Maybe I Do: The Rom-Com Genre Is As Toxic As Ever

Summary

Yet another toxic rom-com in which a group of once loved actors trade away their remaining industry respect for an easy pay check.

Honestly this film has one of the most toxic plot lines I have ever seen. Emma Robert’s character thinks she can pressure her boyfriend, played by Luke Bracey, into marrying her by saying if he won’t then they will break up. What makes this more troubling is that her character’s mum, played by Diana Keaton, thinks that this is a totally fine thing to do as well. For what it is worth it is not a normal thing to do, you shouldn’t pressure your partner into doing what you want before they are ready and marriage isn’t the be all and end all that this film seems to think it is but hey.

Really you shouldn’t expect very much from a film that has such clunky lines of dialogue as this is my heart and this is my brain, whilst holding the character’s significant other’s hand over these areas. To say it is cringe is both an understatement and well as giving this film too much credit, the writing is just so subpar that it becomes impossibly not to notice bad.

Overall, avoid this at all costs and Michael Jacobs should probably never write anything ever again and hope that one day he lives down the shame of this film.

1/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

It has a bad message

It has deeply unlikeable characters

The romance is troublesome

It is tedious and generic

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The Godfather: Truly A Titan Of The Form

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Vito Corleone, played by Marlon Brando, is the Godfather of a crime family and everything seems to be going well that is until a gang war erupts and things take a turn for the worse.

This film really does last the test of time. Many times in my life I have had people tell me that I have to watch The Godfather and that it is an important film that someone like me, who is really into film, simply must watch, however, for one reason or another I have never gotten around to it. That was the case until recently when I finally decided to sit down and watch it, and boy was it worth it.

I think simply put this is one of the best crime films ever made, and I have seen a lot of gangster films over the years, I would say that this film is very much on the same level as the in-genre works of Scorsese. Everything about it works from the story which feels both incredibly relatable and also completely foreign, to the performances which are just top notch across the board. Even the pacing, which is usually something that bothers me a lot about films and TV shows works, not a second of this film is wasted.

It is hard to decide who has a better showing here between Brando and Al Pacino, both are terrific and have fantastic moments but I think upon reflection the beauty of their performances is really enhanced by bouncing off each other.

Overall, probably the best Gangster film ever made.

5/5

Pros.

The acting

The drama

The family dynamics

The action and the tension

The scope

Cons.

None

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The Whale: A Life Of Grief And Pain

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A dying man, played by Brendan Fraser, spends his last days trying to reconnect with his daughter, played by Sadie Sink.

This is a powerful film in a lot of different ways. It is powerful as a film about a man who has been driven by grief and guilt for all his life and who has turned to destroying himself, it is shocking as a film about a man who is eating himself to death, and it is bone chilling as a film about human cruelty and loss.

Brendan Fraser is fantastic here and really does deserve to win awards for this film as it is easily the best performance of his career and spoke to me on a number of different levels. This is truly Fraser at the top of his game. Sadly, and this may serve to be the only real negative of the film, Sadie Sink sticks out for all the wrong reasons here. In many senses there is an idea that she is being type cast, her performance here is very similar to that in Stranger Things, though one may add it seems a little more malicious here. I think her range and acting ability really doesn’t come through here at all and she is certainly blown out of the water by Fraser.

I think the strongest thing this film has going for it is a clear sense of emotional purpose and truth. This film does not mess around with its emotional impact, every scene and line is carefully crafted to make you feel something, whether it is the monstrosity with which the whale himself is shot at times or the scenes of him binging, or the final scene of acceptance and moving on. Each shot serves a purpose and infuses itself with so much emotion that it is nigh on impossible for you to feel nothing.

Overall, a powerful film that marks Fraser fighting his way back into Hollywood.

4/5

Pros.

Fraser

The emotion

The imagery and cinematography

The pacing

Cons.

Sadie Sink lets the side down

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Your Place Or Mine: If Only This Could Be What Life Was Like, Charmed Doesn’t Begin To Cover It

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Debbie, played by Reese Witherspoon, and Peter, played by Ashton Kutcher, have been friends for multiple decades but are only just now realising that they want to be with each other romantically.

In many senses this is a safe choice, it is a bog standard rom-com, nothing more nothing less. If that is enough for you then great, but don’t go in expecting anything that is going to change the game or be in any way remotely new or fresh.

I thought both Witherspoon and Kutcher brought a level of charm and warmth to their respective roles, but at the same time you would expect that from two such genre pros. In regard to their romantic chemistry on-screen, there were some sparks there and at times I found myself believing it, but it never really came alive and struck me as authentic.

As it is a rom-com we have to ask the age old question of is it sexist? The answer to that is yes, however, it is not the most sexist rom-com I have ever seen. I am of course referring to the fact that Kutcher’s Peter is a fairly well put together chap, if a recovering addict and a bit lonely, whereas Witherspoon’s character is a stereotypical overly involved mum who lives through her kid, Lord knows they can’t break away from genre archetypes and try and give her a more nuanced role. No, no as she is a woman she is stuck in the obsessive mother role, in the end she is seen trying to branch out to new horizons and work in publishing, however, this is with the implication that Kutcher’s Peter helped her calm down and stop worrying so much about her kid. Yikes.

Overall, pretty much exactly what you would expect from a rom-com both for good and for bad.

2.5/5

Pros.

Witherspoon and Kutcher both give good performances and have a little chemistry

It is fairly well paced

It is very watchable

Cons.

It is sexist

It is fairly forgettable and generic

Some of the side characters are barely characters at all

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Knock At The Cabin: Would You Let The World Burn?

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A couple, played by Jonathan Groff and Ben Aldridge, and their daughter, played by Kristen Cui, must choose between sacrificing one of their own, or letting the world burn.

I think this coupled with Servant really does seem to suggest that M. Night Shyamalan is back on top form and hopefully this can last for at least a few more projects. Admittedly I did think a similar thing when Split came out and then he released Glass and Old so what do I know maybe another slump is just around the corner.

I thought the best thing about this film was the premise. For a lot of the film you don’t know if what the dooms day people are saying is true, but as the film progresses and we see that it is and that the magnitude of the destruction is massive, this then shifts the film into being a thought experiment in ethics. I really enjoyed the themes and ideas Shyamalan tried to explore here and I thought that unlike Old this film has some real depths to it.

Groff and Aldridge made for a very believable couple, and thanks to the well-used flashbacks you do end up caring about them as a couple as well. This is very important as the emotional core of the film comes down to whether you could lose the love of your life to save the planet and that needs to hit emotionally in the film, which I can safely say it does. I thought the supporting cast of the dooms day preventers were also good, if a little underdeveloped, Dave Bautista’s Lenard gets the most attention on that front and he does give a solid performance though I would say he isn’t given much to work with.

Overall, M. Night Shyamalan’s best film in years.

4.5/5

Pros.

The performances

The emotion

The premise and what they do with it

The ending

It is well paced and maintains its tension throughout

Cons.

The supporting cast are a little wasted as their characters are underdeveloped

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Mr Harrigan’s Phone: Just What You Needed Some More Apple Product Placement

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A teen, played by Jaeden Martell, communes with his recently deceased billionaire pal, played by Donald Sutherland, through a phone with not so surprising horrifying results.

Lets get one thing perfectly clear at the start of this review, this film is not a horror film. It doesn’t matter how the trailer makes it look, or how Netflix categorises it, it simply isn’t a horror film. There is nothing remotely scary about this film, yes the ghost kills two people that Martell’s character asks him to, that’s it, we never see the ghost, the kills happen fairly off screen, and the film can’t even seem to manage a jump scare. It is silly that this film is being put out there under the horror genre because it really doesn’t belong there, however, on this topic I have a theory as to why this is happening.

I believe that the reason this film is presented as a horror film is because if it was presented as what it is, a coming of age film, then a lot less people would have bothered checking it out, as I imagine the possible audience for coming of age fare is less than horror. Also Netflix needed this film to be a horror so that it would fit its pre Halloween line up. I think the saddest part of it is that this film isn’t even a very good coming of age film, when you compare it to something like Ladybird or The Edge Of Seventeen you see that this film is just the same festering and pungent teen cliches and tropes rewarmed and with a horror label to try and cover the creative rot.

The only good thing I have to say about it is that the few scenes with Donald Sutherland in them are good, Sutherland still has it and he puts everyone else in this film to shame.

Overall, yet another flop for Netflix, when will they ever learn the lessons of quality vs quantity.

1.5/5

Pros.

Donald Sutherland

An interesting premise that is quickly wasted

Cons.

It isn’t a horror film in any sense

As a coming of age film it is lazy and overly familiar

Martell is awful

It is tedious

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Babylon: Hollywood’s Continued Love Affair With Itself

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The lives of a group of actors, writers, and others involved in the films industry are forever changed as Hollywood leaves the silent era.

I think this film is at its best when it is going wild, whether that is the hedonistic dance number or Tobey McGuire covering his face in grease paint. When it loses track of the wider points it is trying to make about chasing stardom and your dreams never turning out to be what you want them to be, all of which have been made before and in a much more nuance and layered way that this film, the film is fun. The grotesque spectacle of Hollywood as a playground for broken millionaires does have some mileage, and that is why the party scenes are the highlight of the film.

I think personally, this is one of Chazelle’s most accessible films for me and the only one outside of Whiplash that I could really ever get into. This again was more a result of the gross levels of debauchery and ideocracy that you can’t help but stare at then as a result of the plot. For the most part the narrative of the film is fairly aimless and tries to be insightful whilst going through the motions, all the while you are just counting down the moments to the next manic burst of energy that you know is coming.

Margot Robbie tries her best to anchor the film and keep it afloat but struggles, however, I don’t really think any of the actors in this film would be strong enough to carry it on their backs. Even veterans like Brad Pitt can light up the screen for a few scenes but are then quickly put back in their box as the film doesn’t know what to do with them. Diego Cava’s Manny is a serviceable and likeable protagonist but there isn’t enough fresh about him to really make him stand out against the likes of Robbie, Pitt and a greased up McGuire.

Finally, though no one is watching this film for a history lesson I would be remiss not to point out that by all accounts the version of Hollywood this film portrays is not only not accurate in a historical sense but is also incredibly and I do mean incredibly sanitised. Any notions of racism, sexism or predatory sexual practice, all of which we know would likely have been fairly common at the time are conveniently left out so Hollywood can fetishize its early days and blow more hot air up itself.

Overall, fun when viewed for the wild spectacle and silliness, but when things turn serious the film begins to crack.

3/5

Pros.

Everything about Toby McGuire’s role

It can be a lot of fun

It is fairly well paced for the epic that it tries to be

Cons.

It sanitises and rewrites history on a number of things

It has nothing new or insightful to say yet thinks it does

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Shotgun Wedding: Get Those Divorce Papers Ready

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Tom, played by Josh Duhamel, and Darcy, played by Jenifer Lopez, have their wedding taken over by terrorists and must work together to try and overcome them.

This is watchable yet entirely forgettable. Honestly, this kind of action comedy is nothing new and has been done many times before. Sadly, in the long history of newly weds teaming up to take down armed bad guys this film isn’t high up on the list.

The main reason for this is because of how tame it is. In almost every regard this film feels like it is holding back, be it in the gore and the violence, the swearing or even in the relationship drama. No couple I have ever met interacts like these two, the way they talk and generally just are around each other feels off and oddly formal at times. It would be an understatement to say that Lopez and Duhamel have no chemistry if anything I wouldn’t be surprised if it comes out over the next few years that the two of them hated each other whilst making this.

Overall, this is the sort of lazy film that reminds you that Hollywood, in this case Amazon, think they can just serve audiences with any old trash and that we will just happily consume it. Well I for one will spit out this rancid meal and will call out Amazon for this, consumers deserve better.

1/5

Pros.

It is not offensively bad

Cons.

It is tedious

It didn’t need to be made

It has no charm

It is horribly paced

The leads are both awful

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Sweet Home Alabama: Evangelist Propaganda

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A New York based fashion designer, played by Reece Witherspoon, travels back home to yes you guessed it Alabama to try and get divorced from her husband, played by Josh Lucas, so she can marry her new beau, played by Patrick Dempsey.

I put this on as it is February, the month of rom-coms, and after looking up non-toxic rom-coms I was fairly sure this was going to be a wholesome classic. Deary me how wrong I was, this film like many others in the genre is quite hard to watch and teaches some pretty bad lessons. These include but are not limited to, hey kids you should leave your life and dream job so you can move back to your home town and get with your ex, if you have a romantic moment as a child with one of your friends that means they are your soulmate forever, and finally when acting out it is perfectly okay to out your LGBTQ+ friend to everyone in town. That’s a big yikes.

Moreover, as the film progresses not only does Witherspoon’s character become more and more unlikeable, but also you begin to question why she is doing what she is doing. Clearly her and her ex have problems, clearly they are badly suited to each other yet they end up together because the film wants them to as it perpetuates myths. In many senses it is plain to see that Witherspoon’s character would have been better off with Dempsey’s character yet the film doesn’t allow that to happen as it would rather push the cliched destiny angle and suggest that women should stay with their exs because you never know they might change.

Overall, watchable yet fairly troubling.

1.5/5

Pros.

It is watchable

It has a few funny moments

Cons.

It has some really poor messages

Witherspoon’s character is fairly unlikable

The central romance of the film doesn’t work on a number of levels

It has pacing issues

Plane: Plummeting To The Ground In More Than One Sense

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Gerard Butler is a pilot who must face off against violent insurgents after his plane goes down.

Meh.

I could really leave the review there as there isn’t much more to say. It is a perfectly serviceable action film but nothing more. For anyone hoping for a do-over of Olympus Has Fallen this is nowhere near that level, nor is it near the levels of awfulness that make something like God’s Of Egypt fun. It is exactly what you would expect it to be and that is why it is so disappointing.

Perhaps the only thing of note that is positive about this film is the fact that Butler gets to go fully Scottish and let his accent come out which is nice as his barely faux American accents were starting to get grating. In terms of his performance Butler is as he ever is here, if you have ever seen one of his films then you know what that entails. There is a scene in which one of Butlers character’s passengers gets killed and he throws himself around and looks emotional whilst in the arms of Mike Coulter’s character, that I suppose could count as Butler trying to do some acting here but even then it is still fairly thin.

In terms of Mike Coulter if he thought this was going to be his breakout action role, in a post Luke Cage sphere, then he was sorely mistaken. His character is really more of a prop, being there to service Butler’s character and the plot, being whatever it needs him to be. It is strange that the script never really addresses the crime his character was accused of doing beyond stating it once, they set up a whole narrative that never comes to anything at all. To his credit Coulter’s incredibly limited performance makes Butler look like he deserves an Oscar so if nothing else I am sure Butler is thanking him.

Overall, not campy enough to be fun and too formulaic and familiar to be interesting.

2.5/5

Pros.

It is watchable

Some of the CGI is hilariously bad

It is short

Cons.

The performances are awful

The script feels like it is copied and pasted from many other action films with barely anything unique to it

It never addresses Coulters character’s backstory

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