Phenomena: Meet The Newest And Youngest Member Of The Avengers

Phenomena is an Italian horror film directed by Dario Argento. The plot sees a young American girl Jennifer (Jennifer Connelly), go to a Swiss boarding school to receive an education and be out of her parent’s hair. However, once she arrives she notices that she has a strange relationship with insects, and that said relationship might be the key to solving a string of murders that is happening on campus.

Why can’t Argento make a film that does not have a serial killer or group of serial killers (Suspiria) as the main antagonist? Yes, I know obviously he must have at some point in his career, but of the film’s I’ve watched it is certainly a repeated motif and one that is starting to get tiresome.

I enjoyed the more abstract ideas here; I wish we have dived deeper into Jennifer’s powers and how and why they came out. There is a wonderfully off kilter strangeness to the whole film that is very difficult to describe but it really sticks with you after the film.

I thought the slasher elements were probably the weakest part of the film, though I did enjoy the final fight scene. It reminded me very much of Mrs Voorhees in Friday The 13^th I thought it was well done, tense and effective; the face melting scene stayed in my head for a while after the film, the power of practical effects.

Overall, a strange film in a lot of ways, however that strangeness makes it what it is. Good, but I do wish Argento would stop making films about serial killers.

Pros.

The strangeness

The insect, mystical stuff

The ending

Jennifer Connelly

Cons.

The killer stuff for the most part of boring

It had pacing issues and was far too long

3/5

Reviewed by Luke

A Fantastic Fear Of Everything: You Never Know Who Might Be Trying To Kill You, Look Over Your Shoulder

A Fantastic Fear Of Everything is a British horror comedy film directed by Crispian Mills. We follow Jack (Simon Pegg), a children’s writer whose life slips out of control when he begins work on his latest book, Decades Of Death a history of Victorian era serial killers, as Jack researches deeper and deeper he becomes ever more frightened and ever more sure someone is trying to kill him.

This is an underrated gem. This has been on my radar for some time but for one reason or another I never ended up seeing it, and now having seen it I know how much of a mistake that was.

This film perfectly merges the horror and the comedy genre together, there are a lot of horror comedies that end up favouring one over the other whereas this does both very well There is an off kilter atmosphere that underpins the whole film, nothing ever feels quite right and there seems to be something sinister just beneath the surface; I left the film quite unsettled. However, there are also sections of the film that are quite funny and amusing, however even these sections I would not call light.

My favourite thing about this film is how in love with the gothic and the macabre it is, from audio cues to certain framing and lighting choices this film feels like it could have been made by Hammer 70 years ago, though I doubt most of the cast would have been alive then.

Overall, if you are a fan of horror then you owe it to yourself to watch this film

Pros.

The off-beat and uncomfortable atmosphere

The comedy

Pegg plays it just right

The plot and the nods to classic horror

Cons

It won’t be to all tastes

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

A Nightmare On Elm Street 4, Dream Master: Freddy Is A Kung Fu Master

Nightmare On Elm Street 4: Dream Master is a slasher horror film directed by Renny Harlin. The plot this time sees Freddy find a way to bring himself back to life, after seemingly being killed in the last film. He once again goes after the remainder of the Elm Street children, to strong degrees of success, and then sets his sights on new prey.

My first thoughts about this film is that it is odd that Kristen is no longer played by the same actor from the last film (Patricia Arquette), and is now re-cast younger for some reason despite this film supposedly being set after the third film. I understand they probably couldn’t afford her, but if that is the case why bring back the character at all?

The kills were so so this time around, which is not what you want to hear from a slasher film. There were a couple of funny and or well-done ones such as the water bed and the dojo fight scene. The rest, however, were fairly generic and fade almost immediately from memory. The final fight was even more forgettable than that, and it all hinged on some strange nursey rhyme that was not set up, and despite him quoting it (implying he knew it), somehow served as Freddy’s death which makes very little sense.

Overall, other than a few inspired deaths this was a forgettable follow up that fails to live up to Dream Warriors in almost every way.

Pros.

Campy slasher fun

It is very watchable

A few good deaths

Cons.

Most of the deaths are generic

The final battle doesn’t make sense

Why bring back Kristen at all?

2.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Critters: Never Trust 80’s Pop Icons, They Are Never Who They Claim To Be

Critters is a science fiction horror film Stephen Herek. The plot sees furry alien invaders from another planet arrive on Earth, in small town America of course, and start wreaking havoc. It is down to the efforts of one plucky family, a collection of towns people and two alien bounty hunters to stop them.

So the writers of this film claim that the ideas for it originated well before Gremlins, and that any claim that Critters is inspired by Gremlins are inherently false. While I can’t claim knowledge on the subject I have to say while watching I couldn’t help but be reminded of Gremlins as the two films are very similar in a number of ways.

I enjoyed that this film was not afraid to embrace the campiness of the science fiction horror premise with the Critters themselves being somewhat tongue in cheek often cracking wise. It reminded of many B movies I have seen; it is strange, and it knows it and displays it proudly.

The premise is generic, it is your standard alien invader/ or monster takes over a town narrative that is no stranger to creature features. However, the plot takes a back seat here to the fun absurdity of the film as a whole. It is a blast to watch.

Overall, if you want a campy B movie like good time then this will please you. Don’t go in expecting too much and you will be pleasantly surprised.

Pros.

It is fun

I enjoyed the tongue in cheek parts

I liked that it embraced its inner freak

Cons.

The plot is weak, and you have seen it before

The acting is very meh

3/5

Reviewed by Luke

Annabelle: Demons Patiently Wait On Lifts, Respect Social Distancing

Annabelle is a horror film directed by John R. Leonetti, serving as the first spin off film of the wider Conjuring Universe. The plot of this film focus on Annabelle, the breakout star of the first Conjuring film and goes a ways to explain how she ended up in the Warrens private collection; though to understand that you will have to watch all 3 Annabelle films.

I remember seeing this film a long time ago and I remember it being generic and boring. However, the other night, perhaps as a result of a masochistic feeling, I decided to revisit it and see if it was as bad as I remember. It is bad, definitely the weakest of both the Annabelle trilogy and the Conjuring Universe as a whole, but it is not terrible.

The only pro I have for this film is the basement life scene, when Mia (Annabelle Wallis), first sees the demon and she gets stuck in the lift. This I think is easily the best scene of the film, both in terms of scares and execution as it actually manages to feel tense.

The issues with this film for me are twofold. Firstly Annabelle Wallis should not be cast in anything ever, why is she? She can’t act and her name being associated with anything is a sign of poor quality, The Mummy, King Arthur Legend Of The Sword, Tag, I could go on. Wallis seems incapable of showing even the slightest amount of emotion in any sense, and to call her wooden would be a disservice to wood everywhere.

Secondly there is no third act in this film. Things just plod along in the usual investigative way these films do and then bang its over. There is no final standoff between Mia and the Demon, no, instead she almost throws herself out a window, but then she doesn’t and someone else does; wow gripping stuff there.

Overall, though this film isn’t as terrible as I remember it being it is still bad, not worth your time and easily the weakest of the Conjuring films; takeaway stop casting Annabelle Wallis.

Pros.

The lift sequence

Cons.

Annabelle Wallis

There is no third act

The doll really isn’t all that involved

There is a lot of aimless plot that goes nowhere

It does not justify its existence as a spin off

1/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Mortuary Collection: Rubber Up

The Mortuary Collection is a horror anthology film directed by Ryan Spindell. The plot follows Montgomery Dark (Clancy Brown), as he retells tales of horror to a job applicant at his funeral parlour.

The issue quite often, with anthology films is they are dependent on the individual segments being well done and crucially, consistent to make the overall film feel good and worth the watch. That really shows here, as though the segments are for the most part consistent, some are much better than others. The tales themselves are a mixed bag, some like the one about male pregnancy are strong are tightly packed, whereas others, the one about the carer who ends up killing his locked in wife are dull, lifeless, and boring.

This as you can imagine leads to pacing issues, as some parts of the film captivate your attention and others put you to sleep.

The ending however is insanely predictable. The twist is telegraphed quite blatantly from the opening of the film and when it happens, rather than feeling surprised you are left feeling angry it has taken them this long to get to it. The ending is very much a damp squid and serves to further undermine and bring down the film as a whole.

Overall, though some of the segments have promise this is very much yet another deeply average horror anthology that serves to bore more than scare.

Pros.

Some of the segments are well done and interesting

Clancy Brown is having fun

Cons.

Other segments feel tediously dull

The film feels inconsistent as parts of it are good and other parts diabolically bad

The ending is terrible

0.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

House Of The Witch: Is Being Killed By A Witch Worth A Quick Shag?

House Of The Witch is a horror film directed by Alex Merkin. The plot follows a group of kids who go to a house in their neighbour hood that is supposedly haunted, where others have gone missing in the past, to have a kissing party on Halloween; rather unsurprisingly things go wrong, and the teens start dying.

So yes the plot of this film is deeply generic, as are the cast. However, there is something about this film that I can’t quite put my finger on, it has a diamond in the rough sort of quality to it. I think a lot of this comes from the film’s scares. Even though there are a few jump scares, which are automatic marks down in my book, the scares for the most part are effective and well done. I applaud the films horror it is by far its strongest element.

In the beginning the witch effect, which are noticeably cheap looking bothered me and took me out of the film, but as it went on I started to enjoy it and found that it added to the charm of the film.

The twist at the end of the film leaves you scratching your head a bit, not because it is confusing as it is heavily foreshadowed, but because of the way it is shot. The final sequence itself is quite jarring, as the girls face changes somewhat and you are left saying “wait what who is that?”.

Overall, though you have seen many films like this before there is still a rough charm to the film and the scares are good, not great by any means but definitely passable.

Pros.

The scares

The effects

The witch herself

Cons.

The twist ending

It is deeply generic

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

House: Never Let Your Kid Go In A Swimming Pool, There Might Be Vietnam Demons In It

House is a horror comedy film directed by Steve Miner. The plot sees well known author Roger Cobb (William Catt), move back to the house where his son disappeared some years prior. Why he has gone back he can’t quite say, but as he sets about writing his latest novel he starts to notice odd occurrences and soon he is drawn in to a battle with the paranormal.

Prior to watching this I was not aware that it is a comedy horror film, I thought it was just a straight horror, and was surprised by the number of goofy jokes, family friendly nature of the demons and the musical asides. However, with the new knowledge I have it makes sense.

The demons look quite unlike anything you will ever see, they are 80s in a way that you have to see to believe. Though they look almost comical at times yet they still manage to have a degree of fright to them, you never want to turn your back.

I enjoyed the Vietnam twist and thought the idea of having a solider or someone suffering from PTSD being more open to experiences with the supernatural was an interesting concept. The Vietnam sequences were all done quite well, and the conversation around whether Roger was crazy or not was fun to think about.

The one negative I would say for this film is that it is not scary in any way, and that is not because it is family friendly horror Goosebumps the tv show, or Ghostbusters 2 had moments in that frightened me. The reason I find it not scary is because of how over the top and frankly campy it is, especially with the creature design.

Overall, a good starter horror film with a neat concept, but not scary in any way.

Pros.

It is funny

It has an interesting concept

Catt

Cons.

It is more funny than Scary

It has pacing issues galore

3/5

Reviewed by Luke

A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Did Someone Call The X-Men?

A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors is a slasher horror film directed by Chuck Russell. The plot sees Freddy (Robert Englund), terrorise and try to kill the remaining Elm Street children, who are locked away in a mental intuition. However, the remaining Elm Street Kids realise that they have dream powers themselves and that together they can fight back against Freddy.

I was getting strong X-Men vibes from this film, I know it is because I have recently seen the New Mutants and stylistically they share some similarities, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling throughout.

I thought this was a step up from the previous film as it gave me what I was asking for, more Freddy. Freddy really gets his time to shine here, his kills are more out there and oddly inventive and we get to see his past explored in more detail, which I found interesting.

I enjoyed seeing Nancy (Heather Langenkamp), return I thought it was a great way of tying the series together outside of Freddy, sadly she was not given all that much to do beside be a mentor for the new cast of kids. Said kids were okay, none of them really struck me or left any kind of impression, their powers were neat, but underdeveloped we needed more time seeing them use them for it to be believable and make sense.

Overall, this might be my favourite of the Elm Street films so far I enjoyed the focus on Freddy and the dream warriors are a cool concept, even if the execution is a bit shaky.

Pros

The focus on Freddy and his backstory

The return of Nancy

The powers (as an idea)

The kills

Cons.

The powers were not fleshed out enough and the dream warriors themselves were all very bland

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Tales From The Lodge: Perpetuating Old Stereotypes

Tales From The Lodge is a British dark comedy film directed by Abigale Blackmore. The plot sees a group of aging friends retire to a cabin in the woods to scatter the ashes of their recently deceased friend. However, while there strange things start to occur, and things soon take a turn for the sinister.

90% of this film is great, really interesting, and creepy. However, the final reveal of who the killer is, and the last 10 minutes are nothing short of insulting, and yes to properly express my critique of the film I will be spoiling the twist.

So the initial almost anthology like horror tales approach is used well and for the most part the stories themselves serve to give a good chill and more than a few macabre laughs. However, as things start to devolve into slasher fare that is when the film falls apart.

The final reveal that the supposedly dead friend has instead become a woman in the hopes of seducing his straight best friend who never noticed his affections while alive but decides to try to kill him anyway is everything wrong with this film. The demonisation of trans people as insane killers, is something that has been a problem of the horror genre for a while, but it is especially bad here.

To make it worse the twist is blindingly obvious as well.

Overall, this film had a lot of promise, but the ill-fated, stereotype pushing, trans bashing final reveal sours me on the film.
Pros.

The horror tales

The cast

A few good scares and a few good laughs

Cons.

The reveal

There is no mystery to it, it is fairly obvious from the get-go

2.5/5

Reviewed by Luke