Downton Abbey, The Grand Finale: The Scandal Of A Divorcee Having A One Night Stand

We return for one last trip to Downton Abbey.

In many ways this film was unnecessary, a lot of it felt like filler, and it didn’t really need to be a thing. However, it was nice escapist entertainment, and allowed you to return to a simpler time for an hour and change.

It did meaningfully close out the series/film saga in such a way as to suggest it is in fact the end. Homage was paid to the earlier seasons of the show, and moments that fans would remember, there was a sense of change that permeated the film, and whilst no major characters died there was enough done to provide a sense of finality.

I would say that Mary, Michelle Dockery, has the most boring plotline, with her being scandalised for her divorce, even in high society people would not have been so precious about it at that time. This stretched incredulity a bit too much. Coupled with the fact that she then had a one night stand and was blackmailed for it, it all seems very American and over the top. That is not what Downton is.

The plotline about Mary taking over Downton and becoming the lady of the house was far more well done and in keeping with the series.

Overall, a solid if somewhat unnecessary third film.

3/5

Pros.

It is fun escapism

There are some cheer worthy moments

The ending hits the right note

Cons.

It is unnecessary

The divorce storyline

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Karate Kid Two: Daniel In Okinawa

Summary

Daniel, Ralph Macchio, goes to Japan.

In many ways I feel similarly about this film as I do the third film in the franchise, really it didn’t need to exist. In many ways it would have been better to have gotten a Karate Kid prequel about a young Mr Miyagi, Pat Mortia, learning Karate in Japan then this.

We see the beginnings of brat Daniel here as well, when he is a whiny little prima donna. There is still some good training sequences wherein he is learning new moves and his interest in Japanese culture is nice to see. However, in how he treats Mr Miyagi and those around him it is clear to see which way the character is heading.

There is some rather outdated and offensive depictions of Japanese culture which feels quite jarring on the rewatch, and the villain of the film imbibes a lot of these qualities and feels almost cartoonish at times. The ending of the film really feels like a natural end point for Daniel’s story.

Overall, it is interesting to have a focus on the background lore of the first film and to explore what Japan looks like in this world, however, more needed to be done to justify this films existence and Daniel is incredibly annoying at times.

2.5/5

Pros.

The focus on the life and lore of Mr Miyagi

Going to a new location

The training sequences

Cons.

Daniel is irritating

It doesn’t need to exist

It is badly paced

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The Fountain Of Youth: Indiana Jones For Beta Males

Summary

John Krasinski does his best Indiana Jones impression.

I don’t understand why Apple TV thought we needed a new globetrotting Indiana Jones esque adventure movie. The last Indie film should have been proof enough against that concept.

Moreover, where films like Indiana Jones and National Treasure were commanded by having a strong lead who was believable in the role, here if anything Krasinski is too soft. He doesn’t have the gruff toughness you would want out of this role, he seems far too affable and silly. He simply reads wrong for the part.

As for the adventure itself it is fairly generic nothing you have not seen before, it is a globe trotting adventure for a magical artifact that in the end they don’t end up taking home as it is too dangerous and needs to be left alone. There is nothing particularly new here, it reads as very low effort adventure fare.

The wider cast are a mixed bag, Eiza Gonzalez is there she has some good fights and has reasonably decent chemistry with Krasinski, Natalie Portman is playing Natalie Portman and is taking an easy pay check. The rest of the cast slip my mind.

Overall, this film shows you why you need a good script and crucially a good idea before you go into filming, simply saying oh they are popular and people like Adventure films, a debatable claim at the moment, is not enough.

2/5

Pros.

Gonzales tries her best

There are a few unintentionally funny moments

Cons.

It is badly paced

It is generic

Krasinski is miscast

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The Sound Of Music: The Best Musical?

Summary

The hills are alive.

I am not a huge musical person I like Sweeny Todd and the Greatest Showman and a lot of the rest such as Grease leave me cold. However, I have to say after years of having only watched parts of this film, that I actually really enjoyed it.

Sure would I have liked more time focusing on the rise of the Nazis and the family having to flee instead of a needless love triangle, of course, but for what it is there is a lot of fun to be had. The songs are all catchy and instantly memorable, I am sure you already know a lot of them, and as such it is hard not to sing along here.

Julie Andrews is infectiously positive herein, and her heroine is nigh on impossible not to root for. She really does inject heart and soul to this film and truly sinks into the character, Maria feels not like some cartoonishly positive person that could only exist in media but like a real person who simply sees the best in the world and wants to help people.

This film is the sort of film one needs to reaffirm their sense of hope every once in a while. It is the very definition of comfort viewing and one that you simply must try if you have not already seen it.

Overall, a wonderful bit of escapist fun.

4.5/5

Pros.

It is fun

The songs are great

It is well paced

Julie Andrews

Cons.

I would have liked more focus to be placed on the rising Nazi threat

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Red Sonia: The Last Gasp f The Girlboss

Summary

Red Sonia the famous swords and sandals comic is brought to life in the worst possible fashion.

So this is as the trailer suggested a girl boss Red Sonia film. In many ways this film hates the source material it is based on and those who read those comic books. The Conan esque adventure vibes are replaced with a victim narrative that has Sonia herself seemingly constantly in a state of annoyance.

I won’t dwell on this too long, but the actress who is playing Sonia, Matilda Lutz, looks nothing like the Amazonian physique of comics Sonia and instead looks like a gust of wind could knock her over. If you were going to commit to doing a Red Sonia adaptation getting someone who looks the part is incredibly important.

The story is fairly generic, which is also quite shocking considering that they had decades of past comics runs to draw from. However, this seems to have been made by people who have never read an issue. They were vaguely aware of the IP and so thought they would make a very mid girl boss film and use the IP’s name to sell it rather than actually make a good Red Sonia film that is faithful to the source material.

Overall, a terrible waste of an IP made by people who hate it.

0.5/5

Pros.

Hannah John-Karmen is good

Cons.

It is boring

The lead doesn’t look the part

It hates the source material

It is badly paced

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One Battle After Another: Left Wing Hollywood Is Radicalizing People

Summary

Leo joins Antifa.

Who thought this was a good idea in the current landscape? Charlie Kirk has just been killed in front of his family in broad day light, and you have a narrative about a group of left wing radicals bombing immigration centres to free the immigrants, with these being presented as heroic actions. You couldn’t make it up.

Not only are the characters detestable, but it makes you question Paul Thomas Anderson as a director and what he is trying to say here, as one could argue it falls into the category of inciting hatred.

On a lighter note we have the fulfilment of the left wing vision for how reality should be, wherein we have a heavily pregnant woman of colour running into a gun fight with the white man and acting like she is not only not at a huge physical disadvantage but also somehow winning. This is what the kids call delulu.

What this film feels like to me is the last gasps of the progressives in Hollywood trying to resist the cultural shift, they will nominate it for awards and call it stunning and brave, but no one will watch it and ultimately it will be studied in years to come as a what not to do in making something that dates itself and comes across as hating most of the cinema going audience.

0/5

Pros.

There are none

Cons.

It is hateful

It should have been pushed back and reshot

You are laughing at it and not with it

The message is horrible

It is badly paced and never seems to want to end

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The Toxic Avenger: Dinklage Says Little People Can’t Play Dwarfs But They Can Play Monsters.

Summary

Peter Dinklage doesn’t like little people playing dwarfs in fantasy films but he is fine with them being shown as mutant freaks. The many contradictions of a man who’s career ceased to exist with Game Of Thrones.

There is so much wrong with this film it is hard to know where to start. Firstly, it feels like it was written by current day James Gunn, and that is not a compliment. In that I mean that it feels like it was written by a teen boy, with all the juvenile humour that entails but also one that was off the current masculinity, who wants his male characters in skirts. There are multiple scenes of characters getting their genitals punched through or torn off, because that’s funny right, and then the character will likely make some kind of off colour joke to try and make it even more funny, but none of this works. The film wants you so desperately to think it is funny and cool, but it is neither. It is try hard.

There is a scene in the film wherein Dinklage’s Toxic Avenger saves a group of people who are at a restaurant taking hostages and why are they doing it because they are angry about DEI. That is how basic and simplistic this film views the world, oh do you not like wearing nail polish and skirts, do you have an issue when meritocracy isn’t employed then you’re some cartoonishly evil and stupid antagonist that deserves to die.

Overall, this film shows that Hollywood hates vast parts of the audience.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

Dinklage is awful

It is cringe

It is hateful

It is gross out for the sake of it

It feels like it was written by current day James Gunn

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The Roses: The Left Wing Answer To The Rom-Com

Summary

The fetishisation of toxic relationships.

Fear not lonely blue haired middle aged cat lady the evil sexist rom-coms have finally be countered by this anti rom-com. This film has two unlikable people who don’t work together and don’t really like each other forced into a marriage and then end up trying to kill each other, see it is not your fault you’re staring down middle aged and have never been kissed, love isn’t real.

We have one character played by Olivia Coleman, who is appearing more and more the rabid antisemite by the minute, who plays a bumbling sort of mumsy character who gets some fame and is then keen to leave her family behind, despite then screaming at her husband for the rest of the film that he stole them from her. As personal accountability is outside of Coleman’s skill set seemingly both personally and professionally. We also have Benedict Cumberbatch playing a weak willed, alcoholic husband, who is constantly feeling sorry for himself and asking for forgiveness. The film details the breakdown of their relationship getting to the point wherein Coleman’s character tries to kill Cumberbatch’s with a gun only to them have them kiss and makeup.

It glorifies the toxic relationship at nearly every turn.

Oh and it features Kate McKinnon as a sexual predator who behaves inappropriately towards both the lead characters, but it is okay because it is a woman, that’s Hollywood’s morality.

1/5

Pros

Andy Samberg has a funny few lines

Cons.

It is not funny for the most part

Both the leads are incredibly unlikable

It is badly paced

It has a depressing ending

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Sauvages: Depressing And Icky

Summary

A tribe faces an existential threat and only a teen girl can save the day.

As far as kid’s films go this was incredibly depressing. There is unrelenting sadness to this film that never lets up, it’s hard to really encapsulate where this sadness originates from, but it’s unmistakably there.

I would say this film is more message focused than focused on being entertaining, but that is okay sometimes animated films are more about messaging that being entertaining see Inside Out. For me personally I thought this was a little heavy handed and needless at times but, I will give it props for clearly executing on its goal.

There is one thing that I thought was a uncomfortable about the film, and that is the nudity. Now this may be a cultural thing or me making something out of nothing, but during the let’s say last ten minutes of the film the lead character who as I said is a young teen is topless. Now you don’t see anything as she is not developed, but it has an icky and uncomfortable feel to it, I don’t understand why this was not thought about, in terms of international perception at the time, but I didn’t like it.

Overall, if you want a very hard environmental message and some uncomfortable scenes than this is the animated film for you.

1/5

Pros.

It is nice to see a stop motion animation film exist

Cons.

The message

The nudity

It is badly paced

That only part of it is translated

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The Surfer: Eat The Rat

Summary

A man, Nicolas Cage, wants to buy a house.

So this was a trippy film that made you lose the plot somewhere along the way on purpose. There are times in this film where even if you have been avidly paying attention the whole time you will be a bit lost, and not really understand what is going on and that is the fun of it.

If you enjoy Cage’s broader strangeness and want to get lost in a liminal space that resembles an Australian beach than you will likely enjoy this. However, if you find Cage’s shtick grating then you will not enjoy this film, really it is that simple.

In terms of Cage strangeness this is probably more of a subtle performance for him, there is less screaming and shouting, and he actually plays a man losing his mind in a more toned down way.

4/5

Eat the rat

The weirdness

Cage

There is fun to be had

Cons.

It is badly paced

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