What Happens In Vegas: Just When You Think The Rom-Com Can’t Sink Any Lower

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Two deeply unlikeable characters, played by Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher, unwittingly get married in Las Vegas and then have to stay together for legal and financial reasons.

There are moments where this film is just straight up sexist and homophobic in its humour, and I get that it did not come out in the socially charged times of the current year, but did anyone ever think this was okay? Every time the film makes one of these jokes I either cringe or think what was the point? Do they just have to use slurs and stereotypes to try and be funny because they have nothing else?

In terms of laughs, yeah this film doesn’t have any. I chuckled a few times but it was not deliberate on the part of the film.

In terms of plot this film is incredibly generic and predictable, you know where this is going right from the start and rather than try and surprise you it just goes there. Every cliché and trope of the genre is trotted out here in a vein effort to drown you in a sea of mediocrity.

Neither Diaz nor Kutcher are likeable here and both come off as varying degrees of annoying, self-involved and obnoxious.

Overall, this really is the bottom of the barrel for the rom-com genre.

Pros.

It is watchable

Cons.

Diaz and Kutcher are both annoying

It is vapid and generic

It is toxic

The relationship doesn’t feel believable

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Death On The Nile: Cancel The Gal Gadot Cleopatra Film Right Now

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Hercule Poirot, played by Kenneth Branagh, is back and this time he is trying to solve a murder that takes place on a steamboat.

To address the elephant in the room first, obviously it is unfortunate that this film features alleged cannibal sexual predator Armie Harmer in such a large role, but it is what it is and they filmed it before the allegations came to light so for the most part I just tried to ignore it.

This was a mixed bag of a film. To the film’s strength it boasts a terrific performance from director/ star Branagh who really taps into the emotion of the character and gives us a peak behind the curtain in a way the first film never did, the latter stages of the film really highlight this. Moreover, newcomer Emma Mackey is also terrific and steals a lot of the scenes she appears in.

However, to its detriment the pacing is awful and it feels like the film has been on for hours before the plot-forwarding murder even happens. This is a result of the first act dragging horribly, it is also wildly inaccurate to the time period with music and dancing that belongs in a different era entirely, Branagh seems to be growing bored with the period setting here.

Worse yet, the film features some incredibly on the nose product placement for Tiffanies, perhaps on the same level as Crispy Kreme in the Power Rangers film everyone has forgotten about now.

The worst thing about this film is Gal Gadot. I have defended Gadot against a lot of in my opinion unfair criticism, I think she makes a fine Wonder Woman, however here her serious lack of acting chops really shows, as she is unable to do any accent other than her own, or emote, basic stuff. When she is finally removed from play, midway into the film, you are grateful as she was quite clearly miscast.

Overall, a fun if flawed second film.

Pros.

Branagh as Poirot

Mackey

The mystery

Cons.

The pacing made worse by the awful first act

Gadot

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A Taste Of Hunger: Making Delicious Food Isn’t Enough To Save Your Failing Marriage

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A couple, played by Nikolaj Coster-Waldau and Katrine Gries-Rosenthal, try desperately to achieve a Michelin Star.

I thought this film had it all, charm, character and drama. The more I explore Danish cinema the more I am starting to become enamoured with it.

I thought both Coster-Waldau and Gries-Rosenthal brought a lot to the film and each gave strong performances. Moreover, I also thought their relationship and its various woes were also conveyed very realistically and in a way that affected you watching. Whilst watching you were never quite sure who was in the wrong in the relationship or whether the relationship should even continue on, but by the end you learn it is far more complex and nuanced than that. Much like life.

I thought the non-linear structure of the narrative became a bit confusing at times, though after watching it I can see why they went for it. I liked the mystery around who was writing the notes and thought the reveal was clever and well set-up.

My main issue with the film would be that the pacing didn’t work. Frequently scenes either needed longer, when trying to convey an important event, or less time, when trying to convey an unimportant one: better editing was needed.

Overall, an intriguing drama film with a compelling relationship at the centre.

Pros.

Coster-Waldau

Gries-Rosenthal

The drama

The mystery

Cons.

The pacing

The non-liner narrative wasn’t always clear

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Liar Liar: The Origins Of So Many Gifs

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Lawyer Fletcher Reede, played by Jim Carrey, is unable to lie after his young son, played by Justin Cooper, wishes one full day of honesty upon him. This causes some problems for Fletcher.

As a child and teen I was a huge Jim Carrey fan, and I lost my way over the years only really coming back on board now because of Kidding, but as I rewatched this I remembered why I liked Carrey so much when I was younger. He plays the everyman so well; you can’t help but root for him and like him. It is almost impossible to hate a Jim Carrey character.

I found this film to be both heart warming and funny in equal measure, with enough memorable moments to confine this film to the classic conversation. I wouldn’t say every joke landed, as they often came on thick and fast, but more hit than missed.

I thought Carrey was on top form here and firing out of all comedic cylinders.

Overall, a comedy film that holds up and is arguably one of Carrey’s best, let down only by a slow pace and a predictable plot.

Pros.

Carrey

The jokes

The heart

Cons.

The pacing

The predictable nature of the plot

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Tall Girl: Falling Short On Having Anything Interesting To Say

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Yet another Netflix teen film with a terrible message.

This film is so vapid that it’s character can barely be called puddle deep. Clearly whoever wrote this film is not only widely out of touch, and doesn’t know how social media works and effects teens, but also has never met a teen girl before in their life, as the way the teens behave in this is barely even human.

Another thing that will annoy many about this film is the fact that though the central girl, played by Ava Michelle, has body confidence issues about her height it is just a small scale issue in the scheme of things. In a world were people are often bullied and beaten for their sexual orientation or skin colour, a narrative about a girl being sad because she is tall just comes off as privileged and again out of touch. I could give this film somewhat of a pass if it had something good to say about body confidence by the end of the film, but no the film instead gives out yet more toxic messages and then tries to wrap up.

Everything about this film sucks and honestly Netflix really needs to fire whoever runs their greenlighting process.

Overall, this is why everyone thinks Netflix only makes bad films.

Pros.

It is unintentionally hilarious

Cons.

It has a bad message

It is irritating

All of the characters have clear privilege

It has no depth at all

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Book Of Love: Don’t You Just Hate It When Your Novel Gets Turned Into Porn?

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Henry, played by Sam Claflin, is an author of an unsuccessful book. However, one day it begins rocketing through the Mexican bestsellers list and as such Henry must travel to the country in order to do press for the book, during which time he meets Maria, played by Veronica Echegui, his translator and the two develop feelings for each other.

No one will say to you this is the next great rom-com because it really isn’t. It will not set the world on fire, but it is watchable. You have seen this film many times before of course, as the plot beat for beat feels taken wholly from other genre films, but translated in a slightly worse way.

I enjoyed Sam Claflin, he rarely can do wrong, I thought his uptight uber British Henry had quite a few funny moments throughout the film. I do think there are a number of times when Henry borders on becoming stereotypical, but luckily the film never pushes him that far.

Claflin and his co-lead Echegui don’t have much chemistry together on-screen which gradually becomes more and more of a problem as the film goes on. Luckily by the end of the film it has given up on any semblance of logic and just starts throwing things at us, which even though it doesn’t make sense makes the film interesting.

Overall, a very bog standard rom-com, you have seen this before.

Pros.

Claflin

A few funny moments

It is watchable

Cons.

The leads have no chemistry

It is too familiar

It has pacing issues

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I Want You Back: Charlie Day, The Rom-Com Lead You Didn’t Know You Needed

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Charlie Day and Jenny Slate play two recently dumped people who conspire together to get back together with their exes.

No one will ever say this film is original. It really isn’t. Yet it does manage to make you feel something with a plot you have seen hundreds of times before and surely that is something too. It takes a stale premise and makes it warm and sweet.

The warmth of the film is in large part down to the great chemistry between Day and Slate, both of them seem to be really trying and giving it their all and it works you buy into their relationship and want to see them together.

The film is also anchored by strong supporting turns from Gina Rodriguez, Scott Eastwood and Manny Jacinto, all of whom bring something to the film and enrich it in their own way. Eastwood in particular is probably the best I’ve seen him here and he should really do more films like this and less straight to DVD action films.

In terms of toxicity, refreshingly this is non-toxic and actually has quite a nice message, the leads lie and manipulate people for their own ends and then get punished for it, but in doing so eventually get over their exes and move on.

Overall, sweet, warming and nice. A good valentine’s day film.

Pros.

Slate

Day

The supporting cast

The emotion

Cons.

Pacing issues, mainly a slow start

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Bad Grandpa: Is This What We Have Been Reduced To?

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Not quite a Jackass movie, Johnny Knoxville and his entourage are back, this time trying to convince people that Knoxville is an old man who does random things.

This film is egregiously not funny, and not only is it not funny, but it then repeats the same jokes and set ups over and over again to well beyond the point of irritation. After you pass the point of irritation with this film you are left sitting there thinking to yourself why am I torturing myself by watching this, why don’t I value my own free time? These are questions better left unanswered.

The joke of course is that Knoxville is dressed up like an old man, but rather unlike an old man does stupid stunts or behaves reprehensibly in order to get a laugh from the audience who unlike those he is impacting know that it is a joke. More so that anything this film strikes me as incredibly desperate, it is sad to see the once funny Jackass crew be reduced to this.

Also all of the stunts are incredibly tame, it can’t even land the wince inducing angle anymore.

Overall, bland, not funny and desperate.

Pros,

It is short

I found the ‘shitbird’ line funny

Cons.

Mostly it is deeply unfunny

It repeats its jokes

It is tame

It is desperate

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Uncharted: Tom Holland Can’t Act

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A child, played by Tom Holland, tries desperately hard to prove himself as an action man and reminds us all why video game movies don’t work.

Well, I hate to say I told you so. I remember many people had an issue with me saying Tom Holland and Mark Wahlberg were totally miscast as Drake and Sully and told me to wait and see the final thing before I commented, well I have seen it now and yeah I was right.

This film is not bad hence it not getting lower, but it is aggressively average and dull. It tries desperately hard to supply gamers with member berries, even bringing back the Nathan Drake voice actor for an extended cameo, but even this is not enough to give it a personality or soul.

Wahlberg is playing Wahlberg and Holland is playing Holland. It will win me no fans to say this but this film proves my point about Holland once again, he is a fine Spider-Man, but taken out of the MCU he has all the range of someone in a high school play. Holland better hope they keep needing him to play Spidey as outside of the MCU he will quickly be forgotten about as a non-talent.

The two try and have some banter together, which feels like an attempt at MCU style comedy, this mostly doesn’t work and misses the mark sometimes even being groan inducing.

The only silver lining I have for this film is that Sophia Ali is actually quite capable as Chloe Frazer and is an interesting character in the film. I found Ali to capture the duality of the character well, as she is able to convey her as both an ally and a possible betrayer. Sadly, Chloe isn’t given much to do.

Overall, Sony’s big bet on Tom Holland is widely a bust and so ends yet another needless videogame adaption.

Pros.

Ali

It is watchable

Cons

Holland and Wahlberg

It is boring

It never justifies its existence

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The Absurd, Surreal, Metaphysical And Fractured Destiny Of Cerebus The Aardvark: A New Candidate For Best Animated Feature Has Arrived

5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

An animated heist film with a self-reflective Aardvark, voiced by John Di Crosta.

This film struck a chord with me. There was just something about it I really enjoyed. The thing I perhaps enjoyed most of all was the wonderful absurdist elements that both made me laugh but were also quite deep and introspective at times, this film really goes places.

In that vein I thought the writing was clever and really helped the film to excel. The runtime flew by and by the end of it you are asking for more, if only more films could be paced liked this. The characters all felt fully realised and rounded, you ended up caring about each of them and becoming somewhat lost in the world.

The animation was beautiful and really highlighted what can be achieved on a budget. I thought the animation had way more personality than a lot of the samey looking animated films that come out, and that brought with it a lot of charm. I think the animators of this film deserve a pat on the back, they did top notch work.

Overall, a magnificent film that definitely deserves a watch.

Pros.

The world

The characters

The animation

The heart

The absurdity

Cons.

None

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