It’s A Wonderful Afterlife: Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past Got Real

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A mother, played by Shabana Azmi, becomes so obsessed with who her daughter, played by Goldy Notay, is going to marry that she starts killing people who she views as getting in the way or to have slighted her daughter. Sadly for her these people later come back as ghosts that haunt her every waking moment.

I thought this film had a lot of charm, is it the best film ever? No. However, there is more than enough to enjoy here. I liked the spin this film put on the idea of the traditional mother worried about daughter being single storyline and thought the added horror comedy elements really helped to bring it all together in a strong way.

I thought a lot of the jokes landed and I found myself laughing a fair bit throughout, I thought Sally Hawkins’ best friend character had all the best lines, though maybe some would say these days there was an element of cultural appropriation within her character.

My main issue with this film is as it so often is the pace of the film. I thought the film was overly long and had too many needless asides and sub-plots, it could have been a lot better if it had been half an hour shorter is what I would say.

Overall, above average though not quite up to the level of Gurinder Chadha’s later work Blinded By The Light though few films are.

Pros.

It is a lot of fun

The performances are good

Sally Hawkins

Cons.

It is too long

A few of the jokes don’t age well

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Jurassic World Dominion: This Is What Killed The Dinosaurs

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Yet another shady biotech company is causing trouble for the world and all the leads of the Jurassic series must rise up and stand together to stop them.

It wasn’t so much that this film was bad just totally unneeded.

It was fun seeing the old cast again but the film never really gave them an interesting or compelling reason to be there. When pondering why they have returned to the series the answers given are not because the plot needed them, as the giant locus could have been defeated by the newer cast, no the clear answer is they were just brought back for the sake of nostalgia.

I thought this film would focus far more on how the dinosaurs have now been let lose on the world but really that gets swiped under the rug fairly early on, yes we see the odd dinosaur attack here and there but the locus plot seems to be all that the film focuses on. This is obviously disappointing.

Also seeing yet another evil biotech company just makes one roll their eyes as hasn’t the series had enough of that old chestnut? The biotech baddies even build a park esque location to house the dinosaurs which comes under attack towards the end of the film meaning we came dangerously close to the double cliché of having the dinosaurs once again escape into the world.

I am not saying this film is entirely bad there are a few good scenes and I think Jeff Goldblum, DeWanda Wise and Bryce Dallas Howard do manage to salvage the film to a degree, but there are just too many issues with this film. An example of one you would think easy to fix is the incredibly poor CGI when Claire, played by Bryce Dallas Howard, is ejected from the plane: it makes bad Youtube greenscreen work look good.

Overall, the franchise goes out on a meh.

Pros.

Goldblum, Howard and Wise

A few fun moments

Cons.

It feels cliched

The bad CGI

The boring locus plotline

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Dashcam: Triggering Libs And Running From Demons

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Annie Hardy, played by Annie Hardy, live streams her travels to England wherein she comes into some demonic trouble after pretending to be a food delivery driver.

I had been excited for this film for some time, then I read that some cinemas in the UK were banning screenings of this film as it was so offensive, naturally this made me want to see it more even though it proved to most likely just be a marketing tool, and now after seeing it I would say it mostly lived up to my expectations.

I don’t think this film is a homerun in the same way Host was, I think there is a lot to like for sure but it is not without its issues. My main issue with the film was the fact that the shaky cam got a bit too much at times with it going here there and everything to the point that it was hard to see what was going on. Moreover, the film is further made hard to follow by the fact that it never gives concreate answers to anything that is happening and you don’t know what is going on a lot of the time.

That said, I do think this film is scary and has a number of good scenes that stick with you after watching. The abandoned world of night time England made for a refreshing setting and also somewhat of a novelty.

Hardy’s lead is supposed to be unlikeable, I would assume, to give you mixed feelings as she comes into trouble. On the one hand you want to see the monsters get her but then again you also sympathise. I think there is some commentary trying to be communicated through that depiction within the film but it is not strong enough that I could tell you what it is.

Overall, a strong and refreshing horror film only held back by too much shaky cam and a lack of concreate answers.

Pros.

Strong scares

A novel and refreshing setting

The tension

The ending

Cons.

Too much shaky cam

It is never clear what is going on

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Bob’s Burgers The Movie: A Cinema Worthy Event?

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Belcher family gets wrapped up in a murder investigation.

I am a big Bob’s Burgers fan and have watched the series all the way through many times over, as such when I heard about the show getting the movie treatment I was excited and thought it would be a significant event like The Simpsons Movie was. However, upon seeing it I am left feeling mixed.

My major issue with this film is that it didn’t feel like anything special to me. Unlike the previously mentioned Simpsons Movie it didn’t up the scale or do something that couldn’t be done on the small screen. The premise for this film could have worked well as a two or three part episode maybe, but for the series first film I just felt it was underwhelming.

On a more positive note, something I did enjoy about this film was how it gave us a deeper look into the series lore and we were given more information about some of the series big mysteries, such as how Louise, voiced by Kristen Schaal, came by her bunny ears. I also thought it was a nice touch to finally pay off the Tina, voiced by Dan Mintz, Jimmy Jr, voiced by H. Jon Benjamin romance that has run the course of the series. I hope these both play into the series going forward and aren’t just ignore for the sake of maintaining the shows status quo.

Overall, a fun time but maybe lower your expectations going in.

Pros.

It is fun

It develops the series lore

It pays off one of the shows central romances

Cons.

It doesn’t feel special or like anything that couldn’t have been done on TV

The humour feels weaker

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Scottish Mussel: A Vanity Project That Backfires

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Ritchie, played by Martin Compston, is a Glaswegian criminal who decides to become a pearl thief, the film follows him in that pursuit.

This film is a vanity project plain and simple. Tallulah Riley writes, produces, directs and stars in this film in which she tries to convey an anti-poaching message that she believes to be important, sounds admirable right? Well… there are also copious scenes wherein Riley strips down into a small bikini to go and dive into Scottish streams, a task which would in real life be damn near suicidal, these scenes feel very drawn out and would under a male director feel almost pervy, whereas with Riley the question has to be why did she frame herself in this way? Was she trying to show off? Advance her modelling career? Provide a cheap thrill? Whichever, the scenes feel uncomfortable to watch.

Worse still this film is the opposite of an advert for Riley as an actor with her remaining stiff as a board throughout, only seemingly being capable of maybe one facial expression during the whole runtime of the film. Money well spent.

The only reason this film doesn’t get lower is that it is very aggressively average and by the numbers but isn’t necessarily bad. The uncomfortable scenes to one side I found the film to at least be watchable and mindless.

Overall, Riley burns money in a vanity project that doesn’t actually make her look good.

Pros.

It is mindless

It is watchable

Cons.

It highlights Riley’s ego

Riley doesn’t give a convincing lead performance

The film as a whole is trite and entirely predictable

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The Queen’s Corgi: Not Suitable For Kids

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Queen’s priced corgi Rex, voiced by Jack Whitehall, goes missing and must find his way back to the Palace.

In many ways this is not a film for kids. There are a lot of adult jokes and references that kids just won’t understand. Whilst I do enjoy this films lambasting of Trump, I think more broadly that this films comedy should have been toned down. For lack of a better terms these anthropopathic dogs are horny and make constant sex jokes which feels uncomfortable at times. Couple this with a sequence in which Rex is being hunted down by Trump’s female dog in order for the two of them to breed, which Rex, does not want, and is somewhat assaulted and you can see there is a lot of bad taste issues here.

The film as a whole is fairly by the numbers, it is a plot that you have seen many times before with cliched characters that you will have met many times over the years especially if you watch a lot of animated films. I would say that this film approaches so bad it is good range, but doesn’t quite get there as the bad taste stuff holds it back rather than adding any sort of charm to it. Ultimately you are left questioning the screen-play writer.

Overall, a strange film that most certainly isn’t for children.

Pros.

The Trump parody

The Queen and Prince Phillips relationship

Cons.

The sex jokes

The icky and troublesome sequence with Trump’s dog

It is aggressively by the numbers

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Black Ball: It Is Hard To Like A Cheater

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The bad boy of British bowls is born.

This film is almost entirely devoid of any charm. The whole premise feels as though it has been done before many times over, and nothing new is done here. The cast are almost entirely without any warmth or charm and you spend your time wondering asking which character you dislike the most.

My biggest question is why did they book Vince Vaughn for this? And also why did Vince Vaughn want to do this project? I don’t have answers for either of these questions but I spent a large portion of the film being baffled by his involvement.

Usually I would never have a bad word to say about Paul Kaye, but here is a rare exception. Kaye is not a good leading man and even when he wins in the end and it is supposed to be a happy ending you still find it hard to like him, due in no small part to the fact that the team win by cheating.

Overall, a waste of time and money, with a few funny moments that make it slightly more bearable

Pros.

A few funny moments

Vince Vaughn always gets a point from me

Cons.

Kaye

Almost everyone is unlikeable

The film doesn’t need to exist

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Gangster No.1: More American Psycho Then Lock Stock

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

An east end gangster, played by Malcom McDowell, recounts the story of his rise to power.

I thought this film felt very original and had a voice entirely separate from the early noughties gangster fare put out by the likes of Guy Ritchie. In many ways this film has more in common with American Psycho then it does Snatch and is all the better for it.

I thought the philosophy of this film and its comments on what it means to have it all where interesting and McDowell does a good job playing unhinged, although Paul Bettany who plays the younger version of McDowell’s character does out stage him on a number of occasions in terms of sheer fright factor.

Where this film was weaker for me was in the few instances wherein it was trying to replicate Ritchie’s style and have that same sort of tongue in cheek irreverent tone, that I think didn’t work. I think this film could have been better if it had played itself more straight and been more of a character study into the mind of a crime boss. Ultimately, I think the film should have leaned into its own voice more and stayed away from what was popular at the time.

Overall, a fun and interesting film when it is leaning into the warped psychology of a gang enforcer, less so when it is trying to rip-off Lock Stock.

Pros.

Bettany

McDowell

The physiological spin

Cons.

The ending doesn’t land in a dramatic sense

It is trying to hard to be like a Guy Ritchie film at times

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South Park, The Streaming Wars: Going The Way Of Family Guy And The Simpsons

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Due to a water shortage in South Park streaming services crop up to try and find new ways to supply water to the townsfolk and turn a tidy profit.

This was not a good special and honestly makes me question whether South Park is starting to loose its edge. Recently I have been binge watching all the episodes of the show from the beginning and as such when I compare earlier classic episodes to this I have to say there is a noticeable decline in quality.

My main issues with this special is just how unlikeable everyone is. Both Randy and Cartman, voiced by Trey Parker, are not just being dicks but are deeply unlikeable. One can argue that this is nothing new for Cartman but it is for Randy, who is reduced to a one note cliché here. Honestly, since starting Tegridy Weed the show has really been running Randy into the ground.

Moreover, the commentary on streaming services, here being water distributors rather than tv and film, is paper thin and feels really quite off the mark. I have noticed some people say how angry and personal the commentary feels and they are then using this reading to imply that Matt Stone and Trey Parker are not happy at Paramount +, however, I think rather than that it is just a regurgitation of other tired complaints against streaming. Odder still, the complaints levelled feel like they have come out of the mid twenty tens rather than our current climate.

Overall, watchable but the decline is clear to see.

Pros.

It is nice to see ManBearPig return

A few good jokes

Cons.

Randy is ruined

Cartman is awful

The commentary doesn’t land

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Elizabeth A Portrait In Parts: One To Anger Both The Royalists And The Anti-Royalists

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A documentary about the life of Queen Elizabeth II told in parts.

Man, there was a lot wrong with this film. I am going to assume that a lot of the more questionable aspects of this were done for stylistic reasons because other wise I can see no clear justification.

Firstly to the issues of this as a documentary. There was no narration and no interviews it was simply a series of seemingly connected bits of stock footage pieced together, sometimes this stock footage wouldn’t even be of the Queen but from films or other things which added to the confusion of the film. Moreover, there were a lot of odd time jumps within the film that made it hard to follow, an example would be intercutting the Prince Andrew Pizza Express interview between segments on Princess Diana, who thought this was a good idea?

Moreover, I found this piece to be manically depressing showing a woman who has given so much of herself to the public that she has nothing left. There are moments in this film were the Queen looks thoroughly miserable and like she hates the life she has been forced into. Maybe that comes from my reading of the film but it made it hard for me to get through.

Finally there are a number of odd musical choices such as a song by Stormzy and a song wherein the singer wants to have sex with the Queen, both of which feel disrespectful but also incredibly out of place, who did the score for this film?

Overall, a very bad attempt at documentary that will likely leave no one happy.

Pros.

It is at times so strange that it becomes funny

A few nice moments

Cons.

The out of place songs

It is depressing

It doesn’t work as a documentary

It jumps around far too much in a timeline sense

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