365 Days: Netflix Should Be Ashamed

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A film that romanticises sexual abuse.

This might be one of the grossest films Netflix has ever released. The fact that despite all of the controversy and calls for Netflix to remove it from their platform that they instead pushed ahead with a sequel is honestly sickening to me. I don’t believe in media censorship and feel like everyone should be able to make the art they want to make, however, I do think there are limits, I do think that some films are so vile they deserve to be sued and they deserve to be taken down in disgrace. This is one of them.

The basic plot for this film is that a mobster kidnaps a woman, played by Anna-Marie Sieklucka, and then proceeds to torture her sexually and abuse her, yet the film wants you to think that all this is fine and that it is some hot kinky sex. The film goes out of its way to have you not think too much about the darker implications here, or to suggest notions of Stockholm Syndrome, no it abandons any trace of that to try and have this film rival Fifty Shades.

Honestly if Netflix keeps producing trash like this I am done. I hope someone sues them over this.

Overall, Netflix should be ashamed of themselves.

Pros.

None

Cons.

It made me feel angry throughout

It glorifies sexual violence

The characters are awful

It feels like a rip-off of Fifty Shades

It shouldn’t have been made

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The Railway Children Return: Replacing A British Identity With An American One

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Railway Children return and it has never felt more American.

Straight off the bat I don’t mind the fact that this film decided to tackle the racism amongst American troops station in Yorkshire during WWII, however, I will say the way the film choose to use this plot feels incredibly forced in, because there will just be a section about something else and then bang they will bring it back out of nowhere.

This idea of racial identity is just one of the ways in which this film feels more American than quintessentially British like first film. Honestly, this film could be set anywhere, it could be set in rural America if you were willing to give up the backdrop such is its weak identity.

Further in that regard, the only real thing that links this film to the first film is the return of Jenny Agutter, if it was not for her this film could have been any number of other generic WWII movies. I think the older cast certainly did a lot of the heavy lifting here and for the most part they help to keep the film on track. To me John Bradley was the standout of the adult performers giving quite a sweet and well natured performance that makes you warm quickly to his character.

Overall, it is still watchable and above average, however, it is seemingly having an identity crisis.

Pros.

Agutter

Bradly

It is very watchable

Cons.

The racism plotline feels awkwardly forced in

It feels far too American

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The Railway Children: Back When Trains Weren’t Awful

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After their dad, played by Ian Cuthbertson, lands in prison a wealthy family must move up to a small Yorkshire town to start over.

I think this film is a British classic, there is just something so wholesome and sweet to the picture that it is hard not to like. It also feels fundamentally British in a way that is hard to describe, any British readers of this review who have seen this film will know what I mean.

A further thing I enjoyed about this film is how it has quite a gothic and unsettling undercurrent to it, so much so that it feels like at any minute the music could change and the film could become a ghost story. Perhaps this was unique to my viewing and other people will not read the film the same way, but I thought there was very much an off-kilter dream like quality to the film and I quite liked that about it.

I thought the performances across the board were terrific, and due to this you started to see the characters as real people rather than actors playing characters and became lost in that world.

My only complaint about the film would be that the beginning was a little slow and that it took some time to get into its groove, however, once it hit that groove it was a delight.

Overall, a British classic.

Pros.

It is very wholesome

It feels deeply British

The characters are all very easy to warm to

The underlying sinisterness

It’s a lot of fun

Cons.

A slow first act

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God’s Not Dead: Opium For The Masses

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Evangelical propaganda, which highlights the absurdities of extreme faith and belief albeit it not on purpose.

As I was strolling through the internet I heard some talk of this film, and despite being deeply negative, decided to check it out for myself to see if it was indeed as bad as people were saying. Well, it turns out the bad reputation this film has is well deserved, as it is an incredibly weak film that feels like religious propaganda belonging in another century.

I will admit my experience with faith films is relatively small, so I cant say if they are all as bad as this, but if they are I question who turns up for them. The plot was not only incredibly ham-fisted but also ridiculous in the extreme, with the way it portrays the atheist characters being especially out of touch and baffling. It is a strawman argument trying to convince the good Christian viewers of how the modern world is a personified devil that needs to be fought at all costs, with only a return to goof old fashion Christian values capable of saving the day.

The film seems to think of itself as a way to convince the agnostics and the atheists out there and get them on board, however, it fails in this aim so spectacularly that it will have the opposite effect, making the version of Christianity this film preaches seem even more fundamentalist.

The only good thing about this picture is that it crosses a line wherein it becomes laughably bad.

Overall, a mess that highlights some of the key problems at the root of US identity.

Pros.

Its laughably bad

Cons.

It is evangelical propaganda

It is stupid

It is so heavy handed with its message that it destroys it

All the characters are loathsome

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The Sea Beast: An Underwater How To Train Your Dragon

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

In a world of Hunters and Sea Beasts, the two sides finally realise that the real evil in the world are corrupt monarchies that pit them against each other.

I thought that this was one of the best Netflix originals that I have seen in some time. I enjoyed the world and the characters tremendously and thought that it had a lot to say about life and about the current state of our own world. I also enjoyed the fact that every time Karl Urban spoke he reminded me of his character from The Boys, the accents are basically the same, that gave me some happy flashbacks.

The film as a whole has a strong How To Train Your Dragon’s vibe, with some plot elements feeling almost beat for beat the same. However, where in other instances I would lambast this film for its lack of creativity and originality I actually like the elements here on display despite the fact they are so obviously copied over. I thought that the sea beast that we meet are all quite memorable and cute looking; Netflix really should start selling more merch from their films and shows.

My issues with the film mainly come from a pacing perspective as I think this film could do with being about twenty minutes shorter as there is a lot of needless bloat wherein not much happens around the second act, which could be removed to the film’s betterment.

Overall, fun but not perfect.

Pros.

The ending

The sea beasts themselves

It is a lot of fun

Urban

Cons.

The pacing

It is very familiar

It doesn’t service all its characters and a lot of them remain undeveloped

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Persuasion: Watching A Book Burning Would Be More Entertaining Than This

0.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Netflix uses a beloved classic novel as toilet paper.

I could have told you the exact second this was announced that it would be awful. Netflix has proven they lack any kind of sensibility that would allow them to properly pull off an Austen adaption, think of Emma from a few years ago now Netflix would never make a film like that. No, rather instead Netflix has to modernise, Netflix has to Americanise and crucially Netflix has to turn any period piece they try and adapt in to Bridgerton. All three of these things combined lead this film to be truly abysmal.

Moreover, wherein Austen’s words are timeless the script presented here not only doesn’t know what it wants to be but does decide on being cringe at every available opportunity. In addition whilst diversity is always a welcome thing, here it is quite clearly cynically forced into proceedings just for the sake of no one trying to cancel them. This again feels like a very American move.

In addition whoever is Dakota Johnson’s agent needs to be fired right sharp, as her being in this just as the memory of those awful Fifty Shades Of Grey movies is starting to fade from people’s minds is entirely not what she needs at all. Worse yet she isn’t even very good in this mess of a film.

The one silver lining of this film is that it features Henry Golding and he is always charming and watchable, sadly he is having his time wasted here.

Overall, Netflix really, really need to revaluate their content output.

Pros.

Golding

Cons.

It doesn’t understand Austen or her sensibilities at all

It bastardises the characters and story as a whole

It is generic

It feels incredibly American

Johnson

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The Princess: Disney This Is Not

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A princess, played by Joey King, must overcome vast waves of invaders in her families castle in order to save them from certain death and to drive out a man, played by Dominic Cooper, who has become obsessed with her and launched a takeover to try and force her to marry him.

I remember when I saw the trailer for this film I thought it looked pretty naff, the plot didn’t look like anything new and the feminist message looked very been there done that, a princess who likes fighting as is far removed from the Disney ideal is nothing new, and whilst both of these things are true the film still manages to be quite enjoyable.

No, the film isn’t going to win any awards for its writing and its message is incredibly on the nose, but the fight scenes are very well done, to the point of being impressively so, and Joey King manages to give a hell of a performance and these two things quite outweigh the bad writing.

Moreover, I like how the film does not waste time and instead opens straight away on the action. In wider terms of pacing I think this film is pretty tight, at no point whilst watching did I feel bored or like a scene was dragging on for too long and for the most part I solidly enjoyed my time with it.

Overall, the trailers for this film really don’t do it justice, though it is not going to set the world on fire it is a good time.

Pros.

It is a lot of fun’

King

The action

The ending

Cons.

It is very on the nose

It is incredibly predictable

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Ms Marvel: No Normal

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Kamala, played by Iman Vellani, and her friends face off against the forces of Damage Control and a character I have named Agent Karen, played by Alysia Reiner.

So let’s get the big talking point out of the way first, do I like the fact that Kamala is the MCU’s first mutant? Not really, I am one of the few people who actually like the Inhumans, at least in the comics, and I think that this would have been the best time to have brought them into the fore. However, the author of the original run and creator of Ms Marvel as a character has said that she always wanted Kamala to be a mutant so I guess that it makes sense to make her one here.

Moving on, for the most part I really enjoyed this season finale I thought it was a smart move to focus on tying up emotional arcs rather than trying to shove in a huge CGI fest final battle, we do sort of get one but it is over with pretty quickly. I believe focusing on the characters is far more in-keeping with the type of show this is, which fundamentally is coming of age.

I also liked the fact that Kamala finally got her comics accurate costume and that we got a big time MCU cameo in the post credits, I thought that both things helped to give this finale episode a satisfying sense of payoff.

My two small complaints about this final episode would be that it entirely ignores the Nor dimension for the most part and that it brings back the incredibly bland Damage Control baddies that feel painfully uninteresting, I would have much preferred them to have brought back the Clandestines for one final scrap.

Overall, this series has proven itself to be the best Marvel Disney + show so far.

Pros.

The feeling of satisfaction

The emotions

The costume and the cameo

The teases for the future

Vellani

Cons.

Generic baddies

Ignoring the Nor dimension

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The Simpsons Movie: The Ending We Deserved?

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Simpson family are forced out of Springfield after seemingly dooming it, however they of course come together to try and save the town.

I remember watching this in the cinema when it first came out and it was a huge deal. I enjoyed it a lot then, but my question was would it hold up now after all these years. In short it does, there are one or two lazy elements here and there but for the most part a lot of what made and makes, yes I like modern Simpsons, so great is fully on display here.

I think the best thing about this film is how far they push the concept. They go all out in a way that they simply couldn’t do on an episode of the show or even in a two-parter, and show us things we have never seen before in the show. When you compare this to other series that have also translated to the big screen like the Bob’s Burgers movie you see the difference between what is theatrical and what isn’t.

Moreover, the Simpson family and their various dynamics are kept at the heart of this film and I truly think that is why it is as good as it is. Rather than try and spread its focus amongst a bunch of supporting character, as newer episodes do, this film keeps the focus on the family and that really helps it to thrive. I particularly think the Homer, voiced by Dan Castellaneta, and Bart, voiced by Nancy Cartwright, storyline is quite interesting as it advances the relationship between the two characters into an area we haven’t seen them before where Bart seemingly truly abandons Homer.

My only real criticism of this film is that the writing is a little obvious and crucially convenient. Whereas early seasons of the show would go out of there way to be clever and even subversive, everything that happens here is incredibly signposted and obvious and as such the surprise is lacking.

Overall, a strong ending for a show that would go on for many more seasons after it.

Pros.

The Homer/Bart storyline

The scope

The comedy

It is very quotable

Cons.

The writing is a little predictable and dumb

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Brian And Charles: Build Your Friends

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A lonely but gifted man, played by David Earl, builds a robot, voiced by Chris Hayward, and a friendship between the two blossoms.

I think this film really strikes a chord with those of us out there who have known loneliness, isolation or torment by our peers, in many ways it is a beautiful tale about friendship and standing up for yourself. It truly is hard to not feel something whilst watching this film.

However, therein lies the problem with it for me. Perhaps somewhat paradoxically this film made me care about Brian and Charles so much that during the third act where it looked like Charles was going to be burnt alive I could barely get through it. The film bonds you to these characters in such a way that when they face harm it almost feels traumatic.

I wouldn’t view this film as a comedy, so in that respect I would say temper your expectations, but it does have feel good elements and an ending that makes you want to cheer. Ultimately this film takes you on an emotional rollercoaster, but laughter isn’t on the track.

Overall, a touching film that at times succeeds a little bit too much.

Pros.

You really care about the characters

It has a great ending

The performances are all top notch

Cons.

Seeing bad things befall Charles almost feels a little traumatic and that can be hard to watch

It has pacing issues

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