The Kid Who Would Be King: The School Play Version Of King Arthur

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A new retelling of the King Arthur legend.

I am very mixed on this one, on one hand I enjoyed that it felt like a fresh take on the King Arthur legend apart from all the other adaptions of the story, it also had an incredibly distinct British charm and sensibility to it that I thought added a lot to the film. Moreover, it featured Patrick Stewart and I find it hard to not like something with Stewart in it.

However, on the other hand this film lacked any fun or imagination it needed to really come to life. There are some sections in the film that feel imaginative and well-executed perhaps even Harry Potter esque, but then they end and the film replaces them with a long drawn out beige scene in which the film progresses but doesn’t make you feel anything whilst doing so.

Additionally, what may be the greatest crime of this film is that it wastes Rebecca Ferguson in a villain role wherein she is given nothing to do and is kept off-screen for most of the film. This is an incredibly baffling decision as Ferguson is an incredibly strong performer so by not including her the film shoots itself in the foot.

Overall, it has potential but does nothing with it.

Pros.

The British feel to the film

A number of imaginative scenes

Patrick Stewart

Cons.

It doesn’t execute on its potential

It splits into dull

It wastes Rebecca Ferguson

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Metal Lords: Yet Another Film About High School Outcasts Forming A Band

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of high school outcasts form a metal band.

My, my the originality of this film is honestly a little shocking, I am being sarcastic if that wasn’t obvious. How many films before have had this exact same plot, I would find it very hard to say but I would say it is a very large number.

I understand D.B Weiss, yes one of the Game Of Thrones writers who you thought had faded away into infamy, wrote this based on his own personal high school experience but there is so little love or personality here that it just sort of fades into the shadow of other better films like Deathgasm.

Adrian Greensmith was well cast and does manage to give us a truly haunting performance of a deeply troubled young man who is lashing out at a world that has never shown him any kindness. He and an oddly perfect cameo from Joe Manganiello do help to make the film somewhat more enjoyable, however it simply isn’t enough.

Overall, this is the sort of film that will be promptly forgotten about 10 minutes after watching.

Pros.

Greensmith

Manganiello

Cons.

It is generic

It adds nothing new to the genre

Most of the cast are deeply milquetoast

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iCarly: iGuess Everyone Just Hates Me Now

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After the events of the first season’s finale Carly, played by Miranda Cosgrove, is facing an ice queen image online and so in order to combat it decides to fake date Freddy, played by Nathan Kress, to show that she can indeed love.

I thought that this was a strong start to the second season, it was an episode that was firing on all cylinders and that advanced the Carly/ Freddie will they won’t they romance sub-plot somewhat. Admittedly, in the latter regard it is all just a tease and those of us who want to see Carly and Freddie get together for real will have to wait a while longer, though they do share some sweet scenes here.

I also enjoyed that this episode humanised Harper, played by Laci Mosely, and gave her more of a dramatic arc, which was a nice change of pace from the very over the top, loud and brash way she is often presented. I thought her brief scene with Double Dutch, played by Poppy Liu was both sad as well as a little touching, it got me a little misty I won’t lie.

The only reason I haven’t given this episode full marks is because I found the humour a little dumb at times, such as when asked to throw a grown up mature party Spencer, played by Jerry Trainor, puts together a funeral- albeit unknowingly. This joke bothered me because Spencer is supposed to be a grown man, who moves in the art world so him being unknowing and unable to put together a sophisticated party seems stupid and the visual joke doesn’t land.

Overall, a strong return for the series only let down by a few iffy jokes.

Pros.

Carly and Freddy

Giving Harper an emotional arc

It follows on nicely from last season

The ice queen recurring segment

Cons.

Spenser was really quite dumbed-down here

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Moon Knight: Summon The Suit

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Steven Grant, played by Oscar Isaac continues to learn about his other persona Marc Spectre, also played by Isaac, as well as their commitment to Khonshu, voiced by F. Murray Abraham.

This episode was a lot slower than the first, which was a negative for me but not hugely so. Mainly, the purpose of this episode is to set the stage and explain the series exposition for those unfamiliar, as such we learn of Steven/Marc’s death and rebirth at the hands of Khonshu, we learn about Marc’s wife Layla, played by May Calamawy, and about Arthur Harrow’s, played by Ethan Hawke, ultimate goal.

I think the highlight of this episode was the Steven/ Arthur conversation wherein Harrow can accurately guess what Khonshu is saying throughout and it is revealed that he used to be Khonshu’s avatar before Marc/Steven. I thought this whole sequence was both fun and also surprisingly tense, Hawke is really doing a good job in the villain role.

The introduction of Mr Knight, one of the various different persona’s of Moon Knight, was a mixed bag. On the one hand the look was fairly comics accurate and I like that he has been included, however, I don’t like how inept and jokey he is presented as being, as this is a far cry from the comics, though I will not judge the depiction just yet as it might get better as the series goes on.

Overall, a necessary episode to set up the world and things to come, if not the most exciting.

Pros.

Hawke

Isaac

More Khonshu

The comic accurate look of Mr Knight

Cons.

The slow pace

Making Mr Knight into somewhat of a joke

A lot of exposition

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The Bubble: Actors Have It So Hard

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of actors are placed in a bubble during a film shoot in the pandemic, hijinks ensue.

So, I don’t think this film deserves a lot of the hate it is getting online, yes it is by no means a perfect picture, we’ll get to that, but it does have a lot going for it, including quite a few funny jokes that land well and great performances from Karen Gillan, Pedro Pascal, Peter Serafinowicz and surprisingly Daisy Ridley.

I also enjoyed the craziness of the film and applaud the fact that it raised itself above simply a parody of our recent past and actually went somewhere original beyond that, it would have been very easy to just comment on the different stages of the pandemic and cover the main talking points of them but thankfully this film did more than that.

However, that is where the praise ends. I do think it is far, far too soon for films about the pandemic, not just for the fact that it represents a still open wound for a lot of folks, especially those who lost people, but also because most have become so apathetic towards anything regarding covid that it can be a turn off when it comes to films and TV shows based around it.

Moreover, the area where this film lost major points for me was in everything to do with Iris Apatow’s character. Now we can’t really move beyond the fact that Iris was only cast because of nepotism, as there simply is no other explanation for her presence in this film, her performance is easily the weakest of the whole film and can be described as distractingly bad at times. In addition, though this is not Iris’ fault, her character is written to be such a bad cliché of how older generations view Gen Z that it goes beyond cringe to the point of suggesting just how out of touch Judd Apatow and Pam Brady are.

Finally, yet another reason parts of this film suck, which ties back into my last point, is how obsessed with Tik Tok it is, this film has multiple Tik Tok dance scenes which only serve to reinforce my earlier point that Apatow and Brady are badly out of touch and think that the only definable characteristics of young people today is the fact they like and use Tik Tok which is just lazy. The references to Tik Tok start out annoying and unwanted and only get more so.

Overall, better than a lot of the 1 star reviews will have you believe, but certainly nowhere near good.

Pros.

Gillian, Pascal, Serafinowicz, Ridley

Becoming more than just a parody

A number of funny jokes

Cons.

Everything to do with the Krystal character

The Tik Tok references

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Sonic 2: Idris Elba Redeems Himself For Cats

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Sonic, voiced by Ben Schwartz, returns this time caught up in a chaotic adventure centring around the Master Emerald, an object of cosmic power that ties back to Sonic’s origins.

This is everything you would want from a Sonic sequel, it is more of the same fun from the first film, it has a lot of heart and warmth to it and it introduces a bunch of new characters which will be very familiar to all those who have played the games.

In that vein, I really liked what this film did with both Tails, voiced by Colleen O’ Shaughnessey and Knuckles, voiced by Idris Elba. I thought both new characters were introduced well and given an importance to justify them being there rather than them just feeling forced in for the sake of it. Knuckles turn from villain to hero was blindingly obvious, especially for those who have played the games, but you don’t mind it because once he joins the team him and Sonic have a really good back and forth.

Moreover, Jim Carrey kills it once again as Dr Robotnik, stealing almost every scene he is in and having what looks like a lot of fun doing it. If this truly is Carrey’s last film then he is going out on a high note, though it is a shame as if this film gets another sequel it would feel as though it was missing something if Carrey didn’t make an appearance.

The James Marsden human sub-plot has its moments and does build to something resembling relevancy, however, it is the weakest part of the film for sure and definitely goes on for longer than it needs to.

Overall, just as good as the first film if not better. Strongly recommend.

Pros.

Tails and Knuckles

Carrey

The heart

It is a lot of fun

The post credits scene, which you definitely need to stick around for

Cons.

The wedding side plot drags on for far too long

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Hollywood’s China Problem

Written by Luke Barnes

In this piece I want to talk about what I see as one of the biggest issues facing cinema today, the growing malicious influence of China in Hollywood, wherein the tyrannical state is using the latest blockbusters to either push its propaganda or to try and soften its image. Most studios are guilty of this and don’t show signs of changing any time soon, it is from this lens that Disney can release a film which thanks a Chinese concentration camp and it is just par for the course.

It is not just Mulan which shows how Hollywood’s biggest studios are bending over backwards for the CCP, it can also be seen in films like Abominable and Uncharted wherein the film’s feature maps of the South China Sea which willplease the oppressive state: maps which are internationally and legally false, but Hollywood doesn’t care.

Moreover, a lot of people will criticise big studio fare for not talking about or featuring openly LGBTQ+ characters, or for censoring same sex kisses and romances, but this issue too can see its roots placed firmly in China. Chinas incredibly strict censorship means that any films featuring these sort of progressive messages will be heavily edited for fear of not being allowed a release, this then leads to less representation worldwide as studios find it easier to release one cut of the movie everywhere rather than specific cuts for different regions. In the spirit of fairness I will state that it is not only China that demands LGBTQ+ scenes are edited out of films they grant a release to but also a swath of other countries as well, I simply point to China as they have the most importance towards Hollywood in terms of box office.

What can be done about this? To truly combat this problem people like you dear reader need to begin voting with your wallets, if you see a film that has strong ties to the Chinese regime then give it a miss and make sure you call out the studio on social media and let them know why you won’t be seeing their film, if enough people do that then Hollywood will realise that there is consequences for doing business with despots.

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Plunder Quest: In Search Of Whiskey

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Searching for a lost bottle of prohibition era whiskey Thomas Waters, played by Jake Fallon, goes on the adventure of a life time.

This film was a lot of fun, definitely one of the best adventure films I have seen in a while.

The score of this film is easily one of the best things about it, whoever designed such a well put together piece deserves a pat on the back as this really is top notch. Not only does the score capture the pirate life spirits of adventure of this film but also its rogue like sense of charm.

Moreover, the cast of this film all also do a really good job, with no one letting the side down: a rare treat indeed. I thought everyone got their time to shine here, but none shone as brightly as Fallon who really does his best to create a lead that is not only capable but also likeable too.

Furthermore, the film kept me guessing which I greatly appreciated and never went in a direction I was expecting it to, which kept me solidly engaged throughout.

Overall, a very fun film to watch.

Pros.

The cast

The score

The writing

The fun

Cons.

Pacing issues

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Halo: Unbound

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

One of the worst second episodes to a show I have ever seen. This will be my last time reviewing this show.

Where to begin…. The thing I had the biggest issue with was the fact that this episode let all the air out of the balloon in terms of the momentum the first episode set up and greatly slowed down the pace. I wasn’t expecting all that much from this second episode, especially after the mixed bag that the first episode was, but I was at least expecting it to not be dull, sadly that is too much to hope for.

Moreover, though last week I said I didn’t really care that this show completely ignored the games and the pre-established lore, well things changed here. Midway through the episode I realised that this show has the exact same problem as Netflix’s Witcher series, it takes character names and the franchise name but it makes something unrecognisable out of it. By all intents and purposes, this is just a deeply generic science fiction show with the Halo name slapped over it.

Further in that vein, Master Chief, played by Pablo Schreiber, is taking off his helmet so much here that you forget he even is Chief at times and think you are following a new if entirely forgettable character, but no.

I won’t even start on what they are doing with Cortana, but I will say yikes.

Overall a huge miss for Paramount +.

Pros.

Pablo Schreiber is really trying and deserves far better than this mess.

Cons.

This isn’t Halo

Master Chief constantly taking his helmet off

Cortana

The pacing

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Windfall: Netflix Needs To Stop Giving Lily Collins Work

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

An ode to Hollywood that really didn’t understand the assignment.

This film did the impossible, it gave us a rare bad Jessie Plemons performance; a thing until recently I thought impossible. However, I will contextualise that point as no one is really good in this film as such how can anyone be bad? More so it is shades of average in terms of performance. Jason Segel is the most palatable, and it is nice to see him giving a straight dramatic performance without making dumb jokes. Lily Colins is just playing herself, it would have been more interesting to have cast Plemons’s real life wife Kristen Dunst in the role and played it that way but hey Colins is married to the director and that has to have some perks right? Plemons just seems tired here, there are a few scenes where it looks like he is going to give it his all but then he seems to run out of steam.

As I mentioned in the summary this film opens like a classic Hollywood picture and has the ego to think that it is the modern incarnation, but the noir esque sensibilities quickly get lost along the way as the film devolves into a very basic crime/ hostage film. Moreover, if the ending was going for shocking then it failed at that too as almost everyone must have seen that twist coming from a million miles away.

Overall, more drab fare for Netflix soon to be forgotten about.

Pros.

Segel is palatable

It is watchable if dull

Cons.

Colins

Plemons

It feels derivative