be, that is as much praise as I can afford it. It is lazy, the cast other than Ineson don’t care, and it ruins the first film entirely.

Pros.

It is not terrible.

Ralph Ineson.

Cons,

It is lazy.

Clearly no one cares.

It ruins the first film.

2/5

Reviewed by Luke

Alan Partridge, Alpha Papa: Coming Home To Roost

Alan Partridge Alpha Papa is a comedy film directed by Declan Lowney, as a spinoff to the Alan Partridge tv show. This film depicts a takeover of North Norfolk Digital that leaves Alan (Steven Coogan), and the other disk jockeys in danger of being fired, so Alan being Alan he gets someone else fired to save his own skin. However, that turns out to be a mistake when recently fired Pat (Colm Meaney), shows up with a gun and holds everyone hostage; Alan is of course the face of the following siege.

I am a huge Alan Partridge fan, I have recently got back into watching it, the original series is comedy gold and the series that followed after varied from okay to great. However, this film is defiantly not on the great side of that spectrum, there are a few good moments/laughs, but for the most part it feels overly drawn out and a little needless.

Unlike Life On The Road that tied up David Brent’s character in a post Office world, this film does not end the character of Partridge, rather it acts as a springboard between series. The issue with this is that it makes the film feel unnecessary. It is also no where near as heartfelt as Ricky Gervais’s offering.

There are one or two good jokes that made me laugh, but after a while the hostage situation premise runs out of steam and just isn’t funny anymore. I also think if the villain had been someone who was a bigger part of the Partridge universe then it would have meant more, rather than have it be someone we have never met before. That is not to say that Colm Meaney does a bad job, he is fine but nothing more than that.

Overall, as much as I love Alan Partridge I don’t think this needed to be made. It is fine but most certainly not good.

Pros.

Steve Coogan is as great as always.

Some funny bits.

Cons.

The premise runs out of steam.

Not all the jokes land.

It feels unnecessary

2.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Darjeeling Limited: Finding Yourself In A Foreign Land

The Darjeeling Limited is a comedy drama film directed by Wes Anderson. It follows 3 three estranged brothers who come back together to discover themselves and each other on a train trip across India; they search for enlightenment and get hijinks and new perspectives.

I don’t know if I just haven’t seen the right films, but I have never seen the excitement around Wes Anderson and his films. However, that was before I saw this film, I get it now. I loved Anderson’s Fantastic Mr Fox but that was more because of my attachment to the source material. This was the film that finally got me on the bandwagon.

I really enjoyed this films’ sensibilities and style. I thought in terms of the way it was shot and put together it was a quirky masterclass. I think this film is dripping in style from start to finish and I have never really seen anything else like it. This is really helped out hugely by a killer soundtrack that matches the tone perfectly, drawing out all the eccentric little details.

The performances were all great, they were of course comedic, but they also had such layers to them that which are explored in depth throughout. Each character feels distinct and unique, but they’re also very believable as brothers. It is hard to pick a favourite or say who gave the best performance as I enjoyed them all thoroughly and for different reasons.

I also love the way the story is told, we the audience are drip-fed information in little chunks, never getting more than we need, which allows for a nice sense of vague ambiguity and mystery towards the proceedings without ever bordering on confusing.

Overall, I had a lot of fun with this film, it made me a Wes Anderson believer and I will defiantly check out more of his films after this. A joy to watch!

Pros.

Style.

Story.

The performances.

The pitch perfect soundtrack.

Cons.

It might not hit everyone emotionally.

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Blackcoats Daughter: The Best Episode Of Sabrina Ever

The Blackcoats Daughter is a psychological horror film directed by Osgood Perkins. The plot is split into three separate narratives, one for each character, that culminate together in the final act. It tells the story of two girls who are left behind at their Catholic boarding school over break. Things quickly become sinister when it becomes clear that one of the girls is in league with a demon; a bloodbath ensues.

When I first saw this film the other night, I didn’t know what I thought of it, a few days later as I am writing this review I still don’t. This seems to be a recurring theme of Perkins work; it is incredibly polarising.

On the one hand it is incredibly drawn out, to the point of feeling indulgent or as though it is trying to kill time, at points and the split narrative can be confusing even after you have seen it; as there are a lot of little details that are easy to miss, I recommend if you are going to watch this film to watch it twice.

However, when you do start to pick up on the little details and things it becomes far more engaging and far creepier to. In fact I thought this film was genuinely quite scary and it made me jump, more than I have done in a long time, at one point in the film. I think the horror in this film comes as a result of figuring out what is really going on and how everything fits together.

Another to praise in this film is the performance of Kiernan Shipka as Katherine, the main girl and the one who is in league with the forces of evil. Up until watching this I was convinced she couldn’t act, her performance in the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina is painfully bad, though now I think that this might have been bad writing, because here she was fantastic. Shipka plays evil and creepy so well, she is really quite menacing in this film and puts the performances of everyone else to shame; this film will serve as a testament to her acting forever more.

Overall, certainly not a film for everyone, but if you like slow burning horror then you will find something to like here.

Pros.

A great twist.

Shipka.

Creepy and unsettling.

Well done.

Cons.

Slow and confusing at points has to be watched twice to fully appreciate.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Military Wives: Missing The Note

Military Wives is a based on real life comedy drama film directed by Peter Cattaneo. The film attempts to tell the story of the Military Wives Choir, showing the trials and tribulations the group went through as well as the individual women’s struggles.

Damn, I went into this thinking it would be a quirky comedy and crucially an easy-going good time, and oh my I was wrong. This film is depressing, I don’t know if I just didn’t get the humour of it, but I didn’t think there was a single funny moment in the whole film. However, there was enough sad/depressing moments that I almost had to turn it off and put something else on.

I do believe there is a kernel of a good film somewhere here, however it gets lost through poor execution and weak writing. This film tries to do the whole Fisherman’s Friends thing, by that I mean tell the real-life story of an unlikely band’s rise to fame and play on your emotions. However, where the mushiness in that film felt genuine because you cared about the characters and it is well done, here it just feels too much and comes off as ineffective.

I don’t feel like any of the performances in this film were particularly great, or worth talking about. The only one of note perhaps is Kristen Scott Thomas as Kate, Thomas made the most out of a weak script and is the only actor who is even remotely convincing.

Overall, I think the issue with this film is that it tried to play on the audiences’ emotions, but it failed in the worst way and the only thing it made you feel was depressed. This is also a failure of execution and writing as it is also incredibly obvious and predicatable.

Pros.

Kristen Scott Thomas.

Cons.

It is boring.

It does make you feel anything.

You will leave it feeling depressed.

The performances are weak as hell.

1.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Nerve: I Dare You To Not Watch This Film

Nerve is a social media themed adventure film directed by Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman. The plot sees Vee (Emma Roberts), a shy quiet girl, take a more active role in her life by playing a social media craze; said craze sees the player being dared to do things by the watchers for various sums of cash, as you can imagine things quickly get out of control.

This is one of the vapidest, lame, needless films I have ever seen. Right from the beginning you get a sense that this film thinks it is great; not only great, but also deep and that it has something meaningful to say about our social media society. It does not. The ham-fisted messages and taking points that this film regurgitate are the same sort of things that any child could tell you, or that you might see written on the Facebook page of your elderly family member who is deeply out of touch with the ‘youth’.

I am almost certain that this film was written by people who don’t understand how teens interact. The main group of teens the film follows behave nothing like any teen I have ever met and are just a collection of out of touch stereotypes, that are also strangely inconsistent. As I was writing this review, I found out that this garbage fire was based on a book, this film proves that not ever teen novel needs an adaption Hollywood if you’re reading.

Roberts and Dave Franco, that plays her beefy onscreen love interest, are just passable enough to not be called out for accepting the role for a cheap pay day, however in the way of charm and charisma they are devoid of anything resembling either and both are the definition the term blackhole of charisma. These sorts of performances are the reason why the Razzies were invented.

Overall, this film feels incredibly out of touch, the characters range from forgettable to hate inducing, this is an hour and a half of your life you will not get back, so please don’t waste your time.

Pros.

The concept is interesting enough, for about 10 minutes.

Cons.

It is boring.

It is repetitive.

All the performances are terrible, the actors should be ashamed.

It is the most out of touch film I have seen in recent memory.

1/5

Reviewed by Luke

Crimson Peak: Mystery, Murder And Misunderstanding

Crimson Peak is a gothic romance film directed by Guillermo del Toro. The plot follows Edith (Mia Wasikowska), a young woman who moves with her new husband Thomas (Tom Hiddleston), into his ancestral home know to some as Crimson Peak, due to the red ore turning the snow red in the winter. However, since she was a girl Edith has been told to beware Crimson Peak, mainly from the ghost of her dead mother, unsurprisingly once she moves into the house things to start to take a turn towards the ghostly and the demonic.

Whoever was in charge of the marketing campaign for this film should have been fired; if not, fire them now, clearly, they can’t do their job. This film was marketed in its trailers and supporting material as a horror film, it is not. Despite having ghosts appear and a few other horror elements, this film has nothing else in common with the horror genre and to say otherwise in an insult to both and to del Toro himself.

This film is beautiful to look at, every scene is chocked full of vibrant colour and gothic charm, this much like the rest of del Toro’s filmography is very pleasing on the eye. The people in charge of set design and costumes deserve a huge round of applause.

This film is very much unlike any other as it defies genre. It is a romance, but not in a traditional sense; hell this film makes the romance in del Toro’s The Shape Of Water look almost conventional. It truly is a gothic film however; you will see what I mean if you watch it.

The story is top notch, full of twists and turns that will keep you guessing right up until the end. The creatures/ ghost design is also on top form; if there is one thing you can expect to see in a del Toro film it is Doug Jones as any number of monsters, each one looking better than the last and all looking marvellous. The performances are strong especially from the women. Wasikowska is great in the lead role, it would be nice to see her in more films, and Jessica Chastain is superb as Lucile Thomas’s sister. I won’t go into specifics about their performances as it might spoil some of the reveals.

Overall, I think this is one of del Toro’s strongest films that was woefully mis-marketed and sold as something it was not. Hopefully after you have read this review and understand what it really is you will check it out and really love it, as I did.

Pros.

The look of the film.

The gothic beauty of the story.

The performances.

The creature design and Doug Jones.

Cons.

It is slightly too long, and the beginning feels a little indulgent.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Little Hours: 3 Very Strange Nuns

The Little Hours is a period comedy film directed by Jeff Baena. The plot sees servant Massetto (Dave Franco), go on the run after he sleeps with his master’s wife. In his effort to escape he finds his way to a convent filled with some very untypical nuns. Each nun has their own plans and designs for Massetto, and he has to try and endure it all while pretending to be deaf and mute.

This is not only one of the best comedies I have seen recently but also one of the best films too. I really enjoyed this film’s quirky, manic, off kilter sense of humour it made me laugh a number of times. I thought the comedic standout of the film was defiantly Nick Offerman as Lord Bruno, the cheated-on husband, his scenes with Franco were comedic gold.

I think the best thing this film does is you never really know where it is going, one minute it seems like the nuns just want to use Massetto to aid in their sexual frustration, but then it turns into something altogether more sinister. Sister Fernanda (Aubrey Plaza), and her friend Marta (Jemima Kirke) are witches.

However, rather than feel out of place and like a random twist the reveal of the witches makes sense in the context of early events and helps to make the overall picture of the film far clearer. I also liked the ending of the film where the 3 nuns decide to start their own coven along with Massetto, I think it is yet another cool twist I didn’t see coming. I think the ending as a whole is very well done too.

My one, minor, complaint would be the first 20 minutes are quite slow. Once this film gets going it is great and you can’t look away, but the first 20 minutes and slow and a bit boring and might lead you away from the film; stick with it though.

Overall, a brilliant hidden gem of a film that I highly recommend you watch!

Pros.

The humour.

The twists.

The ending.

The performances from everyone.

Cons.

The beginning is a little slow.

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Alita Battle Angel: Trapped In The Uncanny Valley

Alita Battle Angel is a cyberpunk action film directed by Robert Rodriguez; based on 1993 Japanese anime series Battle Angel. The plot follows Alita (Rosa Salazar), a cyborg girl with a mysterious past who is rebuilt by roboticist Dr. Ido (Christoph Waltz), she tries to adapt to life as a normal teenage girl but her past gets in the way. She is hunted down by a series of other cyborgs and must defeat them all to keep those she loves alive.

For a long time I have been meaning to watch this film, I know a lot of people love it, so I decided to check it out. I enjoyed it, it has a series of issues that stopped it from being a perfect film for me, but as an overall film I think it worked well and I would like to see a sequel to this film.

I think the strongest thing about this film is its world, it is dense and well explored, the lore never feels forced it feels natural and becomes something you want to learn more about. It is also left ambiguous enough that there is plenty of room for further exploration if I sequel does come out. The performances are all also excellent especially Salazar, she does a lot with a character that is mostly CGI she gives her a warmth and a personality that makes her instantly likeable.

However, I think ultimately what harms this film is it’s CGI. Sometimes, albeit rarely, the CGI is impressive and does standout, it is not Avatar level, but it is impressive. For the most part however, the CGI is poor and video game esque. This is mostly true of the faces of other cyborgs especially the ones she fights throughout the film. What’s more the CGI on Alita’s eyes bothered me throughout much of the film they are weird looking and are trapped in the uncanny valley, it was only midway through the film that I got use to them and even then I had to try not to look at them.

Another thing I didn’t like about the film was the angsty teen romance. This is only a brief subplot, but whenever the plot deviates to it, it slows down. There really is no need for it as it adds very little to the film overall.

Overall, this is a strong science fiction film that has a great world and characters, what lets it down is poor CGI and a needless romantic subplot.

Pros.

Rosa Salazar.

The characters.

The world.

Cons.

The bad CGI.

The romance subplot.

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Misbehaviour: Bringing Down The System

Misbehaviour is a historical drama film directed by Phillipa Lowthorpe. The people revolves around the 1970 Miss World competition and the actions of a branch of the Female Liberation Movement to disrupt it and show the eyes of the world the harm the competition is doing to society.

This one is a little politics heavy, right from the off, so if that isn’t your thing don’t watch it.

Personally, I think this film makes a lot of great points about society and the balance of the sexes. It shows us the audience the predatory nature of these competitions and how the woman are treated like meat. The scene when all of the girls have to turn around in their swimming costumes and the mostly male judges spent an awfully long time staring at their arses at it is an uncomfortable scene.

This film makes you question society and the messages it creates: because competitions like Miss World were aimed at a family audience, so you would have little girls watching it and thinking the only way a woman can have value is to be pretty; which is a bad message obviously. This film really begs the question to beauty pageants and competitions have a place in 2020?

Keira Knightly as Sally Alexander is commendable, she is one of the most underrated actors working today, turning in solid performance after solid performance. This film also features Gugu Mbatha-Raw as Jennifer Hosten aka Miss Grenada, Mbatha- Raw does a great job in this film and has a strong presences throughout, her character was the first non-white winner of the Miss World Competition, and her ending serves as a true inspiration; also the conversation she has with Sally about representation vs change is fascinating to think about.

This film has Greg Kinnear as Bob Hope, as I suppose the villain of the film, he is hateable from the moment he appears on screen and when his performance get cut short it feels like a true victory.

Overall, this is an important film as watching it forces us to consider elements and aspects from our society we might not otherwise think about, this film presents us with the lessons of the past and asks us to learn from them.

Pros.

Knightly.

Mbatha-Raw.

The Message.

Something to think about.

Cons.

It is a little long and could be trimmed down a bit.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke