Blue Moon: Ethan Hawke At His Most Manic

This was another one that I unfortunately couldn’t see in cinemas as it simply isn’t out where I am yet. I had to find it online to watch it and be ahead for awards season.

Honestly, this film won’t be for everyone, not much happens, it is a talkie. It is mainly about Hawke’s characters with the other people around him, and him coming to terms with his own irrelevance, even if he still thinks he’s someone. It’s a character piece and some may find that slow.

There is a depressing edge to the film, as Hawke’s character is a tragic one and one that you can see the bleak future set out before him, and that gives the film a wan undertone throughout.

It is also a film that is very interested in old Hollywood and is Hollywood giving itself a pat on the back, if you find Hollywood making films about Hollywood clawing or unnecessary then you like won’t like this.

Overall bound to be divisive for it’s length, tone and subject matter, but still very watchable.

2.5/5

Pros.

There is a charm

It has a few funny moments

The pace works well

Cons.

It can be depressing

It is yet another film about Hollywood

The characters can be a little irritating

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SpongeBob Search For Square Pants: Laying Brickwork

Summary

I was a fan of SpongeBob when I was younger but have to admit I have lost touch with it a bit as I’ve aged. I didn’t know if I would just be able to watch this, or if I wouldn’t get it. Turns out it fit like an old glove.

I always wanted more of a focus on the Flying Dutchman back in the classic era so I really enjoyed that he got his moment here. I would have liked to know how he became the Flying Dutchman but I thought the amount of new information we got about him was great.

For the most part it was funny and enjoyable SpongeBob that reminded me why I liked it as a kid, however there were a number of off colour and oddly sexual jokes that I found to be uncomfortable in a kids movie. SpongeBob and Patrick got their asses out too often as well which was also uncomfortable.

Overall, I liked the SpongeBob Mr Crabs storyline and thought it was good we finally got to see more of the Flying Dutchman, but some of the jokes made me feel a little uncomfortable.

3/5

Pros.

SpongeBob and Mr Crabs bond

The focus on the Flying Dutchman

Genuinely funny moments

Cons.

The weird sexual humour

It has pacing issues

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Anaconda: A Surprisingly Insightful Meta Comedy About Hollywood

So straight off the bat this film is not a laugh a minute sort of film, there were a few moments that did make me laugh out loud, but they were few and far between.

What I enjoyed was the commentary on what it’s like trying to get into Hollywood, or being a creative who wants to chase their dream yet life or circumstances gets in the way, I thought this was very relatable and showed the film had heart. The meta industry comedy as well was also quite insightful, and showed just for a moment that some people in Hollywood can be self aware.

The cameos from Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez were funny and handled well, they were each given their moment without upstaging things from the new cast.

The main issue with it is that it tries to focus on too many things at once and the pace of the film suffers as a result it would have been better if it got rid of the illegal mining stuff which serves very little point.

Overall, whilst not the funniest film in the world there is enough charm and personality here to make it worth seeing.

3.5/5

Pros.

A few good laughs

Relatable protagonists

The cameos

The meta commentary

Cons.

The pacing

Some of the emotional plot beats don’t land

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Meet Me In St Louis: What Appears To Be A Creepy Age Gap

As I was watching this film I had to look up the age difference between Judy Garland and the male lead as he looked multiple decades older than her and it was distracting in an uncomfortable way, however, upon checking it turns out that it’s only a few years apart.

I think the greatest strength of this film is the characters and the believable stakes of the film, everyone can relate to having to move when you don’t want to, and how your parents don’t care about what you want as a kid or a young person. The character struggles are believable because of that and it helps you to relate to the characters. A lot of modern films aim away from believability or relatable stakes much to their detriment.

The songs are terrific and a good number of them are instant classics, which you will without even having watched the film. I knew of them before I had watched the film and then when I heard them in the film I realised this was where they originated from.

A negative is that this film really isn’t a Christmas film, it was sold to me as one, however it features really only during a tiny portion of the film and as such the labelling is questionable.

In addition the pacing is quite off at times, and does slow down to a point wherein you may begin to lose interest.

Overall, a fun musical.

3.5/5

Pros

The Songs

The reliability

It is fun

It is somewhat Christmassy

Cons.

The pacing

Some of the more old fashioned elements

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The Choral: Another Depressing Film About The War

Summary

A choir sing songs in Yorkshire during the War.

So I like to support the British film industry, but this just didn’t seem to be coming out in my region anytime soon, so I decided to simply use a VPN and watch it on streaming.

I probably would have resent paying a cinema ticket price for this, mainly because it is depressing. It is the usual Oscar bait sort of film, there is a lot of diversity, it is sad, and there is some sort of allegory. The issue with it is that these sort of films are ten a penny and so this is nothing remarkable.

There is also a horrible scene wherein a character who is presented to you as sympathetic throughout the film coerces his ex into a sexual act when she is now with someone else. This then makes the fact that this does not get mentioned again or cause any further conflict in the film seem odd, the fact the film still wants you to root for him thereafter seems like a moral failings.

Overall, another depressing film about the War.

2/5

Pros.

It is well shot

The period feels real

Cons.

It is Oscar bait

It is depressing

The assault

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Ella McCay: A Lisa Simpson Issues Episode

Summary

A Lisa issues episode of the Simpsons stretched for over an hour.

So I want Hollywood to learn, most people outside the US don’t care at all about their government, or seeing their officials have to negotiate themselves out of law breaking. You, US reader, may care, but the rest of us don’t. This is a film about an elected official who breaks the law and has to find their way out of it which flopped, to no one’s surprise.

Really the only redeeming thing I can say for this film is that Emma Mackey is great, she has a real energy throughout the film. You care about her character and want her to be okay. That is about it.

The side plots about the womanising father or the brother and his ex-girlfriend kill time but do very little else. Jamie Lee Curtis plays a version of the same character she has been playing for the last twenty years, and is quite unbearable at times.

I would argue if this was a quirky sardonic sort of film done in the style of The Thick of It then maybe it could have been good, but American’s don’t understand subtlety so that was never going to happen.

2/5

Emma Mackey

It is watchable

Cons.

The side stories add nothing

No one cares about US politics outside the US

It is predictable

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Wild West Christmas

Summary

Women can do it all, from photoshoots, to instructing people on how to do TikTok dances to winning horse and sled competitions after only trying it a few times before.

Is this a girl boss Christmas film, yes maybe. The lead certainly gets very good at things she has little to no training in very quicky, she used to ride horses years ago and now is able to simply pick up the horse riding with a new added component of the sledding/skiing, in a few lessons.

The characters all feel one dimension, and as though they are written by an AI after you have used all the free replies from one of the better models. When I heard Christmas in the Wild West I thought it would be a cowboys and Indians Christmas film and so put it on, I was disappointed by what I found.

The film itself is fairly dull as it doesn’t do anything new or interesting it is just a below standard Christmas Rom-Com.

Overall, dull and predictable.

1.5/5

Pros.

It is unintentionally funny

It is short

Cons

It is dull

It is predictable

It has girl boss elements

Its forgettable

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A Merry Little Exmas: Jameela Jamil Should Have Been The Lead

Summary

Two people who are broken up use other people and then end up back together.

Honestly, this is the sort of film you would expect from Netflix at Christmas it is sappy, generic and feels like it was written by AI. Alicia Silverstone does her best here but she is largely wasted on a script that doesn’t seem to understand morality. As I said in the beginning both the characters use other people as place holders whilst they want to get back with their ex which doesn’t make them likable protagonists even in the slightest.

Jameela Jamil plays her usual persona of tall posh English woman with some relish, I enjoyed that she called out the two lead characters and was allowed to have some fun with the role, she probably had the closest thing to funny moments within the film if you want to call it that.

You would argue that there isn’t a lot to say about this film as it is just exactly what you would expect without much to set it apart or make for an interesting aside.

Overall, if you want a low rent Netflix Christmas film and don’t mind morally bankrupt characters then you’ll like this.

2/5

Pros.

Jamil

It is watchable

Cons.

It is generic

It is slow

The characters aren’t likeable

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Silent Night Deadly Night: Killing Nazi’s and Pedophiles

Summary

Santa’s gonna slay.

So for the most part I enjoyed this film and found it to be charming and over the top, I liked the slasher aspects but also how it was flipped by having the slasher being the hero of the story. The kills were suitably gory, if you’re a gore hound you’ll eat well here.

I thought that the romance between the lead and Ruby Modine was a lovely surprise, I thought it was believable and gave the film a nice centre to work around, the ending wherein Ruby’s character accepted the lead for who he was and believed his Santa curse is also a nice change of pace from running away and acting like the character is evil and pretending like all murder is the same. I thought that the ending wherein she took over the curse also set things up nicely for a sequel.

The only thing I would point to as being a draw back for the film is that at times it is a little depressing in how its styled and how the world looks, there is a gloom to it all and that can dampen the fun a bit.

Overall, a great way to reboot a slasher franchise.

4/5

Pros.

It is fun

The kills are good

The romance

The ending and future

Cons.

It is a bit depressing at times

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Avatar Fire and Ash: The Law Of Diminishing Returns

Summary

An argument could be made that James Cameron has not been a good filmmaker since the turn of the century. His films in the last two and a half decades have not been well written, or well put together, but hey they have done an awful lot to bring 3-D back, oh wait, and they have made digital effects better, they have looked the same in all of his Avatar offerings. He should just retire.

Avatar as a franchise, it should never have been, is in a pattern of diminished returns with the second film making less than the first unadjusted for inflation, with the third expected to make less than the second and you can see why.

In many ways this film reskins things from the second film, one or two new added components. For example take the big water battle at the end of the film, Way of the Water had a very similar battle the only difference is now the Ash clan are also there. Quaritch as a villain is also going through the motions, his character growth in Way of the Water is seemingly retread as he once again has to way his loyalties, at the end of the Fire and Ash he just randomly throws himself to his death, no explanation, that is the depth of the writing here.

There are two unforgivable elements about this film that in my mind show that James Cameron has lost any magic he once had. Firstly, is the horribly written dialogue which is some of the most cringe dialogue I have ever heard, all of the kids in the film, and you spend far too much time with them, talk like human influencers, ‘bro’ being the default response to any question. If you want to make this film more interesting drink every time a character says bro and you will be passed out before the first hour. You also have ‘cuzz’ for some variety. James Cameron clearly doesn’t know young people and doesn’t know to write for them. Secondly is the pacing, which feels more like you’re enduring a torture session than watching a film. Who needs a three hour plus film filled with side stories that you don’t care about that then repeats the same plot beats over and over again. Increasingly it seems based on how low effort things are here that not even James Cameron wants to sit through it.

The only positive I have for it is that Varrang is an interesting new character and I would like to find out more about her fire-bending abilities, not at all ripped off, and that is it.

Overall, not everything needs to be a franchise, James Cameron should retire.

1/5

Pros.

Varrang.

Cons.

It is cringe

It is too long

It has too many needless side stories

It rehashes elements from Way of the Water

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