Scream 4: A Reboot To Mock Reboots

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Sidney Prescott, played by Neve Campbell, is now on a book tour trying to help other victims of violence when of course there is yet another Ghostface copycat, this time one obsessed with reboots.

I think of the four films so far this one is my favourite. I thought much like the last film in the series this one manages to nail both the comedy/spoof elements and the slasher horror well. I found myself laughing at the comedy for the first time in the series which was nice as to this point it either left me indifferent or annoyed.

I thought this film finally redeemed Gale, played by Courtney Cox, and finished the character work the last film set up. For so long in the series Cox had the short end of the stick as she was cast as a character who was annoying at best trite at worst, and here she finally becomes the star of the show and probably the best character in the film. Though that honour is contested as there are a number of young stars that give Cox a run for her money, mainly Hayden Panettiere’s Kirby who stole the show in nearly every scene she was in.

In terms of negatives I didn’t like that the film continued the annoying random first kill trope, but not only continued it expanded it out, made it last longer and was even more smug with it. I don’t find this bit funny, rather I find it tedious and it makes me want to skip through until it is over.

Furthermore, Emma Roberts is really quite uninspired here, she plays the same character she always plays the sassy outsider, who normally turns out to have a heart of gold but here turns out to be the killer. She doesn’t seem like she is trying and honestly her character gets way too much screen time for how poor of a job she is doing.

Overall, again the franchise continues to get better.

Pros.

Some good jokes

I liked the ending

Gale is finally fully redeemed

Panettiere

Cons.

The opening stab montage

Roberts

Pacing issues

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Scream 3: Leave Sidney’s Mum Alone

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A new Ghostface emerges on the set of a film about the Woodsboro murders, and of course the gang has come back together to deal with it.

I actually think of the trilogy this is the best. Mainly this is because the film finally seems able to manage its meta commentary and genre stand ups, with good tension and even frightening moments. No longer does the film feel like a parody film.

I also like the character progression here. Neve Campbell’s Sidney finally seems to have learnt something from her previous run ins with killers and is now a deadly force in her own right, I particularly like the scene where it looked like she died but it was a fake out and for a moment she became the slasher. I thought the second film really let Sidney down as it did not advance her character very much at all, however this film does a good job of it. In addition Gale, played by Courtney Cox, has finally seemed to learn the consequences of using people and is humbled here. Again I think this film does a nice job of showing her character growth and her ending feels earned.

Despite the good character work the film also did a number of things I didn’t like. Firstly it continues the trend of featuring a meaningless first kill that is always really drawn out and features a deeply forgettable character trying to mimic Drew Barrymore in the first film. Secondly it introduces these strange trippy elements regarding who Sidney’s mum was and, because of course, her secret life, to me this just felt like desperate padding to find something new they could do with the franchise.

Overall, better but it still has a ways to go.

Pros.

The character work

A fitting end

Sidney the Slasher

Cons.

Everything to do with Sidney’s mum

The drawn out opening kill

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The Tender Bar: An Earnest An Emotional Performance From Ben Affleck Saves The Day

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young boy, played by Daniel Ranieri as a boy and Tye Sheridan as a young man, turns to his surly uncle, played by Ben Affleck, for life advise in place of his absentee father, played by Max Martini.

Not too long ago in a review I was saying about how actors who then become directors don’t usually end up becoming good at it, I even gave George Clooney, the director of this film, as an example and whilst this film doesn’t prove me wrong it does show a nice upswing for Clooney’s filmography and suggests that maybe there is hope for the actor turned director.

That is not to say this film is perfect, it really isn’t. From a structural point of view there aren’t any stakes, things just happen and then it is on to the next thing. I understand it is supposed to be autobiographical to some extent and life isn’t like a film there often aren’t great stakes and battles to be won, but this film’s narrative needed that. As it stands it’s just one thing then the next, happening one after another without any real consequence.

Furthermore, Sheridan was probably the wrong actor to cast for this role as he seems incapable of emoting. Mud was a good film, but Sheridan wasn’t the main focus there, however in everything that has followed wherein he is the lead he seems incredibly one note and like he is pulling the same face throughout regardless of what is happening on screen- this is true here, painfully so.

However, rather surprisingly this film is saved by an incredibly emotional and earnest performance from Ben Affleck. There are several moments in this film where I would say Affleck’s performance is worthy of awards consideration, one that springs to mind is the emotion on his face during his final scene in the film as he watches his nephew, who is basically a son to him, drive away into the sunset: his face is so full of emotion, happiness and sadness, pride and loss it is quite moving. Sadly, it also points out just how poor of a job Sheridan is doing.

Overall, there might be hope for Clooney yet if he keeps working with Affleck.

Pros.

The emotion

Affleck

It was well paced

Cons.

No stakes, things just sort of happen and then are moved on from

Sheridan

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The Circle: Big Tech Is Scary We Get It

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Hermione Granger, because lets face it she can’t play anything else, starts working at a tech company and because it’s a trope of course they are evil.

You might have guess by the summary that I was not impressed by Emma Watson here. Really, of the central trio from the Harry Potter films only Daniel Radcliff has gone on to be a good actor and have an interesting career, Watson just plays variants on her Hermione character: sometimes they even break bad- see her in The Bling Ring. Her character here feels out of place and oddly miscast.

Moreover, Tom Hanks also feels out of place here. Maybe the intent of the film was to surprise us by casting the wrong actors for the parts in an effort to be daring? Hanks fails to deliver any kind of menace, and just feels around for the pay check.

Honestly, this film reads to me like it was written by someone who grew up in a time before the internet was so prevalent and as such both resents how interdependent people are on the internet and tech these days, whilst also thinking their day in the before times was better. The whole threat just feels so cliché and coming from a place of total misunderstanding.

Overall, another stinker for Miss Watson’s post Potter resume

Pros.

I liked Beck’s cameo

It is unintentionally hilarious

Cons.

Emma Watson

Tom Hanks

The premise is cliched

It has pacing issues

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Scream 2: Gale Weathers The Original Gotcha Journalist

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A new Ghost Face immerges and forces the Woodsboro gang back together again to stop the killer.

I thought this one was slightly better than the first as it was less annoyingly meta, although it still seems to be undecided on whether it wants to be a serious slasher series or a spoof series, this is an issue as the two tones don’t go well together. The later dramatic scenes jar horribly with the scenes of Dewey, played by David Arquette, being dumb for laughs.

I think the characters are treated a little better here, as though for the most part Gale, played by Courtney Cox, is still written as the shrew architype by the end of the film she has learnt the error of her ways so has maybe grown as a character? I would still say the characters need improving however, they are by no means rounded here.

I think this film will always get more appreciation from me for staring Timothy Olyphant, the man can do no wrong and he is a great Ghost Face here along with Billy Loomis’ mother, played by Laurie Metcalf. The killers are far better this time around and they actually seem to have a believable motive for doing it.

I am not a fan of each Scream film needing to start with some random murder, this film does it and I didn’t like it but I know it gets worse later on.

Overall, an improvement which makes the film at least watchable.

Pros.

The killers

Better character work

Less annoying meta commentary

Cons.

The random opening kill

The characters are still by no means developed

Pacing issues

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The 355: Men Are Bad And Simon Kinberg Is A Hack

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of female spies must come together to get a McGuffin and beat up some men folk.

Until the final ten minutes this film is below average but passably watchable if you have nothing better to do, and then the lecture starts and the film drops down even further. When I say a lecture I am referring to Jessica Chastain’s Mace going on a long ambling rant to the camera about how men use woman, but how times are changing and how they are going to fight back, a message that feels both overtly hostile to a large portion of the target audience for this film as well as one that feels far too late. However, this isn’t the only questionable thing this film does in regard to gender as it also has all of the villains in the film be men, and those that aren’t get killed off, once again a not so subtle message and one that won’t score this film any points at all.

If all that isn’t enough to make you dislike this film it then also sneaks in a bit of sucking up to the Chinese regime, in order to open in China of course. There is a scene in the film when this all powerful McGuffin needs to be handed over to someone who will keep it safe and out of nefarious hands, so Mace gives it to a Chinese agent…….. Really? Was this some sort of meta joke?…….. Really?

I also think Jessica Chastain is deeply miscast here. Unlike the rest of the ensemble who actually do a good job Chastain sticks out for all the wrong reasons. In many ways her character reads like how America sees itself around the world dominant and in charge, but to everyone else entitled, self-involved and driven more by their own ego than what they should find right and wrong. Chastain’s character was honestly charmless and is probably the thing that sinks this film.

The other minor issues with this film are that it is terribly paced and becomes boring somewhere around the end of act I, furthermore the plot about scary internet hacking devices screams of being written by someone who doesn’t understand the internet or know anything about it.

Overall, this film is trash and you should avoid it at all costs.

Pros.

Cruz, Nyong’o, Kruger

Cons.

Evil men/ forcing its agenda down your throats

Pandering to China

Chastain

The pacing/ fear of the internet

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The Invention Of Lying: People Are Lying If They Say They Like It

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Ricky Gervais invents lying, that’s it that’s the plot.

There is a line in this film that combines both fat shaming and a terrible homophobic slur, and it is presented as a joke and it came out in 2009, just have a think about that. Yes, it is that kind of film.

The only reason this film has a 2 is because even when presented with weak material Ricky Gervais still manages to be likeable to me, maybe it is too many rewatches of The Office but the man always has a place in my heart.

The comedy of this film stems from the idea that no one lies so everyone has to be honest which leads to awkward scenarios on dates and in the work place etc, and though there are a few funny lines scattered throughout, for the most part the comedy is mean spirited and often edgy for the sake of it. Again, I have nothing against edgy humour, in fact I often find it quite funny, but not when it is just done for a cheap reaction.

Overall, my, my this film wouldn’t get made today. It gets by on Gervais’ charm but even then just barely.

Pros.

Gervais

Rob Lowe

Cons.

Edgy for the sake of it

Most of the jokes don’t land

Wildly offensive

It is incredibly predicable

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Fantastic Four: The Bad Reboot

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

For some reason even though we had an origin story for the Fantastic Four barely a decade prior we are forced to witness another.

Why are people still trying to make Miles Teller a thing? He was good in Whiplash and then promptly nothing else, yet for a few years every big franchise seemed to want Teller, and if the on set fighting is to be believed he was probably best avoided. Hopefully those days are behind us, oh wait he’s in Top Gun the sequel.

The cast isn’t a total misfire Kate Mara as Sue Storm does her best and Jamie Bell has his moments as the Thing, but Miles teller and an entirely forgettable Michael B. Jordan do let down the foursome tremendously. That is not even to mention Dr Doom, played by Toby Kebbell, who is a monstrosity for all the wrong reasons.

I honestly think the worst thing about this film is the CGI, never in recent memory have I seen such appalling effects in a big budget studio film. How the film got released with the final third in that condition is baffling, it makes the CGI mess finales of the MCU and DCEU look appealing.

Overall, people should have been fired over this, and most likely they did.

Pros.

Mara

Bell

Cons.

Dr Doom

Teller

The third act

Jordan

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The King’s Man: France As A Country Just Doesn’t Exist I Guess

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A prequel to the Kingsman films set during the First World War.

Going into this I had heard mixed things, and after seeing it I come to you with mixed tidings. The film does somethings right it is by no means a bad film, but it also has several major issues that stop it from truly excelling.

Firstly the good. I liked the films anti-war stance showing the needlessness of the slaughter and how to die for one’s country is not noble or heroic but rather tragic and needless. I thought as far as social messages go it was very well delivered and important.

Moreover, the new characters here all work well, Colin Firth and the rest of the gang don’t make any sort of time travel like cameos here so we are given a fresh cast, of which Ralph Fiennes is the standout as a grieving and over protective father who has turned to outward passivism to protect his family from the world.

I also thought the comedy mostly worked, the jokes often made me chuckle, there was nothing side splittingly funny but I enjoyed it for the most part. However, the one noticeable exception to that rules comes with Rhys Ifans Rasputin who relies mostly on physical and gross out comedy for his comedic moments, these come across as unpleasant to watch and if anything succeed too well in grossing you out.

Continuing with the negative, the Rasputin sequence is far too dragged out and lasts for a good half of the film, you will be surprised to learn he is not the big bad of the film despite how prominently the film features him. As you might assume the film suffers from a terrible pace and long outstays its welcome.

Finally, two smaller nit picks that bothered me about the film. France is never mentioned in the film despite having a large role in World War I, which if I were French I might find insulting, why they decide to leave the French out is beyond me. Furthermore, I also dislike how the sequence is done after the death of Fiennes’ characters son, played by Harris Dickson, he moves on far too quickly for the scene to mean anything and it quickly loses any emotional impact it could have had.

Overall, better than some have made out but not quite good either.

Pros.

Fiennes

The anti-war stance

The comedy for the most part

Cons.

The pacing

The gross out humour

Leaving out France and not giving the character adequate time to morn.

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Nine Lives: Kevin Spacey Becomes A Catgif, A Prelude To His Youtube Rants

0.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Kevin Spacey is a businessman who gets turned into a cat for reasons.

So firstly yes this is a Kevin Spacey film, a yikes in and of itself, but for the purposes of this review I will be looking past that and focusing on the film.

I should have liked this film, I am a cat person, however I just found it charmless. Not only does the film not justify its existence but it proceeds to bore us for its entire runtime as it has no point, goes nowhere and yields zero emotional response from the audience. Honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if this film was made as an effort to launder drug money.

It is a very by the numbers Spacey performance he is certainly not awful but he also doesn’t seem to be trying in anyway, clearly this was just a pay check for him. The comedy of the film is one continuous eye roll that never ends even when the film is over and you have gone home.

Overall, who was this film for?

Pros.

I like cats so it gets half a point

Cons.

This film doesn’t need to exist

It isn’t funny

It has horrid pacing

Kevin Spacey is just turning up

It feels like it was made in a focus group

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