Lost Dogs: Finding Your Way Home

A dog sitter, Brianne Buishas, fails.

Whilst at first appearances this film feels rather breezy and light on stakes, within minutes it grips you. Not only is the protagonist incredibly human and relatable, reminding you of times in your life when you had to do jobs you might not want to, might be over qualified for, might not be your dream but did as you needed the money, but once the dog goes missing then things really open up dramatically and the tension begins.

I was on the edge of my seat worrying about what might happen to the dog and was hoping it was not going to be the kind of drama film wherein the dog wouldn’t be found or it would be dead at the end. Luckily it is not, the film is more a meditation on what it means to grow up and become an adult, and I don’t mean the shift from child to adult, but rather the shift from being a student or being in your early twenties to maturity.

By dealing with issues and themes that are commonly effecting most people and a wider sense of the fear of failure this film manages to be both instantly relatable but also get under your skin and stick with you far after watching it, as it makes you question your own life to an extent.

Overall, a relatable and thought provoking exercise.

4/5

Pros.

It is relatable

There is a warmth there

It is transformative

It sticks with you

Cons.

Some of the supporting cast are a little underused

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Captain America Brave New World: Tokenism Personified

Summary

So as some of you know I said I was not going to cover this, unless I could do so in a way that would not allow Disney to get my money, luckily an opportunity sailed my way, so I decided to disrupt the printing presses and force this, and my commentary on Bond, in here early to stay relevant, and then we’ll get back to regularly scheduled programming on Tuesday.

So I went into this with incredibly low expectations, and for the most part it met them. I didn’t find anything massively egregious with it but nor did I find anything redeeming. I still think that the idea of reducing the Falcon mantle to essentially being nothing, and something Sam happily shed is a little weird, he is very eager to pick up a white mans old title and assume the role. To me this felt odd in terms of the point of that, as would it not be more impactful for black viewers to see Falcon leading the Avengers and have a mantle he created and built himself be worthwhile, rather than saying yeah none of that matters and now he is important because he is a black man spin on a white mantle.

In addition the writing was awful, I know some of the same team from Falcon and the Winter Soldier came over for this, I don’t know if it was the same writer, but regardless the writer here is not bringing their a game. For example why did they almost go to war with Japan, why did everyone know it was a Celestial despite no one in the film supposedly having that knowledge, where are the Skrulls that were out to colonise the planet in Secret Invasion. Etc. However, it is probably best to not think of this film in that way and just turn the brain off.

Another odd thing with this film is how wedded it is to a film from almost twenty years ago. So in many ways this is a sequel to The Incredible Hulk, it brings back The Leader, Betsy Ross, General Ross etc. Now what makes it weird is that this is happening in a Captain America/Falcon film and not in a Hulk film, what makes it stranger too is that most people don’t remember or like The Incredible Hulk so it seems odd to draw from that well. Of all the films to use characters from it is bizarre to have it be that one.

The idea that Sam, Anthony Mackie, can go toe to toe with a Hulk without the serum is stupid, it is even more so when Red Hulk, who is only in the film for 5 minutes despite what the marketing promised you, and Sam manage to tire each other out fighting when in reality Sam would be dead. Oh also the fact Bucky is barely in this is stupid and badly thought out as again the film needed him desperately.

Overall, it felt like a long episode of a Disney + show which is to say disappointing, cheap and rushed out to fill space.

1.5/5

Pros.

They reduced it from two and a half hours

It had one funny moment

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Wolfman: The Dark Universe Takes Another Blow

Summary

The domestic abuser shared universe is added to.

It is odd now that in two film based on classic Universal monsters that there has been an undercurrent of domestic abuse, if they make a Frankenstein film where he attacks the Bride then it will be even more deliberate.

The ideas behind this film are so played out and trite that you consider if it was written by AI bringing back other werewolf films, the werewolf does not want to harm his family yet is ultimately a threat to them, cue cringe metaphors about inner conflict.

Julia Garner was okay on Ozarks but she really doesn’t suit the role she is cast in here, the idea of her as a mother is a little silly, she also has next to no on screen chemistry with Chrisopher Abbot. Seeing their happy family scenes at the beginning which presages almost all Blumhouse films comes across as two people who are strangers to each but who are trying to pretend to be in a relationship.

The werewolf form also looks awful, but I won’t spoil it too much for you

Overall, a flop for Blumhouse to start the year off right

1.5/5

Pros.

It is watchable

It is not the worst thing Blumhouse has ever made

Cons.

The transformation and werewolf form

Garner

The writing

The lack of chemistry

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Emily Perez: Drug Cartels Are Selena Gomez’s People

Summary

Yikes. That sums up the film nicely. Do we really need to say more?

So as many of you know this film has been in the headlines recently for all the wrong reasons, what it should be getting attention for is pushing questionable gender science, having course and vulgar songs that make WAP look like a children’s nursery rhyme and of course softening Mexican drug cartels that kill thousands of people every year.

It is quite funny to see the situation that critics have gotten themselves into on this one, as of course they have to support the film with a trans lead, but now as more and more things about said lead are starting to come out, these left wing critics are starting to have to say things that they may once have said was transphobic.

For me the biggest issues with this film is taste, there are a number of moments and choices in the film that feel in bad taste, simply put. To make a musical about the cartels is simply insensitive and at worst wrong. Worse yet this decision makes the tone of the film feel at times schizophrenic to the subject matter.

Overall, a bad decision all round.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is laughably bad

Cons.

The songs

It pushes bad science

The acting is awful

It has tonal problems

The pace is off

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Rumours: A Fitting Takedown Of Justin Trudeau

Summary

A group of politicians gather together to write a joint statement, things then get out of hand.

I enjoyed the satire of this film, I thought that it tried to do something different and poke fun in a smarter way at politicians and the wider political climate. However, certainly not all the aspects of it came together, I do think that some of the weirder stuff from the third act went a little bit too silly, I could see what they were trying to say but I think that it started to lose the intelligence it had built up in favour of trying to be more out there for the sake of it.

The cast is quite good I would say that this is Cate Blanchett’s film through and through and she does tower above everyone else in it. She is not the main character and the film acts as more of an ensemble yet whenever she does have a scene she steals it.

I wouldn’t say it was a laugh a minute, I would say that they are more few and far between but the film did make me laugh a few times and does have some good jokes in it, if you like the humour of something like VEEP, you will like it.

Overall, an original film if one that doesn’t completely work

3/5

Pros.

It has charm

It is original

Blanchette is good

Cons.

The third act doesn’t work

It has pacing issues

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Kraven The Hunter: One So Bad Not Even The Critics Could Pretend To Like It

Summary

With a whimper the SSU dies.

I think everyone could tell you that this film was going to bomb before it came out, it had disaster written all over it from its moment of announcement.

Sony needs to answer a very simple question, why do we need villain films without Spider-Man? The answer is we don’t.

This film once again is a villain origin story that tries to make the villain cool and likeable, as it is too afraid to have them be anything other than an anti-hero as who wants a true crime film that shows the rise of one of Spider-Man’s greatest foes and has him always be evil. No they have to be made into the good guy in some way even though that means the idea of them later banding together to form the Sinister Six to fight Spider-Man another good guy makes no sense at all.

The drugs must be in plentiful supply over at Sony for them to make such an unenforced error like this, or maybe they just don’t realise what audiences want. Remember gang Madame Web was a great film it only flopped as the critics hated it.

It also features other Spider-Man adjacent characters and messes with their origins and backgrounds too, as who watching this will care about the comics right.

Overall, a necessary death.

2/5

Pros.

It has some fun moments

The action is good

Cons.

It gets the source material wrong

It feels the need to make Kraven a hero

It is too long

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Conclave: The Oscars Get It Wrong Again

Summary

A gathering of the cardinals is made appropriate for the 21st century, and you better like it you bigot.

So I had forgotten about this on first release but then I saw it later and excitedly remembered it and thought I’d give it a watch. On the surface this film should have been good, a sort of papal intrigue drama film about deciding who would be the new Pope. Yet whilst there was some of that there was also a lot of modern day filler like a whole plot about one of them being intersex, as it is 2024/2025 and you cannot release a film unless it has some form of representation like that.

Moreover, I found the dialogue to be a little stiff, what I mean by this is that for films that have lots of long drawn out scenes of people talking you need them to be gripping and yet here whilst the performers brought gravitas I found a lot of these scenes ended up feeling overly long. This film was always going to hinge on the quality of its writing, and sadly it got let down.

I don’t really see how this got nominated for an Oscar outside of the fact it has been a slow year, there is interest and a well put together narrative sans one sub-plot, I bet you can guess which, but by and large it doesn’t come together in the way an Oscar nominated film should.

Overall, another odd choice for Oscar nomination.

1.5/5

Pros.

It has some interesting moments

It is not your average slop

Cons.

The intersex storyline and how needless it is

The writing is patchy

There is pacing issues

It was broadly disappointing

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One Of Them Days: Yet More Stereotypical Black Women

Summary

A film chocked full of stereotypes.

This film would have been considered incredibly racist if it was directed by a nonblack person. Increasingly certain parts of cinema are defining a black woman as either wise and sage or like they are here, it is two separate stereotypes that are continuing to put these women in a box. The worst thing of all is that here these women couldn’t get anymore stereotypical unless they randomly broke out into jive every few minutes, and the writer of this project is herself a black woman, so she is perpetuating a racist stereotype against other black women.

The film itself is allergic to originality and is the same thing we have seen countless times before two sort of losers have to fix a problem, here it is getting rent money, and hijinks happen along the way. Again these hijinks further the stereotypes I was previously discussing as the two leads, played by Keke Palmer and SZA, constantly get into fights with various groups of people, which again feels like it is leaning into stereotypes.

None of the performances were very good either, I didn’t feel any warmth to any of the characters.

Overall, very much January fare.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

It stereotypes black women

It is generic

It isn’t funny

It has pacing issues

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Section 31: Michelle Yeoh Has Embarrassed Herself Post Oscar

Summary

An old woman embarrasses herself.

I won’t claim to be the biggest Star Trek fan, I don’t watch every show and I don’t know all the characters. However, I have tried to keep up with modern Star Trek and have covered it before, it is sad to see things get worse and worse in the way it has but here we are.

I have to ask you dear Reader what place does S and M have within Star Trek is it empowering to see Michelle Yeoh dominate men half her age? Not really it is embarrassing. The way this film/series extension, whatever it is, treats Yeon as a woman half her age, it expects you to believe her as this badass matriarch when she looks as though a gust of wind would have her collapsed on the floor. Honestly Yeon’s team seem to have a knack for scoring her roles in the worst fantasy and science fiction stuff they can.

I watched the last few episodes of Discovery to try and make sense of this, as I had long given up on the show, it was a painful experience. Even with that I was pretty confused as to what was going on, after I got situated I found the science fiction narrative to be convoluted and badly conveyed. A lot of things happen that don’t make sense with the character or their motivations and this screams to me of bad writing and why I stopped watching Kurtzman Trek in the first place.

Overall, embarrassing.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is good to laugh at

Cons.

It is embarrassing

It is a vandalization of the franchise

Michelle Yeon

It makes little sense

It is a waste of your time

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Merry Good Enough: Not Really Good Enough

Summary

A mother, Susan Gallagher, goes missing on Christmas.

So this is a holdover from my 2024 Christmas viewing season, as I am now writing about it in late January, it slipped through my net regarding posts to release and I had forgotten I had seen it for a while on top of that. That should say all we need to about the film leading in.

However, I imagine you want more. So basically this is a film about a mother who feels underappreciated and runs away both because she wants to escape her children but also because she wants to know they care. This bizarre dichotomy is made only the more strange by the fact that she does not live with her children so why does she need to escape them, one whom she quarrels with comes around every week but she still has the rest of her week to herself. Anyway logic aside.

The kids air family grievances and have to come to terms with the fact that there parents are not perfect people, a thing that most already know by their mid-teens, but hey these folks have to figure it out as adults as they are all clearly quite sheltered.

There is some charm and some relatability but ultimately you cannot form a bond with any of the characters as the writing is just so poor, they don’t feel like people but rather archetypes.

Overall, a fairly forgettable Christmas dramady.

2/5

Pros.

It is watchable

It has a few warm moments

Cons.

It is poorly paced

It is forgettable

The characters feel like characters

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