The Sea Beast: An Underwater How To Train Your Dragon

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

In a world of Hunters and Sea Beasts, the two sides finally realise that the real evil in the world are corrupt monarchies that pit them against each other.

I thought that this was one of the best Netflix originals that I have seen in some time. I enjoyed the world and the characters tremendously and thought that it had a lot to say about life and about the current state of our own world. I also enjoyed the fact that every time Karl Urban spoke he reminded me of his character from The Boys, the accents are basically the same, that gave me some happy flashbacks.

The film as a whole has a strong How To Train Your Dragon’s vibe, with some plot elements feeling almost beat for beat the same. However, where in other instances I would lambast this film for its lack of creativity and originality I actually like the elements here on display despite the fact they are so obviously copied over. I thought that the sea beast that we meet are all quite memorable and cute looking; Netflix really should start selling more merch from their films and shows.

My issues with the film mainly come from a pacing perspective as I think this film could do with being about twenty minutes shorter as there is a lot of needless bloat wherein not much happens around the second act, which could be removed to the film’s betterment.

Overall, fun but not perfect.

Pros.

The ending

The sea beasts themselves

It is a lot of fun

Urban

Cons.

The pacing

It is very familiar

It doesn’t service all its characters and a lot of them remain undeveloped

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Persuasion: Watching A Book Burning Would Be More Entertaining Than This

0.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Netflix uses a beloved classic novel as toilet paper.

I could have told you the exact second this was announced that it would be awful. Netflix has proven they lack any kind of sensibility that would allow them to properly pull off an Austen adaption, think of Emma from a few years ago now Netflix would never make a film like that. No, rather instead Netflix has to modernise, Netflix has to Americanise and crucially Netflix has to turn any period piece they try and adapt in to Bridgerton. All three of these things combined lead this film to be truly abysmal.

Moreover, wherein Austen’s words are timeless the script presented here not only doesn’t know what it wants to be but does decide on being cringe at every available opportunity. In addition whilst diversity is always a welcome thing, here it is quite clearly cynically forced into proceedings just for the sake of no one trying to cancel them. This again feels like a very American move.

In addition whoever is Dakota Johnson’s agent needs to be fired right sharp, as her being in this just as the memory of those awful Fifty Shades Of Grey movies is starting to fade from people’s minds is entirely not what she needs at all. Worse yet she isn’t even very good in this mess of a film.

The one silver lining of this film is that it features Henry Golding and he is always charming and watchable, sadly he is having his time wasted here.

Overall, Netflix really, really need to revaluate their content output.

Pros.

Golding

Cons.

It doesn’t understand Austen or her sensibilities at all

It bastardises the characters and story as a whole

It is generic

It feels incredibly American

Johnson

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Falling Inn Love: A Good Way To Kill Off Your Remaining Brain Cells

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A symbolic representation of Netflix failing in the most basic concept of quality over quantity.

Honestly, if I were not reviewing this film I would have turned it off at the twenty minute mark. It was more than a slog to get through and at times became actively annoying for me.

This film perfectly encapsulates the idea of the irritating entitled American abroad who thinks that it is okay to talk down to the locals and who is a baffled that they don’t have the latest technology that she is used to. Christina Millan plays the lead character as such a brat that you will find it hard to feel anything towards her other than contempt.

Moreover, the story structure is beyond basic and feels copied and pasted over from countless other Netflix romance films that do the exact same thing: with some slight variation. You know right from the offset where the film is going and it doesn’t surprise you in anyway.

In addition the usual toxic messages and creeping sexist undertones of the romantic comedy genre are here in spades, and again it makes the film even more unwatchable.

Overall, Netflix just makes trash now.

Pros.

You can dare your friends to try and sit through it, that might be some fun as long as you don’t have to watch it back.

Cons.

It is sexist

The lead is awful

It is generic

You can guess all the plot points at the start of the film.

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Stranger Thing Season 4 Part 2: More Hand Raising And Nose Bleeds

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The second part of the season sees the gang truly face off against Vecna, played by Jamie Campbell Bower.

The two episodes that this part is made up of are on for over 3 and a half hours combined, that right there is a red flag. I am glad to see that the Duffer Brothers are saying that the episodes for the final season will be shorter as the over two hour finale is honestly quite hard to get through in one sitting. I think because of their length and the fact that Netflix clearly gave the Brothers free reign to stuff as much in as they wanted this leads to awful pacing issues that really plague this season.

Moreover, though I do admire the slow motion ‘epicness’ of the finale to a degree, as who doesn’t like slow motion right? I ask only partially seriously, I think that for me this was let down by a lack of stakes. Much like Captain America Civil War this finale is build over the course of the season to be a big event with massive stakes yet really no one of any importance dies, a new character and that is about it.

I do like where the series ends on however, with everyone back together again and the upside now fully spilling out into reality, I think this sets up a lot of very interest directions for where things could go next time around.

Overall, not as strong as it has been in the past but there is still some promise there.

Pros.

The final shot

The slow motion

The Russia set subplot

Cons.

The pace

The lack of real danger or stakes

The incoherent logic

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Man VS Bee: How To Completely Destroy A House In A Matter Of Days

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A novice house sitter, played by Rowan Atkinson, goes to war with a bee.

I thought this had moments of wholesome light entertainment but ultimately felt let down by a lack of clear plot progression and by a lack of character growth. I understand that this program seemed to want to mimic the older dynamics of something like Tom And Jerry and as such the show couldn’t have ended the man and bee learning to get along, yet I think it would have been better if the series had ended with a peace between the two and an unlikely friendship. As it stands Atkinson’s lead doesn’t grow at all from the first episode to the final, which in my mind is an issue, but maybe I am asking too much.

However, something I will commend this show for is the episode length. I think that often Netflix series can run on for far too long and become tedious by the end, but this show tries to get around that by having its episodes on for little over ten minutes in most cases adding to the binge effect of the show and creating a nice breezy pace.

Moreover, it is nice seeing Atkinson back on screens he is always very welcome and brings a great deal of heart and humour to the series. His character is very easy to warm to.

Overall, fun to a degree but the writing stops it from ever being truly great.

Pros.

The episode length

Atkinson

The wholesome fun

Cons.

The ending

It reaches a point where it feels repetitive

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The Man From Toronto: Don’t Mistake This Film For A Better One

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A chap, played by Kevin Hart, out for a nice romantic getaway with his significant other, played by Jasmine Matthews, becomes wrapped up in a world of hitmen when he falls prey to a case of mistaken identity.

This movie is a turd, but make no mistake it is not Kevin Hart’s fault. If it were not for Hart this film would get a lot lower, and I mean a lot. Hart does provide the film with a number of laughs and makes getting through it slightly less excruciating and for that I thank him.

That aside, this is why Netflix is in hot water, yet another stupid pointless action film that does nothing new and thinks that by just throwing famous faces into whacky situations it makes a film good; it takes far more than that. The whole premise of this film is incredibly familiar, but it is not even as though Netflix is ripping off other better action films, no, it feels like Netflix are ripping off their own back catalogue. Moreover, the idea of the soft guy teaming up with the tough guy, here played by a very much phoning it in Woody Harrelson, is more than a little stale at this point. Really this film is peak generic, that is probably the best and most succinct way to describe it .

Overall, yet more terrible Netflix fare slightly elevated by Kevin Hart

Pros.

Hart

It is watchable

Cons.

It is generic

It has been done better before

It is Netflix plagiarising themselves

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The Starling: A Favourite Film Of Guantanamo Bay

0.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A couple cope after the sudden death of their child.

Boy this film was badly on quite a number of different levels. However, I think one of the roots causes of this film being awful was the casting of Melissa McCarthy. Some people would argue that like Adam Sandler that McCarthy cam be good in the odd dramatic role here and there, the same people would point to her performance in Can You Ever Forgive Me? However, I would argue that her performance in that film was nothing more than a fluke, and that by and large she is only capable of giving one kind of performance loud and obnoxious, and that is true in whatever film she is in comedic or dramatic. It certainly is true here.

It has to be said though that the failings of this film cannot be entirely blamed on McCarthy, as the script is also frequently terrible, being not only overly sentimental but also incredibly tonally off at times. There is a scene in this film wherein the message seems to be that it is okay to be angry at suicidal people for being that way which sends a hell of a bad message even if that is not how the writer intended it to come across.

Overall, the film is incredibly generic, it is the very definition of the kind of trash we have collectively come to expect from a Netflix original over the years.

Pros.

Timothy Olyphant is always great and a welcome presences

Cons.

McCarthy

It is very generic

It has a bad message

The tone is all wrong

It borders over-sentimentality

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Gods Favourite Idiot: Possibly The Antichrist

0/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Clark, played by Ben Falcone, is hit by angelic lighting and later told that he is to be God’s messenger tasked with stopping the apocalypse.

This is hot garbage don’t watch it.

In the not too distant past Netflix made a statement which basically boiled down to they were going to focus on making quality programs rather than lots of trash, did this show miss that memo?

If you thought the films made by Ben Falcone and his wife Melissa McCarthy were bad then boy howdy you haven’t seen anything yet. With one of their films you at least get the reprieve that it is only on for two hours tops, however, this is on for a lot longer and wants you to feel every horrible minute of it.

There are so many ways in which this show sucks, such as having the comedy be lazy, bland and dry. Think about a Melissa McCarthy film from the last ten years, think about the kind of jokes you would expect and then turn it up to the max. Not only does this show stretch its jokes so thin that it kills them but it is also trying so hard to be funny and to appeal to younger audiences that It just comes off as desperate.

Worst yet neither of the two central characters are in any way likeable, Falcone’s Clark is incredibly bland and feels like a cliché of the timid man in almost every sense, whereas McCarthy is driving around a modified rascal shouting at people and demanding special treatment from those around her… Need I say more?

Overall, awful, just awful.

Pros.

None

Cons.

McCarthy

Falcone

It isn’t funny

The characters are deeply unlikeable

It is terribly paced

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The Pentaverate: Mike Myers Enters The Culture War

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

5 men run a nice secret society that tries to help the world this is their story.

I am a big fan of Mike Myers and was looking forward to this series for a while, but sadly when I came around to watch it I found it to be far from perfect.

My major issue with the show is its final episode and ending, in which all the white male characters literally kill themselves for the sake of making the secret society more diverse and representational. This is the most obnoxiously on the nose thing I have seen in a while and feels like you are having a message forced down your throat. I thought the point of advocating for wider representation within media was to bring more chairs to the table not to remove them? Maybe I misunderstood.

The reason I am leading with that is because it really ruins what is otherwise a mostly good run. The first 5 episodes are all funny, charming and very watchable. There is a lot to enjoy here from the Jeremy Irons’ intros and the Shrek reference to the Key and Peele joke. I do think however, that killing off Keegan-Michael Key so early into the series was a bad idea as Ken Jeong is a poor replacement.

The humour on the whole is more hit than miss which I suppose is an achievement for a Netflix comedy series.

Overall, if you watch the first 5 episodes on their own then this show is quite good however sadly the final episode ruins the series in a major way by making the whole thing about spreading a message.

Pros.

It is funny

It is a mostly good showing for Myers

It is very creative

Cons.

The message is forced down your throat

Some outdated takes about the internet

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Senior Year: Is Rebel Wilson The Female James Corden?

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Rebel Wilson plays a seventeen year old who falls into a coma after a cheerleading accident waking up 20 years into the future and having to go back to finish off her senior year.

Prior to watching this I thought it was going to be trash, almost every red flag a film can give you was presented up front, a Netflix original, an adult going back to high school, cliched teens and finally the fact it starred Rebel Wilson. However, once I started watching it I actually found myself somewhat enjoying it and thinking that it wasn’t all bad at all.

The things I enjoyed were three fold, I thought the sentimentality was just right and that it managed to nail the emotional appeal it was going for, I also thought bringing back Alicia Silverstone, of Clueless fame, to play Wilson’s characters prom queen icon who has fallen on hard times was a stroke of genius, and finally the film features Sam Richardson it is very hard to go wrong with him.

However, by no means was this a great or even particularly good film. The mean girls rivalry between Wilson’s character and Zoe Chao’s Tiffany felt forced in and cliched. Moreover, the teen characters who become Wilson’s friends are all incredibly insufferable, they make constant references to contemporary political issues, social media and what it is not okay to say: to make matters even more on the nose in the final scene of the film one of these kids say that they are going to run for office- I groaned louder then I ever have in my life. I truly believe the trio of ageing male writers who put this screenplay together have no idea how kids talk, what they are interested in, or that not every single member of Gen Z is an activist.

Don’t even get me started on the ending dance number that feels like a throwback for the all the wrong reasons.

Overall, not as bad as you are expecting but still not strong.

Pros.

The sentimentality

Silverstone

Richardson

Cons.

All the teen characters

The ending dance number

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