Smile: Bathsalts Will Do That To A Person

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A therapist, played by Sosie Bacon, becomes the victim of a curse.

Originally I had very low expectations for this film after seeing the trailers, but then I started to read the early reviews and my expectations went up. However, now after having seen it I can say to temper your expectations, don’t go in expecting the world and you will like this film well enough.

The two major pros of this film are Sosie Bacon’s lead performance and the final third of the film, which like Hereditary, is truly a sight to see. In terms of scares this film does manage to be quite creepy and unsettling at times and the films monster will be one that sticks in your mind long after watching. However, I did find that this film was far too reliant on jump scares to the point where they lost all effect.

In terms of the negatives about this film things are far simpler, the issues all stem from just how similar to other horror films this is. To call this an original film is quite a stretch. It takes several films such as The Ring, Truth Or Dare, Hereditary and It Follows and strips them for parts which it then sows together into a Frankenstein’s monster which then becomes this film. Moreover, because this film is so derivative there are no real surprises, everything happens exactly as you would expect it to.

Overall, better than average but far too familiar.

Pros.

A few good scares

Bacon

It is very watchable

Cons.

It is far too familiar

It is entirely predictable

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Bullet Train: Lock Stock Meets John Wick

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of hitmen and murderers gather together on a bullet train, each has their own mission.

I didn’t catch this one in the cinema so I was waiting for the digital release, and now that I have seen it I am somewhat disappointed. Not because it is a bad movie, because it isn’t, but because it tries to be two very different things and didn’t do either of them enough, and to make matters worse these two elements badly clashed with one another. The film certainly has charm but it also has a lot of issues.

The two things this film tries to be to me, is on one hand a Guy Ritchie crime film with the quippy comments and colourful characters and then on the other it tries to be an incredibly stylised action film ala John Wick. The issue with the former comes as the tone can’t seem to maintain its quippy nature throughout and at times tries to go serious and dramatic, this derails it. The problem with the stylised action is that there isn’t very much of it, the film really goes out of its way to set up all these oddball characters with different backstories but then realises after it has done that that there isn’t any runtime left. The action we get is fairly tame and forgettable.

Brad Pitt is still a strong lead, and in that he does make an interesting entry point into this world.

Overall, there are some things to like about this film, namely Pitt, but there are also a lot of problems.

Pros.

Pitt

A few funny moments

It has a nicely lively pace

Cons.

The tone doesn’t quite work

It feels mismatched

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Ticket To Paradise: A Holiday To The Cinema

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Two bitterly divorced parents, played by Julia Roberts and George Clooney, must team up to try and prevent their daughter, played by Kaitlyn Dever, from getting married.

I thoroughly enjoyed my time with this film. It was nothing new or particularly surprising, but it was comforting. It was like a warm mug of soup on a hot day, you have had it before but it provides a nice escape from the winters day outside. In my mind this film did what all good films should do, it provided you with a nice breezy escape from reality. It entertains you for a few hours and ultimately it doesn’t need to do more than that.

I think George Clooney and Julia Roberts have great chemistry together, and the formers case it made me realise just how much I had missed seeing him on-screen. I think if the film had different leads it would have worked a lot less and the cornier elements of the narrative might have stuck out more for the wrong reasons, as it is the two bring a lot to the film. An interesting thing to note in terms of performance is that Dever gets totally out shone by Billie Lourd who plays her best friend. Dever doesn’t bring much to the film and could have easily been replaced by a number of other actors to minimal effect, Lourd though however is a scene stealer across the film.

Overall, this film feels like a warm hug from a friend you haven’t seen in a while.

Pros.

Roberts

Clooney

Lourd

It is a lot of escapist fun

Cons.

It is nothing new

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The Munsters: Use My Body To Keep You Alive

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Rob Zombie brings back The Munsters.

I saw a few episodes of the original series when I was a kid, but outside of that I have come to this project with very little familiarity with the IP. Mainly I came because I am a big fan of the films of Rob Zombie, also I wanted to see how his first foray into the world of family filmmaking went. In all honesty this film is a mixed bag, and if you aren’t a fan of Zombie’s style then you will almost certainly not like it.

I think that Zombie’s sensibilities work better outside of the family genre, I think now after watching this that Zombie needs the gore and the mania as compliments to his work. That is not to say that this is entirely without charm, to the contrary I found myself quite enjoying some of the more out there nods and jokes here and Sheri Moon Zombie is as delightful as always. However, on the whole I would say the film’s comedy left me freezing cold.

I do question who this was for, was it for the original fans? New ones? Who? I don’t think the film at all justifies its existence, even though it has many opportunities to in as the film is seemingly on for eons- maybe it just felt that way.

A saving grace of this film was the score, it gave me something to latch onto.

Overall, the only reason this film gets a slightly better than average score from me is because I am a Zombie fan and really appreciate his signature style, most other people would rate in lower.

Pros.

Zombie’s direction flair

The zaniness of it

The score

Cons.

It is too long and doesn’t justify its existence

The comedy doesn’t work, and the family friendly feel holds the film back

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Confess Fletch: Who Doesn’t Need A Whole Bunch Of Fake Identities

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Retired investigative journalist Fletch, played by Jon Hamm, explores an art world mystery.

I will open this review by saying that I have no fondness for the Chevy Chase Fletch films. They were before my time and upon watching them in a more modern context the humour just didn’t land for me at all. However, I am pleased to say I enjoyed this film much more than the older Chase films.

I thought all of the performances across the board were great most noticeably Lorenza Izzo and Jon Hamm, but all of the characters were very easy to warm to. I thought this film had a lot of old school charm and reminded me of comedy crime films of yore, the sort that someone like Steve Martin would have made. However, unlike those movies a lot of the more toxic and problematic elements of those films were cut out here, much to the betterment of the film.

Moreover, the central mystery is pretty solid I did not guess it which is a sure sign of quality. In addition the humour of the film was more hit than miss for me and quite often made me laugh, I think Hamm in particular has great comedic timing.

Overall, a fun and enjoyable film that won’t set the world on fire.

Pros.

Hamm

Izzo

The humour

The mystery

Cons.

A few pacing issues

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Goodnight Mommy: Kids Are Freaky Man

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Two young boys, played by Cameron Crovetti and Nicolas Crovetti, begin to suspect that their mother, played by Naomi Watts, isn’t actually there mother. Based on an Austrian film of the same name.

Before watching this I hadn’t seen the Austrian original, I had heard of it but not seen it, as such I went into this not knowing the twist or where it was going. However, a short while into the film I guessed the twist completely correctly and the rest of the film then proceeded exactly as I was expecting it to. My point is that the film is predictable, the twist has been done frequently before and done better at that.

The horror elements work to an extent and there are a few creepy sequences but by and large they are few and far between meaning that you spend more of your time bored than scared. Watts is trying her best but I would say the film really doesn’t give her much to do and that is a crucial missed opportunity.

Overall, generic and done before, but watchable in a pinch.

Pros.

It is watchable

A few good scares

Cons.

It is predictable

The twist has been done better before

It has pacing issues

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The Invitation: If There Is One Thing I Hate About The Aristocracy It’s All The Damn Vampires

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Ancestry.com leads to a young woman, played by Nathalie Emmanuel, becoming the love interest for an evil vampire lord, played by Thomas Doherty.

This was barely a horror film, honestly after a point this film just becomes a superhuman action movie. The horror elements are fairly thin on the ground, the early parts of the film seem to be heading in the standard creepy British haunted house fare but then takes a drastic turn that really doesn’t help the film much at all. However, really the issues come in the final third when all the horror trappings are dropped and Emmanuel starts fighting vampires, this really takes out all the scare potential.

Also the final scene forces in a sense of girl power which leaves the film off on an eyeroll which is not what anyone wants. The more filmmakers and writers try and force in hamfisted political commentary into films the more I will criticise it, unless it is done well.

In terms of the vampire sub-genre this film struggles to do anything original, it inserts in its own version of Dracula who never really comes across as any kind of threat.

Honestly, the only thing I liked about it was the fact that it featured the legendary Sean Pertwee, and he is a saving grace but really isn’t given much to do.

Overall, a flawed horror film that makes a series of bad mistakes.

Pros.

Sean Pertwee

Unintentionally funny at times

Cons.

The forced in social commentary

The weak vampire content

It makes a series of bad creative choices

It has pacing issues

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Bodies Bodies Bodies: Hello Fellow Kids

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of friends gather together to wait out a storm and play some party games, once there things take a turn for the worst and one by one people start getting murdered.

Spoilers Ahead

I thought this film was pretty entertaining, but it was not without its issues. Most obviously, you could tell that this film was written by someone who isn’t Gen Z as though they use some correct vernacular it never really feels authentic and genuine. Moreover, with the expectation of Amandla Stenberg the cast are not members of Gen Z either, these might only be little nit picks I know but as the film has been labelled a Gen Z murder mystery it deserves to be pointed out.

The mystery was well used for the most part, however, it is ruined by the end of the film. Where it turns out that there never was any murderer just a series of accidents and misunderstandings leading to all these deaths then it just feels like a cop out. Honestly I didn’t find the ending funny I found it to be infuriating.

For me the performances were a mixed bag, I thought Maria Bakalova, Lee Pace and Rachel Sennott all gave strong performances whereas Myha’la Herrold’s Jordan felt cliched, Stenberg’s Sophie underdeveloped and Pete Davidson’s David to be totally unlikeable.

Overall, whilst it has some enjoyable moments for the most part this is a decidedly average film.

Pros.

A few funny moments

It is a good mystery until the ending ruins it

Bakalova really shines

Cons.

A lot of the supporting cast are wasted

It feels clearly like someone older trying to write for Gen Z

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Honk For Jesus, Save Your Soul: Tax The Church

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A mockumentary following a preacher, played by Sterling K. Brown, and his wife, played by Regina Hall, as they try to save their ministry after a sex abuse scandal.

I thought this film quite cleverly satirised religion and the stereotypical idea of the faith preacher, deconstructing both into their base elements. I think the film raises a number of good points about the follies of organised religion and how power and trust corrupts.

Both of the leads give strong performances, though I would probably say that Hall is the better of the two, she really brings an authentic air to her character of a devoted wife who tries even in face of knowing that there husband is far from a perfect man, I feel there is a real sense of earnestness to her character.

Where this film falls down for me is with the pacing, I think the film doesn’t have enough going on for it to be feature length, I think a lot of the things that happen in the narrative feel like playing for time and I think the film would have worked much better at the hour mark. Moreover, I think some of the more surreal elements the film tries to incorporate come off more as out of place than anything else, which could work in an absurdist sense but I found to be quite try hardy.

Overall, better than average but let down by a bad pace and some odd creative choices.

Pros.

Hall

Brown

A few good laughs

Cons.

The pace

The surreal elements

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End Of The Road: A Sorry Endeavor For All Involved

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A family on a cross country road trip get on the wrong side of a sketchy group of dudes, and a cat and mouse game begins.

This film sucked hard. The social commentary of this film is so on the nose that it feels like it reaches over and hits you in the face. Nothing new is being said here and it is once again the narrative of white people are bad and are inherently out to get POC, honestly this narrative really annoys me as it is both lazy and such a broad generalisation that it kills any kind of nuanced conversation dead. I don’t doubt that there are evil groups of white people such as the ones this film present, I am sure there are many all over the world, but the way this film goes about tackling this issue never gets out of a place of race-baiting.

The performances are fairly weak across the board, I don’t think anyone in the film thinks this is going to be the film they get an Oscar for. No one hugely stood out though I would say Queen Latifah comes closest, it is nice to see her back as a headline billing, however, she can do far better than this schlock.

Overall, a thriller that goes far too hard on the racial aspect of its narrative and that doesn’t actually deliver many thrills.

Pros.

A few unintentionally funny moments

Cons.

The performances are weak

The race-baiting

The pacing is awful

It is schlock without any charm

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