Red One: Santa Clause Runs Guantanamo Bay

Captain America and Black Adam save Christmas.

This film is everything a Christmas film should be fun, festive and silly. It never takes itself too seriously and that is only too it’s benefit.

It is questionable who this film is for as there are very adult moments such as when Chris Evans burns the side of a snowman’s face off, and also learning about Santa Claus and his team using enhanced interrogation techniques, however if you go with the weirdness there’s a lot of laughs to have. I would argue that is still safe for families.

The duo themselves have some charm I would say of all of Dwayne Johnson’s pairings this is quite middle of the road, he was better with Emily Blunt. The characters and their journeys are fairly stock and generic and you have seen all of this before, but you also not coming to this for great character work, you are coming to it to see Krampus arrive in the third act to save the day very much like an Avengers esque moment.

The choice of villain in Sabrina’s own Kiernan Shipka is odd. The idea of this teen girl bossing around men three times if not more her size is a little bit absurd however this is a film that has talking polar bears so maybe absurd is it’s bread and butter. When she reverts to her troll form at the end of the film then she is far more of a menacing threat.

Overall, a silly and fun Christmas film.

4.5/5

Pros.

It is fun

It is silly

It has great world building

It is imaginative

The duo are charming enough

Cons.

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Hellboy The Crooked Man: Rivaling del Toro

Summary

Hellboy, Jack Kesy, is back.

Despite this film coming and going and getting zero fanfare at all I actually rather enjoyed it. This film set itself apart from previous iterations of Hellboy in two key ways, firstly rather than being a fantasy action film this was straight horror, and secondly rather than focusing on Hellboy’s destiny as the right hand of doom it instead focused on his mother. Both of these things helped the film to feel fresh.

In terms of horror, this film’s low-fi feel add it to the horror by making it feel more gritty and real, the practical effects work also went a long way to giving the film an atmosphere and a more realistic edge. The film’s villain I would say is the most effective of all of the iterations and has some genuinely creepy moments.

My one complaint of the film would be that it felt like a sequel, by that I mean the film assumed a certain level of knowledge around Hellboy’s origins and back story, and starts you off in the middle of an adventure. Personally, I think for people unfamiliar with the character this could be quite confusing.

Overall, a novel new direction.

4/5

Pros.

The horror

The practical effects

The tone

It feels like a Hellboy adventure ripped straight out of the comic

Cons.

It is not very accessible for new watchers

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Wicked: We Must Never Let Cynthia Erivo Ever Be Erased

Summary

A beloved musical is rushed to the big screen in order to get a supposed ‘easy’ pay day, yet any magic has long been ripped out of this film.

As the trailers showed us this was the most generic film of the year, there was no substance to it at all, the poorly disguised racism sub-plot is the sort of thing you might have seen in a children’s cartoon about thirty years ago. It is obvious and has nothing new to say on the matter if you needed more.

The acting is terrible from both of the leads, not wanting Ms Erivo to feel like I am erasing her identity, I have made mention of her name in regard to this comment on poor acting. The fact that they cast women far past their teen years to play school girls is just a bit ridiculous, but hey if they could act well it wouldn’t be a problem. Both stick out in different ways but one way to describe it would be that is abundantly clear early on that you are watching a film, they take you out of it at every turn.

Moreover, and I would say perhaps most glaringly is the fact that for the budget the effects in this film are quite iffy. There are again a number of moments where you are taken out of the film by the effects as they look poor and make you question how they made it onto the final cut, but hey I guess they are still working out the kinks with AI so it will get better with time.

Overall, a needless film in many ways but hey this is Erivo’s moment in the sun and boy is it mediocre.

1/5

Pros.

It is funny bad

Cons.

The CGI

The acting

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The Wild Robot: Rewilding In The Extreme

Summary

A robot lands on a planet and tries to help them complete tasks.

So on the surface of it this film doesn’t have much going for it, the premise is a little uninspired and doesn’t do much to get you to engage with the film, however, the film really manages to deliver on the emotional stakes.

I found the film to be quite emotionally impactful and I really ended up caring about the interpersonal relationships of the characters by the end of it. I would argue that this emotional resonance manages to balance out the lack of charm, as unlike other DreamWorks’ film such as Shrek this film didn’t have the same sort of personability or even humour.

I would say that Lupita Nyong’o was the right choice for the role of the robot as she doesn’t have to put in much in the way of emotion into her performance. A lack of emotion seems to be a hallmark of Nyong’o’s acting style.

Overall, an emotional rollercoaster of a film without much charm on the character side of things

3/5

Pros.

The emotion

The ending

The animation

Cons.

A lack of charm

Nyong’o

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Woman Of The Hour: Anna Kendrick Needs Her Ego Stroking

Summary

Netflix indulges yet another narcissist.

This time it is Anna Kendrick who wants to direct herself in a film she thinks is going to raise awareness about serial killers.

So once again quality is sacrificed so that Netflix can stroke a famous person’s ego. I don’t know who told Kendrick that she was a good director but whoever it was wasn’t a true friend as true friends don’t lie.

You get a fairly standard serial killer story which might entertain you if you are in the mood for some low brow Netflix trash that lacks any kind of substance. Kendrick doing press for this tried to say that the film had all these deep things to say about society, it really doesn’t in anyway.

I found the acting to feel very much like acting and the film and a dislikable almost self-aware like quality to it with it feeling almost like Kendrick was looking into the camera a few times, if this is her directorial style I don’t like it.

Overall, Netflix needs to start putting quality first.

2/5

Pros.

It is watchable

It is short

Cons.

Kendrick is a bad director

The performances are bad

It lacks any originality

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Paddington In Peru: A Little Bear Goes A Long Way

Summary

Paddington, Ben Whishaw, goes to Peru.

Perhaps it was because I had been so looking forward to this film for month or because of how big a fan I am of the franchise that I ultimately left this film feeling disappointed.

Now this is still a very good film, it is as charming as ever and it is nice to see Paddington having a number of sweet moments with his aunt, they were genuinely very effecting and made me tear up. The Hugh Grant cameo at the end was also sublime.

I think my issues with the film came threefold, firstly I missed Sally Hawkins in the role of Mrs Brown, Emily Mortimer, was fine but she just didn’t match the same zany energy Hawkins had in the previous two films. Secondly this film missed out for not having Paul King directing it as compared to his style this film felt visually and cinematically a little flat, it felt far more paint by numbers in terms of gags and quirks than the previous two films.

Thirdly, I liked seeing more of Paddington’s back story be explored that was nice and see even smaller cub Paddington was lovely, however, I would have preferred a Windsor Gardens based adventure. That is not just because more of the classic Paddington gang could have been in it such as Peter Capaldi’s Mr Curry, but also because the new setting just didn’t add much to the film overall or give the adventure anymore of a flavour. I suppose what I am getting at is a normal Paddington story is wonderful and quirky and London based this felt like a generic adventure plot line grafted onto a Paddington script.

A final point before we close, Olivia Colman really needs to fire her agent. She has become typecast, and whilst she had a few funny moments and one great musical number here for the most part it is incredibly obvious that she is the villain and she is. All she can seemingly play is manic women often with an evil streak and that’s fine but her schtick is starting to wear out. She needs to play against type soon.

Overall, a good film in many ways but undeniably a step back from the previous two films.

4/5

Pros.

Aunt Lucy

Hugh Grant

More classic Paddington moments

The opening song

Cons.

Sally Hawkins looms large over the film as does Paul King

Olivia Colman is typecast

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The Front Room: I Made A Mess

Summary

A woman, Brandy, and her mother in law, Kathryn Hunter, don’t get on and it’s a horror film for some reason.

So going into this I didn’t know who Brandy was, I haven’t see I Know What You Did Last Summer in a few years, and so I looked her up and I saw that she was a singer and so going into the film that was my impression. As such I thought that she would be a bad actor, and of course she was and it was only later when I read more I realised that she is supposed to be an actor to, much to my surprise.

Furthermore, I question what the horror was here, as there doesn’t seem to be any. The mother is adversarial but she is never out and out evil, out side of that there is nothing. There is never a threat that the mother will kill the lead, so therein lies a problem. If the horror is supposed to come from the fact the mother is racist, then it doesn’t work as outside of California folks don’t have a fit to that, they see it and don’t like it but just accept that some people are old/stuck in their ways/ trash and know that having a cry and a fit about it won’t make them stop being that way.

Overall, other than a few unintentionally funny scenes there isn’t all that much here.

1.5/5

Pros

The M.E.S.S thing is funny

It is watchable

Cons.

It is not scary

The acting is bad

The commentary is on the nose

It has pacing issues

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Timestalker: One Of The Most Unlikable Characters In Cinema History

Summary

A woman, Alice Lowe, reincarnates over and over again chasing after a guy who doesn’t like her back.

This film was a vanity project much like Woman of the Year, review coming soon. Lowe’s other films have also drawn from her own life, but here not only is she actor and star but the whole film is an effort in narcissism. This is textual meaning that in the plot of the film the central character and her desire is the plot of the film, there is nothing more to it than that, there is no character growth, she likes the guy then eventually realises he will never be the one for her but then ends the film with him liking her causing a character development regression and undoing the growth.

To make matters worse the film has nothing to say, it is about a thin as a McDonalds paper bag, it is shallow and the character unlikable. You may root or care for her if she wasn’t so self-involved yet she is so you don’t. The film borrows a lot from the dark comedies of Ben Wheatley yet unlike his work in say Sightseers for example, there is no subtext here no broad commentary and crucially no jokes.

I don’t think I laughed once during the entirety of the film, and I would say that no one else in the entire cinema did, but then no one else was there.

Overall, I think it is sad that films like this get made because in British circles Lowe is a minor name, a better film that could have made more and been more highly praised could have been made with this money.

1/5

Pros.

It is relatively short

Cons.

It isn’t funny

It is boring

It has nothing to say

Lowe isn’t very good in it

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Smile Two: Nothing To Smile About

Summary

The smiling demon is back again.

Honestly I was fairly lukewarm on the first film in this series as it was plain to see just how derivative of It Follows it was, however, I did think it had some redeeming moments. This one does not.

For a start you have a main character, Naomi Scott, who is so unlikeable you are rooting for the monster throughout, which is not what the film wants. The reason why she is so unlikable is because she is so whiny and self-involved, she is constantly the victim whilst whining and being a diva.

Follow this up with a film that is just manically depressing, not scary, which a lot of modern horror films seem to get muddled up. The film is just oh these terrible people do bad things and then go insane and pass it on, it just feels grim and dark. There is no levity or even camp to it.

The ending I think is the worst part of the whole film. So from the moment they announced that the new lead character was going to be a singer the ending was obvious. The singer would end the film killing themselves in front of thousands of people passing on the demonic virus at a massive scale, creating pandemonium. I was right.

Overall, there is nothing new, novel or even remotely scary about this film, scratch that there is a scare here, that it will likely get a sequel.

1/5

Pros

The songs were catchy

Cons.

It isn’t scary

The woman is unlikable

It is too long

It has a predictable ending

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Megalopolis: At Least Aubrey Plaza Seems To Be Having Fun

Summary

An old man believes his own hype and makes a mess he calls art.

For all of you who may defend this film and call it art don’t bother. Too often these days if a film flops or is a trainwreck there will be a small group of people, be they political bed fellows of the film’s message or just those wanting to seem cool by liking something everyone else doesn’t.

The issue with films like this is that it makes studios more hesitant to take chances on other big budget films in the future that might be a bit more risky and for what an old man’s vanity. The writing was on the wall for this film when it struggled to get distribution plus the fact thar Coppola’s last few films have been pretty bad.

Rather unsurprisingly this is a mess, it has neither fully formed characters or anything you could call a plot, it is just a series of people and things loosely tied together. The narrative post release is that it is art and supposed to be hard to understand and to figure out, but that just sounds like an excuse to be trash to me.

Overall, Coppola should have stuck to making wine.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is funny bad at times

Cons.

It makes no sense

It has no story

The cast are wasted

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