Sing: Seth MacFarlane Really Wants To Be Frank Sinatra

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A gang of animals perform in a singing competition.

In my review of this film’s sequel I said that I hadn’t seen the first film and I doubt I would gain much from going back and watching it, but regardless I knew this was outstanding so I went back and subjected myself to it. My findings being that this was actually better than the sequel, clearly Illumination at least tried with this one, whereas with the sequel they just needed to pump something out to help pay the costs of keeping Minions 2 on the shelf.

I will open by saying I didn’t think any of the voice actors did a particularly good job, in most cases I would be hard pressed to tell you who was who, and I do believe that most of the roles could have been played by any actor with very little different in quality. Moreover, I didn’t think any of the pointless side stories added anything to the characters or the film as whole other than to pad out the runtime.

The song’s were mostly just used in an irritating gimmicky way as they were in the sequel. The only one that I thought was well used was the cover of I’m Still Standing by Elton John sung by Taron Egerton. It wasn’t well used as in it added something to the film, no, it was well used in that it reminded me of Rocketman, a much better film.

The good side to this film is only attainable once one turns there brain off completely, at which time the film becomes mindless fun perhaps even so bad it is good.

Overall, mostly bad but if you turn your brain off it gets better.

Pros.

It is mindless fun

So bad it is good

Cons.

The characters and voice actors

The songs, for the most part

The side stories

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Moonfall: The Height Of Originality

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

There is an evil alien force inside the moon that is pushing it out of orbit and onto a collision course with the Earth, however, have no fear as there are a group of Americans ready to save the planet.

I think it is nothing short of the best joke of the year so far that the director of this film Roland Emmerich had a go at the MCU for lacking originality, and then made this film. A highly derivative disaster film. What makes this lack of originality even worse is that this doesn’t even seem to be Emmerich ripping off other better films, no, he is ripping off his own films. How lazy can you get.

Moreover, the pacing of the film is awful. It is so littered with sub-plots and pointless characters that you almost forget about the moon stuff half of the time. There are also constant references to ‘our friends the Chinese’ which feel quite clearly forced in to pander to the China market, as no studio in Hollywood has a soul.

However, the film is saved somewhat by being so dumb that you just have to laugh. More often than not the film is unintentionally hilarious, and John Bradley shines as the comedic standout here with a few deliberately funny lines of solid cringe comedy. I also thought the film nailed emotional impacts when it went for them such as in the final sacrifice scene.

Another thing I would give this props for is it’s unhinged third act that takes all the conspiracy theories you are likely to see on your parent’s Facebook, now Meta, page and crams them all together to create something that whilst being a mess works for the sheer strangeness of it.

Overall, it is watchable but not good. Quite a mixed bag.

Pros.

Bradley

The cringe comedy

The ending and wider third act

Cons.

It is dumb

It panders to the Chinese

It has awful pacing

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The Revenant: The Bear And The Maiden Not So Fair

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Really this was the one that Leo won an Oscar for?

I have only given this film a two because I can’t wholly dislike a film wherein Tom Hardy is doing a strange character performance. I like Hardy and find that as an actor he can do no wrong, he is easily the best part of the film even though I never really took him seriously as a villain.

I can’t really understand how anyone could enjoy this film, it has sizeable pacing issues, it is relentlessly bleak, including all sorts of needless scenes I guess just for the sake of it, and it is also incredibly pretentious thinking simply by existing that it is going to reinvent the wheel.

Moreover, DiCaprio has given many fantastic performances over the years, but in all honesty I don’t think he was very good here. His character isn’t particularly engageable not just because he is so bland but also because he is not likeable at all and the film doesn’t do much to make you like him.

By the time the film had reached its climax I was finding it hard to stay awake.

Overall, a deeply overrated film.

Pros.

Tom Hardy

I liked the period setting

Cons.

DiCaprio

The pacing

The bleakness/ the pretention

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Catwoman: Remember When Halle Berry Used To Be In Films

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Halle Berry is paraded around to be ogled and objectified.

Most agree that this is one of the worst superhero films ever made, as it takes everything fans know and like about Selina Kyle, here played by Halle Berry, and just throws most of it down the drain in favour of lusting after Berry for the runtime of the film. It is hard to watch this film now and not find it wildly sexist and problematic.

Berry for her part proves that maybe she isn’t such a good actor after all and that she should give back her Oscar and ask for forgiveness. She seems fully uninterested in the subject matter or in trying to give a performance that is anything other than wooden. Clearly her interest when signing on for this film was on whether it could become a franchise vehicle for her.

The writing and the plot are both laughably bad and the film feels like it is trying to divorce itself from the comic book source material, which is never a good move.

Overall, a terrible film best forgotten.

Pros.

It is laughably bad

Cons.

Berry

It is sexist

It has no respect for the character

It makes no sense

It has massive plot issues

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Catwoman Hunted: A New Voice For Catwoman?

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Catwoman, voiced by Elizabeth Gilles, becomes the subject of a manhunt after her attempt to steal a precious jewel lands her on the wrong side of a powerful crime organisation.

I would say as far as DC animated fare goes this was slightly above average. I thought Gillies did a very strong job as Catwoman and nearly perfectly fit the role, bringing just the right amount of charm and capability. Moreover, I liked the way the film handled her character and that it gave her some nice quips as well as strong character motivation.

In terms of the art style, I think of all the recent DC animated films this is the one that is the most obviously anime inspired, barring something like Batman Ninja for obvious reasons. I do like the animation here and think that it has its own distinctive feel which is important in making the film memorable.

My issues with the film would be two fold, firstly that the film has a rather generic story that far out stays its welcome and that gives us nothing that we haven’t seen before. Secondly Stephanie Beatriz is deeply miscast as Batwoman. I don’t quite know why but every time I heard Beatriz’s voice coming out of the character I couldn’t help but be pulled out of the film and think to myself ‘oh my she was miscast’. This is a shame as Encanto proved Beatriz is a talented voice actor.

Overall, in terms of what they did with the character and the wider style of the film it is good, however with regard to the lacklustre story and some of the weaker casting choices the film is let down.

Pros.

Gilles

The character of Catwoman

The style

Cons.

The story

Beatriz

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The Hottie And The Nottie: Perhaps The Most Toxic Film Ever Made

0.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Paris Hilton can’t act as such she never gets any acting roles, and the only ones she can get are when she just has to play herself an entitled ego maniac that thinks everyone wants to date her. That is very true here yet the film also revolves around her friend, played by Christine Larkin, who can’t get a date because she is ugly. As a whole the film is a toxic mess.

The obvious reason why this film is terrible is because it encourages people to be shallow. Yes, the ending goes in a different direction and has the shallow character grow, but that is after we have spent a whole film laughing at these character for being ugly. It teaches bad values and praises looking a certain way above all else, which is fairly twisted and fosters self-hatred.

Moreover, Hilton is a terrible romantic lead though I won’t belabour the point as I think everyone is already aware at this point that she can’t act. Her character in this film is so utterly up herself that I can’t see why any one would ever want to be with her. Perhaps being one of the most unlikeable rom-com protagonists ever.

Overall, a film constructed out of two things nepotism and putting people down based on how they look.

Pros.

It borders on so bad it is funny at times

Cons.

Its values and message

The characters are loathsome

It has a horrible pace

Paris Hilton can’t act

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Warhunt: Beware Strange Women In The Woods

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of American soldiers are sent deep into the Black Forest during WWII in order to receive a mysterious package, after they arrive they start to realise that there is something supernatural a foot,

This was dumb schlocky fun in the vein of Wolf Soldiers. For the most part the film is benefited by not taking itself too seriously, however when it does shoot for tension or even scares these also land with surprising effectiveness.

I thought the evil witches were interesting villains, the monster design was good and gave them a distinctive other worldly feeling. Moreover, I bought them as a credible threat to these experienced soldiers, which was nice as it turned the tables on standard tropes.

Furthermore, I thought the film addressed the relationship between men and women, in this case witches, during war time well. In many films we see soldiers taking advantage of women in war zones and often the women are powerless against them, here however that is flipped the witches go on the offensive and flip the paradigm as it is now the males soldiers powerless to really stop them. Maybe I red into it too much.

Overall, a fun horror war movie that fans of the genre will enjoy.

Pros.

It is fun

It nails the scares

The witches are threatening and well designed

The ending

Cons.

Pacing issues

Mickey Rourke doesn’t get much screen time

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The Book Of Boba Fett: Return Of The Mandalorian

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Mando, played by Pedro Pascal, returns in search of a new ship and a new purpose.

This is a good episode, perhaps even the best of the series so far, sadly it doesn’t even feature Boba Fett, played by Temuera Morrison, thereby side-lining him in his own show. Really this episode reminds us all of how much we have missed Mando and how poor of a replacement Boba is for him. The scene in which Mando despatches a large group of enemies in a brutal fight, woefully contrasts with the moments in prior episodes when the weaker Fett gets beat up and has to use his minions to fight on his behalf.

Though I liked seeing Mando again, and found it heart warming to see him set off on a new quest to give Grogu some beskar armour, it did all feel a bit like filler. The latter half of the episode when Mando is just looking for a new ship drags on and on and eats up runtime. Moreover, the Mando storyline is only used to kill the remaining episodes until we get to the final as clearly they have realised people don’t want any more boring flashbacks from Boba.

Overall, I enjoyed this episode more than a lot of the others, but after I finished it I was sad as this really shows the failure of the series as the best episode didn’t feature the protagonist at all.

Pros.

Mando is always great

The edge and the violence is back

It actually feels like Star Wars

The new Grogu quest

Cons.

It feels like filler

It highlights how The Book Of Boba Fett has failed

It doesn’t feature Fett

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The Ice Age Adventures Of Buck Wild: The Day Blue Sky Studios Died

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

None of the original Ice Age voice cast wanted to return, bar Simon Pegg, and Disney needed to do something with the franchise, why not send out a minimal effort picture to litter the empty halls of Disney + ?

Mark this moment dear reader, for it is not only the moment Ice Age died but also Blue Sky Studios, which is a shame as I was hoping for Rio 3. There is so much wrong with this film that it will be hard to condense down into a breezy review for you.

I think the most glaring issues is that this film looks like it was made on a budget of a few dollars, with the quality of animation not only looking worse than any of the other Ice Age films but also any other animated film you are likely to see this year.

Moreover, the film as a whole feels like it is missing something, this could easily take the form of Scrat the series mascot or as I previously mentioned the entire voice cast of the previous films. Simon Pegg as always gives it an admirable go, but even he can’t save this rather obvious cash in.

As you watch the film you can’t escape the sense that there is no good reason for it to exist.

Overall, more trash for Disney +.

Pros.

Simon Pegg is trying his best

It is watchable

Cons.

It feels like a knock off

The animation is awful

Scrat

It doesn’t need to exist

The Royal Treatment: This Is Why Your Subscriber Numbers Are Stagnating Netflix

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A prince, played by Mena Massoud, from yet another made up fictional place comes to America to meet his future bride, played by Chelsie Preston-Crayford, however, once there he meets sassy and street smart hairdresser Isabelle, played by Laura Marano, and he just can’t get enough of her entitled, obnoxious personality.

My, my how did Massoud go from Aladdin and the hights of super stardom to this? This film really isn’t worthy of him at all, and though he is the best thing in it and the only reason it has received half marks it makes me sad that this is the sort of role he is being offered.

Marano’s character fails so much as a romantic lead that she dooms the film. Now, this isn’t necessarily Marano’s fault, the writing certainly doesn’t do her any favours by giving her one of the worst personalities to come out of a Netflix film recently. She embodies American Exceptionalism and thinks that she can decide how to help the people of a foreign country better than their government, because she’s American and knows better?

Moreover, her relationship with Massoud’s prince character isn’t very healthy, she controls him and bends him to her will from the start of the film. In one of the first scenes the two share together on screen she tells him off for not sticking up for one of his servants after she gets told off by other staff for doing something wrong. Maybe he doesn’t like conflict, maybe he is worried him intervening will make things worse, no he’s bad because he isn’t constantly looking for opportunities to fight societal injustice and he needs a controlling woman to push him to do it. The more you think about it the worse it becomes.

Overall, yet another bad Netflix film.

Pros.

Massoud

A few good jokes

Cons.

Marano

The romance is troubled

The message of American Exceptionalism

The ending

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